Hello, this is a long story and I can't overlook any of the details so here I go.A while back I met this cute girl in an online event my uni organized, I asked her out later on, we hung out a few times.On the second time, I tried to make a move and then she told me she didn't want a relationship since she doesn't fall in love easily and then we had a long talk about why and she told me of a bad experience of hers, and I respected that and I told her I'd rather take things slow and see where it goes and that a relationship was unlikely because she's on an exchange till June.So, in a few of our hang-outs, she said she wasn't into touching and told me of a few stories of hers by some guys forcing or being too assertive on her and I assumed and believe then that she was geniunely comfortable but shy around me and she felt safe around me, I really was happy back then.Then fast forward to 3 weeks ago, I go to her place since she was flying a few days after that, we have a short walk, I put my arm around her and walk, kiss her head a bit and she was a bit comfortable with that (I think) and I held her hand, I really, really, really, really, really, really thought she was comfortable with me, then I came back to her place, I helped her with an assignment and we decided to watch a few episodes from a series and then I tried to put my arm around her, she was acting shy again but now I don't know since she said we're there as friends, and I was like, okay, sure. We had a talk about her opnion on touching and whatever and I was really listening, I listened to everything she had to say since the day we met till now and I remember it.Before I left, I put my hand around her waist, I tried to kiss her and then she asked me to leave and then I did.I tried to text her the other day, no response.I sent her a birthday song on her birthday and she sent me a voice note that she wants to talk with me about something, I was like, sure, I'll be waiting part 1
And then I ordered a kalimba for her since she said she really wanted to get one, and I was really waiting for her to text me.Then on the 26th, I get a paragraph from her that she thinks I never listened, never cared and that she doesn't trust me and is not comfortable around me.I was broken, I was crying for the entire week after it, I didn't know what to do, I was waiting day after day and on the 30th I texted her on another app and she said:"it's not nice being ignored and not listened to, isn't it? I'm back home now, I'd rather focus on the things here, I'll read your messages later"and now it's already the 8th, if memory serves right she should be back by now, and I don't know what the fuck I should do now, should I text her tommorow? I don't know what to do, I can't sleep properly, I think about her and fixing this all the damn time.
BumpThis guy needs advice
>>23919058thank you, god knows I really need it and that I'm breaking down
>>23919018>she told me of a bad experience of hers, and I respected thatYa blew it.When women do this "It's okay for me to be unloving" shit, they want you to prove them wrong.
>>23919069And I did, I've done so many things and I still want to, but now I'm dying waiting for a god damn text man
>>23919037>I get a paragraph from her that she thinks I never listened, never cared and that she doesn't trust me and is not comfortable around me.ALWAYS agree with them when they do this. They're trying to manipulate you into feeding them positive feelies and validation. Don't fall for it.Bluntly tell her you expected intimacy and thought she was better than this. You must lead and invite her to follow, not simp.
>>23919087I will, I'm trying to meet her and discuss things with her, I want to end this because I can't function properly anymore, my sleep is affected, my attention is affected, I'm obsessing over this to unhealthy amounts, I'm on the verge of crying because of this
>>23919087why would you say always give in and then say don’t fall for it, wtf
>>23919037>it's not nice being ignored and not listened to, isn't it?lmao, just forget her, she's clearly a manipulative retard. Expect more of this if you continue to engage
>>23919090You have to meet irl as well. Never break anything big over text
>>23919037>I don't know what the fuck I should do now, should I text her tommorow? I don't know what to do, I can't sleep properly, I think about her and fixing this all the damn time.STOP SIMPING YOU DUMBASS.If you act needy she's gonna see you're low value.If you enable her emotions by saying it's okay for her to be upset you're gonna train her to keep doing it. Stop thinking about her. Withdraw your attention and focus on your own life. Build value within yourself and be happy without her.And if you're too much of a beta to do this, then lie and pretend. DO NOT SIMP. Let her faceplant and she will return to you once she realises she won't get her plus feelies by being neurotic.And for fuck's sake, be clear that you want affection, not whining.
>>23919102I know, I'm not a retard, but I'm dying on the inside from this shit.
>>23919077>I'm dying waiting for a god damn text manSTOP SIMPINGSTOP BEING DESPERATEYou retarded piece of shit. You make yourself look like a low value simp provider, she's gonna use you as a validation pump and ghost you once she finds someone who actually has enough self respect to not SIMP.
>>23919111arrange a meetup asap, and be clear that its not sposed to be a date
>>23919105Do you really think I'm stupid enough to text her every fucking week?I am focusing on my damn life, but it's fucking difficult when every fucking minute I think of this god damn thing.I am not simping over her, I told her what I wanted and she knew.>>23919113You have a fair point, but when you're afraid for your future, you'll know what I fucking feel.
>>23919115She's not responding to my texts on our main texting app, how the fuck am I supposed to do that? Text her on the other one till she blocks me?
>>23919097Because agreeing with them means saying "yes, I disrespected you". You do not show remorse or apologize. You let her know she is the problem.
>>23919077don’t sit around waiting for a text please. thats not how you live
>>23919123oh, sorry, just misinterpreted it
>>23919018>>23919037Jesus christ, you moved too early and seemingly without any cues, then outright ignored both what she said (which is okay sometimes) and how she reacted to you. I know you're probably afraid of not making the most of uni but you fell in too deep with a girl you don't really know. You need to learn when you're being baited into a place of trust but not intimacy.Ignore the "blackpills" and incel rants, you need to cut ties and move on to the next girl. I know it's hard OP but it's unsalvageable, not only is this girl beyond your physical reach but shes trying to lecture you or something. You fucked up, but don't let her tell you how or you will actually get worse at this.
>>23919127As much as I detest some of the 4chan anons, they have a point.On one side, I can "be a simp" and text her first and end this god damn farce.On another side, I can "pretend to not care" and play the waiting game.Either way, I don't know what to do at this point.
>>23919122try giving her a ring? (To make it perfectly clear, I mean on the phone)Maybe she’s even trying to ghost you perhaps?
>>23919134>Ignore the "blackpills" and incel rants, you need to cut ties and move on to the next girl. I know it's hard OP but it's unsalvageable, not only is this girl beyond your physical reach but shes trying to lecture you or something. You fucked up, but don't let her tell you how or you will actually get worse at this.The regret is killing me and I'm scared for my future, I can't say more than that at this point
>>23919119Why are you afraid for the future?
>>23919137Go with your gut
>>23919138Probably trying to ghost me, but she said she'd read them later, but I don't fucking know what is later.>>23919143she'd probably use the touching and kissing as I forced myself on her or something, I'm really scared that she would.
>>23919097What they want to do is have you be a plus feelies servant who says "no no it's not like that, I love you, let me make it up to you".That is low value.You instead say "Yup. I don't respect you. I want someone less stingy with her love." And let her faceplant. No plus feelies. No validation. Just sad sad sad that she can't dump on anyone.She'll come back, she just needs to learn that you expect her to love you.
>>23919142As the other guy said this isn’t the last girl you will ever meet. You said you’re at uni. Plenty of single, smart and nice young women. Dont get stuck obsessing over a disposable girl with some weird issues by the sounds of it
>>23919142>I'm scared for my future, I can't say more than that at this pointEither you think she will report you for harassment or something worse if you don't go with it, or there's something you arent telling us.
>>23919149ohh I see that. if she actually manipulates that, what a bitch. nobody dares question that either...oh no
>>23919090>I want to end this because I can't function properly anymore, my sleep is affected, my attention is affected, I'm obsessing over this to unhealthy amounts, I'm on the verge of crying because of thisFucking stop.Stop investing emotions in this girl. You'll just fucking wreck everything by being desperate and needy. Stop.
>>23919147I don't know, for once in my life, I don't know, there is no right way, if there was I would've taken it, fuck, I feel like crying right now, I go out with my friends to forget about this entire thing. I go on walks with my music on high to forget. After my classes and work, I want to pass the time as fast as possible, I want to waste it because I don't want to think of this god damn thing.>>23919152or maybe she never will, and this will fuck me up.>>23919154I get that>>23919157it's the harassment part, I didn't try anything past kissing, holding hands and putting my arm around her.
>>23919157have you seen how allegations, ALLEGATIONS, can destroy entire careers? it’s thin ice and you treat it like nothing here
>>23919158Don't understand, what do you mean?>>23919162YES, EXACTLY. I'm scared that might happen to me too, try living in that fear for long, you'll know exactly how it feels.
>>23919161that aint too bad. you aint a rapist or anything like that
>>23919161>or maybe she never will and this will fuck me upwho cares if she doesn’t come back? as i said, plenty of nice young girls at uni nowadays, probably an even or perhaps even skewed (more females) gender ratio at uni now
>>23919167It's the fear. I'm a brown Arab man in Europe, you think anyone would fucking trust me or believe my side of the story? I'm already seen as a threat even before this entire thing, imagine after it.
>>23919166okay so what i meant was that the allegations women make of sexual harassment have way too much cadence put on them and are rarely if ever questioned.Oh God. I am so sorry.
>>23919173People are so racist, sadly nothing we can do about that. But most women wouldn’t speak up about itPlus, sounds like worst thing you did was kiss her and she later said she didn’t like it...
>>23919180And that still qualifies as harassment, my future is in risk, my guilt is killing me and I can't do a single thing about it, I'm at a crossroads and the only viable option that seems really appealing is either waiting it out, texting her, or killing myself,
>>23919119>when you're afraid for your futureYou fucking incel.She's NOT your future if she doesn't love you.YOU are your future. Build worth in yourself and invite others to follow.A woman isn't a requirement for your future, especially not this one specific woman. Invest fewer emotions in her. Why the hell did you invest so many emotions in her to begin with? She doesn't even have any reason to stay with you!You have NO WAY to secure your investment and she isn't even your lover, and you fucking went ALL IN when you didn't even see if she'd ante.Stop simping."Your future" what is this incel shit. You are your future, not some random woman you haven't fucked.
>>23919134This.Actually good advice.
>>23919184Please don’t kill yourself over one stupid bitch. Life is made to be lived. Please, don’t do it.
>>23919324If I would've killed myself, I would've done it years ago, but I'd rather wait this one out, I agree with the people on 4chan for once, guess I'll see how it goes with her, but then again, if my future is fucked because of a harassment lawsuit, I'll be in an even worse situation haha
>>23919161>>23919162Are you talking from a place of personal experience or what anons on 4chan tell you? Not every unwanted advance turns into a fucking news story, go outside. That isn't to say this girl won't say something, but you shouldm't have a kneejerk reaction.>>23919173>brown ArabYou'll probably be better off than you think. They are unlikely to dismiss what you say out of hand. Don't jump to conclusions and be calm, she might not be the type of girl to make a mountain out of a molehill.Just relax OP, wait it out and stop getting emotional.
>>23919327I'd just laugh it off.Don't act guilty and they got nothing. Say she wanted it and later changed her mind.
>>23919330I live in Eastern Europe, most of them think that Arabs are rapists, criminals and terrorists and certainly law enforcement here won't give two shits to ruining my life.
>>23919330Idk who you are, but your advice has just been superb this whole thread. Round of applause for this guy
>>23919339Man if you lived in western europe they’d either be woke af and not touch you or just a tad racist. Honestly eastern EU sucks :(
>>239193274chan has a lot of complete psychos. I’m new here, but the advice can be a decent starting point on a serious board like this one.If you kill yourself, that’s 100% irreversible. Better to wait it out, as you said. Even though, I doubt the girl will give you any shit over it.
>>23919367At this point, if I meet her I want to do a few things:1) Go out with her and have a normal outing2) Go back and talk with her3) Give her her fucking birthday gift and flowers4) Just fucking leave, I did what I could and I won't do more, I'm already dying on the inside and I want to stop that.
>>23919374Why are you going to give her flowers before leaving her, after all of this rubbish?Meeting up is an important step but I wouldn’t go further than that with gifts and stuff
>>23919387It's a cultural thing here, when doing important things with a woman, apologies, birthdays, etc. giving flowers is an important thing.
>>23919397From the West, it’s a thing of romance, but that’s completely fair. Do whatever is right in your culture. Good on you for manning up, rising to this occasion and finally doing it. Are you in Poland or a former part of the ussr?
>>23919405Former USSR, the Baltics specifically.
>>23919407Ah, ok. I’ve never been there and don’t understand it geopolitically or anything but it seems like a really nice place.Are you moving to the west when you get your degree?
>>23919425Yes, I have a student loan to pay, goals in my life and many things that can't be fulfilled here.
>>23919425If you, or anyone wants to talkMy discord is: Coвeт Eлмo#8280
>>23919018Hey sandboy, this message from bottom of heart of the girl your simpGO FUCKYOURSELF
>>23919433sure I was actually just thinking of that. But I don’t wanna make mine public so I’ll text you thereJust fyi I barely use it and don’t get notifs for it. Will add you tho
>>23919443honestly just stop. Not helping anyone.
>>23919466check your disc
>>23919471I’m sorry but my phone’s browser is so shithouse...it says I have 1 notification in the friends tab but will only show me my online and offline friends I already have added.I’ll try it from a public library when I can but sorry idk what’s going on now...
>>23919494it's okay, thank you and the other reasonable anons for your time and advice, I could use more advice if possible.
>>23919018People who've been abused tend to not be assertive and to appease their abusers they let it happen. She let you do those things because she was in victim mode. It's a hard thing. She has some serious issues to sort out, you did your best. Don't destroy your self working with a head case. Don't argue Don't fight. Just leave. You don't need that bullshit. I hope she gets better in time until then she needs to get her shit together. Easier said than done. As for you. You should have known this in advance. You shouldn't have to be a psychologist to date damaged goods but that's how it is. That's why most men avoid damaged goods like the plague.
>>23919499I’ll do it tomorrow: it’s pretty late here. I ride my bike daily so I’ll ride up to the town library and do it there (I’ve done this before I know for a fact it’s because my phone is so bad).
>>23919499Thanks OP, come back to adv whenever. Lot of good people on 4chan, just gotta know where to look.
>>23919502Great, so once again, I'm used by someone else then thrown away, just like a condom lol
>>23919518I’m not OP, dunno where he went. Great advice tho.
>>23919520I'm here actively following this lmao
>>23919526ohh wait that was you. nevermind: thought it was the guy saying his advice was ignored.
thread is dead
>>23919596Yep, but could be revived