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/adv/ - Advice

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I write this to vent a little bit, since I think this has become a shitty part of my life. My dad did pretty bad in life, he studied a carreer that never got him any resources to be a functional adult, almost every time since I have memory he was a broke guy, this was the source main source of problems with my mom, they ended up divorcing and my dad slowly became a lonely broke middle age man, he got into another toxic relationship that came to another bad end and he is so done with everything, he complains about not having money, not having a wife, being lonely and deppressive. I'm currently doing well, just studying and living from my mom's money until I finish with the uni, but sometimes I feel like I'm his dad, he just keeps making shit decitions and I'm there backing him with the small amounts of money I can get with everything he needs, but lately it has become more and more difficult to deal with him, he is in his lowest state, a black hole of deppression and bitterness, to a point it's difficult to be with him so he doesn't feel as lonely. I feel the need to help him but every time I'm with him I feel he drains my soul, like everything gets dark and worrysome, I'm just a young 22 y/o guy I can't understand his problems I can't get into his head, don't know what can cheer him up. I want to help him he is my dad, I don't want my dad having this shitty time, but I still feel is so poisonous to be with him, like I'm absorbing some of that anguish.
He calls me and tells me he feels lonely but every time is harder to go to his empty apartment to absorb his negativity, it doesn't help I don't have literally anything to do everytime I come to visit him, just wait for him to come back of his job to hear him complain and being bitter about everything, nothing I do seems to help, I try to cheer him up, giving him food he likes hearing all of his stuff, but nothing seems to work, if anything it feels I'm the one getting contagied with his deppresion.
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I tried to tell him he needs therapy or professional help, I simply can't handdle his deppresion, it feels like trying to rescue a stranded guy in a deadly irradiated and toxic island, I really feel like shit by not being able to help my old man, but it feels so difficult to go to his place to absorb all his problems, he keeps regreting about being lonely, not being happy and never getting a stable wife. I can't do shit about this, even tried to get him into tinder and other dating sites. I know this is really retarded but as I said, I'm a young man I can't help with grown up problems, I've never cared about having a girl or anything, I simply can't feel what he feels and I'm starting to feel he has become an emotional and financial burden on me.
It sounds so shitty to say this but it's what it has come to, currently debating on going there to sit on a bed and watch my phone all day and then hearing him complaing till friday.
Sorry for the blog post, but it feels so good writting it somewhere, I never have the chance to tell this to my friends or anyone else, since I don't want them to look at my dad with pitty.
Hello OP,

That's a difficult situation you are in. I know that, since I have a similar problem with my dad. I'm 22 aswell btw.

I could start telling the individual circumstances of mine, but that would hardly help. I'm going to be honest here, the best way for yourself is to let go. It sure sounds egoistic af, but I am also struggling with his energy draining, depressing bullshit, so I can deeply relate what you are going through.

Children are not the babysitters of their parents. You have to live your own life and establish your own little place in the world. You can't simply give away all of your ressources to one human away, even if it's your maker, if he isn't able to pull himself up.

So my advice would be to distance yourself from him.
I mean you could go batshit-insane and just straight up force the ultimatum of him visiting a therapist (f.e. breaking any contact). My pops was definitely better after he received some sort of Therapy. It's just the question if yours can handle this kind of feedback from his own son.

Keep your chin up, champ.
> I'm there backing him with the small amounts of money I can get with everything he needs
Stop doing this and tell him to get therapy. He's depressed.
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Shiet anon, it's a though situation to be and I agree with you, I can't sink with him it's just that my emotions get on the way, best thing I could do is to make a step backwards and hope the therapy works, at least he has a job where he gets some money and can be distracted from feeling so lonely, he already has an appointment tomorrow. I just really hope everything ends up well for him, life has been so rough on him. He is about to receive some inherited money from my dead grand parents, I really wish he turns his life arround with that money, but he always makes some shitty decitions, this keeps me awake at nights sometimes, at the end of the day I won't be there every time to save him from shitty situations.

Hope everything gets better on your end too anon, I understand what it feels to have a dad that didn't do really well in life, it's harsh to grow up and realize your old man isn't as strong and indestructible as you though he was when you were a child. Thanks for the supportive words, it was something I really wanted to get out of my chest.
It does sometimes happen that the child has to become the parent. How much influence/power do you have with him? Can you talk/cajole/bully him into getting professional help?
Sound like a tough situation especially because it’s hard for anyone to see their parent just be miserable. At a certain point those feelings of being miserable and depressed are gonna rub off on you if you hang around too much. I agree with the other anons that are saying you should try to push him to therapy and if it really comes down to it, then make an ultimatum. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to change. And don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm. I’m not usually the one for those shitty sayings but I feel like this applies here.

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