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As the day before the 1st World Martial Arts Tournament arrives things started picking up the pace quite a bit.
The peace talks amongst the world leaders ceased and they've been surprisingly dodgy about the subject.
It doesn't take a genius to figure out they've been deliberately avoiding talking about things, but only an insider such as yourself can make an accurate guess...

The first possibility is the more benign one. It's very much likely that the various leaders were given a list of strict rules which they must abide by. Meeting the Saiyans demands like that would definitely make them look bad at best, and might mean they loose their position at worst, as forming a world government might be on the table.
The other however... might be bad.

It's entirely likely that they still believe this is a talk between equal parties, which couldn't be further from the truth. So now they are waiting for the tournament to actually see how the strength of the saiyans compares to theirs, since Cabba being a special "final contestant" is public knowledge.
If they are actually that dumb however... you'll just need to open their eyes a bit.

The Saiyans however couldn't be happier with how things are going, since the end of the peace talks means they are given a much longer leash and can roam around a bit more freely.
There've been several instances of Saiynas giving amusing but disastrous interviews to eager news networks, and plenty of average joes managed to actually socialize with an alien privately.

Currently their public image is somewhat of a cross between indigenous people crossed between the Irish. And everyone loves the Irish.
Jokes aside, overall reactions seem to be positive amongst the general populous and all but the most fringe groups seem to dislike their new amazon/barbarian friends.

Waking up from another well deserved sleep, you rub your eyes clean and shrivel up like an old chode in the winter as you imagine what's ahead of you.
Tensions between your sister and Princess Azuki have been on a rise ever since the start.
At first you thought it to be funny... but now that you're swept up in the shit you stirred it's no longer as amusing.
You think that things will reach critical mass way before the tournament... but if you're unlucky they might drag it out until after for an explosive finish.

You really don't feel like dealing with that right now, so you immediately look for alternatives.
There are your friends and family that you gotta bring over... as well as checking out the finished arena itself. You partook in its creation after all. Would be nice to check out the complete thing.

>I did this. Might as well see it through till the end
>Time to gather the groupies
>Visit the stadium
>Time to gather the groupies
>I did this. Might as well see it through till the end
>And everyone loves the Irish
Except the British, but nobody cares about the British.
>Time to gather the groupies
Are we gonna meet the rest of Eric's family?
Family as in, aliens
>Time to gather the groupies
Elaine and azuki are big girls, they can work it out themselves

And if they don't we can always just step in and spank them for misbehaving and make them apologize like the kindergarteners they are
Time to grab the frens

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"Well... it's better to do it sooner than later..."
After performing your morning routine, you headed home to grab everyone.
You need to prepare for tomorrow and that includes bringing them over.

Stepping through one of your portals, you land on your home planet to witness the entire gang gathered up... with a few extras.
Caulifla and Kale already prepared a big backpack of food and they greet you with a wide grin.
"Hey Eric! It's fighting time!"

"You were... just standing around?
For how long?!"

"Eh... couple days."

"I told you when the tournament happens!"

"Yeah but we forgot."

"I tried telling them."
Hit informed you.
"But they are surprisingly persistent in their ignorance."

"Oh... you made time for it too?"

"Of course.
I'm interested to see what you cooked up this time."

And of course... the surprise.
"Hey D!"

"S-Sala? You too?"

"Of course."
She pouts.
"It felt really bad when you didn't invite me you know!
But no matter. I just invited myself."

"I... didn't think you'd be interested."

"It's better than nothing."
She says.

"Okaaaay. Didn't expect that.
Erm... I brought clothes for y'all."
Taking the neatly folded up clothes, you toss the three out to those you prepared them for.
"A hoodie and pants for Caulifla and Kale... And a jacket and jeans for Hit.
Sorry Sala, if I've known you're interested I'd have brought something."

"Oh, that's so touching.
With a wave of her hand her skin and her eyes change color and her tail disappears so she'd fit in with humans.
"I think I need that the least."

"Why do we need these?"
Caulifla asks.

"Haven't you been paying attention?!
You have internet access!"

"I was busy looking at memes..."

You shed a tear of joy and whisper under your breath.
"I love you..."
>"I was busy looking at memes..."
We taught her well.
"Anyway... I have the Saiyan Royal family and some of their guard on Earth-"


"No Caulifla! Promise you'll be good!

"HEY! Why just me?
Why not Kale?!"

"You know why..."

"Heh yea I do!"

"Anyway, just keep calm and don't cause much trouble.
Sit back, relax and enjoy the show. Leave those stuffy nobles to me.
This is important to me... Please?"

"Yeah yeah-"
Caulifla reluctantly agrees as she literally starts changing her outfit in front of everyone.
Happy with that, you pat her head and ruffle her hair a little.

"Thanks. I'll give you a gift in turn.
Sound good?"

"Ooooh, I like gifts!"

But while this conversation is going Hit just stares at the civilian clothings you gave him and frowns.
"Are you certain this will be enough to hide me?"

"As long as nobody comes too close to you they'll think it's some sort of face paint."

"Your people do that?
I've never seen YOU wearing any facial markings-"

"They are not every day occurrences.
But they are plentiful on sport events for some reason. It appeases our primal side I think.
Never saw the appeal though. Your face gets sticky and rigid and... ugh.
Anyway, I got things thoroughly worked out. Had a special room constructed with a secret tunnel leading there just for you guys. If we do this carefully we'll be fine."

"Hmmm... Looks like you thought of everything."

"Yeah. I really wanted this to work out.
Buuuut I also may have had a few crack ideas in the process.
We'll see."

"This... does not bode well."

Leading the guys back to your old flat, you told them to feel at home and went to wake the kids.
All three of them came rushing out, still in their human disguises.
"I didn't know you could do that-"
Hit observed.

"It's our tactical camouflage meant to infiltrate civilizations.
Surprisingly even Lyn has one. We guess it's the only system they thought would benefit her.
To... fit in."

You shout.
"Now... I prepared beds for each of you. They are not the best but they should suffice for one day.
Things don't really start until tomorrow... But that doesn't mean we can't do anything until then!"

"What did you have in mind?"

>Caulifla, I got something to show you
>We can check out the arena itself, I'll show you the secret tunnels
>We could go and have some fun while we wait
>We could go and have some fun while we wait
>Tour the city for the day, see if we can't get everybody some souvenirs
I wonder what Hit would even want...
>We can check out the arena itself, I'll show you the secret tunnels
>Caulifla, I got something to show you
Time to meet your brother!
>Caulifla, I got something to show you
>Caulifla, I got something to show you
Well erm...
Guess it's time for the brother-in-law
You look over to the three Tuffles and ask them for some aid.
"Hey kids, go take Hit and Sala somewhere fun. Maybe get them some souvenirs.
But make sure you stay out of sight. Don't want an "alien incident" happening."

"What do we get out of it?"

You frown.
"Okay Kamin... here's fifty bucks.
You can go and get some ice cream along the way."


"As for the two of you..."
You return to Caulifla and Kale, since they both seem to have a history with Renso.
"We are going somewhere special!"

"Don't you think it's inappropriate to go on a date this time?"

"I-I wouldn't mind..."

"Oh we're not going on a date.
But I have no doubt that you'll enjoy this regardless."


Leaving the building you walk side by side with the two of them while making a phone call and notifying the man about the situation.
"Yeah. We're on our way...
That place? Good. Meet you there."

"Who's that?"

"Oh nobody.
Just arranging stuff."

"I don't like it when you got that smug look on your face.
Makes your scheming very apparent."

"Come now, you love my schemes."

"Not all the time!"

"I-I do!"

"Thanks Kale!"
Heading over to the spaceship the Saiyans arrived on, you immediately get bombarded with questions from the girls.
"Oi! What is this? You wanna turn us in?!"

"Nonono! God no! This is the safest place!
With the city finally free for them to explore they never come back here! So I called the guy to disable the security cameras. It's the perfect place for this!"


Cauliflas nervousness was plainly visible, she started covering herself and you felt a deep heat rising within her as she nestled closer to you.
Boy does she HATE these fuckers. Or fears them...
But that doesn't matter now. She'll forgive you. At least you hope.

Pressing a button on the console next to the entrance you announce your arrival.
"We're here."
No response comes on the communicator but the automatic door slides open right before you.
"Let's go."

The second you step in Caulifla shifts from nervous and becomes ready to attack.
And at the same time Kale begins to hug you tightly as she's overcome a familiar but quite unpleasant case of Déjà vu.
But... But... All their worries seem to wash away like nothing once you open the door to the storage room where a familiar face greets them.

Kale rushes forward and leaps into the big mans arms.

"OOOOOHOHOOO! You've grown quite a lot since the last time I saw you Kale!
Just look at you! Practically a full grown Saiyan woman already!
But to me you'll always be that cute as a button little pipsqueak!"

"B-Big bro?"
Caulifla meanwhile just stares at him awkwardly, not budging an inch.
Slowly she turns around and looks up at you with watery eyes.
"You... did this?"

>What are you waiting for? Go to him
>I had help
>>What are you waiting for? Go to him
>>What are you waiting for? Go to him
>What are you waiting for? Go to him

>What are you waiting for? Go to him
Can't help it.
My heart is like a pretty little diamond.
Cold. Dead. And its value artificially inflated by Luxemburgish cartels
Don't forget that if a small African child was caught with one in their pocket, they'd be beaten to death.
What a precious gem it is.
>"I didn't know he'd be coming with the delegates, but I wasn't gonna pass up the chance once I realized he was here. Now..."
>What are you waiting for? Go to him!
...actually, wait, Now I don't remember. DID we know? Like, did Cabba get in touch with Renso for us and I'm just retarded?
Yeah, you didn't know.
Cabba called him and Renso told you this

Anyway, I see this as pretty clear cut

"I didn't... Cabba did."


"I didn't know he was coming. Cabba just called him.
But when I found out I knew what I had to do. I couldn't pass up the chance.
So... come on! Go to him!"

Slowly turning around she hesitates for a moment before taking off... literally.
Flying at near top speed she tackles her brother and knocks him on the ground with her big hug.

Hitting the ground hard, Cauliflas brother starts wincing a bit.
Watch the leg!"

Caulifla looks down and sees a massive scar adorning her brothers right leg.
"What happened to you?"

"I retired!
But never mind that!
I finally got my little sister back!
Oh how I missed you! How have you been?"

But the magic of the moment quickly fades as Caulifla is reminded of all the things that happened to her.
"You left me... you left me all alone!
They wanted to sell off Kale! Mom and dad were thinking about doing the same to me!"

"I'm... sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there for the two of you when you needed me the most.
But you know why I joined the Force. I was waiting for the day when I could serve together with the both of you, side by side... like family.
But then everything happened... You got exiled and I *sigh* I got this to show.
I know it sucks... But I'm still glad to see you two happy."

Rubbing her eyes Caulifla stands up and aids her wounded brother back to his chair.
The three of them now calmed down finally begin calmly talking things through.
"So... how are you? I hope that tournament wasn't too bad."

"Oh it was AWESOME!
I improved lots and saw lots of strong dudes and- OH!
That's right Kale! Let's show Renso what we learned!"

"Right Sis!"

Taking a few steps back the girls stand side by side and after a brief moment of concentration they transform into their super saiyan states with a shout.
Their gold and green auras glow brightly in Rensos eye as he sizes them up and rapidly starts clapping.
"AWESOME!!! Looks like you managed to copy Cabbas trick!"

"Heh. Copy?
We did more than that!"
Caulifla responds and slaps Kales arm.
"See this?"

"Solid muscle!"

"That I see.
Man... I don't know what to feel? Shame or pride about my little sister being stronger than me?
And you Kale... Wow. You really lived up to all our expectations AND MORE!"
His reaction to the tails will be hilarious.
But as Renso finds himself observing this fascinating transformation, he occasionally gives you cautious glances and finds you ogling the ass of the girls involuntarily.

"I wonder if they change color as well..."
You mutter as you stare at the erm "bulge" of the girls.

Clearly distraught by this and loosing sanity at a rapid pace, Renso turns to the girls and starts nervously chuckling.
"Heh... hehe...
And how does your new boyfriend take this form?"

"W-Whatddaya mean big bro?"

"Well... Aren't you two- er, three together?"

"We are.

Now sweating profusely Renso is shaking quite a bit so you decide to throw a bone to him.
"I helped them train it!
It's not that big a deal."

"By the ancestors..."

Kale then raises her hand to her chin nervously.
"R-Renso? How do you know Eric and us-"

"H-He told me!"
Caulifla then twitches a lit and scoffs at this.
He told me! Hit him! Not the cripple!"

Turning around on her heel Caulifla stomps in your direction and grabs you by the waist.
"Come here you!"
She plants a kiss on your lips briefly before bringing you back to Kale so the three of you can talk to Renso at once.
"Proof enough for you?"

"N-Not fair sis!"

"King Sadalas balls it's true!
HAHAAA! Oh this is great! I've never even heard of another race being capable of handling Saiyan women! Let alone a weak one like him!"

"Erm... Not to burst your bubble bro but Eric helped both of us train our transformation up to this level."

Trying to suppress his laughter Renso slowly burts out like J. Jonah Jameson and slaps his knee.
"Oh... that's great! Just wait 'till ma and pa hear of this!
I don't know whether they'll be furious or impressed!"

"A-Are we in trouble?"

"No Kale... I don't think anyone could be trouble for you anymore!"
Well... this seems to have gone better than expected.
But there is also that one... slight.. problem.

>Pull of the girls pants (just a little)
>I don't... know how that works. Do I have to beat up your parents now or?
>Pull of the girls pants (just a little)
>Pull of the girls pants (just a little)
>Pull of the girls pants (just a little)
>We also lerned how to reawaken some of kind old or recesive transformation or somthing hiden in your speacies DNA. Gives deacent boost not anywere near going blond but its a thing... Too limited un usefullnes curently tho needs fullmoon and its uncontrolable for now.
>>Pull of the girls pants (just a little)
Okay. I'll get to
But I might only be able to churn out 1 update before I leave from work
"We uh... We also found this."
You spin around Caulifla and hear a little protest from her.

"HEY! What are ya-

Grabbing her pants you pull them down a bit to expose the small area above her butt and as you do so her tail pops free and starts wagging around freely.
"What in the god damn-"

"Oooooh gold!
A-Anyway, it's tails.
Turns out you have vestigial ones."

"But we uh... we gotta search for them."

"Press it in the right spot with enough force and "Pop" it comes out."


Renso leans in and begins observing the new extremity of his sister.
Meanwhile you feel a small tap on your shoulder and you look up.
"Erm... E-Eric-"

"Okay Kale."
You extend your hand and open your palm, waiting for the thing to plop into it.


A green tail swings around and wraps around your hand.
While still holding onto it, you gently start rubbing it with your thumb.
"It's also quite dangerous. I don't know how or why but if you have a tail and see a full moon, a Saiyan will transform into a gigantic monster."

How odd... I admit I never paid much attention to history classes but we have no records of Saiyans ever having tails... or transforming like you said."

"It happened. Giant monkey.
Quite a significant power boost too... but wildly uncontrollable, slow and dumb.
I don't know if you could remain sane during it... However-"
You raise a finger.
"I think it might be linked somehow to this Super Saiyan stuff..."

"How come?"

"I'm not sure myself. It's mostly just a guess. But these are the two things that are REALLY apparently different about our two species."

"Y'know there's a real easy way of finding out whether or not they are linked in some way."


"Just use two at the same time-"

Nononononono! Not a good idea!"

"That bad?"

"You have no god damned idea.
The Super Saiyan form seems to be deeply connected to emotion. It stems from emotion, it amplifies emotion.
Couple that with the highly savage, animalistic rage the Giant Monkey form brings and you got yourself a recipe for disaster."

"Yes but consider the following:
It'd be funner."

It's at these times that you start getting scared about being around Saiyans too much.
Because damn it, that sounds one heck of a good time... for a minute, then it'd be hell.
And now I'll take my leave.
Gotta pack my stuff and run the fuck away.
Be right back
YOSHA! I'm back!
You shake your head.
"No. I'm not quite suicidal enough for that...
At least, not until we iron out the other quirks first."


"Caulifla? Care to do a demonstration?"

"With pleasure!"
Taking a step back she shoots down her head and begins grunting and groaning loudly as she focuses.
Her ki signature slowly disappears and her aura retracts where it belongs.

Renso simply scratches his head as he struggles to make heads or tails of this.
"I don't get it."

"I'm trying to control this bro.
So that I can stay in it forever without draining me."

"Whoa! You mean you could use that crazy power ALL THE TIME?!"

And once I can, I'll move onto 2."
Again, an expression of utter confusion settles on your brother-in-laws face.
Caulifla just shakes her head at this.
"There is a level beyond this! We can transform even further! Two, three or four more times!"

"So... why don't you?"

Giving you a glance Caulifla responds to her brother.
"Because a certain dummy taught me how to use my power properly.
Last time we... we went full stupid."

"The power it-"
Kale continues.
"It was too much. It got to our head. We ended up hurting ourselves without achieving anything.
So now we want to take it slowly and master it."

"Ah! I see.
Well, don't let me keep you from fulfilling your destiny.
But just know that I'm very proud of the both of you! Even if the rest don't think so, you truly are some of the greatest we have."

Who cares about those bozos anyway?
Me and Kale got a perfect lil' gig! We work for the GoD and get away with anything we want!
No more petty gangs, no more ma and pa, but most importantly no more Sadala! Who needs it anyway?"

>I do. (Tell them about your wish)
>Stay silent
>>Stay silent
>Stay silent
we should wait till things are already moving
>Stay silent
We're all in agreement

You think about telling them about your intentions with that wish King Sadala would grant you but you decide to leave it a surprise.
For starters it's highly unlikely but not impossible that you won't win. Second, it's better to break this to them once things are on their way.
So you decide to keep your mouth shut for now.

Renso raises his voice.
"Do not speak like that!
You were clearly wronged but that's no reason to judge everyone on Sadala!
Most people only bear ill will towards you because you earned it!"

"Pffft... Like hell I did!
They are the reason we got into this situation in the first place!
Them and their entire culture! So what if I went rogue huh?!
What was I supposed to do? Sit still and take it while the others had their way?"

"Yes! That is the right thing to do!
You could've earned the sympathy of others! Instead you earned their animosity!"

"Sympathy doesn't do anything brother!
I would've been pitied but in the end they would've sold us off like pieces of meat!
I say it's better this way! I broke the law! But at least I had my justice!"


"Sorry... I just-
I had that on my mind for a while now.
We cool big brother?"

"With you? Always."

Aww. That's oddly charming in a really messed up, Saiyan way.
Makes you think of... home. Shit. Better change that train of thought quick.
Turning around you look up at Kale.

"Do you have a brother like this?"

"M-Me? No..."
She presses her two index fingers together.
"But Renso always treated me like a sister. So that's nice."

"Are you okay? Hey... don't look so gloomy.
I'm here for you now. C'mere big girl!"
Not letting go of her tail, you open up your other arm and pull in the big saiyan for a hug.
You can feel Kales skin on your own as she brushes her cheek against your shoulder.

"I know."
Then she lowers her voice a little so the others can't hear her.
"Hey Eric-"


"Do you... think of your little sister like that?"

"I guess I do.
But sometimes she's really a pain."

"Am I a pain as well?"
Wow. Every time, you're surprised by just how starved for love she is. With parents like the ones Renso told you about and no real siblings to speak of. Sure she had Renso and Caulifla to look after her but with how insecure she is, poor Kale probably felt like a third wheel all the time.
She's feels like a dry sponge craving water.

"You? No.
Never. You're a good girl Kale."
But as you're cuddling the big girl, you start to realize that right now, you are the third wheel.
Well... fourth, which would make this a car but it's clearly meant to be a tricycle.
So unless you come up with a clever topic to actively participate in the conversation you'll-

"By the way Caulifla.
Since I'm not selling too hot on the market right now and you're content being an outcast, I guess I'll tell ma and pa to give up on the family lineage."
Renso then begins to chuckle.
"It's not like the two of you could even make children! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Actually, we totally can-"
She replies and you loose your shit.


"What? It's true!"

"C-Come again?"

"That Tournament you so bravely skipped out on.
We met other Saiyans from another universe. They managed to crossbreed with humans.
Had fully functioning children too. It was kinda weird."

Now's DEFINITELY the time to leave because Renso is already giving you some weird looks.

>Stay reluctantly
>>Okay, this is a talk for waaaaaaaaaaaay in the future, bye! *Portal back to your earth apartment*.
>Stay reluctantly
>Stay reluctantly
>Stay reluctantly
Say the Dio line goddamnit
Disappearing like a black man when the pregnancy test comes out positive
"Okay, I heard enough-"
Swinging your arms to the side you shout.


"One second has passed-
No! Fuck that! I gotta get the fuck out of here!"

Not wasting your other precious second, you rush the hell out of there, leaving two slightly upset girls and one massively confused Renso in there.
"Wha- Where did he-"

"Damn it. He stopped time again!
You can't escape every conversation you don't like with Time Stops ERIC!"
But you can. And it's awesome.

"He's good..."
Renso admits as he realizes what you did.

Meanwhile, you're panting outside the ship, leaning on your knees for support while a chibi Buu head circles around you.
It's a test system which should give him much more freedom, if he can behave.
Panting you raise a hand to gently rub his chin as he purrs.
"Good job Buu. You saved my hide again.
Ara... The fuck is this?"
You look to the side when Buu suddenly starts nudging you in a direction.
There you spot... a guy, leaning against one of the spaceships legs.
"The fuck are you doing here?"

"Erm... I'm standing here.
What are YOU doing here?!"

"This is a military exclusion zone asshole! I'm authorized to be in here!
You however will get either shot or imprisoned! So stop being cheeky!"

The masked man points forward at a phone sit next to a stone.
"I just wanted to take a picture.
That's all."

"You know you're playing with your life doing that! Right?"

"I know.
Either I fail and suicide by cop or become a legend.
That's a win-win for me."

"Heh. Not bad.
Okay... how did you get past the guards?"

"Aliens aren't here anymore. Soldiers are needed elsewhere to pay attention to them.
So I just waited until some of them went on a break and climbed over the fence."

"I'm almost impressed, if not with your balls then your skills.
You walk up to the rock against which the guys phone was leaning and aim it at him.
"I'll let you have this one. Now strike a pose!"
>Floating Chibi Buu Head
That is both creepy and completely adorable. I approve.
After snapping a picture of the guy, you hand him back his phone.
"Yooo thanks man! Looks great.
Uuuuh... I suppose I couldn't ask for a lift out of here?"

"Only if you don't make it a habit."

"Heh. That I can agree to."

Picking up the guy, you casually fly him out of the fenced off area and set him off.
Looking a bit taken back by the fact that he was literally flying a second ago he takes a moment to recover.
"Damn... That's a cool trick!"


"Hey man erm... I know you kinda helped me out a bit there but could I ask something from you?"
You shoot him an odd look over your mask and prompt him to finally say his request.
"C-Could I bother you with an interview? You're really cool and all! And a lot of people really want to know more about you!"

"Sorry pal. I don't do interviews.
No matter which press you work for."

"You're mistaken!
I'm not a reporter or anything like that!"
He raises his phone.
"Just a little Q&A with a video recording! So I can put it on the net!"

"Where... exactly?"

"The uh... the internet."
He looks really hesitant to answer that.

>What the heck, I'll do it
>Sorry. Still no
>What the heck, I'll do it
>What the heck, I'll do it
Sorry, still no.
Remember a secret identity it's called secret for a reason.
>Sorry. Still no

Q&A maybe. But no video or audio.
>>Sorry. Still no
>What the heck, I'll do it
Only if we limit it to a the Q&A and a picture instead of a video. Also, if we agree we should be very careful about what we can and can't talk
>What the heck, I'll do it
>But no identifying details, I kinda like being somewhat anonymous.
>Do you need me to do a timestamp or...?
>What the heck, I'll do it

I have no idea why we're anonymous anyways

Our sister is world famous for banging a monkey and we never spend time on earth unless it's just to show someone else or help those suckers establish themselves in the universe

We're not some kind of superhero or anything
Well well well
Looks like we're... crashing this plan
Eric has parents and he wants shield them from the media and crazy fans.
We litterally saved the entire planet from being the start of Frosts new interstellar empire and are the strongest native being by any concievable metric. Once our ID is out, our every single relation will be put on a watch list, along with every single friend we've ever had, our former bosses and people we've walked past on the street will be grilled for any and all information they can get on us, because Eric is a being capable of blowing up the world, he's the undisputed Emperor Of Planet Big Dick, and any nation that can influence him or those he cares for can influence the entire world.

We were keeping our real name and face hidden for a Damn Good Reason.
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You think about it for a while.
"You want me to hold up a time-stamp or something?"

"Yeah yeah! That's it! Y'know! So I can prove it's really you!"

"Okay. Hold on-"
Borrowing a slip of paper and a pen from him, you write down the current time and show it to him.
"Will this suffice?"

"Yeah! Perfect!
Now all we-"

"Wait. I did not agree yet.
I have two conditions. One, my face is not show and two-"
You poke your neck, underneath your voice box. With a little bit of magic you can alter the weight of the air as it passes through so it produces a much deeper voice.
"And I'll do this. I also reserve the right to not answer any question I please."

"That's so cool! How did you do it?"


"Fucking hell!
Okay dude! I respect your anonymity of course but... then people won't believe me-"

Extending your hand you create a ball of light in your palm.
"Think this will suffice?"

"Yes! Perfect!
Okay... Now we gotta stand somewhere where there's enough light and, there we go. Stream is starting."
The guy presses the record button and begins.
"Let's keep this simple. Are you, the Chad?"

"Is that what I'm called now?"

"W-Well, you're called many things.
Care to show a little demonstration?"

You both showcase your ability as well as the time-stamp for the camera.

"Excellent. I think that's good enough.
Erm... First actual topic-"
He clears his throat and takes a few moments of preparation to make sure he doesn't laugh during this.
"You've certainly become a big guy."

You are taken back by this and blink in disbelief a few times before responding.
"For you. But nobody cared who I was before I put on the mask."

"No way... No FUCKING WAY! It's actually true!
Was getting caught part of your plan?"

"Of course!"
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>the FBI monitor's face when we just start doing the bit
Oh lord I can only imagine what the Kremlin and the CCP are gonna think of this.
>Oh god
>How are we going to explain to our crusty CO's what Baneposting is? How will we asses it on the danger scale?
>How do we break the info to our superiors that the most dangerous man is a manchild that browses Mongolian Throat Singing Forums?
I was thinking more along the lines of
"Can you tell us anything about your green wife?"

"I didn't realize even that leaked...
But it's not an accurate descriptor, also, no."

"If you pull off her tail would she die?"

"It'd be extremely painful. I'd get the shit kicked out of me.
Lot of love and care went into growing that."

"Is it like lizards?
They just grow back?"

"No comment. But no."

"Can you at least confirm if you have alien gf's or not?"

"Since you seem to be already aware of it, yes. But I won't say much more than that, I hope you understand."
You cross your arms and assume a power stance to assert your dominance.

"Okay, which one?"

"Which ones you know about?"

"The two black and the one green."

We're workin out the logistics at the moment. It's really in its infancy."

"Who are the two kids with you?
Many theories circulate that they are also aliens."

"They are.
The older two I adopted after fucking their planet, both figuratively and on some level literally.
The smallest is the result of said copulation."

"A... planet."

"A. Fucking. Planet.
I mind melded with it, left uh... quite an impression.
Then they used my DNA to make her. She is... Not half human but there is a percentage there. But I'd call her a new subspecies. I still love all of them with all my heart. And if anybody claims otherwise I'll fucking kill them on the spot."

"Okaaay, next question before we get banned.
Though- *gulp* -holy shit. We already hit record numbers...
Um, let's continue! How have you met C-"

"Don't say the name."

"Sorry. The Queen!"

"No comment."

"I erm... I'm kinda running out of ideas.
I admit I never expected I'd be here. Let's see what the chat wants to ask-
Monkey-puss asks, I'm going to sell inter-species Doujinshi and assorted merchandise at the tournament. How do they get their tails? I need it for reference."

"No comment. Not public information.
And if you ask any Saiyan they won't know what you're talking about.
Also, please keep your Onaholes away from the Saiyans. If you piss them off they can wipe us out."

"Alienfeetlover asks, how do they smell?"

"As much of a beta most of you are, I imagine you smelled girls before.
Well forget that. They don't use perfume or any sort of make-up. At most they use soap and unscented shampoo. That's it.
So they have their natural smell all the time, which becomes strong as pheromones when they are working out. And I won't go into any more details than that."

"TheSaiyansNigger wants to know if it's worth watching the tournament or if it'll be a pointless waste of time?"

"Definitely watch. You'll be surprised.
I alone made some arrangements so things stay interested from start to finish.
And you don't want to miss the big finals."
>Earths greatest warrior and chef goes on a uniplanetary communication system's vertical gardening forum
Bro we gotta make a teaser about Bruce before we go.
Just sneak a quote in there.
"And... wow. I think we should call it quits soon. Twitch is breaking.
Er, this one doesn't come from any single person. Pretty much everyone is posting it aside monkey-pepe...
How do you get a Saiyan gf?"

You let out a hearty chuckle.
"You guys don't know what you're talking about-"


"Yes but did you ever think about what that means?
I assure you, a crushed pelvis is not fun."

"Speaking from experience?"

"No. From common sense.
But I'll say this. If you actually have the balls to try....
Just go up to one and chat with them. That's it. That's all there is to it. Starting."

"What, are they all roasties or-"

And I'll tell this only once.
Go there, say hi, introduce yourself, ask their name and try small talk.
Things should proceed naturally from there."

"Dude... You do realize this is the most chad answer you could give!
That's not an answer but general advice! And one that will help nobody!"

"If you doubt it then maybe you should try it.
Then come back and tell me how it went."
You reach for his phone.
"I believe we are done here..."

"Phew. Thanks man!
I'm sure /ayy/ will have a field day with this!
This'll be enough fuel for at least a month of fresh, daily memes."

"It was my pleasure."
"So... now that we're off camera-
D-Do you mean that?"

"Of course.
I didn't know what the hell I was doing.
But I opened my big dumb mouth, said the truth and ended up here.
And remember: Defeat is a state of mind. No one is ever defeated until defeat has been accepted as reality!"
Turning around you wave the guy off.
"Ciao! And tune in tomorrow! You'll want to watch it live!"

Quickly returning to his phone the guy turned it back on and unsurprisingly found the large crowd still going ballistic in there.
"Guys! Our man just told me something amazing! It was so moving, so deep! It was-"
And when he shared what he heard it only took the neural network a few minutes to figure out where that familiar quote came from.
Sorry about that. I only saw your post once I posted mine.
Hopefully it's fixed now.

Anyway, I hope y'all enjoyed this short little romp. But I'm starting to feel tired. So I'll call it quits here.
I don't think I can write tomorrow or the day after, so let's agree on Thursday.
See you guys then!
>a few mintues
Bitch, what is Google for 500? Took me 30s.
>a half a million autists combine to form a complex neural network capable of sourcing all but the most obscure tidbits of pop-culture
I'm so proud
First they'd need to realize it's a straight up quote, especially since the streamer anon couldn't replicate it perfectly
thanks Nega-Som, when you have some time it would be nice see the reactions of the stream
>The chad will only interview anons.
>Journalists will attempt to make the 4U joke, but fail miserably.
They really weren't joking when they told me that this Polynesian underwater breathing forum had such influence over society...
Saw the talk about children, that was funny.
Shame we left, though, would've been funnier to stick around.
I can definitely oblige.
I'll see whether or not I can find the time to do it during the night shift
Hello oMakedonalds?

Can I get uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

An order of women realizing that with superior monkeygirls available no one's gonna want em ,with a side of hoes mad and a diet coke

Let me also get uhhhhhh, the first contact between God and world leaders with extra cheese and no onions pls.
>An order of women realizing that with superior monkeygirls available no one's gonna want em ,with a side of hoes mad and a diet coke
Eh I wouldn't say THAT, sure any fans of muscular/Fit Women are gunna drop humans like a hot potato and go 100% Saiyan, but Thicc and Fat Women aren't threatened, since those types don't really exist for Saiyan Females, while the normal everyday girls are somewhat threatened, but are also somewhat safe since some guys are pussies and want a more stereotypical 'womanly' wife, rather then muscular tomboys.
Swear on your dubs you ain't fuckin' with me!
Not sure what to tell you but there ARE saiyans like that. DBS Broly movie made it canon.
There are thin, weak dudes and short, overweight ladies amongst the Saiyans. You see the former being pilots and the latter in the butcher shop where Gine worked. So they got some diversity going on and not just fit-girls on the menu
I swear on deez nuts that I'm super serious
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I swear on these nuts
I dunno, Saiyans in this universe doesn't necessarily seem required to all be muscular.
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Well I couldn't get around to doing the omakes.
My full autistic boss keeps bringing me papers one by one, telling me to "change these"... while the spazz was sitting over it five seconds ago, ready to change it himself.
So I'll have to do it today evening, after I got some sleep.

On a completely unrelated note... a thing I forgot to post the second it became relevant
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A'ight fuckers. I'm back amongst the living.
Let's do this
Ah, yes, the good ol' days after nine-eleven.
Happening thread!
Holy shit guys! Some madman actually managed to get an interview with The Chad himself!
What an absolute lad!

I know, I've been in the stream.

Wait... you actually watch those garbage /ayy/streams?
With the "theories" and that other nonsense?

They are comfy.
I just let them run in the background like a podcast.
But this time it turned out to be an absolute goldmine

What was he even doing in there?
That looked like the park where the spaceship is

Anon answered some of those questions apparently.
He was going in there Watch_Frogs style to get a picture posing next to the ship
I gotta learn how to do parkour...

Ye that's cool but have you HEARD what the Chad said?
He. Fucked. A. Planet!

I know. Captain Kirk would be proud.

Is it just me or was he shilling for the saiyans?
He seemed like he wanted us to date them super hard

And why wouldn't he?
We've been fetishizing them for a while now and for good reason!
Besides, if he says it's okay I believe him. I might even try and talk to one of them!

No you won't.
You're still a virgin
If you can't talk to regular girls there's no way you can talk to fugging aliens

I don't know anon.
Human girls seem more like roasties every day.
Let's list the things our beloved amazons don't do that garbage tier fembots do.
>None of them seem to wear make-up. Not even their royalty! They are confident in their natural looks
>They value health and physical fitness so you won't find any landwhales among them
>No need for garbage tier things like post-modern feminism. They are the equal of their men because they work for it
>Still seem to respect traditional values, like females being the central figures in households. They are the ones that birth children after all
>No emotional baggage to deal with. Something bothers them? They tell you. They want you to do something? They tell you! No need to learn how to read minds with these ones!
>Will love and cuddle with you unconditionally.
Seriously... human females are done for

Yeah. They seem to be freaking out.
Mainstream media is already shilling for human women.
*posts "It's afraid" picture*

Eh... a lot of these seem to come out of nowhere.
Where are you getting all of this?
But I still agree... This is just a Virgin Becky vs Chad Stacy situation.
One side is clearly superior
Hey faggots. I heard you've been talking about me
*posts time-stamp with face*

Streamer anon is here! Holy shit!
How are you man?

I admit I was a bit starstruck when I saw the guy waltz out of the ship.
I still am. But I hope that didn't show up in the video

Eh... It did a little bit.
But I think it added to the charm. The whole thing seemed genuine.

Hey! What was he doing in the ship anyway?!
What were YOU? Did you travel there to sneak into a restricted area and possibly get shot?

No idea. Didn't ask him.
He said he has unrestricted access to the area. I suspect he can just go in without anybody to stop him.
I snuck in to get a pic. Security's been lax lately. They are more focused on the stadium.

Wait... you've been observing the area?!

I live here.
I'm the guy from some threads ago whose dad worked on the construction.
I saw that there are less soldiers now so I took my chance.

What did you want to do with the pic?
Sell it on E-bay?

What? No.
I wanted to hang it on my wall. I don't know... I just wanted a memento I guess.

Are you still planning on going to the tournament?

In fact, after meeting Him I'm actually super excited.

Are you planning on doing another stream with him?

Only if I manage to catch him and he agrees

I wouldn't worry too much about that.
By the looks of it he seemed to reject giving interviews to large news organizations.
But he agreed to doing a bit with you. Can't believe he's actually one of us

When I started the Baneposting I was cursing in my head about how I could be so cringe!
Didn't expect the fucker to ACTUALLY go along with it!

Just checked the stream. Holy shit this is based!
It's like the elections all over again. Meme magic is now leading us into the space age!
With a fucking meme-lord being our new god emperor!

In any case, even if I can't get him to do a bit... or worse, can't get to him period I'll still try to cover the fights so you guys can enjoy it as well, without any bullshit like ads or commentary.
Might try something... potentially insane as well. Make sure to watch the catalog.
I will start a thread with a trip and a link to the stream. Wish me luck

Holy shit! What is the madman doing?

Who knows?
The only thing that's certain is that I'm definitely gonna watch it unfold!
This is gold!

Guys! Guys! GUYS!
I finally figured out what the Chad was talking about!

What do you mean?
Don't leave us hanging you tease!

OP butchered it a bit but I think it was a direct quote from Bruce Lee!
I knew it sounded similar but I just wasn't sure where from!
After fiddling around with the words a bit, it turned out it's a direct quote
What did he mean by this?

Obviously he just wanted to say something inspirational and that's the first thing that came to his mind you spaz!
What do you THINK it means? He can't resurrect the fucking dead!


Holy shit... he's right!
And that should be the end of that one.
Tomorrow we'll resume with a somewhat shorter thread.
And if things don't go to shit, continue on Friday!

I'll do the rest later
Only background hints of hoes mad?

Slightly miffed but I'll take it
You have no damn idea
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You might even say they're Fatally Furious.
I dont even play nintengoy games and even I'm miffed.
Poor Terry
>Be me, Terry Bogard
>become a regular guest character in KoF
>be infinitely more popular than the protag of said series
>eventually get associated with the likes of Ryu, Heichachi, Ken, etc...
>Hold it down for my company for over 20+ years
>My company fades from relevance for a while, goes under, comes back...
>they finally get out of their slump, start getting guest spots all over the place
>Geese gets in Tekken 7, Mai gets in DOA5, Hoahmaru gets in SC6, etc...
>we get a call from Nintendo
>Sakurai wants me in Smash
>apparently our games directly inspired his magnum opus
>get probably the best character reveal trailer in the most popular video game series right now
>go on social media after the stream
>zoomers don't even know who I am
>they start to insinuate I'm a "shit character" and a "wasted slot"
>they think some fucking puppet that was only in a single region exclusive game on the SNES deserves it more
>some indie character gets a mii costume and a song in the game
>good for him
>he immediately overshadows what little presence my announcement had on social media
>Hoes mad that I actually have a legacy worth remembering and directly contributed to Smash's existence
>mfw they'd know this if they actually played fighting games
These ignorant fucking children need to start respecting their fucking progenitor and play some goddamn fighting games.
Eh fighting games always were and will be a nieche
The sad part is that I actually played Undertale before the tumbler crowd got their hands on it. It was kinda cringe, kinda gay but still saw the amount of work and care the maker put into it.
Now it's utter shit. But even at its peak nothing in it had the same kind of cultural impact or relevance Terry has.
Fucker's been in more games than the average Nintengoys age in years
Terry Bogard deserved better than this
>Eh fighting games always were and will be a nieche
It's a shame really. The mainstream appeal of them all but died out with arcades.
Now the culture of the FGC is all but incompatible with new players.
99% of the new generation just doesn't have the interest or motivation to keep on playing after getting stomped.
Nor do they have the discipline to put in the work to play the game at even an intermediate level.
>Terry Bogard deserved better than this
Amen. I honestly can't believe how ungrateful some of the younger audience is being when it's Terry fucking Bogard.
Fucking guy has been one of the most enduring characters of the genre and he gets sandbagged for a mii costume.
Seems everyones in agreement Terry needs more recognition.

Speking of fighting found a good before Z Dragonball quest that focuses on teaching and runing dojo.


Just in case if some of you want to check it out after live. Seems neat thus far.
Well that was a fun little distraction. But it's time to move on.
You still got some things to prepare at home for the big day tomorrow.
Floating off the ground, you fly back home where you immediately start sensing some familiar energies.
One of them is Sam... Uh-oh.

Arriving back you find your former roommate fuming as he's surrounded by several aliens.
"What. The. FUCK ERIC?!"

"Sorry. Needed an HQ."

"Ugh whatever.
Hey kids, wanna play Guitar Hero again?
I promise I'll go easy on you this time!"


"Ah well.
And how about you purple man?"

"I'd appreciate if you did not bother me."

Sam visibly recoils as Hit gives him a cold stare and nervously turns to someone, ANYONE else to talk to.
"So hey um... Sala! How have ya been?"


Help me out here Eric!
I'm looking bad in front of the aliens!"

"That's nobodies fault, except yours.
Anyway, how are you feeling? Ready for the big day tomorrow?"

"I guess. Been getting no sleep for a while now. Had to stay up and study the books the angel lady gave me.
I hope tonight I can get some rest. Then I'll be ready."

"Oh? That's good to hear.
Because I got a few things in store for us.
So you better be fucking ready."

Shit like Domi?
Was that YOU?!"

"No... I was just as shocked as you are.
She apparently decided that all on her own.
So no, I got something else in store."

Can't wait to see what will mess me up tomorrow..."

"Ah come on! It's not gonna be bad!
You might even enjoy it! Come, I'll make some dinner for us.
You're free to stay with us."

"No thanks. I think I'll hit the hay early.
Get as much sleep as I can."

See ya tomorrow I guess."

"Bye everyone."


With him out of the way it's finally time to get to work.
Preparing a meal not only for today but tomorrow so you'll have some snacks ready.
But in the meantime you could go and talk to the others

>The kids
hummm, who is this sala person
you know who.

If the question is genuine, then she's a demon that helped out Eric in the Demon Realm.
In exchange she got to leave it and come to the mortal realm
She's also a bootleg Android 21
ooh yeah, we spent so much time doing other stuff that i actually forgot about her

>will immediately commit sudoku for forgetting bestdroid
Haven’t talked to her in a while. We should catch up with her and a feel for any future plans she might have.
Well Sala seemed to turn this around rather swiftly.
But don't worry Hit fans, I'll throw in a little for you as well

As you take out the pork from the fridge and begin preparing it over the counter, you try engaging the others in some small talk.
The first one is Hit who seems to be fiddling with something over at the table.
"I hope that's not a bomb you're making..."

I found this antique in a nearby shop.
Haven't seen one of these in a while. It's pretty neat."
That's a digital watch... and a really cutting edge one at that.

It's best not to bother him with the details. Judging by how enthusiastically he's fiddling with it he really likes it.
So instead you turn your attention to Sala.
"Hey. Come over here."

"Huh? Me?"
As she struts over to the counter she places her elbows on it and rests her head on her arms.
"What'cha need?"

You slice off a piece of the meat and hand it to her.
"I need a taste test. Care to help out?"

"You want to feed me raw meat?
I'm not an animal you know..."

"No, it's not that!"
You put the savory little morsel into your mouth and start chewing on it.
"It's really good, a delicacy even! And if you prepare it well there are no health risks involved.
I'm just a little biased towards my own cooking is all."

Handing her another piece, you ask her to sample it again and this time she obliges.
First giving it a curious smell she's slightly pushed back by it.
"Ew. It has a little sting to it, doesn't it?"

"I marinated it for the last two days. What you're smelling is mustard.
Don't worry, it's not poisonous.... I think. Don't know much about your biology."

Extending her unnaturally long tongue she cautiously touches it to the succulent piece of meat and recoils, hard.
"Ugh... it's... it's *cough* it tastes acrid!
Gods its even in my throat now!"
But as much as she's complaining she finds herself oddly drawn to it and gives it another small taste.
"N-No, still too much!"
She tries to put it down but by some strange compulsion tosses the whole thing in her mouth and starts rolling it around.



"Yeah, it's an acquired taste.
Some plants on our planet developed these defense mechanisms where they kinda hurt to eat...
But us being dumbasses we actually enjoyed it and started cultivating them and making them stronger."

And here I thought only you were a nutter.
Turns out that your whole race is stupid."

"Pretty much."
"We breathe a gas that slowly erodes us, recreationally drink poison and take strange delight in consuming things that want to kill us.
It's really a mystery."
You continue preparing the meat and shove it into the oven so you can cook that bastard until it can be pulled apart easily.
"And how about you? Did anyone give you any trouble?"

"Not this time.
Using a disguise is definitely the way to go."

"Don't hold it against us too much.
What you saw last time was not our best side.
Frost put everyone on edge... I'm sure that soon enough you can walk around in your normal form like it's nothing."

I'll definitely need a guide then."

"I can oblige.
Or if you want, I know a few people who'd be happy to help."

"I'll think about it.
So... what's the plan for tomorrow?"

"Not much.
Gather up the guys, invite those that I managed to convince to show up...
And then just go and beat the wind out of each other."

"Sounds like a good time."

"I thought you disliked fighting."

"I dislike participating in fights.
I'll happily watch others in a brawl."
Sala then looks over her shoulder with inhuman flexibility and chuckles.
"But if you're really serious about taking the kids there... I can't imagine it'll be too much fun."

"How come?"

"Well... don't you think it'd be a little unfair?
Pitting your weaker brethren against people much stronger than them?"

"I told them to hold back.
To only rely on martial arts and not brute force."

"Sure you did.
But do you think they'll take the fall?
Where's all the tension if at any moment they can just... flip a switch and irreversibly turn the tables?"

"What are you getting at?"

"I say... Since you already got some freakish guys to compete...
Why not go all out with the insanity? And cheat a little?"

"I'm not going to-"

"And I don't want you to.
All I'm saying is... if you ask me nicely, I can arrange so certain people would be pitted against each other."

"You can do that?"

"With some magic? Absolutely.
I'll just change who gets pitted against whom.
Y'know. For the sake of fairness."


>Not interested
>Not interested
>Not interested

For our kiddos, it’ll be about learning technique and restraint.

If they do get pitted up against someone that they’ll be able to cut loose on, then it’ll end up happening anyway.
>not interested

Humans know that messing around with fate just makes things worse for everyone

So says Hollywood
That's 3 against 2

But boy is this gonna be weird.
Because now we're at the mercy of the dice to see who's up against who
Sam Vs Bruce Lee 1st round preliminaries!
At this point? It's entirely possible.
But to make things easy, we won't be rolling for EVERYONE. Just the named contestants you brought... and the two guys I was planning on including. The rest will be background characters. It's still gonna be a fuckton of peeps in there
You think about the offer for a moment.
It COULD allow you to not completely break the tournament with all the ludicrously strong competitors you invited.
But... you'd only be delaying the inevitable. The normies won't be able to even reach the finals under any circumstances.
Unless maybe if all of you got into the same bracket.

And besides, this is meant to be educational to the kids.
So making them fight opponents they shouldn't go all out against would be ideal.
As such you decided to go: Fuck it!

"No thanks.
I'd rather do this one clean."

"Well... if you call that clean then I won't stop you."

"Nah, it's just that I think this would be better.
Because most likely we'll be spread out. So more people can experience this level we're at."

Still seems like asserting your dominance to me."

"I guess in a way it's that.
But it's not like we'll not go just because we're sure to win. That's the whole point.
And I have a sneaking suspicion our neighbors did something similar, because they lack the subtlety to pull off something like influencing the brackets.
So I guess it's okay."

"Whaaaatever makes you sleep at night, D.
I'm not judging you."

You chat away with Sala for a little while longer and she becomes really inquisitive about the people you're gonna bring.
"So... I feel that this place changed a bit since last time I was here.
Anything got to do with you D?"

"Me? Nonono! How could you assume?"

Okay. What are you planning on?
Some powerful stuff is going on here. I can feel it. I can smell it!"

"I'm gonna resurrect some long dead warriors from our past."


"Because they were trained by King Kai and I thought it'd be fun."

Shit you're really dead set on ruining this tournament, aren't you?"

>Shit you're really dead set on ruining this tournament, aren't you?"
Sala, that's entirely a matter of perspective! It might not be fair to our fellow man, but the main point is to show off our best and promote intergalactic brotherhood with a race hundreds of times more powerful than us - we gotta impress!
Its not unfair. As in any tournament stronger win besides others out ther in big bad space wont stop flexing on humans just bevause we made it fairish in this tournament. Better for more of them experience the difrence should give them bit of encouragment to improve.
Once your pork is done, you take it out of the oven and pull it apart with some help from the others, because that shit is hot and your stomachs are growling from the smell.
With the pulled-pork done, you toast some bread, apply a hefty portion of the juices the meat let out, alongside the meat itself, some slices of cheese and pickles.
Presenting everyone with a sandwich, you have a nice little dinner together.
It's a rather wholesome thing, being able to have a good time with your "family" and friends.
Once everyone is nice and stuffed, you prepare a few sandwiches from the leftovers for tomorrow and even a few for Sam and Domi when they wake up.

"Okay guys! I want everyone to get a good nights rest for tomorrow!
So mandatory curfew starts in about two hours! Make sure you all clean up and brush your teeth!
We need to look good!"

Hit meanwhile awkwardly just looks at you in his hoodie.
"E-Even me?
I'm not even parti-"



While the others go ahead and start prepping for bedtime, you withdraw and start cleaning things until the front door swings open and the relative silence breaks violently.

"Welcome back girls.
Here. Sammich."

"Oh yeah! Awesome!"

"Thank you!"

"So? How was it?
Did you guys have fun while I was gone?"

"Oh heckh yheah!
We thalkhed a whole lot!"

"It was catching up with Renso.
Thank you for arranging it!"

"No problem.
Truth be told I was planning that since I met the guy.
I thought you'd appreciate getting back together, even for a little while."

>If you had the chance... would you go back to Sadala? Just to be with him?
>Well I'm off. Got a long day ahead of myself. I suggest you guys do the same
More to the point, showing off that Humanity’s ancestors also had enough potential to be chosen by King Kai to train in the warrior afterlife is also going to score some brownie points with the Saiyans. Our current crop might not be so good aside from Eric and maybe Sam, but the genetics are present to create a pretty potent race of warriors if they put their mind to it.
>If you had the chance... would you go back to Sadala? Just to be with him?

>If you had the chance... would you go back to Sadala? Just to be with him?
>>If you had the chance... would you go back to Sadala? Just to be with him?
>If you had the chance... would you go back to Sadala? Just to be with him
Seeing the opportunity presenting itself you nervously ask them while their mind is 80% occupied by the food in their mouths.
"If you had the chance... would you go back to Sadala?
Just to be with him?"

No way!"

"S-Sis! You can't mean that!"

"I mean sure! I like my brother but screw the rest of 'em!
If I want to meet 'im I'll just arrange it so I can off world!
No reason to suck up to those pansies!"

"I thought for a second you hated your brother."
Kale sighed with relief.

"And what about you Kale?
You did not answer."

"M-Me? I... I guess.
I mean I liked Renso but-"

"Eric, if you haven't learned it already people really didn't like Kale back home!"

"Strange. I thought the whole point of you getting her out was that she was liked a bit too much..."

"That's not it you dummy!
They liked her power! She was nothing more than breeding stock for them!"
Caulifla slams her fist into the table, shaking it in its entirety.
"They cared nothing about her! Not one bit! Not even her parents!
Renso was more of a family to her than her mom and dad ever were-"

In a surprising turn of events Kale slams her hand down as well, nearly breaking the wood.
"I know... and Eric knows. There is no need to talk about it anymore.
But you shouldn't talk about them like that... they are my parents. And not like it matters now."
She then looks up with teary eyes.
"Because finally I feel like I belong somewhere!"


Walking up to her you sit down next to the scaredy little saiyan and pull her close to you.
"There there Kale. There there...
Well, I still heard what I wanted. Even if you said no, it's obvious your brother is important for the both of you Caulifla.
But I still want to make sure you have a place you can call home!"
Giving the two of them the widest, stupidest grin you start laughing with confidence.

"Ugh... do you have any idea how stupid you sound?
Like seriously..."

"I do! But that's why you like me!"

"I'm going to punch you..."

"And you know I like that!"

"That's it!
You ruined it! You ruined it and a I'm leaving."
Shoving the remainder of her food into her mouth, Cauliflas cheeks swell up like a chipmunks as she heads for the bathroom while flipping you off.
Kale giggles as you ruffle her hair a bit, letting her usual ponytail down in the process.
"Once Caulifla is done you should go too. Tomorrow is a big day and I don't want you to miss it!"

"I'll be rooting for you.
And so will sis!"

"I know I know.
Now... get going so I can have my turn."

Once the girls are done you also take your cold shower.
Staring down as the water runs down your body, you start loosing yourself in contemplation.
Eventually a small, pink little head pops out from behind your shoulder and starts looking at you inquisitively.
"Ah... nothing Buu. I was just thinking about tomorrow... The anticipation is... overwhelming."


"No. Not because of that.
I admit I'm a bit anxious. Especially because of that guy, Asulf."
You clench your fist and grin.
"A part of me is aching to fight him!"

After getting proper squeaky clean, you headed to bed and slept next to Lyn because you just know she'll sneak up on you in the middle of the night anyway. So why risk it?
The next morning however, you wake up earlier than anyone else and have the privilege of being that one asshole who wakes everyone up and you immediately regret not having a Vuvuzela on hand.
Banging on a pot you wake everyone up and begin preparing some scrambled eggs for everyone.

"Okay gang! Listen up!
I gotta tell you something right now!"
The group stops shoveling fried eggs into their mouths and looks up at you.

>I'm gonna do something weird. So stand back
>I'm gonna need you to go out ahead of me, I got some stuff to do in private. I'll catch up with you
>I'm gonna do something weird. So stand back
>I'm gonna do something weird. So stand back
>I'm gonna do something weird. So stand back
>I'm gonna do something weird. So stand back
Welp... guess we're not gonna hold back with the surprises
"Okay guys. Stay back.
Imma do something weird."
Taking a step forward, where King Kai set up the circle for you previously, you spread your arms and shout.

"That's it.
He officially lost it."

But as Caulifla grumbles to herself you hear a voice in your head.
"No need to shout, I hear ya.
What's up?"

"I need you to do the thing!"

"Finally. These dumbasses haven't left since yesterday! They're driving me nuts!
Make sure they stay for those 24 hours! If I have to see them again this day I'll loose my mind!"
The grumpy Kai pauses for a moment and without breaking the connection speaks to his champions.
"Okay guys. Time to go.
Now I'll be watching and if any of you embarrass me it's Hell bootcamp for all of you!"

"P-Please... not the german ogres again-"
Pier begs his boss in the background. Wait... do they actually do that?
Well, guess your training regiment is not that unique after all.

You wait for a few seconds without anything happening. But just as you're about to voice your concern you feel something happening.
A sudden pang of pain strikes you and it feels like your soul is being sucked out of your body.
Gasping and choking on your own saliva, you lean forward and grab your gut. Four days. That's all it was.
You thought it'd be painless, like you'd just live 4 days less. Turns out no, it's subtracted from your life force on the spot.
And the only consolation is that it fades just as quick as it came.

The others at the table are ready to jump up and rush to your aid but they are stopped by a pillar of light erupting from the floorboards.
When it's gone you see the four legendary warriors standing right in front of you. Your pals are still ready to pounce but now for a completely different reason.

"Who are you?"
Hit asks them in a cold manner.

In response you extend your hand to stop him and anyone else who might get an idea.
Coughing from the experience you speak up.
"Don't... these are... the guys I invited!"

As you say that two things happen. First, everyone notices the halos above their heads.
And second, Sam and Dominika start freaking the fuck out.
"N-No way! No! FUCKING! WAY!"

"B-Bruce Lee?"

"That'd be me, yes.
Sorry for intruding in your home.
But this is the only way we could arrange it."

We are HONORED to have you here!"
Sam sprints into his room and pulls out a poster with the guy on it.
"P-Please sir! Could you sign this for me?!"

"Well... I can't say no to a fan now, can I?"
Taking the pen from Sams hand he scrawls his name first in english, then underneath in chinese.
"Besides, I'm delighted to see people still remember me."

But while Sam is busy fanboying the fuck out Domi slowly starts connecting the dots.
"And... who... may I ask who you are?"
You know, I wonder how many countries instated discrimination laws for where you went in the afterlife. And what things are like in places that DIDNT make that illegal. “Heaven-only” employees and the like. No-hell-allowed businesses.
A tip. Not as many as you'd think.
Because those who'd make rules like that... ended up in Hell.
And they DON'T want to end up there again
German ogres are good at their job I see...
Let's just say that in the omakes I wasn't exaggerating about the rape ogres
Your back creaks as you straighten it and extend your arm towards them.
"Allow me to do the honors.
Ladies first, we have Jeanne d'Arc, Pier Gerlofs Donia and Sigurd Asulf, otherwise know as the berserker of Stamford bridge!"

"No... fucking way!
You didn't just magic Jeanne d'Arc out your ass Eric!"

"Just did.
Arranged it with god... A god. Whatever.
Got the halo and everything! They'll be joining the tournament as well.
I fucking told you it'll be rough Domi! You didn't listen!"

"A pleasure meeting all of you!"

"Aye! Especially you odd ones!
We've seen a few of yer kind in Otherworld!
Especially the Saiyans! They are such good sports so we'd be glad to help you making friends with them!"

"And I'm just here to fight someone.
It's getting boring fighting the same guys over and over again.
And you weaklings no longer send us any fresh meat!"

Domi points at you.
"Did you say his name is Asulf-"

"Does it look like I'm related to that shrimp you cunt?"

"K-Kinda, sir!"

But as Dominika is getting flustered talking with a fucking viking Sam also manages to pry himself away from Lee and notices something... odd.
"Erm... Miss d'Arc?"


"What's with that hairstyle?"

"Oh some souls who were erm... passionné. I don't know the word for it.
They came to me and told me they are worshippers. And told me this hairdo would look great.
I liked it very much so I kept it!"

"F-Fucking... weebs-"


It-It really looks good on you! Just... please ignore people who ask to take pictures with you!"

"Oh? Those portraits you can make in an instant?
I heard of those! I'd love to pose for one!"

"NO-Erm... that was harsh.
Please, be considerate! We barely came to terms with the afterlife!
If people took pictures of your halo! That'd have terrible consequences!"

"Ah. I see. It is for their protection then.
I don't fully understand but I'll try."

"Thank you!"

But as this goes on you clap your hands together.
"OKAY! Everyone! Finish your meals and let's get going!
We got a tournament to get to!"

>Take the guys to the secret tunnel and enter the arena with the ghost fighters in tow
>Ask Lee and the others to divert some attention while you smuggle the guys in
>It's best to keep them under wraps as long as possible! Everyone sneaks in!
>Take the guys to the secret tunnel and enter the arena with the ghost fighters in tow
>>It's best to keep them under wraps as long as possible! Everyone sneaks in!
>>It's best to keep them under wraps as long as possible! Everyone sneaks in!

can we portal them to the tunnel from here?
If you truly believe that creating a haven for good that denies the trespass of evil is itself evil...
Then all I have to say to you is deus vult, infidel
>Take the guys to the secret tunnel and enter the arena with the ghost fighters in tow
>It's best to keep them under wraps as long as possible! Everyone sneaks in
Your magic skyman isn't real, everyone knows we're ruled by grape people, fat cats, and some eternal all powerful manchild

But anon, you forget. The GODS THEMSELVES designed this segregation! The celestial bureaucracy itself has FUNDAMENTALLY separated the most sinful from the average sinners from the pure of heart. Heaven, hell, and the normal afterlife exist for this very reason. Moreover, it would not be mortals judging each other - the gods have already done it for us. To preserve their system cannot be a sin, unless you want to claim that the gods have sinned by doing so themselves.
I don't see why not.
And this is why you should not be afraid to do write-ins. Because I forget shit. A lot.
And if you feel like something's in your ability to do so, feel free to post it because I might forget or not even consider that possibility.

And it seems that we'll be going in sneaki breaki style.
So let's leave it at that. I'll go to sleep and we'll pick up from there first thing tomorrow,
And we'll finally, FINALLY start this show!

See you guys later!

Yea when you realize the universe only runs on one rule: Don't be a dick to people a lot of things just go out the window.
I wanted to post something more clever in response to that but I just don't have the capacity for it now
To quote a great man who did nothing wrong:
When the gods do something it's beautiful, when mortals emulate it they sully it with their sin

And it's kinda true.
What's allowed for god is not allowed for mere men.
To take judgement into ones own hand like that is not only arrogant but fundamentally flawed, as ones own perception of good and evil would inevitably corrupt the system
Bullshit. Like I said, the gods already judged and sorted them. It’d be an issue if we abused them or judged them ourselves, but neither has to be the case. If they can be confirmed as a denizen of Hell, and only with absolute certainty, why should we willingly harbor them? Even Kami didn’t do that, he resisted like shit unless something desperate was on the line. Hell, the Guardian position had purity of heart as an actual prerequisite.
And say what you will about guardians but they’re all from Mortal stock.
And you'd knowingly and willingly deny them a chance to redeem themselves?
That's an Ogre Paddlin' if I ever saw one
They can redeem themselves off of my property. Donate, do charity work, go innawoods to take care of injured animals, whatever. Their redemption is not my responsibility nor should I be forced to give them succor.
Now hol' up. That's not what you said, nor did I imply you should personally see to it that they get that.
But discriminating against them by denying them services and jobs? It's like you want them to go back to committing crime out of desperation
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Their lot is of their own making. Were they not so evil in the previous life as to warrant processing in HELL of all places, they would be tolerable. But those that the heavens judge so wicked should not be treated softly, the path to redemption is not an easy one to walk. Those who make the journey are to be celebrated twofold over others, for certain, but it is up to each Hell-judged to stay strong or to fall back into their sinful ways.
Non are more unworthy of gods grace and mercy than the overblesser
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What a graceful way to say, that you reject your responsabilities over fellow men.
Begone, ye who would coddle Evil. I have no responsibility for those who took advantage of their fellow men. Only when they prove themselves of righteous heart again should they be accepted, lest you allow a wolf into the sheep’s pen.
I wonder what sort of fighters Nega-Som's got cooked up for those two mysterious participants? Part of me wants our Bio-Frost shitposting to have resulted in an actual X-COM super soldier spliced with his genes.
Ey, you guys think we could pick up some of those magical cloaks that completely obscure the appearance and build of anyone that's wearing them that they always use in anime on the way? We could drop Domi off, then have all the participating fighters that can fly drop in from the sky, all dramatic and mysterious like. Then throw off all the cloaks all synchronized or something, I guess. Or just keep wearing them until the fighting gets serious and dramatically reveal ourselves one after another. Alternatively, I might have just been reading waaaay too much battle manga recently.
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alternatively we could just announce them at the start of the tournament and have some neat press interviews, top it off witha nice little group shot for the news channels to plaster on the airwaves.
I'm also sure Bruce would like to get a quick shoutout to his daughter before the fights start.
I think we should just portal to the center of the ring with our dead friends
I was considering that. Chose not to.
Instead I got... something else. One is kinda easy to guess, the other... well you'll have to wait and see.

Magic cloaks would be kinda pointless. But I might give you regular ones

Fuck I had to actually look that up. Wren Keasler is 16 years old. She was born in 2003... 2003 was 16 fucking years ago. Jesus christ how old am I? And both of Bruces daughters are out of shape. SHAMEFUR DISPRAY!
Shit, I mean his daughter and granddaughter are
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>2003 was 16 years ago
That can't possibly be true. It was only 7 at most, right?
Rolled 36, 14, 3, 29, 36, 2, 17, 37, 7, 17, 22 = 220 (11d40)

Okay. Time to organize shit.
The participants are as followed
>Bruce Lee
>Pier Gerlofs Donia
>Jeanne d'Arc
>Mystery warrior #1 (Let's call this one B)
>Mystery warrior #2 (And this one N)
That's about 11 dudes unless I forgot someone, which I hope I didn't

So here's how it'll go down.
We'll have 4 ten man brackets. The warriors who come out on top of Brackets 1-2 and 3-4 will fight each other in the semi finals. And the Finals will be between the winners, after which "The Bonus round" with Cabba comes

Now to do the rolls. These will be self explanatory.
Here are the brackets. I'll obviously add a number to ones that are doubles.

>First fight: Oren vs Bruce... ohnononononono this was a terrible idea!
Rolled 27, 1, 23, 17, 46, 3, 9, 13, 33, 37, 11 = 220 (11d48)

10 person brackets don't work!
Need to be 12! My OCD demands it!
Fuck... This is not good either! How do tournaments work?
I'm so bad at this, I can't do this unless I visualize it
Rolled 59, 13, 46, 7, 15, 56, 50, 50, 44, 54, 52 = 446 (11d64)

Okay... I had to scribble one down like a retard until it worked.
64! 64 men will do. That means 16 per bracket.
Final roll... fuck. And the last one worked so well. No duplicates what-so ever
And this one is just utter shit.... Everyone in one bracket!!!
Okay. I'll do the brackets when we start. No save-scumming, no take backs
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Bro, honestly, I think you should just arrange each fight to be the most interesting one you can think of. It's random in-universe, but that doesn't mean it has to be random OOC. I think stories work best when the author steers them towards whatever is the best to write/read about.
Fuck randomness, assume direct control as you were born to do.
At this point I'm actually considering it... There's too much trouble with it as is.
I can't even find a good bracket tool online.
Only clunky cancer that barely does what I want it to
Go with your gut. But if I had a say in it the first bracket seemed good exept the one match so just reasign the participants and your all good.
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>2003 was 16 fucking years ago.
Bullshit. KOTOR was released just...
Raising your hand, you focus for a few minutes before swiping at the air and tearing a hole in reality.
The portal leading right into the underground tunnel remains open as you gesture at it.
"Okay! Grab your stuff and get in."

"This isn't a teleporter is it?"
Sam asks.

"No. It's a wormhole."

"Ah, good."

Forcibly you siphon energy into the gateway to keep it open as the guys get in one by one and once you are through you generate a ball of energy to light the area.
Everybody is looking around the blank, featureless concrete hallway.
"I don't understand."
Lee speaks up.
"What's the point of all this secrecy?"

"Two things. My friends would cause quite a scene, being aliens and all that."
He looks like he's about to question you further about it so you quickly change the subject.
"And the second is quite simply: Theatrics.
We gotta make a flashy entrance!"

"Ah! I see!"

As you lead them further into the system it becomes readily apparent to them that the place has no lights, nor any electricity so the only thing providing light to it is your energy ball.
"How did you get away with this? Does this place serve a purpose?"
Domi asks you inquisitively.

"No, it doesn't.
And nobody knows it's even here.
Kamin and Oren turned used their "talent" to go underground and make it in secret.
It's pretty nifty. You can't even get in unless you can manipulate energy nor can you reach the end if you can't fly."

"Ever heard of ladders dude?"

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that...
There's no ladder tall enough that you can fit in here."

We're awesome!"
Kamin and Oren puff their chests.

"Hey! Don't take credit for Lyns plans you two!"
Reaching the end of the tunnel you find a chimney like structure leading directly above.
Raising your hand, you shoot out a wave of kinetic energy which promptly cleans the entire tunnel.
With Sam helping Domi fly up, all of you get up there.
"There we go. We made this directly above one of the VIP pavilions."
Flipping a switch you then turn on the lights.
"We even tapped into the grid."

Sam looks quite distraught at this.
"This feels like we're at the secret headquarters of a supervillain!"

"Eh... not incorrect."

"You even got a fridge in here?!"

You respond as you stock the place with a variety of soda and perishable snacks.
"Feel free to help yourself to it."

>Okay, let's go and sign up!
>Hol' up. I'll get us some cloaks to enter in style
>Let's just wait for everyone else to get through and roll in at the end
>Okay, let's go and sign up!

We're too dorky to pull off dramatic entrances
>Hol' up. I'll get us some cloaks to enter in style
>Hol' up. I'll get us some cloaks to enter in style
Also, I just wanna warn y'all that I'm not exactly 100% right now.
They served donuts in the canteen and... it was a mistake. It was like eating a sponge filled with grease and now I feel like I'm in Junji Itos Glyceride
>Hol' up. I'll get us some cloaks to enter in style
Well... Guess it's time for a Ginyu Force entrace...
Maybe not quite autistic

"Okay guys, those that are participating, line up!
I wanna do something."
Extending your hand you close your eyes and begin intensely focusing.
Humming to yourself to help you concentrate you start burning through some of your minimal magic reserves rapidly.

A pink puff of smoke explodes in front of you and from it a set of black, very large robes come out and plop on the ground, perfectly folded.
They each step up to it and start examining the clothes you provided.
"I just eyeballed it because I don't know your measurements. So they are a bit bigger than you are."

"Making clothes appear out of thin air?
It's just like the power of the gods!"
Jeanne marvels at your creation.

"It's... really nothing. I just turned some of the air into solid matter.
The real problem is that I can only use it for domestic stuff because every time I tried using it in combat I got screwed.
Anyway, put these on. Sam, you carry Domi. We'll be dropping dead in the center of things.
Scare the living bejeesus out of them."

"A'ight. I'm game.
How do we leave?"

You point forward.
"The window."

All of you take off and fly out of the place and out of the arena itself.
Flying past the walls you see two massive crowds concentrated into two snaking lines, one for the spectators who are lining up to see the upcoming spectacle and another where people are waiting to be register... well, more like get scanned.
But judging by the number of people here you'd say it's not just people from the country but all across the globe!
There are even people in the parking lots who are just there to BBQ and have a good time enjoying the crowd.

This might become an annual thing at this rate."

"With the business it brings to the city it's held in?
I'd be SHOCKED if this didn't become a regular thing."
Sam observes and looks at you.
"So... will you be defending that title of yours next year?"

You let out a chuckle.
"Why? Are you gunning for it already?"

"I might be."

"Even though you don't intend to be a martial artist?"

"Prize money..."

Your group of weirdoes clad in black cloaks land smack down in the middle of things and even though the line goes super fast because the Saiyans are using their scouters to separate the wheat from the chaff they still get pissy, completely ignoring the fact that you just flew here.

"HEY! Who do you guys think you are?!"

You reach under your robe and snap on the bone mask you've been carrying around since morning before throwing the robe off which flies into the crowd and people start fighting for it.
Following your example the others do the same and their halos pop free from underneath the shrouds and people start loosing their shit.
What semblance of order suddenly breaks as people realize it's Bruce motherfucking Lee is there and they start wondering who the others are.

The camera crews start focusing on you as well as the many drones buzzing about.
"Ladies and gentlemen... I can't believe it!"
A reporter lady starts shouting to her cameraman as things devolve around her.
"It's Bruce Lee! In the flesh!"

"I am."
He then playfully filcks the halo above his head which makes a little ringing noise as it wobbles around.
"Though "In the flesh" is not entirely correct."

"T-They are really loosing it."
Sam observes.

"So did you."


"Yea... I suppose."

"Jesus dude. How desensitized are you?
Resurrection of the fucking dead doesn't scare you?"

"I've been dead three times dude.
At this point it's more of an inconvenience than anything."

"And let me guess... each time you got into heaven."

"Super Heaven."

"That's bullshit!"

But you're right in that this will quickly get out of control if left unattended."

>Let's just register before we get bogged down too hard
>But it's also a great opportunity to scan the opposition...
>Let's just register before we get bogged down too hard
Let the fights speak.
>Let's just register before we get bogged down too hard
>Let's just register before we get bogged down too hard


You... might be surprised. Or not.
After all, you were the architects of your own demise
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Oh? There's somebody that's a match for us that isn't a member of our crew? I'll bite.

>But it's also a great opportunity to scan the opposition...

Can we send the others ahead while we stick around for a minute to scan? We can escape easily enough with time stop, after all.
Not... exactly. In fact I'm having trouble putting it on the roster because... I don't know who should go up against it.
You are an obvious choice. But others would be fucking funny as well
Looks like we're going to get straight to the fucking point then
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"Let's go guys. You got a limited time.
Better get this party started and you can do the interviews alone."


Heading over to the rows upon rows of tables set up for the processing of potential combatants, you start to realize how they can do things so fast.
Rather than asking for names and information upfront people are just given numbers and only if they are selected do they have to give their actual names.
Seems like ripe for abuse, after all nothing stopping people from switching numbers but...
That'd be a fucking stupid idea. Trying to enter when you're clearly not meant to.

So you show up at one of the tables and the saiyan ladies who got relegated to paper pusher greet you.
"Sorry friend. You gotta have a number. Captains orders."

You look over and see Cabba hard at work filling out papers and skimming through the list of single digit power levels, trying to find abnormalities among them.
Looks like he won't be much help...
"I'll give you a number.
Turn that scouter on."

As the lady does so she seems both shocked and strangely relieved to hear her device beep more than once.
In fact it seems to keep counting until it lets out a satisfying beep.
"Huh.... Two hundred.
Well looks like it's a wrap."

"Oh don't be so sure of that.
The cream of the crop is only coming!"
You then pat the kids on the back and push them forward so they slide on their feet.
"Here. Do them now."

"Kids under 18, which is the average age of maturity on your planet are not-"

"Again... I'll give you a better number.
Turn. It. On."

The scouter starts counting once more as the saiyan who sounds like she's tired of this shit turns it on.
But her enthusiasm slowly returns to her as the counter keeps rising and rising and rising until-
"Whoa... Five thousand each!
Do... you loose power as you age?"

"Oh nonono.
But does that mean they are in?"

"Y'know what?
Fuck it! YES! It's gonna be a wipeout but at least it'll be fun now!"
She gives each of you a stamp.
"Here. Take these numbers. If you get in, we'll call you. But as things look I don't think you'll miss out!"

"Say thanks kids!"

"Thank you!"
"Thank you!"
"Say Eric...
Why were you in base? Why not power up just a little?
To be safe?"

"Oh Kamin.
I don't think our strongest will reach the two digit numbers.
But even if they do, there won't be enough of them to lock me out.
And I'd recommend you do the same. Remember: You shouldn't bully these people.
If your opponents can't use energy, you shouldn't either. That'll be a learning experience."

"And if we loose?"

"Then that's going to be an important lesson.
Now let's go."

Moving aside, you await the others to show up which they do relatively soon.
Just as soon as Sam is done however things quickly devolve into a dick-measuring contest between members of your group.
"Check it out! TWO! THOUSAND!"

"That's impressive only in the featherweight class-"
Said Kamin, looking smug as hell.
"Five thousand. And we weren't even forcing it like you were!"

"Why you little!"

"Calm down.
These numbers are superfluous at best."
Lee tries to ease the tension.
"One can not measure a persons capabilities with numbers. A fight consists of many components and variables, often times chance and luck can tip the scales more than any numerical advantage can. What's important is to be ready and seize those opportunities when they show up! And never give up!"

"I'm being taught by Bruce Lee! YEEEEEEE!"

"It's still fun to compare who has a bigger number.
What's yours mister?"
Oren asks him.

"A mere thousand."

"As much as it pains me to say this but the asian is right."
Sigurd also joins in.
"Numbers don't mean anything if you can stack things in your favor.
If you can fight them one at a time a man can take down an army."

"Ohoho! Then what was YOUR number my friend!
There's no shame in having a small one!"
Pier laughs.
"Because it's all smaller than mine anyway! Nine thousand!"

"A-Am I the only one with a double digit here?
That's so not fair..."

"I told you Domi.
That 35 may be impressive on a small scale but in the big leagues?
Not really."

"Oh sir Eric, don't try to intimidate her!"
Jeanne steps up to protect Dominika.
"It takes great courage to fight when one knows they are no match.
You should be encouraging her! Sure, she doesn't have a 4500 powerlevel but so what?"
She puffs her chest in pride.

"Y-You just used that as an excuse to brag about yours..."

But as you were arguing things proceeded with the selection and finally the results became clear.
To be tasteful they seemingly did not publish the exact number of each contestant. And luckily there is no betting in place because that'd be ripe for abuse otherwise.
"I-Is this thing on?"
Cabba mutters into the mic.
"Okay! Those that hear their numbers step up and please introduce yourselves!"
Unsurprisingly each of you got in, even Dominika somehow.
But due to the random number assignment you got spread out rather evenly across the four brackets.
Pier, Oren and Kamin are in the 1st Bracket with the numbers 1, 3 and 14 assigned to each of them respectively.

Jeanne, Dominika and Sam landed in the 2nd Bracket with the numbers 17, 26 and 29.

You had your wish fulfilled and landed with Sigurd in the 3rd... Unfortunately looks like you'll only meet him in the quarter-finals.
But strangely enough you feel two other powerlevels in your own group. Energies which seemed to be present previously but they were drowned out by the sea of normality the others projected with their 5 to 20 levels. One is called Bao of the Shaolin Monastery, and he looks the part. A proper Buddhist monk, middle aged but visibly fit and strong...
The other guy? Now that's another story. He seems to be wearing a massive cloak, so he stole your idea. And you only dare to call it a "he" because the guy is built like a brick shithouse.
He apparently gave the name "Neko-Chan" to Cabba which further complicates matters for you and him

And Bruce? Bruce is all on his lonesome in the 4th.
But as an upside you'll be paired up with him in the Semi-Finals.
However he won't be bored by any means. Two pretty impressive contestants will have the honor of challenging him, the only two you recognize by their names alone.
Ronny Markes, the super heavyweight Mixed Martial Arts champion! And Andy Ruiz Jr. the world heavyweight boxing champion!
Well... their careers are right fucked.

But it seems like you'll have to wait for quite a while before you get to have any action.
As the first and second brackets will have to go through their first rounds. After that however, things should pick up the speed.
Well... time to find a comfortable seat.

>Go up to your special area and chat with your friends while watching
>Find a place close-by. You want to watch ALL of this!
>>Go up to your special area and chat with your friends while watching
>Find a place close-by. You want to watch ALL of this!
>Find a place close-by. You want to watch ALL of this!

Mush QM, mush!
He thinks you are a horse.
Neigh, I say! NEIGH!
Good enough same as I'm certainly not a sheep.
Mush is what you say to dogs, you fucking brainlet.
Well sheep are not smart.
>>Find a place close-by. You want to watch ALL of this!
make telepathic contact with those in the special area and chat
I still don't get what you meant by "mush"
Anyway it seems like you'll be chilling. Which should be amusing as we start off with Pier and after him Oren...

I also aim to reach the point of voting so I don't eat up even more time than necessary when I get back
The place has a fully functional restaurant, a medical room ready to treat any injuries with advanced Saiyan medical technology and a locker room.
One thing is common in all of them: You can't see shit from them.
And that's the one thing you want now.

Since the only restriction is to show up when its your turn you can go wherever you want.
So you sneakily open a portal to one of the tunnels leading into the many, many seats set up and just lay low in the shadows.
With a decent viewing angle at the ring it's the perfect place for you.
"First should be... Pier. This should be interesting."

Luckily since things are about to start no more people are allowed to enter the stadium and instead they are forced to watch from the screens that are constantly broadcasting events with commentary.
So nobody really bothers you... for a while at least.
"Hi Sam..."

"Man it's really freaky that you know when I'm sneaking up on you."

"You can do it too."

"I know. Still weird."

"So what are you doing here?
The view is better from the VIP room."

"I know..."

"You embarrassed yourself in front of Sala again, didn't you?"

"Stop reading my mind!"

"I'm not.
Just a guess."

"So... what are YOU doing here?"

"I want to focus on the fights.
The guys would just distract me."

"For what reason?
Aren't they like... super trivial compared to shit you usually do?"

You won't even grace that with an answer.
Even though you probably won't see much new, it's still foolish to disregard it.
And who knows... they might just surprise you.
"Watch. He's coming."

Welcome! To the first ever World Martial Arts Tournament!
I'll be your host for todays wonderful events and hopefully make your time just a little bit more enjoyable in the process.
Now the rules are simple but it's best if we go through them together!
Each contestant will be paired up by a randomly selected opponent! Those who win get to advance! Simple, right?
But how CAN they advance! Well... due to the special nature of our little event we had to ignore some, shall we say, unnecessary safety precautions!"

"Oy... is he out of his mind?"

"Not really.
It'd be impossible to make a unified set of rules for all the possible fighting styles.
Since things like boxing don't let you use your legs, etc. Really, it's a necessity."

"The only thing truly forbidden is going for the eyes and the privates! Nobody likes a cheapshot!
And killing is strictly prohibited, that goes without saying! Should any participant die, they'll be officially named the winner!"
>should any participant die they'll be named the winner

Aww shit that's super exploitable...for us
>Should any participant die, they'll be officially named the winner!"
And the threads all explode with
>"If you kill your enemies, they win."
I took that from ancient greek olympics.
Back there, if you killed your opponent in a wrestling or boxing match, they won. Because they didn't give up the hardest. And that's metal as fuck
"Onto the rules! Participants may use any fighting form they wish! There are no restrictions!
To achieve victory however the competitors must either toss their opponents out of bounds or pin them against the ground, at which point a ten count will start!
Reaching the end of the count means defeat! Knocking an opponent out is an automatic victory.
And surrenders are allowed! If combatants strike a surrendered foe or someone outside the ring, they are disqualified!
It's THAT simple folks!"

Ten count, huh?
I thought a ring out would be an instant win."

"I was against it but the Saiyans insisted. They said "cheapshots" shouldn't win.
But sadly that means your chances of winning against a tougher foe are that much more slim."

The announcer then proceeded to hype up the upcoming fight, which you really didn't pay any attention to. It's not important at all.
What WAS important was when he announced who the participants actually are. Well, one of them is.
"Ladies and Gentlemen... I'm sure you've heard this already BUT IF YOU DIDN'T boy do we have a surprise for you!
As shocking as it is we have some living legends walking amongst us, which gave your helpers in the background sweat as they had to research history a bit!
But as interested as you are, we must leave the details for later. As it is time to fight!
WITHOUT FURTHER ADO! Let me introduce you to the legendary brigand, the rebel, the giant himself! Pier Gerlofs Donia, BIG! PIER!"

As the man himself walks out into the light he spreads his arms to take in the adoration of the masses, most of whom probably are just getting hyped from the announcer.
But it's still nice to see them cheer for this long dead warrior.

"Dude... Why does he have a fucking sword?
I-Is that allowed?! Can we use weapons?"

"No... watch."

Big Pier then walks up to the announcer and whispers into his ears.
"Err... Ladies and Gentlemen, we got a special rule in place for this match!
By his request Pier would like to keep his sword on his person at all times. And I just received word from our judges that he's perfectly allowed to carry it as long as he doesn't actually use it!"


"You seem disappointed Sam."

"What?! Nonono.
Me? Never!"

You turn your attention back to the big guy.
"But this should be interesting. It's clear he was focusing on his swordsmanship in the afterlife.
I wonder how he'll apply that to a fistfight?"

"I don't like that look on your face Eric.
You're getting creepy again."

"That's because I'm sporting a boner unlike anything you can imagine!"


"But this gives me an idea..."

>Focus on the moves of the different fighters
>Bring the Z-sword over and start carrying it
And with that I'll be taking my leave.
See you in about 45 to 60 minutes
>>Bring the Z-sword over and start carrying it
>Bring the Z-sword over and start carrying it
>Bring the Z-sword over and start carrying it
only if we can do it really quick, if not, we can wait until after this fight
>>Bring the Z-sword over and start carrying it
This is a terrible idea! Let's do it.
Erm...portals dude
It's okay. I constantly forget about them too
Rolled 5, 14, 11, 4 = 34 (4d21)

And also QM rolling
Eh. Good enough I'd say.
Nothing spectacular but it will suffice
Swiping at the air you conjure a portal and reach through it.
The act of actually finding the Z sword takes a few moments but eventually you find it and pull the thing out.
With a little twirl you holster in on your back and let it rest there. You haven't had it off for long and you already started to forget how its weight feels.
"Pffft. Show-off."
Sam grumbles.

"Shush. Now... let's watch!"

You can practically see Piers opponent sweating as he's facing a literal ghost.
"Awww... don't be scared little man!
Come on! Let us enjoy ourselves! Cut loose! Hit me!
I'll let you have first blood!"

The guy is clearly scared witless so he just stands there in dumb confusion until the neurons finally start flying off in his brain again and his fight or flight reflexes turn on.
He screams as he charges the absolute tower of a man and punches him in the chest with full force.

Is that all?"
"I was hoping I could have a little fun first. But oh well."

The scared little man stumbles backward as the giant in front of him doesn't even budge from the impact.
In response Pier begins actually comforting the man he's supposed to be fighting.
"There there... Don't be scared. Come on, stand up!
I'm not gonna hurt you! Now watch THIS!"
Clenching his fists and bringing them down to waist level the dutchman begins shouting.


The latent energy within his body is brought forth and it explodes in an orange aura which actually blows his opponent out of the ring but the guy manages to climb back before the ten count.
"There we go! Do you feel that in your gut? That stirring? You gotta let that out laddie!
Close your eyes and feel it, pull it to the surface! AND SHOUT!"

The guy does as he's instructed and delivers another punch, this time he manages to have an effect on his opponent.
He clearly managed to tap into some of his latent energy there. Not much, but some.
Pier, now feeling the impact smiles.
"That's the way!"

Sam just stares at this in utter confusion.
"What is he doing?! He's instructing his opponent?"

Meanwhile you are left speechless. Because you know EXACTLY what Donia is thinking.
"King Kai..."
You mutter.
"You mother fucker!"
So King Kai instructed the legends to help spred Ki? Iguss that makes sense as thats just puting humans on a bit better grounds.
Everybody else out there knows this so in large scale its nothing special... On smal scale tho I guess guardians going to be bussy.
The two contenders finally pick up speed as they start exchanging swings and the size difference between the two fighters becomes apparent.
While Pier is stronger and one might argue he's faster as well, he simply lacks the agility needed to hit someone so much smaller and more nimble than himself.
So things quickly devolve into what looks like a beatdown.

The little man, spurned on by a new and unknown vigor keeps hammering Piers steely physique with little to no actual effect, while realizing that one strike will promptly end him.
It's intense for the average viewer who've never witnessed fighting on such a level. To them this is eye-opening, to you it's almost boring to watch.

"H-He might actually stand a chance!"

"Open your eyes.
This match was over when it started."

Taking another smack to the face Pier grins and with a look manages to stop his foe completely.
"Not bad laddie! Just remember that feeling in your gut!

Raising his arm the giant of a man picks up in speed and manages to land a direct hit on his opponent, tossing him out of the ring as if it was nothing.
The guy, with the wind punched out of his lungs lands on the ground, unconscious.
Mr Announcer guy immediately rushes to him and taps his neck.
"Ladies and gentlemen! I think we have our first winner! And with a knockout no less! It seems this tournament is off to a rousing start!"

"U-Uh... I knocked him out?
Oh damn. Looks like I got carried away."

"The winner is Pier Gerlofs Donia!"

"And that's that."

I'm gonna leave now. I'd like some of my innocence to remain intact."

"Knock yourself out.
But if you wanna reach the finals you'll have to get better as well.
And that means opening your eyes."

Go talk with your "son" why won't you?
He's the one who's gonna fight next."

"I know-"

>And you're right
>But I won't. They need to learn
>But I won't. They need to learn
>>But I won't. They need to learn
>And you're right
I felt those air quotes, asshole.
>But I won't. They need to learn
Bit of trust and maybe RNGenus hopefully goes a long way.
Silently observing from the background Vegeta style

And since this is an important character, you guys roll for him

DC: 3 Crit: 15
Best of 4
Rolled 4 (1d21)

Rolled 7 (1d21)

Rolled 17 (1d21)

Rolled 2 (1d21)

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"I know. And I felt those airquotes..."

"So? What are you waiting for?"

"I'm not going.
I told him what I expect, I was very clear on that.
Now I must see if he understood. Because they need to learn!"

See ya."

With Sam out of the way you get to focus completely on the unfolding event.
The announcer takes the stage again and with his microphone begins introducing the audience to the "fresh meat".
"Now then ladies and gentlemen!
What we got here is a most unusual contender! Though the rules clearly forbid underage children from participating this little fella alongside his sister managed to prove themselves to our STRICT administrators that they deserve to be here just like everyone else!
He might be small as a peppercorn but he has just as much of a bite to him! Please welcome Oren!"

Your boy then walks up to the stage in his blue jacket and he slowly looks around the place, observing the cheering crowd.
Taking a step out, you let the light shine on you and make yourself visible to him.
First he doesn't notice you as he finds his sisters and waves at them. But then he meets your gaze and freezes a bit.
Knowing how good their senses are, you smile at him and give him a thumbs up.
"Go ahead! I believe in you."

He nods and ascends the steps leading up to the massive concrete arena.
His opponent doesn't seem to be much really, not even a martial artist by the looks of it. Just some thug who seems to be physically impressive. That's it.
Still... that should be the perfect training dummy for Oren.

The biker looking guy walks up to him and blows some smoke into the boys face.
"Ya better surrender. I'm not going to loose to a corpse."

As he swats the cigar fumes out of his face Oren replies.
"Keep that up and I might out of disgust."

"Cocky little bitch."



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Orens opponent throws the first punch and it misses by a mile.
Obviously trying to follow the rules you've laid out for him, he relies solely on his exceptional eyesight to track his opponents movements and dodges accordingly.
This aggravates the guy and he begins unleashing more vicious and numerous attacks.

Things get so out of control that Oren has to actually employ his arms now and guide the opponents fist elsewhere.
However this has the unfortunate side-effect of making this obviously very threatening situation look like an intense game of patty cake.
"Stop! Squirming you midget!"

"I would but you're just not quitting."

"I will END YOU!"

"If you stopped blowing hot air maybe you could."


As his opponent tries to do a lariat Oren bends backwards and slides under him, on his knees.
Before the human could react however sonny does something quite astonishing. Placing one hand on the ground, he pushes himself off the ground and with one sweeping motion turns his whole body around to kick the guys ankle.
With his pray falling on his knees Oren seizes the opportunity and jumps on the guys shoulders.
"You dropped something?"


Doing a backflip Oren locks his legs around the guy and after a hand stand tosses him backwards.
With the human on the ground the young tuffle rushes up to him and puts the guy in a choke-hold.
Struggling with keeping the guy bound for a minute or two the oxygen supply of the guy runs out and he looses consciousness, making Oren the winner.

"L-Ladies and gentlemen! I don't believe it!
Young Oren managed to win without any injuries what-so ever!
It seems this young boy genius truly deserves his place amongst the mightiest of humanity!
Everyone! Please give a round of applause to the young man!"
As the medics are already doing more work than they thought they would the entire day by taking away the knocked out guy, Oren walks off the stage and sneakily makes his way up to you.
"Well? Was that everything you expected?"

Looking down at him you let out a little smirk.
"Well... I didn't expect you to bust out moves like that without any energy, that's for sure."

"You forgot that we are machines.
My hand-eye coordination is mechanical, not biological."

"You still needed to think of them...
Were you watching wrestling again?"

The boy blushes as he gets flustered.

>Hug him
>Wait for Kamins turn together
>"You're not a machine. You're my boy"
>"You're not a machine. You're my boy"
>>Hug him
>"You're not a machine. You're my boy"
>>"You're not a machine. You're my boy"
>Hug him
>>Hug him
>>Wait for Kamins turn together
>>"You're not a machine. You're my boy"
I choose all three
>Hug him
>Wait for Kamins turn together
>"You're not a machine. You're my boy"

Do you even need to ask
>>Hug him
>>Wait for Kamins turn together
>>"You're not a machine. You're my boy"
>"You're not a machine. You're my boy
>Hug him
>Wait for Kamins turn together
I wanted something more polarizing as an option but I came up with that you're my boy line and got afraid nobody would write it in so I did it myself

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"But you're not a machine.
You're my boy."

Kneeling down you pull him closer and hug him.
He seems a bit stiff at first but he calms down rather quick.
"Hey dad?"


"Why did you do it?
I get why you freed us. Why you took us in.
But you didn't need to go that far. We would've been fine if we were just left to be free.
So why did you... want to become our parent?"

"Tough question.
But... I suppose you looked like you needed a lot of love.
And after everything I learned about myself, after so much introspection, I realized I have a lot of love to give.
I guess it's because... never mind! It doesn't matter. What matters is that as long as you look at me like a dad, I'll look at you like my children.
Heh... I don't think Lyn would ever forgive me for disowning the two of you anyway!"

"I suppose I should thank her and let her ride my shoulders the next time she asks."

"You should let that happen all the time.
After a while you'll look back at those moments and feel regret for not saying yes.
Just a tip."

"So? What do we do now?"

"I suppose wait for your sister to finish.
Once she's done we can go and get some cotton candy or something.
These other fights? I honestly don't expect much from them."

"I guess even you can tell that their level is not worth studying."

"I didn't say that.
You can just hang out wherever. I'm not gonna stop you.
But I'll stay here and watch them. I admit I'm not a martial arts master on Earth, never learned any of them.
So I hope a few of those guys roll out sooner or later. Because I really want to study them."

I'll be back when Kamins turn comes."
But as he leaves Oren points up at the sky.
"Erm... not sure you noticed it already but you should definitely look up sometime."

Stepping outside you cast your gaze at the skies and smile.
"Well well well. Looks like invitations don't mean jack anymore!"
Kek. Oh this is gunna be hilarious in so many different ways.
And I'm afraid that's it for today.
I'm feeling rather tired.

I think I'll disappear for the next two days again.
Got a night shift to worry about.
But in turn I'll have plenty of time to work out those omake requests I got
Stay safe peeps!
Didn't we try to invite Champa and Vados and got told Champa would be bored with the fighting?
Honestly? I don't remember
But possibly
thanks for running Nega-Som
Yeah, it was just like that
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I got no excuse
To be fair, the Preparations for Tournament Arc Arc has taken quite a while.
The line still works considering they refused our invitation
Well more Vados refused on Champa's behalf.
more Vados wanted to keep champa away from the hot dogs on behalf of Champas arteries
I like to think that Champa learned about the tournament from someone else and came more or less to cheer on his buddy Eric. Probably used the excuse of trying more earth food on Vados.
I like to think that he's more concerned about his usual 5-star meals being replaced with leftovers and he's checking to see what the fuck is up.
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You think hot dogs are bad? Open your eyes hot dogs got nothing on some of the suff I have seen sold at sport events. Trust me when I say you can do better than that just to make our blue angel seriously paranoa that our fat cat will really get heart attack in this event.

(The picture is of The Squealer, sold at a stadium located in New Hampshire.)
Burgelanders never cease to amaze me.
And this comes from someone whose cuisine includes shit like cooked blood
Are you asian?
I think he means blood sausages or something similar. At least that is what I am familiar with they taste pretty good when prepared right.
Believe it or not, this is really more of a Southern thing.
The bible belt in particular is famous for absolutely clogging their arteries with chitlins and sugar water.
Also you Irish or something?
A fellow bong?
No, nothing like that.
Legit cooked blood. You kill an animal, pour its blood in a pot with some fat and onions. That's it.
No blood sausages, nothing. I tried it once, disliked it ever since.
Same with brain. We also fry brains like chicken.
I tried it but it's just so bad... The only thing I won't try is penis or testicles so no rocky mountain oyster for me. That's a no go
>Eating blood and brains
So you ARE asian.
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I mean I guess I can pull my eyes so hard I squint and I'm surprisingly good at saying Ching Chong Ding Dong.
But I'm 6'4", not really good at match and become one big tumor if I stay in the sun for too long
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I swear to all the fucking gods! If I see another one of that cocksucker Marks cancerously shit clickbait videos pop up in my recommended list I will fucking transcend to a higher plane of rage and march straight for that fucker and nothing on this fucking planet will stop my walk until I find that faggot and personally tear him apart atom by atom like the infinite gravitational force of a supermassive black hole and once I'm done I'll reassemble him just so I can fucking do it again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Also, Imma try and produce one omake right now.
After 9 hours of non-stop work I finally have some free time.

Oh and erm... I found this.
Imma put a spoiler on this in case you want to leave it as a surprise.
So let's just say that I finally came around to an idea previously brought up in the thread, which I dismissed at the time
"No! I don't care how many problems you have!
I want those men and those materials there YESTERDAY!
No... No I will not accept that! Get more men and work them 24/7 if you have to!
I'll pay for the cost myself if I have to! But I want it done NOW!"

He slammed down the phone in anger. It's been like this for a good while now. All work and no play makes the president a dull boy. And it's been like this for a week now.
The only thing that can and does make it worse is the incessant, stupid comments his advisors bombard him with.
"But Mr President, why do you care so much?
It's practically a miracle we built the stadium in such a short time.
What does it matter if it looks a bit unfinished? It should serve its purpose all the same."

He paused not for dramatic effect but to keep down the insult that's boiling up inside him.
"If... we want to do any business with the aliens in the future, we want to impress them!
We got to show that we are valuable! Becaue impressions matter! Imagine how much better deals we can get if they WANT to trade with us, and not just HAVE to.
THAT'S why this is so important!"

Muttering an "I'm surrounded by idiots" to himself the president returns to his most important phone calls.
Although he'll soon learn that he has more important matters at hand. Such as the 6 foot tall alien that just magically appeared in front of him.

One of his bodyguards shouts "GET DOWN" while another opens fire straight away...
Only to find his bullets turning into bubbles as they leave the barrel and the entirety of his pistol becoming flaccid and rubber like.
The strange figure looks at the now paralyzed guard and pinches his gun out of his hand.
"How strange. You people seem to be so obsessed with your weapons.
A nasty side effect of growing up without any power of your own. One must wonder however... what would've happened if you didn't keep inventing better tools to kill each other with and instead used your genius to improve yourselves? Mayhaps you wouldn't have wiped yourselves out."

"Who are-"

"Oh you know Donald.
You were told..."

The president swallows nervously and wags his hand at his guards.
"Leave us."

"But Mr-"


As the people in suits slowly walk out one by one the two figures remain face to face with each other.
"Please... have a seat."

"I've been sitting around for the past few decades.
Now that I feel like a young man again, I'd prefer to stand."

"In that case-"
The president stands up from his chair and extends a hand to his "guest".
"I'll do the same.
My name is-"
He extends a hand to the entity he presumes to be God but finds his advances rejected.

"I know who you are Donald.
I know your family I know everyone, or... I will.
But most importantly, I know you don't believe me.
You're thinking this is all a trick. That I'm some sort of common street magician.
And judging by what you're thinking about... you believe me."
"Believe me after that trick I doubt nothing-"

"Don't be afraid. There's no reason to lie now.
Trust me, you'll find it liberating to speak nothing but truth."

Swallowing nervously the president starts asking questions from the strange creature because he has quite a few of those.
"You're not like how I imagined."
The teal colored being smiles at that, as if he's amused by it.
"And that... thing you did. Nice trick. How did you do it?"

"Actually that WAS a trick."
Jih puts the pistol carefully down on the table.
"You'd be surprised how easy it is to make you people see things.
But it was a necessary evil. Your bullets wouldn't hurt me much. But they might rebound and hurt someone else. I couldn't have that."

"I uh... I was expecting a phone call."

"I know.
But I was having a hard time getting through. I admit I don't fully understand how your devices work yet.
However, I wanted to do this personally you see. It's easier for people to believe if they see me.
Even now I can still feel some doubt in your mind. But I don't blame you. Your view of the world has been shattered one too many times, so you don't know what to believe in anymore.
I'm here to fix that."

"So are you *gulp* God?"

"That's such a vague term. But I guess I am, like how you're a politician.
So let's keep it simple and not weird, shall we? Just call me Guardian.
That's an... apt description."

"So you're here to protect us?"

"No... I'm here to protect everything. From you."
Upon hearing this the president visibly gets shaken so Jih has to work his charm a bit to make sure he doesn't collapse.
"But don't be afraid. I said everything, that includes you as well. Think of me as a... sort of father figure.
Not an overbearing one. I'll let you act on your own, make mistakes on your own and hurt yourself... but only just. I'll try my best to not impose my will on you, because that's not why I'm here."

"So... like a farmer?
The crops grow on their own and you just watch over it?"

"That's a good way of rationalizing it!
I'll help you enter into the next world and, hopefully, fix some of your self imposed flaws along the way. If you're open to it, of course.
Which is why I'm here. I want to make my intentions clear and want to learn if I can count on you..."

The president did not know what to make of this.
It was too much, too quick, too... bizarre. Feeling his intellect failing him, he started to rely on his gut instinct to carry him.
"I can only promise to try!"

"And that's all I ask for!"
"But enough chit-chat about semantics! Let's get to business, shall we?
Both of us have more pressing matters after all."


"Now then, here's my proposal. I'm going to visit each nation one by one and... introduce myself.
I want you to call each one and spread the news of my arrival. Just tell them that I'm coming."

"Anything else?"

"No. They wouldn't believe you at best and think it's your idea at worst..."

"What do you mean?"

"What I mean is... we got to get your people focused.
For now, you are too scattered, too fragmented, too... unfocused. And even the greatest lens can show a blurry image if not focused properly.
Our first order of business will be unifying Earth. Under one banner. One nation.
Once you have access to the entirety of your species' potential, then we can start thinking about... expansion."
Jih then turns around and starts leaving the president behind.
"We'll keep in touch remotely from now on. I'll only show up if I have some urgent business to take care of.
Once I'm done spreading my message to the other nations I'll get in touch.
Oh... and one more thing! Could you do me a favor and make an announcement to your people?
I have a residence set up in the Netherlands. I'm sure you won't have a hard time finding it.
Tell your people that those who can enter may have an audience with me.
Until next time!"
And that should be it for todays one.
I'll do the next one sometime tomorrow. Because I'll need some time to figure that one out
Thanks for the omake!
Thank you oMakedonalds,your omakes are tasty...even if you did forget my cheese and the side of hoes mad was a bit unsalted
"Oh shit oh shit oh shit!
I'm gonna be late!"
A young boy jumped out of his bed and frantically began going through his morning routine in a hurry.
He set an alarm but accidentally slept through it.

But it's funny in a strange way. The last time he was this interested in sports was when he was young and REALLY into wrestling.
Heck, he didn't even want to really go at first but after managing to interview the savior of humanity himself?
He's been feeling a bit more motivated.

"MOM! I'm going out!
Where are my pants?"

"I washed them Johnny.
Go get a new one."

He hurriedly began dressing up, all the while tumbling around the room like an idiot.
Meanwhile he could hear the TV show his mom is watching in the background.

"What we're saying is that there is already a lot of fetishization going on, mainly from lifeless trolls who-"

"I'm sorry but are you insinuating that only trolls would find them attractive?
Have you seen what they look like?"

"I have.
And they promote this toxic image which-"

All this time you've been raving and ranting about "Inequality between men and women" and yet, now that we are shown an intergalactic society which seems to be thriving, where there is no sexual discrimination, you hate it."

"Well it's because they are obviously a feudal society and-"

"And how is that a bad thing? How is that a BAD thing?"
The man debating the woman starts counting on his hand.
"They are a complete meritocracy where if you're exceptional, you're promoted to a higher class but if you fail to meet expectations you get demoted.
There are confirmed reports from multiple people that ones worth is solely determined by their strength, be they male or female.
And that there is no rules or prejudice against women being clan heads. All they require is to be the greatest of their house to lead them!
Sounds like to me you're just jealous."

"Ah, here we go again-"

"Well, my assumptions aren't baseless.
After all, they have to work for everything they have, whereas you demand things be given to you.
They are not only fit, healthy and strong but manage to not look like a brick glued to a pig carcass like many butch lesbians do.
In fact they are the antithesis of everything you've been trying to rant about. And they are fine! More than fine! They are an intergalactic superpower!
While we have people advocating unhealthy behavior like getting fat and expecting things be given to them for... what? Being born with specific genitals?
They are laughing at us! And with good reason!"

"And maybe that's the problem!"

"Oh sure!
The leading powers of the fucking universe MUST be wrong!
Instead us, a bunch of apes who nuked themselves out of existence must be right!
What will it take for you people to finally admit to your bullshit and move on?!
Was a trip to Hell not enough? And don't try it to play off you bitch! We MET there!"
How ridiculous. Johnny never understood how could his mom enjoy trash "debates" like these.
She must be fond of the drama or something.

But anyway, there is a point to it all.
Ever since the arrival of the Saiyans the media has been in full damage control mode, trying to spin things in a way that'd benefit them.
Unfortunately, their usual tactics don't seem to be working this time, as people are far too interested in the aliens to pay them any attention.
And luckily, the Saiyans believe that actions speak louder than words so they've been demonstrating what they believe in.
So public opinions regarding them are positive.

Johnny however, he doesn't know what to think.
Truth be told, he hasn't tried to think about it too hard.
But since the interview... he's been curious a bit. Maybe, just maybe... oh whatever.
It won't happen anyway. He'll just go there, stream some fights, get some views and maybe make some money off of it.
Who knows? Maybe he'll even meet Him again.

But at the same time...
He DID promise the guys on /ayy/ he'd deliver.
Maybe he'll visit a bar, get some liquid courage in his system and try it.
Who knows?
There you go sir, your order.
Extra salt, no meat, no flour, no vegetables, no cheesse. Just salt

And that about does it for the omakes.
I'm... pretty sure I didn't miss any. But if I did feel free to scream at me
So, when is 4chan going to get a a /pow/er board? Imagine what autists could invent for fighting techniques... and autistic power generation...

>Psionic General #231 : Where do you workout? >The library
>My room
>OP's room

>HAAAAAAAAAAAAA General #431 : God Ki gains
>You have been visited by the mommy angel of gains. You will only receive God Ki gains if you reply with YES MOMMY!

>Do manlets get Ki gains faster?

>INTP vs. INTJ , is magic easier for us?
>ENTJ master race reporting

>Powerlevel mogging thread, post mogs.
>Some /fit/fag was flaring his ki. I flared mine, easily double his. Then he ran home. Mogged.
>"and then everyone clapped" , fake.

>Magic is bullshit, it's just saying words backwards. The Chad barely uses it anyways. useless.
>This is now a FEITH thread. Post goodies.

>[Image of the Chad]
>I'm building a team...
>So as far as I know, nobody besides /pow/erful individuals such as us are getting real gains
>Your point is?
>I'm saying we could totally be superheroes and shit. Nobody can really stop our oldfags at this point outside of the Chad
>I like what you're saying, but we can't be capefags without costumes
>...I have an idea
/fa/ and /pow/ were merged soon after.
Meanwhile, in /sci/
>Would combining the DNA of the strongest humanoid lifeforms in the universe create the ultimate lifeform? Asking for a friend
>Perpetual Energy Generator General 231: Infinity loops work! How did no one figure this out?
>If you shoot sunlight into some crystals, the light refracts a couple million times and focuses into a pinpoint laser beam. But there's no way it could have produced such energy! Infinite energy?
>Just ruined my wedding ring. Can confirm that using multiple laser pointers can create a hole through inches of steel when using crystals.
>Steve Irwin was apparently a badass when it came to MMA
I feel like we missed a guest fighter.
Hai-ho! I'm just popping in to tell you that I'll be running tomorro-

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