Previous thread >>34651058>Shouldn't it be Ponies ON Earth?Yes, but PiE is tasty. The thread has had this name since 2012 and it helps convey that this is what you get when the formula for AiE is reversed.>Please explain.We ask what happens when one or more ponies (or changelings, or griffons, or something else) are placed in a setting where humans are the predominant species. How does one of those adapt to living in a society where they're the odd one out, and most items aren't designed for hooves?Beyond that, it's all the writer's choice!It can be anything between silly or grim, set in the far future or distant past, canon characters or OCs! Ponies could be as rare as bigfoot sightings or as common as next-door neighbors! Are humans friendly or skeptical of the new arrivals? Are they even new arrivals? Is the pony a creation of humans, as with Browser Ponies or Hassenfield Bioengineering? Is Anon around? Is he still a jackass?The door's wide open, so come on in!>I don't always see this thread on the board.We'll post a new thread on the 14th of the month if one 404s early. Threads roll over into the next month if there's one already up. If there's demand, we'll make a new thread before the 14th. PiE is a part of the AiE threads if there's no PiE thread up.>Who's this pegasus OC that keeps getting posted here?Her name is Pillow Case. She was in one of the first PiE stories posted on 4chan and has become the thread mascot. She likes soft things and wearing her hoodie. After a rigorous series of test boopings, we have discovered that only her fur is softer than average.~~~Useful links~~~---PiE Pastebin: pastebin.com/u/Ponies_in_Earth---FAQ: pastebin.com/RjGxp6Mn---PiEImages: derpy.me/PiE_PicturesThreads: derpy.me/PiEThreadArchiveRecommended Stories: pastebin.com/m8YWvb4k---BPAuthors: pastebin.com/KMbc65ZkImages: derpy.me/BrowserPoniesThreads: derpy.me/BrowserPonyArchive---Writing guides: pastebin.com/V1ujiyJt
ALMOST TEN FUCKING YEARS OF PONY PONY
>>34799327And here's to another ten.
Writing prompt based on last thread: Pony goes to Disneyland / Six Flags / the county fair where you can get deep-fried butter and ride the Gravitron until you puke / whatever.Possible complications:- Pony wants to be a normal tourist, but has to deal with security concerns as a VIP.- Pony keeps getting confused about what is/isn't real because they're not used to this advanced technological tomfoolery.- Pony has to wear pants and possibly (non-attached) shoes while there because of park policy, and feels really weird because of it.
>>34799309This is not fair, ponies must be booped regularly
>>34799352>That third one"Sir, I am in compliance!">"You are out of compliance with park rules!" The flat-top mustached security human says.>Poni is confus"There is a sign *right there* with the rules! I am in compliance! I'm not doing anything wrong!">"What you're doing is, in fact, VERY wrong!""I don't see how!" Poni retorts, rearing back to cross their forehooves.>"You are inappropriately dressed for park visitation! I cannot permit you to enter until you correct this error," Securiman says, looping his thumbs into either side of his utility belt, right next to his oversized flashlight and the belt pocket where he keeps his Tictacs."There *IS* no error!">"Wrong! You're lucky I'm not calling the police on you.""For what?">"For showing your posterior to every minor that's walking past!">One of said minors giggles and tugs on his mom's hand>"Hee hee! He's talking about butts!">"Don't get involved in that trouble, dear," she replies.>Meanwhile, poni is fully flabbergasted. Shoes and shirt, it says."You can't call the cops on me! I'm following that sign's rules to the letter, and I'm within my legal rights to not wear->"It was explicitly stated in the park security handbook that any and all guests who attempt to enter the park when in a provocative or inappropriate state of dress are to be denied entry and/or removed by security," the hardass human lectures, "Should said guest continue to be a disruption, law enforcement may be called to intervene.""I am following the dress code to the letter!" Poni points to the sign that proves their point. "I am following the LAW! This was one of the first things humans negotiated with us about!">"This is our property. Our rules are to be followed. That is the end of this dispute," the human says."And where am I supposed to spend MORE MONEY on clothes?">"Somewhere other than the gift shop," the Blart-alike enforcer states. "I may have a wrongdoer compliance assurance rod up my rear, but I'm not evil."
>>34800249>there isn't a gift shop just outside the entry gate selling park-branded pony-compatible pantsSomebody isn't merchandizing properly.
>>34800530That's the joke. The gift shop is there and the rent-a-cop isn't promoting the racket he's enforcing.
>>34800647I think to really sell the joke there'd need to be a narrative mention of it first, and the whole conversation taking place right in front of the display racks.
>>34800249Poor poni, they have tails to cover themselves
>>34801240That would be booptacular.
>new threadAww, i liked seeing that purple pony in your OP when scrolling, they were cute.
>>34801502D'aww, thanks for posting that, its an adorable pose.
>>34803538What a cutie
>poni is on Earth>pont feels a bit hungry>poni decides she would like potato knishes>looks onna Internet, hoping to find recipes>finds https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFfLCuHSZ-U>is actually a bit traumatized>"Humans are weird."
How about some content? This is a continuation of the "what if ponies got kicked out of the studio after the finale" thing from a few threads ago."Hello, little birdies.">"I ain't a bird, you blind old- oh! Don't mind if I do!">The bald-headed, dead-eyed griffon swipes the full slice of bread from Nana Annie's hand>Artisanal fuckin' whole wheat with seeds on the outside>Say what you want about the old crone's eyesight, but she knows good bread when she sees it>Get that Wonder Bread styrofoam crap out of here>This is the good shit>Now, handing out bread to birds in the middle of a city has a very predictable consequence>Vancouver is no exception>Having had a recent influx of birdlike fantasy cartoon creatures, it's now even less of an exception>I guess it's kind of an exception because the type of 'bird' involved is exceptional, but that twists around to make the net exceptionality a bit lower>What I'm trying to say is that it's an exception-ception>Whatever, I'm getting off track>This is in Victory Square, Vancouver>An elderly woman is handing out free bread as a minor migration of dragons passes overhead, probably those ones occupying Queen Elizabeth Park a little ways south of here>Dozens of griffons are now clamoring for their piece of the pie, in the form of slices of bread>All too soon, Annie runs out of bread>[clamoring intensifies]"Don't you fret. I've got plenty for all of you.">She pulls another loaf of multigrain goodness out of her handbag>No, a loaf of bread does not fit in a handbag>Let alone two - make that three loaves>The griffons soon realize that the granny's generosity knows no bounds>Most of them organize into an organized but rowdy queue>Some stand out from the crowd by hoarding prime slices of bread to sell to their fellow catbirbs
>>34805898>One of them stands out not for that reason, but because he's a toyetic shade of blue (and some yellow)>Bitches do, in fact, love him>A sudden downdraft announces the arrival of one of those respectable women>Her high-pitched, energetic voice also announces it more literally>"Hi Gallus!">He swivels his head towards the familiar voice>"Oh hey, Silverstream! What's up?">The peppy pink hippogriff rears up on her horsey legs, spreading her birdy front legs in confusion>"I was hoping you could tell ME what's up! DHX kicked us off the set? For real?!">"Seems like it. The series *is* over.">"But we lived there!">Gallus nods, his expression turning sour>"Yyyup. Now we've got to live here. Anywhere was an upgrade from Griffonstone, but you? Jeez. How are the hippogriffs and seaponies holding up?">"Well... we're close to water, at least. I miss Mount Aris alrea-">A certain Gruff Grandpa barges in on the conversation>"HEY! No cuttin' in line!">Gallus's expression goes from 'sour' to 'Warheads Hard Candy'>"She's with me.">"No place-holdin', neither!">He rolls his eyes at the enraged elder>"This is Silverstream.">He points a claw at the half-pony in question>"You know, cousin of the heir to the sea-pony throne?">A spark of recognition lights up in Gruff's good eye>"Yes... yes, now I remember!">Gramps bows his bald, vulture-like head, holding his fez in one talon>"Please pardon me, duchess. My eyesight ain't what it was.">He replaces his hat and pulls Gallus into a side-hug>"My boy here-">"I'm not 'your boy.' Whose grandpa are you, anyway?"
Inner city poni needs a little more than a silly mask to protecc from boops
>>34805904>"Shut up and let me wingman. My boy here is a prime specimen of a griffon. He's got an excellent wingspan for his age, and would you believe this coloration is natural?">Silverstream balks at the blatant salesmanship.>"We... know each other already?">"You do?">Gallus shoves the geriatric griffon off of him>"She's the one who filled Princess Skystar's role at the friendship school.">"Oh! Of course. My apologies, organizing griffons is like herding cats half of the time. So many things on my mind that one of 'em is bound to give me the slip. Like I said then, at least it worked out better than Justice League's scheduling problems.">Grandpa Gruff ruffles the younger griffon's head feathers>"And also like I said then, don't pass up Silver when you're digging for gold!">Gallus spares a disgusted, cringing glance towards Silverstream before making eye contact with his elder>"Rrrright. Hey, I think I hear Gilda calling some locals 'dweebs' again.">"What? How dare she! They are pure cinnamon buns, and potential clients (once we figure out what racket we're going to run here). I ougta tear her tail...">And off he trails, chasing after something that may not be happening but is likely enough that he'd believe it may be>The young griffon runs a talon over his head to smooth out Gruff's ruffling, then meets Silverstream's disappointed gaze with one of his own>Together, they sigh in unison, with the voice of a generation united as rebels with a cause>...Okay, several causes (it's not a phase, mom! UGH. You wouldn't understand.)>"Boomers.">The griffon behind Gallus in line pokes him in the shoulder>If this were a visual medium, you might recognize this as the stingy shopkeeper from the season 5 episode 'The Lost Treasure of Griffonstone'>Alas, this is not>You'll have to look her up on Google or Derpibooru or something>"Are you taking your turn or what?"
>>34805911>Gallus looks to the slightly less senior griffon in confusion, then follows her pointing claw in the other direction>The line in front of him has disappated, leaving a clear path to Nana Annie>All that remains of it is a chipper gray griffoness strutting by with carbohydrates in claw, chattering to herself and chomping on her prize>"Awwww yiss! Mother. Freakin'. Bread slices!">The two young half-birds trot up to the gracious granny"Ooh, aren't you two the cutest! So colorful.">Gallus puts on his best smile>"Would you believe it's natur-OW.">Silverstream's elbow puts a quick end to the boast by way of Gallus' ribcage>She butts in even further by taking control of the conversation while he recovers>"Hi! I'm Silverstream, and this is Gallus. We are *so* grateful for your generosity.""Think nothing of it. Just the right thing to do, eh?">She starts handing out slices to the two students"You two aren't main characters, are ya?">Silverstream perks up further (somehow) at the question>"Yes! Did you watch the show?">Granny Annie shrugs"Up 'til season 4. Couldn't fit my headcanon around Twilight getting wings. You stuck out too much to be background characters.">Gallus puts up a talon-finger to ask an important question>"Does that mean we get extra?">He nimbly dodges Silverstream's second strike>Granonymous continues on as if a well-deserved shot to the ribs wasn't just avoided>"Meh. Y'look like good DeviantArt OCs and seem interesting enough. I'll give you one extra each.">"If I ask nicely, would you make it one and a hal-OW! Silverstream!">The hippogriff in question simply clears her throat>"What he meant to say was thank you."
>>34805913>"Think nothing of it, sweetie! I've got bread for days!">With several bread slices each in talon-hand thingies they clear the front of the line and start walking off to wherever they may go>Gallus turns to his girlfriend (according to shippers, at least) and admonishes her most recent assault>"I would've given you my half, you know.">"Oh? Well... I appreciate the thought, but, uh, I'm thinking of trying keto.">The griffon scoffs>"You've lived underwater for years, and *I'm* the one on the see-food diet?">The part-time seapony giggles at that observation>Gallus follows up before she can stop snickering>"So, did you ever meet Gabby on the set?">"I don't think so. Who's that?">Gallus swings an elbow up to point in the direction of a particularly enthusiastic griffoness>"She was in line just ahead of me. Had a couple of episodes with her and the CMC or Spike. C'mon, I bet she'd love to meet you!">The pair of semi-avian adolescents strut off towards the she-griffon in question>Meanwhile, Grandpa Gruff has returned to regulate the bread line, having chased down Gilda's tsundere self and admonished her for something she probably did at some point (maybe)>Things seem to be in order again, so he starts chatting up the chief distributor of wheat-based deliciousness>"Kids. No respect for anything.">Leading with a line laced with that much venom gaurantees a response from the granny"I'm sure they have their reasons. Not all of them valid, mind.">"Not enought time in the world for me to get into all of their 'how' and 'why.' 'S the sort of canyon I could dig into until I'm dead.""Can't go for ones that're too deep at our age, eh?">A sage and slightly depressed nod comes from Grandpa Gruff in response>"Yep. Might as well be bottomless. Speaking of, where the heck are you getting all that from?""My purse, of course!">Gruff is ever so slightly gobsmacked by the obvious answer
>>34805917>"I mean how do you have so much bread?""Depends what kind you mean. There's a nice little bakery on the corner there called PureBread, though if you're wondering how I afford it...">This wasn't the thrust of Grampa Gruff's question, but he pays rapt attention nonetheless>What could be this generous geriatric's secret to success?>She leans in close, whispering to the clearly captivated griffon"...Nobody gives a hoot if you decide to be a NEET once your hair's gone gray.">It takes a moment for the >implications to register in Gruff's mind>Not that he's getting slow, mind you>No, he's sharp as a tack, or something!>"You're a pensioner?">She nods"I'm a proud, syrup drinkin' Canuck, and my government takes care of me.">"Do I get a pension?""How many times have you bought coffee at a Tim Horton's?">The grizzled old griffon does a mental tally>"...Can't say I ever have.""Sorry to say, but I don't think you're qualified.">Grampa's beak frowns, being somehow flexible enough to have an emotive mouth>"But *I* want money for nothing!">And chicks for free, no doubt>Every griffon present, Gallus included (and also Silverstream, because she doesn't want to feel left out), turns away from what they're doing just long enough to join the chorus of griffons singing a rebuke in the key of 'deadpan'>"Join the club.">Grandpa Gruff sputters some more before he can shout his indignant reply>"You say that like I'm not the one running the darn club!"And that's the end for now. What MLP group do you want me to shove into this story-less narrative next? I'll get to writing about it eventually if I come up with a good idea for your suggestion.
>>34805921Villains! Tirek, Chrysalis, Cozy and Sombra!
Ok which of you is going around telling visiting creatures about our memes
>>34806478Gabby, not dildo, it was DIO!
>>34805921Got a chuckle out of me. Thanks.
>>34806883something is really wrong with this filly's face
>"Excuse me! Waiter-man! EXCUSE ME!">CLOP CLOP CLOP->Out of eyesight, you tightly close your eyes, biting your bottom lip.>Just breathe Anon. Just breathe."Okay. 3-2-1.">Armed with your best welcoming smile, you about-face, heading to the table of customers trying to get your attention.>A couple of Mares wearing colorful suit jackets smile back.>Yes. You heard right. "Mares". Female horses."How can I help you ladies today?">One of the mares, long-snouted with blonde hair, clears her throat.>"I'm feeling a bit thirsty after my meal. Do you think you could bring me something to drink?">You look at her incredulously."Uh-I'm sorry?">"Something to drink! a Beverage! Surely you have them here at your establishment, yes?"""Yes we do, it's just-">She cocks an eyebrow.>"It's just what?""Well...I'm on my break, and I'm just a Cashier. Not a waiter.">They both giggle to themselves.>"Oh, you're so silly. You are aware, we're PONIES, right?""Yes I am.">She nods waving you off.>"Good! Then please go gt me something to drink. Clop clop!">Rage begins to fester in your bosom. This isn't that type of place. It's fucking McDonald's!>You are Anon. A lowly cashier working for his meager wage to get by at America's worst chain of Fast Food to exist. Now serving fucking Ponies.>That's right. PONIES. Those miniature horses that sit in fields of shit, slapping flies with their tails. Well....these are different.>You don't know how, but one day they showed up in Florida, the state where bad shit goes to happen, like a plague descending upon the earth. They were welcomed with open arms, and worshiped as goddesses by unironic Bronies, and Horsefuckers like on those forums you used to frequent.>It was always a meme. That "hooves>3DPD" junk. Never in your wildest dreams did you think it'd become reality.>To make it doubly worse, a lot of the Ponies have taken to this treatment like fish to water, believing they're superior to humans, and deserve all of it.
>>34809658Florida deserves it.
>>34809658>Rage begins to fester in your bosomThat is what you get for not building The Wall in Florida.
>>34809658>Like these entitled bitches.>They have cups there right next to them, but she wants you to bring her a brand new drink. ON YOUR BREAK.>Fuck that.>She can get off her goddamn ass, and get it herself.>Ignoring her request you go outside to smoke instead, and play on your phone.>A waiter. Seriously? You don't get tips, and you pay before you fucking eat. Don't they have Fast Food joints in their world? Why did they have to come here? Couldn't they have chosen another world?>You squat, Japanese Yankee style by the dumpster, lighting up a newport. None of that pussy Vape shit. You're gonna get cancer like a real man.>You take out your Cell Phone, and start browsing the chans, but quickly leave the site."It's nothing but fucking Worship shitposting threads. Again.">A loud sigh escapes your mouth, as you blow out smoke.>Don't get it wrong, you were happy there were real ponies on Earth too-Real Cartoon Ponies. Hm->Actually, they look more like those SFM models you always saw on Derpi.>Anyway, it's weird. They're nice or at least started out that way, but quickly turned into cunts because of all the ass kissing, and making your job that much more annoying.>"Anon! Anon, are you out here?!""By the dumpster.">You hear heavy breathing coming around the fence to your location, sweating like usual with his Drive-Thru headset on his head.>"What are you doing?">You blow out smoke."I'm on my break.">He jabs a thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the restaurant.>"Did a customer ask you to bring her a drink?""Yeah. Why?">"Why didn't you bring it to her?">You hold up three fingers."I'm not a waiter. It's my break, and she's not disabled. If she wants a refill, she can get up and get it herself.">He puts his chunky arms on his hips."What.">"Anon...""What?!">"She's a PONY.""And?">"She's an important customer! Very important!""How so? She's just a talking Horse.">He glares at you.
>>34810430>newportsYou best bring that mare her drink ,boy
>>34810430>You flick your cig.>"Anon. If you use that slur again, I'll write you up.""For real?!">He frowns, attempting to fold his arms, but his pit stains are on display. Once he notices that, he unfolds them.>"Think about how your own mare would feel being called a "horse"!""Well it's a good thing I don't date ponies, huh?">You grind the cigarette into the ground, and stand up, even more irritated than when you came outside.>He follows you in breathing from his mouth, to an upset long snout HORSE.>HORSE HORSE HORSE HORSE HORSE HOOOOOOORRRRRSE!>"How unprofessional! Is this how you treat your special guests?!">Your blubbery manager pushes past you, getting on one knee, like he's about to propose.>"I'm TRULY, truly sorry about the inconvenience. He's new, and doesn't quite know his place here-">You scrunch your face up about to say something.>"I see. Well, I suppose I can forgive him this time, but I demand something to take for the road as apology.">"Of course! Anything you want! Free of charge!">You should be outraged, but this is common nowadays.>Any other day, a manager would be fired for doing this for a customer, but since these ponies showed up, everyone bends over backwards to lick their rancid assholes.>Such is a basic day at work, when Ponies show up. It's hell, and to add a cherry to this shit cake, it doesn't end there.>On your way home after a humiliating work day on the bus, you like to sit all the way in the back by the window.>You're watching the scenery go by, sighing every so often. The bus stops occasionally to let more passengers on, and off. It's not a busy route so usually you're left alone.>"Ahem-">This era is worse than when SJWS started trying to make a change. The whole "woke" shit->"Like, HELLLLLOOO? You in the Greasy shirt!">Something taps your ankle, making you sit up.
>>34810478>It's two mares, one pink, and the other blue. You want to describe their clothes, but they look like they just finished skinny dipping inside a goodwill store."What?">"We like, want your seat.">You look around the bus interior."Plenty of other seats to go to.">"But we want YOURS. Kelly here has a symmetry disorder, and can't sit anywhere but in your seat.">"Like, yeah! Duh!">You scrunch up your face, and go back to looking out the window.>"HELLLLLOOOOO? Like Equestria, to the HYOOMAAAN! Are you there?">More tapping your ankle. It's starting to hurt now."Go. Away.">They look at each other getting angry, and go to the front of the bus."*sigh*">A loud, weary sigh slips out of your mouth. Finally some peace->The bus comes to a full stop, but you're not at any lights, and no one is getting on or off.>"Excuse me sir.">This time, it's the Driver with the two mares.>"Can you please relinquish your seat for these two?""What, why?">The driver takes his hat off, rubbing the back of his head.>"Look buddy, just let them have the seat okay?""There's plenty of seats around for them to sit in! They don't need mine! Besides, my stop is next!">He looks to the two mares, who shake their heads.>"Look...I don't want to kick you off the bus, okay? Just give them the seat.">Everyone on the bus is looking at you with harsh glares in addition to the HORSES."Fuck it. Just let me off, now!">You feel if you stay here, you're gonna hurt someone.>"Thanks-""Get fucked cuck.">You get out of the seat, and walk to the front, as the two mares take your seat, with triumphant grins.>The bus Driver looks a little angry over your words, but you could care less. It's just another instance of Pony favoritism.>Maybe you should start a movement. A violent one.>The bus drives past with a loud hiss, as you walk home.>Ponies. Everywhere you look. Ponies. Ponies running for office. Ponies in commercials. Ponies on your favorite television shows."Fuck Horses."
>>34810525>not offering them to sit on your DIs Anon Don?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5ZUshzhMtc
>>34810537That’s the problem. The /NMP/ fags took over as the vocal majority here. They’re worshipping. Not mating pressing
>>34810564Hey look, I'm you"Seethe"
>>34810525Both sides should learn respect for each other
>>34810525This is going to end in a tragic mass booping, isn't it?
>>34811378How about you learn to worship hooves like a good human?
>>34810564>/NMP/I'm going to regret this, I know, but what is /NMP/? Not My Pony? Never Mind, Pops? November Minus Pie?
>>34811784meta; not PiE related, just going to cause a stupid argument.
>>34811791It’s just the name of a thread >>34811784>>34799524
>>34803113Them slim legs
>>34811837...oh. Never mind, then. Sorry I mentioned it.
>>34812409Wont you please call now and make a donation to the feed the poni's foundation?
>>34812875in b4 "I want to feed her my peanus.
>>34811784>November Minus PieSounds like some kind of cheesy password pony spies would use for identification.
>>34810525That's why you should learn another language.Whenever shit like this comes up, just pretend you no speak americano good. They can't harass what they can't talk to.Or just speak in your native language like a boss.
>>34813044Or a show episode.S10E07, "November Minus Pie"It's late autumn and already time for the Autumn Harvest Celebration. But no one has seen Pinkie Pie for weeks! Twilight Sparkle investigates the mystery.
>>34813078I'd watch it
>>34813577But would you want there to be a scene of a crying Pinkie saying "But Doctor! I AM Pagliacci!" ?
Since we're doing thread bumps now, here, have a PiE-ish story I wrote some time back.https://pastebin.com/wJfMpsyCIt's the end of the world as we know it. Anon's not fine.
>>34814878What poni is involved? I'll give it a shot
>>34814917It's a character bit about Anon and Celestia.
Reposting from NEETpone because it feels /PiE/ enough to fit in here.I wonder if Floor or NEET ponies in general would make good pets, or a pet-like family mascot kind of thing.Nothing lewd, just lots of petting, ear scratches, belly rubs, hugs, and stuff like "Who's a good pony? You are! Yes you are, yes you are you little cutie-patootie!". Physical affection and confidence boosting, I guess you could call it a rehabilitation program for NEET ponies.
>>34815518Still feels degrading
>>34815518A better writer than I should write something about a human going to the supermarket with an "emotional support pony" on a leash.
>>34815554It won't be as long as people remember that it's a sapient pony, not a simple animal.>>34815693>emotional support ponyShouldn't it be the other way around?Unless it's the case of NEETs helping to rehabilitate NEETs.At least the poner gets cool shirt with "emotional support pony" on it or something along those lines.
>>34815518Is neet pone a pone without a cutie mark?
>>34815723Not necessarily, but being "talentless" can contribute to becoming a NEET.
>>34815723NEET poni should have a cutie mark similar to the old 2ch logo.
So, poni NEET is basically Fluttershy's brother?
>>34815759Sorta, but also lonely, depressed, has crippling mental disorder or two, and possibly suicidal.This pony is not having a very good time.
>>34815834Just like me 10 years ago! I would help this poni.
>>34815750>>34815759>"NEET poni">not poNEETOne job.
WISE FWOM YA GWAVE
>>34817623Cozy, it's 6 AM, let me sleep
Kids, don't look!
>>34815518That seems like it would be demeaning, yet really tempting for certain personalities.
Threadly reminder. Press F to pay respects.
>>34819706Sad how true it is
>>34820783This is batpony country! ("uwu," said the bat pony)
IRL horses are often fed oats. Does poni eat oatmeal? Would they be interested in "exotic" oats grown on Earth, or would they be put off by learning we use chemicals to control weeds and pests on our crops?
>>34821793>"What?! You use poison to get rid of parasprites? You should use trombones!"
>>34821793I think they would. The 'organic' stuff would be even more overpriced for them because they care more about it. If nothing else, it would make this dialogue from episode 100 even more interesting.
>>34822484poor, sad candy horse
>>34821793>>34821822>>34822484>Florida mare crashes the oat market with no survivors…>…witnesses report huge fields and no pests…>…claims no pesticides or herbicides used, local independent experts confirm…>…nsanto drives the prices up on the land upwind with it's recent purchases, no official comment followed…>…Cipher, the spokespony of Society Against Corporate Conspiracies announces pegasi volunteer program to help prevent the wind blo…>…re news at 11. Up next is your favorite telegoof Silly Willy and his friends, today's special guest is famous Element of Laughter Pinkamena Diane Pie. Thank you for staying on Pony Station Television. Psst kid, we got some good programs for ya!
>>34823447That's a big mare
>>34823881With a little smirk.
>>34823447Even poni statues look boopable
>>34825270You're gonna need a bigger finger.
>>34826309I feel like vests would be useful to pegasi. They have those two extra booprogeneous zones on their sides in the form of wings, and no way to guard them.
humans are weird
>>34827015Especially Florida Man.
>>34803538Pretty poni, pet her
>>34827982Last night I dreamed of a chestnut-colored draft horse mare who was very affectionate and wanted me to brush her mane and pet her. One must be cautious when trying to cuddle with three quarters of a ton of horse, because she might squish you without meaning to.
>>34828054I would take that risk.
>>34829249I'm trying to, but this is a Leenux box and I don't have the faintest idea how to use GIMP, or anything other than MS Paint. I have a partition with Windoze on it, but if I try to start Paint in WINE I get error messages about directory access, so I dno lol.
Mmkay, I booted into Windoze to use Paint.Here's a horrible MS Paint doodle that took 50,000 hours. I have zero artistic talent.
poni says to stop doing thing
>>34829420this is a big pony!
>"Anon, certainly you've been made aware of the kinoplex's new policy on poni companions, right?">"Yes, that's right, single men without poni dates will no longer be admitted but don't worry, we'll cover you with a loner this time.">"Ms. Case? Would you kindly accompany Anon here to his film?">"Heh, no thanks necessary, Anon, this is what I enlisted for."I NEVER EVER, EVER want to hear anyone say a disparaging word about Robert again, is that understood?
>>34830264 f o r y o u
>>34830261Damn AB looks cute
>>34831843>>34832159stop finding poni cute
>"Uh, Mr. White?">"..It happened again..."Damnit poni, next time knock!
>>34832806How do you help poni
>"You meet the new neighbor yet, Boomhauer?">'Yehmandangol' darndestthingevertellyewhut.'>"Well, out with it; do they like Dallas or the Texans?">'Mmmdangol' buckball....yo.'>"Hmm, never heard of it..must be European, heheh."
>>34834023>"You're a good soul, Boomhauer..which is why I wish I were as naive as you.">"CLEARLY those new poni neighbors were sent here by the executors of Lee Harvey Oswald's estate and have come for my authentic Jack Ruby hat."
>>34834697>"Daggummit, Dale! For the last time, I got more o' these here hats than leaves on a tree! Last thing I need is another one, less so one that'll forever be stained by the underhoofed means you suggest I'd use to get it!">"Did someone say rubies?">"Naw, Rarity. It just came up in passin'.">"I could have sworn I heard someone say something about a ruby hat. I'd gladly make one for any of you gentlemen on the condition that you model it for me..."
>>34835030When I ready it, I hear their voices
>>34835030>Bill immediately falls over himself trying to get Rarity's attention>"I-I'LL MODEL FOR YOU!"
>>34835089>Spike + Lenore = OTP
>>34835558Why is pony sad?
>>34835692People watch Trixie because she is cute, not because of her talent
>>34835558Smile, Trixie, you're great and powerful.
>>34836097Magician horse broke down into a sobbing mess.wat do
I’m writing original season 1-3 twilight >”Hey Anon!” Twilight greets you happily. She trots up beside you, leaning in to watch you work on your laptop. >She always seemed happy to watch your fingers just work as you typed up your college papers, but today she seemed extra curious>she looks at your headphones — “Those are the things you use to listen to digital recordings of music, right?”“No need to be such a sperglord about it, purple horse. Yeah, I’m listening to music.”>”This world has so many different musical genres. In Equestria, I only remember hearing electronic, classical, rock and bluegrass.” She says. “Are you listening to that one genre, rap?”>you sigh, hanging your head in your hands>”Did I say something wrong, Anon?” She asks innocently. Ever since she moved in she’s been as curious as a puppy, except instead of chewing on things she just asks question after question.“No, you’re okay. I’m not listening to- well I guess it fits into the rap genre. A few other things.” You start talking. >This is the last thing you ever wanted to have to explain to her. First she’s dealing with the transition from Equestria to Earth (she has her days but she’s mostly taken it like a champ) and now this? This will just break her heart. >It must be done though, she’ll find out sooner or later>”What other genres does it fit into, Anon?”“Well, experimental for starters. I told you about experimental, right?”>”Yes you did, although I don’t consider that music to be very scienti-“ you interrupt her.“Next on the list we have punk.”>”What’s that?”
>>34837025“Exactly what it sounds like. Brash, aggressive music, heavy on guitars and unrefined vocals and a strong message.”>”Doesn’t sound too nice.”“Well, you gotta find the right punk. A lot of the older stuff is very coherent. Once you get into the newer stuff like Show Me The Body and Machine Girl, coherence drops off.”>”Show Me The Body? That sounds really violent,”“Their message is overall positive, I swear. But as I was saying, these people I’m listening to are really heavy on the electronic side as well. It’s not the electronic that they had in Equestria though. Far from it.”>”Can I listen to it?” >You can feel your insides binding up. Your mothers voice scolding you from the past — ‘we preserve innocence’“Hell, sure. Just disregard the swear words, alright?”>”Sure thing, Anon!” She says, happy to explore more of the modern human world with you.>You fit the headphones over her goofy ass basketball horse head, and type ‘No Love - Death Grips’ into the YouTube search bar>there were a couple minutes of silence as the song played. You continued to fuck around with your school paper, looking at the layout mostly, pushing back the guilt of what you were exposing to.>looking back at the spergy-yet-innocent purple horse, she looked mostly confused, but there was a look of... perhaps joy on her face>you turned up the volume a little bit, just enough to immerse her more fully in the song.>Her eyes go wide. You can hear it through the headphones.>she’s bobbing her head, but off-beat. Aww look at that. Poor pony can’t understand our superior human rhythms>the song finishes, you remove the headphones from her skull
>>34837029“So what do y-“>”I have no idea what that was!” She says with a big ol grin. “But I love it! Can you play that song again?”“Twilight I really ought to keep working, you’ve kept me long enough.”>”Study break! I want to hear that song again!”“Do you even understand the lyrics?”>”well...” she looks abashed, pawing at the floor. “I could make out a few. I don’t know what he’s talking about… but I want to hear it again!”>Twilight had been in the human world for a while now, you were helping her adjust, but she still didn’t understand the concept of the intenet. At least not fully. >even if she wanted to do more in depth research about all the weird shit Death Grips lyrics meant she’d be hard pressed to do it out of available books>you sigh, grab your phone and go to her room, hooking up the speaker>you press play on Government Plates and pat her on the head“Have fun. I’m so sorry.”>”what for?”>you sit back down at your desk, sighing into your hands. What have you done
That's a cute non princess Twilight
Ponies would love our music
>>34837771Ponies would love musical theater.Half the episodes of MLP:FiM are animated musicals anyway.
>>34837776I'm pretty certain "Cats" would confuse the fuck out of them.
>>34838071Musicals confuse the fuck out of most of us, but the pones live in one.
>>34837031I’m gonna keep up with this music nerd Twilight.>A while later, she came pawing at your door again, her hoof scratching at the wood like a dog>”Anon? Anon the music stopped...”>sigh, get up off of your tush and open the door, looking down at the cute technicolor pony>you boop her before she can react and enter her room. Your phone wasn’t dead — you missed a text from your brother and apparently you had gotten a tinder match — the album had just ended“So I’m guessing you liked that?”>”Buck yeah I liked it! I haven’t heard anything like that, ever! What did you say that man’s name was?”“It’s not just one guy, it’s three. Zach Hill on drums, some other guy on keyboard and Stefan on the vocals.”>”Most bands I know of only have four members.” She comments“I ought to show you slipknot some time.” You say, instantly regretting it. If you got the pretty purple pony into edgy nu-metal you’d never forgive yourself. Before she could continue you said, “Death Grips talks about the internet, internet culture, the occult, mental illness. All that good stuff.”>”what I was listening to sounded nothing like that.”“Well you’ll have to read the lyrics with me sometime.”>”Study session tonight?” She proposed. God this fucking horse wants to do a study session over Death Grips lyrics“I don’t know about tonight.” Seeing the disappointment on her face, you added “but sometime. I promise. I have a few more pages to do on my paper before I go to work>You helped the local community college that you /didn’t/ attend do IT work because you’d gotten out of high school with a couple of certifications. It payed well, even if it was boring as hell and often repetitive work.>”Are there any books about Death Grips?” She asked“Maybe like one, I have no idea. The best I can get you is 2nd rate YouTube essays and articles that all present a subjective view of the band.” You told her honestly
>>34838184>she seemed disappointed>you sighed, and put on another album for her>before you left for work, you sat her heavy ass in your lap and let her watch you use the computer.>her magic was weak in this world — she’d gotten earlier into the technicalities about the leylines not transisting properly but it was all gobbledygook.>she had enough to manipulate the mouse, and pen and paper so she could take notes>you opened up some Phil Hine Chaos magick theory, a couple of research articles on paranoia, and several pages worth of Death Grips lyrics. So she could analyze them>”Chaos Magick is what discord uses, Anon.” She looked hesitant at the pdf you’d pulled up.“Yeah but knowing what this worlds version of Chaos Magick is Is crucial to understanding Death Grips.” You argue.>”Alright, if you say so. Doesn’t help to know about other systems of Magick.” She said>you showed her again how to switch between windows on the laptop, pressed play on Year of the Snitch, and set out for work, hoping she wouldn’t blow up the place while you were gone
>>34838189Again I apologize for this series of greens. I don’t mean it personally, I love you guys. I will post as I finish them
>>34838189I like the comfy, nerdy Twilight.I miss her.
>>34839437Kvas is highly nutritious!
>>34832180I want to shave him, he will be cute
Can we go back to the idea of poni voluntarily being a pet? I feel like some of them would find the idea of having no responsibilities except to be the subject of someone's platonic affections to be an appealing idea. I would. Just sayin'...
>>34838189>you come home from work, set your keys on the counter and take off your jacket, hanging it on the hook on the back of the door>you go over to your desk where Twilight has crashed, her cheek smooshed against the cheap glossy wood >a Zach hill album played, obviously on autoplay>the floor and desk are littered with notes, diagrams. She was obviously up to something, or onto something at least. Maybe showing her Chaos Magick was a bad idea>you pick up her sleeping body as gently as you can. >she’s a fucking chunk, but there’s a reason you browse /fit/>you gently lay her back down in her bed, >her eyes flutter as she stirs back to conciousness>”Hi, Anon.” Her cute, sleepy voice drawls“Hey there, Twilight” you say back. “Did you have fun while I was gone?”>”I missed you.” She says. “I think I figured something out really important though, about the Magick in this world. Why my Magic is so weak.”>Oh no“Yeah?”
>>34841716>”Ponicrates Leyline Sphere is warped here, in this universe. I’m used to operating magick in a perfectly magically spherical environment. In order to produce any magic greater than just simple levitation, I’m going to have to adjust my channels through the warped leylines, altering any spells I make to fit it as well.”>The autistic purple horse was cute when she was onto something “Well that’s cool I guess? It’s all gobbledegook to me.”>”I could only lift a pencil or a mouse before, small things. Now because I figured that out, I can do this.” >Your body is enveloped head to toe in her pink magic aura“Twilight what the fuck are you doing quit the shit.”>she moves your body through the air to her bed, placing your body behind hers like the big spoon>”Now isn’t that better?”>you want to bang your head against something but the nearest thing to bang your head against was Twilight “Twilight I gotta get to bed.”>”You are in bed, silly.”>you accept your fate as you wrap your arms around her soft fluffy body and pull her into you. >You set your nose in her hair and breathed in her scent, a combination of the horse-soap she used and her natural body oils, which wasn’t a bad smell“You suck, goodnight Twilight.”>”You too, anon.”
>>34841725Somewhere she is still here, the original nerdy Twilight, who has a lot of fun making friends, even with her enemies.
It followed me home. Can I keep it?
>>34843040She must return to her wife, so no.
Pinkie's sisters on Earth
>>34843040Not only can you keep it, but due to heart eyes you are obliged to.
>>34843378What do you do when Bon Bon shows up?
>>34844106I'd boop the snooter, but Bon^2 might not like that. She usually looks unamused.
>>34844106I'd say the logical thing to do is share.
>>34844106Offer her my couch, beer, snacks and television, while I distract Loira and give Bon Bon some much-needed rest.
Ponies out Earth
Is PiM Ponies in Moon, Ponies in Mars or Ponies in Mercury?
>Yes that is right Mr Customs Human, I am just a real regular pony, heh>Identification? Yes just one moment, I always keep it in my carapace-, wallet, I meant to say wallet
Does anyone else look for Ponies in Earth stories on FIMfiction?
>>34848441If you have some, then post please
>"Excuse me, Mr. Customs man? 'You all look alike'?">"I happen to take offense to that, sir, changeling-, I mean us real ponies are all quite varied and unique, excuse you.">"I have half a mind to bring this matter to my hive-, I mean real and very not-bug, pony family back home.">"I'll let the matter slide this time, but next time I'm going all the way to the Anti-defamation league. *chirp*..Uh, pardon, I have..allergies."
>>34848943Are you a boy or a girl?
>>34849562Professor Oak pls
>>34848656Georg's "Farmer Bruner Has some Ponies" is bretty gud comedy. Grouchopony's "Twilight's World" has feelz. Both are unfinished but not, I hope, abandoned.
Pillow Case was surprised to learn that being "peggable" did not mean pegasi-able.
>>34850114oh my.... Did someone tell her she's peggable?
>>34850179Quite peggable indeed
>>34848943I think this is not a real pony!
>>34851498Do you really think so?
>>34852393Yes, he's talking... like a not-pony!
>>34852393>"Ach...truly amazingk specimens, ja..">"So full of myshtery und wonder..SCHEIZZE THEY SAW ME..">"Y-YOU SEE NUSSING, MY MUSES!"
>>34853699I want to buy this horsie!
>>34854104She is now a slavery
>>34854745Poni came to earth to snap pics and chew bubblegum, not work in a sweat shop next to indonesian kids making nikes
>>34854745>I want to buy this horsie a pretty hat!I fixed
Poni poni wakey wakey!
>>34855450>"AH GODDAMNIT, ANON, WHAT'D YOU WAKE ME FOR?">"I'M PLAYING SOME SHITTY GAME CALLED 'FINAL FANTASY VII', MORE LIKE FUCKING FAGGOTRY VII!">"THIS GAME EATS SHIT OUT MY ASS WITH A BURNING SPORK!"
>>34855464I want to see that
>>34855464>unplug her NES console>pick her up>cuddle like there is no tomorrow>avoid any angry smacks and ignore angry squeaks>after several minutes accept her relaxed sighs as your hands scratch behind her ear SIMULTANOUSLY
>>34855464Sounds like she's a /vg/ regular, then.
>>34855585But the angry squeaks are cute. She's madorable.
>"H-He called the shit 'poop'!"You goddamn poni hooligans! Stop leaving flaming bags of shit on my porch!
>>34857379>calling shit poop Not the other way around?
>>34857880They saw it in a moviehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_F_e4Bznzk
You're so pretty, Rarity.
>>34859661NO GO BACK THROUGH THE PORTAL AND COME BACK OUT AS A PONI/LIONBIRB
>>34859661Humanized S1 Woobie Woona a qt.
>>34860239>PiE>PONIES It seems you've a fundamental misunderstanding of the generals name.
>>34860285PiE has E, and E has H!
>>34860285We need an Anonymous in Earth thread.
>>34860324You're pretending to be stupid on purpose right now, right?You can't possibly be this new.
>>34860333But it sounds interesting, it would be opposite to PiE - AiE
>>34860333Anonymous and his adventures on Earth! You could write comfy stories of Anonymous writing comfy ponyfic! Thrilling adventures!...inspired by the hit pen-and-paper RPG, "Papers & Paychecks."
>>34860396>>34860579Hey can I get an invite to the discord, too? This is supremely ebin if I do say so myself
>>34860295You best get out before I get my rake friendo.
>>34860664>>34860586And now imagine a little, heartbroken pony who wrote these AiE posts, because she wanted to have fun with humans and join the pony fandom on Earth.
>>34860742Except it's not, it's just some asshole trying to be funny with his shitposting.
>>34860757You sound very salty, considering the fact this thread is dead. No wonder why.
>>34860776>Muh slat loolNice coordinated effort from you guys today.
>>34860776So much this. Every other post is "bump," but God forbid someone make a joke. All the hall monitors who don't create content or anything else come out of the cracks in the sidewalk. "REEEEEEE STOP SHIPTOASTING REEEEEEEEEE"No wonder this board is dying.
>>34860808Apply this to your face until you stop breathing
>>34860842Yes, I'd love to huff pilly's ass to death.
>>34860849Pinka Pu might be more fun.
>>34860983What the shit Lauren
>>34861243Don't lie. This is why we love her.
>>34861243This is how Ponka earns beer money on weekends and after hours. There's a dental practice where she and Nurse Redheart help out.Guess where the other end of that hose is connected.
>>34862435>ponies judge you for your smelly farts
>>34862435>tfw will never be invited to a laughing gas orgy with Pinkie, Nurse Redheart, and Colgate
>>34864656Ponies are weird
>>34865160But it's the good weird, not the bad weird.
>>34865160And I love them for it.not sure if the jannies would like this one, so linking to the sourcehttps://ask-doctorcolgate.tumblr.com/post/14041261337/if-i-wasnt-a-furry-before-i-certainly-am-now
>>34841573>slacker horses start a speed-dating service, except for pairing up humans with pony 'pets'>other ponies think of this as the ultimate expression of NEET-dom
>>34864138What I've told you, this is my apple tree and you can't steal apples just because you're named after them. ... Okay, the yellow one can have a few.
>>34865160a tad strange at most. ----------->Be hazy in mind and feeling>See dancing silhouettes around a fire to the sound of a beating drum. >Sounds as if there's a stampede of horses following their every step hitting the floor>...>Suddenly a rush of clouds start to form over the lands >Thunderous howls and chant-like sounds erupt from the dancing figures>The drums washes over your senses>You are now the rhythm>You start to trot in place>Lightning strikes the surrounding area >Rain begins to fall>A cloak of winds begin to carry the water and sprout life of various forms >animals, plants and earth-type constructs >The chant and drums stop>You feel the whole realm quiet>You catch yourself whistling to the stars and feel the earth around your hooves>You don't recognize the surrounding area>You feel like you are no longer in Equestria>You feel>Strange
>>34870009Unexpected goodness. Thanks....yet I still feel this uncontrollable urge to add to it a bit:>You've decided that you're never going to smoke weed with Tree Hugger again, and you mean it this time.
>>34870009You feel Lestrange
>>34867880>"Oh my Celestia, is she really wearing a collar? In public?""It's a lifestyle!">"Crud, now she's *talking* to us. Let's get out of here.">The other pair of ponies proceed to distance themselves from you in just about any way that they can>They judge, but this is really a 'don't knock it until you've tried it' sort of thing>Honestly, it's more like being a live-in counselor than a pet>You keep your human happy, and they pay for everything you need>You're not even on a leash right now!>"Jeez, what's their problem?" Says your human"They don't know a good thing when they see it."
>>34874093She's very cute, but does she like corm?
>>34874093But this is lewd!
>>34875802>the day when Twilight learned to make her own jarate>it was both embarrassing and amusing
>>34877612Eggs and bacey?
>>34875346Please explain how this is lewd.
>>34878654Not him, but I think the collar has >implications.
>>34878654>"tug me harder, master! Use the leash to punish me!"
>>34879007So she's a power bottom?
>>34799327Poni should poni poni, but should poni poni poni?
>>34879945That's excessive and dangerous
>"The Gamecom? WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY THINKING WHEN THEY MADE THIS PIECE OF SHIT?!">"I'D HAVE MORE FUN MASTURBATING WITH A HANDHELD NINJA GAIDEN THAN TRYING TO PLAY THIS WASTE OF 60 BUCKS!">"NO WONDER TIGER ELECTRONICS HAS BEEN DEFUNCT FOR 8 YEARS NOW!"
>>34880676>boop"Hey, I think it was good, Twilight 2.0">"REEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
First time writing in a long time. Trying something new, I guess.>Be a certain purple pegasus, 6 months after arrival>Today is a rather chilly day and you're full of regret>You grab a bunch of boxes and scan them with your phone. >It says it should take you 20 minutes to get to the first drop-off.>Plenty of time to think...>...>Why did I decide to come here?>'Here' being Earth, specifically.>Well, actually I know why.>Equestria had entered a massive recession ever since the humans removed a lot of the gate travel restrictions.>Tourism is up, but aside from that nearly every labor job in Equestria is more easily done by a human with machinery on earth.>...>Your first stop is a high-rise apartment complex on the east end of town. >You always hate these because you can't just land, drop off a few packages, and take off again.>You have to land, enter the building, find either a mail drop off, or get buzzed in and take an elevator to the right floor. >You press the buzzer and announce you have a package to deliver. After a few painful seconds, the door unlocks.>Dammit. Now you can't just leave a note that you attempted deliver>At least it gives you more time to reflect as you wait for the elevator.>...>There had been hopes that they'd be able to increase portal efficiency to allow the export of raw goods, but it's still far below making anything except the most valuable of materials worth the cost.>And when I made the transit, they charged me by the gram! >Or ounces here, they use that for some reason.>Guh. I thought I'd be using metric here. >I guess it's a good thing I'm so light.>...
>>34881164>Alright, first delivery of the day. >You drop your bag to the floor and root out the packages.>There are two packages here, both from amazon. >Not that you couriered anything other than amazon, but still>You fu-- You hate this company.>If a customer orders something and then 5 minutes later realises they forgot something and then make another order, they won't ship it all in one box. They'll do it in two.>Or sometimes they'll ship one order as two separate packages, despite both being bought at the same time and both being prime.>It creates a ton of waste and really reduces the quantity of packages you can carry.>You leave the packages by the door and knock. A few seconds later someone opens the door and grabs them....>Dad lost his shop, and I thought I could get a well paying job on earth. You know, send some money back home.>But the thing is...>I haven't really found one. >I had a pizza delivery job, but I couldn't do it. >My anxiety got the best of me and I ended up getting fired from that about 2 weeks in.>That was a blow to the ol' self-esteem.>I tried applying for retail jobs, but I hadn't realised ponies are just at a natural disadvantage compared to the local workforce.>Even when you get past the prejudice, a human can stack products or handle money inherently better than I could....
>>34881169It's hard to get monies on Earth, Pilly.
>>34881169>You fidget with the bag in the elevator.>The problem was that no one had developed a proper package carrying system for pegasi.>"package" being the key word here. The couriers in equestria could deliver mail just fine, but you had cardboard boxes and bubble mailers.>Saddlebags big enough to fit them would take up too much space under your wings, and anything on the front or back of you would move your center of mass.>so instead you've got a backpack-dufflebag with dozens of straps on the outside to keep it secure and on the inside to prevent your packages from moving mid-flight.>It's a pain in the flank to take off and put on. Especially when you deliver heavy packages that require you to reorganize the entire contents of the bag so you don't flip over when trying to take off.>It almost makes you want to get a big burlap bag to shove all your packages in, and then carry that....>So I spent some months unemployed, or barely-employed.>Eating food, paying rent.>Feeling horrible about blowing almost all of my savings on a gate passage and then not even sending back money.>So I took what jobs were available.>And now I'm a courier pony, except not really even that.>Something the humans are calling the "gig economy">It's pretty simple. I open an app on my phone, see if any companies nearby want to ship some things, take a look at the estimated payment, and go.>With the rise of next-day shipping and online retail, a lot of companies will pay to have somepony deliver on-demand.>Pegasi are the fastest, but humans in vans can deliver heavier packages without needing to return to the warehouse as often....
>>34881178>Your next delivery is to a house a few kilometers away.>Oh, suburbs. Greeeaaaaaat.>You fly in a direct line to your destination until your phone buzzes and cheerfully announces you've entered a restricted-flight zone.>You huff and ignore it. Suburb streets are long and winding, it's an order of magnitude faster to just fly to the next street.>You feel a prick on your right wing. It stops and then returns, then stops again and returns.>You ignore it. You're almost there.>The prick stops disappearing, and suddenly turns into a searing heat.>Ow. Ow. Ow. OKAY OKAY FINE>You land on the nearest road and inspect the damage.>A few melted feathers, but not enough to impede your flying.>and you're on the street of your destination, so you can just easily trot there....>I can still remember the first time I experienced it. >Back then I hadn't really taken a deep look at the flying laws they had here on Earth, and just assumed it was like Equestria.>Which mean free reign of the skies, pretty much.>But on Earth, Pegasi were only allowed free flight around commercial districts, they had restricted flight around certain residential zones, and outright banned flight around airports, borders, and certain government buildings.>You could legally fly in restricted zones by either flying high enough, or by only flying a few dozen meters above the streets. >Of course, the problem then became how to enforce these laws?>Pegasi are small, fast, and it's not really possible to regulate which of them are born with wings.>They ended up trying a few solutions. Some cities experimented with just hiring an enormous amount of police Pegasi to patrol the zones. Some flew helicopters.>Some tried net launchers which had the unfortunate effect of seriously injuring whoever they ensnared when they hit the ground.>This city tried lasers. And it worked.
>>34881185>A couple kilometers away from me was a radar keeping track of all medium-sized objects in tthe sky. >The programming was simple. If you were in an illegal zone it would flash you a couple times as a warning. >If you ignored that, then it would emit a continuous beam of increasing intensity that was designed to hurt the pony until they descended or entered a legal zone again.>Since they were automated and you only needed one of them to protect against a large area, they proved to be startlingly effective.>There had been one case where a pony deliberately tried to beat the system by wearing heat-reflective clothing.>The problem was that by the time the laser increased in strength enough to burn through the material, it was strong enough to instantly cause serious burns.>Once that story got out, Pegasi started taking the flight laws a lot more seriously.>It almost happened to me, too....>You finish stacking the boxes next to the front door and take a picture of them with your phone. >You were lucky. Turns out that a few houses on this street are on your delivery list.>Lets see, your next delivery is...>Oh.>Back the way you came, past the high-rise complex.>You look at your slightly damaged wing. >It's nothing that a few minutes of preening won't fix.>Well, if you go back in the same direction the laser will be coming from your opposite side.>So it's not like it's going to be hurting the same feathers and risking becoming unbalanced.>And you've made some deliveries so you're lighter and thus faster.>You puff out your cheeks.>Well. Might as well get going then....
>>34881195That's harsch for poni.
>>34881195>I had been on Earth for maybe a week.>And since my apartment was located in the commercial district, I had never needed to worry about flight restrictions.>At first it started like a series of warm taps on your side. Easy to ignore if you didn't already know what they were from.>The first thing I did was start patting all over yourself, like thinking it was some kind of bug biting me.>But the tapping increased, and then started to hurt. >And then started to really hurt.>Under attack, I did the only thing I could think to do: I ran. >Or flew, in this case.>My first instinct was to fly in the opposite direction to the heat. I probably beat some of my own speed records that day.>Only to suddenly feel the pain shift to my side again as I reached the maximum range of the laser, and entered the perimeter of a new one.>That panic caused me to dive into the nearest tree, and then finally the pain stopped.>It's horrifying. Being attacked by forces I don't understand for reasons I don't know.>I don't how long I hid there, but by the time I had mustered up the courage to get out and walk home it was already dark.>And when I showed up at the apartment reeking of burned fur, my friend finally explained what it was and started laughing. >She said you looked really silly with the trail of singed coat and tail on me.>I laughed along, but I don't really think it was funny.>Maybe it's just a pegasus thing....
>>34881209>It's been a full day and you're exhausted. You made it back to the warehouse 4 more times before the lack of sunlight made things too difficult.>On the bright side, at least you've got a healthy bank deposit to look forward to.>You aren't going to need to ask your friend if she can spot you this month's rent, and you're actually going to be able to pay her back some.>You're at her bar now. She's nice and serves you drinks at cost, but that doesn't stop you from tipping generously.>Now that you can, anyway.>You don't like to drink, but you felt like you had to be here if only for the sake that if you weren't, you would have nowhere else to be.>You spent FAR too many days at your apartment vegetating alone.>And this way you can pretend that you have a healthy quantity of social interaction. >Even if you barely actually socialize.>You've got a nice little table in the corner where you can pony and people watch.>And you've got your phone open to a little dating app.>You swipe through a few pictures, message a few ponies.>Most are looking for a quick fuck, and you end the conversation there.>A few are scam bots offering nude pictures if you just enter your credit card information.>And the remaining ones cause you to freeze up and close the chat whenever they start flirting with you. >You sip the last of the cider you've been nursing for almost an hour and return the glass to the counter. >Your friend, Strawberry, is too busy to notice so you just slip out undetected. >It's a long walk home but you don't mind. >You feel too heavy to fly. And it's not just Earth being Earth.>The cool air is soothing. >When you finally make it home and pull yourself into the bed, you're so tired you don't even bother taking of your clothes.>That's a job for tomorrow you.>Or, morning you, rather.>It only takes you a few minutes to fall asleep but you still feel like that's too long
>>34881213This a good story
>>34881218Thank you.>>34881213>Another day, another package. >Your first job was at a hardware store. One you had to turn down after you showed up once you realised you physically could not carry the object they were asking you to transport.>They really need to have a filter by weight function.>Then you ended up moving a box of wedding stationary across the town for a rush order.>That ended up being a very lucrative job. And they even gave you a mini cheesecake they were going to serve for desert. Score!>You ended up eating the cheesecake for lunch instead.>As the day went on, a new problem presented itself: stamina.>Specifically the fact that you had very little.>It's not that you were a bad flier, it's just you were never good at it.>And as the day wore on, you found yourself getting more and more worn out.>You looked at your queue. There was only one more package to deliver, and it was small. >The problem was that it was in that damn suburbs again. And much further in. >Your little 'ignore the laser' strategy wouldn't last you that long.>Well, just get the package delivered, go home and rest. >And thanks to that rush job earlier, it wouldn't matter if you stopped early today.>Just get in there, get out. No Heroics.>Stay within the legal limits. >And well, you tried. >Turns out Pegasi aren't very good at making 90 degree turns.>Which as it turns out, most intersections are.>It was annoying. >Every time you under or overshot a turn, it would be there.>A warm tap on the shoulder, as if to say 'you messed up that turn, dummy.'>The only thing that you managed to take without difficulty was the roundabout.>Don't worry, the next street you went down was a dead end, so you still had to loop around and get zapped.>When you finally landed at your address, to say you were irritated would be putting it lightly."If I ever find one of those arrays, I'm going to take a big fat steaming..." You mumble under your breath as you did your job.
>>34881513>Put the box down.>Take a picture as proof of deliver.>Go home.>Easy as that.>The fly home wasn't any better.>Zap. Zap. Zap.>'Stupid.' 'Bad flier.' 'Dumb.'>Your wings ached.>Your flank hurt from the zapping.>You wanted to be home.>And you got careless.>You started cutting across blocks, getting a few more zaps along the way.>And then for a moment, they stopped.>A brief respite in the sea of annoyance.>Only to come back again a few seconds later, hitting the side of your temple. >And you made the stupid mistake of turning to look at it.>And for a split second, a flash of light as bright as the sun consumed your vision. >It also left you seeing spots and gave a mild headache.>The disorientation was immediate. Whatever direction you were facing immediately became less important than 'ow ow ow my head'>In fact, the only sense of direction you got was your left wing crumpling under you as you crashed into the ground.>You bounced and rolled to a stop, the soft snow thankfully absorbing most of your impact.>One throw-up and several minutes spent trying to get back the wind knocked out of you-later, and your vision slowly started to return.>Along with a whole lot of hurt.>You were, understandably, on the ground.>In a park and not trapped in someone's backyard, thankfully.>You aren't sure if you would be up for flying out of it if you were.>Actually, you aren't sure if you're up for flying at all.>Dull, throbbing heat coursed through your left wing, like somepony had just used it as a punching bag.>You caution a look at it, and are surprised to see how relieved you are that it's not hanging limp at your side. >It's still there in one piece, except it was half-extended with a lot less feathers.>So not broken then, just sprained or bruised. Good.
>>34881516>It took you a few minutes to stop crying, and then a few minutes more to come to terms with the fact that you were not going to be flying out of there.>And then even more minutes to actually motivate yourself and start the long walk home.>And then a few hours to actually reach it.>By the time you got home, the heat in your wing had dulled to a warm simmer, and you were able to retract it against your side again.>The feathers lost made flying impossible though, and even if they were still there you didn't have the mental energy to keep flapping it through the pain.>You had only had two meals today, and one of them hadn't even been given the chance to be fully digested.>Strawberry wasn't back from her shift at work yet, and neither were any of your other two roommates.>You looked at the kitchen.>Cooking would mean making a nice meal but then having to clean up, package any leftovers and doing dishes. It sounded exhausting.>A voice in the back of your head said 'Or you could skip all that mess, and just go to sleep hungry.'>Well. Food isn't all that important anyway.>The cheap box spring mattress of your bed was thin and uncomfortable, but when put against the prospect of having to continue standing and wrapped in 7 layers of blankets, that suddenly didn't matter anymore.>You...>You could do this.>For mom and dad.>You could send back money.>You could prove yourself.>You didn't need anypony to help you when you got hurt.>You're a tough little mare.>You made it back home, on hoof, all by yourself.>And you'd keep pushing through.>All by..."...Myself."
>>34881536That anti-pegasi laser system sounds very dangerous. I bet one of the conservaticucks screeched for enforcing pegasi control.
God damn I keep default to writing in the third person and I'm starting to wonder if I should just continue the story like this, and if I ever put in a pastebin then go back and make the whole thing third person.
>>34881597I didn't even notice that to be honest, you can stick either to 2nd or 3rd person.
Silly Pilly, even if you dye your mane and paint a different cutie mark, I can recognize you!https://derpibooru.org/images/2251844
>>34881546I dunno. You'd think the Chamber of Commerce type Republicans would be HYPED to say "come to Anytown, and get your pizza/Amazon stuff/whatever delivered by an adorable pegasus."Also, if the lasers are powerful enough to hurt her, Pilly is lucky she wasn't blinded when she looked in the wrong direction.
>>34881536BAN THE LADDERS
>>34883599SHIT, I MEAN LASERS
>>34883610Get off that ladder and stop chargin ur lazer.
>>34883599And that's how we started building 1-store skyscrapers and apartment blocks
saw this lil nigga in the condo and I have no idea where the fuck he came from
>>34884512Was he eatin beans?
>>34884512Looks like a good candidate to be your new pet
>>34885155go home lil nigga
>>34883331>>34881546Lasers that strong would be a major danger to airplanes, too. I have to imagine that even if something that stupid got built, it would only last until a mis-fired laser caused a plane crash.
I told poniI warned her, dawg
>>34885738what's this poner
>>34887991You can't do that in Magic Poni Land any more, not since Pip accused Luna of doing that to him.
>>34888058FBI OPEN UP
>>34799309Mask also disenchants once it's taken off.
>>34886242baby no more
>"Ah, an educated jewnicorn..">"Like Princess Twilight herself."Alright what the FUCK, Spielberg? Absolutely the last time I buy a blu ray for 'special added footage'..
>>34888306/r/ pony with Dio's face
>>34889864>"You thought it was Fluttershy! But it was I, Dio!"
>"HEY! Trainee! Quit making the burgers talk and get those orders out!">'..I used to be a princess for fucks sake.'>"Yeah yeah, save it for break, your majesty."
>>34890615MLP:FiM - good end
>>34895349>10 bits = 1 boopJESUS CHRIST PONI CONTROL YOURSELF
>>34893220But I am le tired~Well have a nap ZEN FIRE ZE MISSILES!
>>34895852WRYYYYYYYY x loud Luna voice
>>34893220>when poni start meeting other nations after listening to americans' stereotypes about themNo pony, I do not have a pet bear. I know what they said to you, but we don't have pet bears.No, it's Harry, he's with that yellow animal-loving horse.I know there's a guy over there with a bear, it's just a coincidence!DO YOU SEE ANY BEARS WALKING THE STREETS?!MOTHERF-FROWN, IT'S JUST A GUY IN A BEAR SUIT!
>>34829420I just worked on the picture some more, because I've lost control over my life. I changed the mare's mane a bit, and some other things.
>>3489719210/10 cute horsie
>>34896330This picture is pure sugar
>>34799309Hey, I finished my pinkie on earth story that I had started years ago.I finished this when I was in my rack after I had watched the finale and everything, and something just inspired me to finish what I hadn't given an ending. I hope those that remember when I was writing this more frequency on 4chan have some closure like it gave me. Prepare for feels from the middle until the end.https://pastebin.com/YCJvYe2MThis was a very difficult thing to write and finish, as I never wanted to look back at it after I lost my father. I wrote a significant portion of it to cope with the loss, then went into the military where I lost touch with the things I loved doing and became even more isolated and disconnected. After the finale, I felt a spark of inspiration to write a final chapter and close out what happens to Pinkie after she fun on Earth, and the silly human she spent a few years with.
>>34901146Will check it after work
>>34901146I don't know what is more tragic, the whole story, Anon's fate, the fact it's based on your life, or the fact you managed to use lore from the finale, without making me feel like I was backstabbed several times by Josh Haber.You made me feel.
>>34902044Thanks. I prefer happy endings to sad ones, but I think it was the happiest one I could make given the dumpster fire they made with the epilogue episode.
>>34901146I did not need to feel this
>>34903223kirin ber is pe
>>34903967how deer u
What if ponies contantly booped anons dick and/or butt hole, then ran away, ran back and did it again.And many ponies did this all the time, and nothing more then a boop.Would anon feel regret or learn a lesson on booping?Or would he create a new extreme booping? How does it end?
>>34905032You had me at "butt hole."
>>34905032>"I booped your p-p!""SCREEEECH, DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY GENDER"
>>34905541Shit this hilarious makes up for all the inconvenience and discomfort of this "boop culture".>ponies constantly trigger retards, mostly on accident>still get away with it by being cuter and incomparably easier to deal with than typical screeching morbidly-obese 9001-gendered demi-transhelicopterkin transitioning femenist dangerhair>"Oh wow look, that's a real burning neon pink, so you humans do have colorful manes after all. Excuse me sir, where did you style your mane?""Pony no! It's a-">*audible inhale*>Meanwhile on the other coast…"Say, Moon Glow, did you hear something?">"whah-""Would you stop stuffing your face for a second? And leave some for others!">*gulp*>"Yeah, that's one mighty screech. Sounds angry.">…>"…you gonna finish that cookie?"
>>34905541I'm so happy I don't live in US.
>>34905716Unless you live in certain parts of Eastern Europe or Russia, you're not safe from those wackos.Wait, does it mean we'll have to house the poni and prepare them for the clown world beyond our borders? Blyat, I'm not sure I'm up for such responsibility. And poni may not be ready for Motherland either, not to mention the people living there.
>"..What the hell?!- I GOT MY LITTLE PONY CHARACTERS CALLING ME NOW?!">"I GOT FREAKIN' MY LITTLE PONY CHARACTERS CALLING-!!"[CANS.WAV]
>>34906487Jesus my sides
>>34906487>"THESE FUCKING FOUR LEGGED FRUITBALLS DON'T CARE ABOUT THE CONSTITUTION!!!AAAAAARRRRGHHH"[CANS.WAV]
>>34908320I wonder how much his anger was legit, and how much it was acting.
>>34908345My guess is he was doing a bit for entertainment purposes.
>>34908345I think when he started he was pretty serious, but after several raids he just went with the trolls. It turned out pretty good to him
>>34906487And that was the longest cans.wav ever recorded
>>34820783NO HOOOOOOOOVVEESSSSS NIGGGGEEERRRRR
>>34888306YES I TOO LIKE GOGO FROM GIO :))))))) THIS IS NOT CRINGE, AND I AM NOT GOIN GTO SWAT YOUR HOUSE :) GO TO BED WARM AND SNUG TONIGHT FRIEND, FOR I FUCKING JIVE WITH YOUR LE FUNNY JOJO MEME :D
>>34908320oh my god
>>34911570Rustling of scrolls and the fact that Celestia is an awful actress didn't attract too many subscribers to her new radio podcast
>>34910490Another weird meme
>>34911582>"Alright, I believe we've our first caller to True Celestial Radio; caller, you're on.">'S-SISTER, THOU ART SO ROTUND, THAT WHEN THOU SITTETH AROUND THE PALACE, THOU TRULY DOTH *SITTETH* AROUND THE PALACE!'>"Enginonymous, implement chatroom martial law!"
>>34912283Okay, I kekked
You know, times when people called Ghost using pony voices, were the closest to having Ponies in Earth
"738, Radio Graffiti.">"Hello, Ghost! My name is Lyra, I just wanted to say how happy I'm to finally move to Earth! I was so excited to learn you also live in Texan province! I would love to-">... "...are you fucking kidding me, now we have REAL PONIES MOVING TO USA, AND THEY DON'T EVEN... IT'S TEXAS, YOU SON OF A BITCH, AND IT'S NOT A GODDAMM PROVINCE, YOU CANADIAN FRUIT, GOD DAMN-" [CANS.WAV]
>>34912751What if we believed they were real? Unflinchingly, unquestioningly.Their existence as much of a certainty as the ground beneath our feet.Could we believe them into reality? Is that even a good idea?What if we succeed? What does it say about the reality itself?And how would ponies feel, having been dreamed into being by the lonely and desperate, created to make their world a little brighter?
>>34913785Then it's confirmed that God doesn't exist
>>34913784>"You sorry sacks a' shit...all right..209, you're on the horn..""MONEY. SUCCESS. FAME. PONIES. MONEY. SUCCESS. FAME. PON-"
>>34913785A great psychic concord that reaches through the Warp to connect us to our beloved alicorn deities, seeking to free us from our suffering and torment. >yfw the rapture, but for horsefuckers
>>34915665That ghost isn't poor. They're just running the same scam as that Loch Ness Monster.
>>34916585He wants about tree fiddy?
Poof, a pony has been spawned
>>34917464It's a donkee
>>34917970Music Donkey a qt
How dare you
>>34918866apple juice;cranapple, c'mon, what's the big deal?
>>34918866>after you steal her hairband and say she looks prettier like that
>>34922519If Ghosts called Applejack a fruit, would she blush?
>>34922952And that's how Ponies in Earth
>"Yes, hello, I am a real adult person. *Ahem* I would like as much beer as this unit of earth people currency will buy, thank you.">CashierAnon looks at the obviously fake ID>'..Ssssure thing, Ms. Mclovin'.'
>>34924429>"Look, Err, it's Luna's check from the government for being crazy.">"We must steal it. And cash it.">*Points to Earth*>"Over there."
>>34925665I want to go camping with poni.
>>34925665I love the sky
>>34799309W-What about the 1%
>>34927572They can afford boop insurance.
Hi I'm a pony
>>34930372shoo, I can't watch pr0n!
>>34930896Take your hand off of your dick and pet the poni, you pleb.Actually, wash your hands first.
>>34930896I sure hope it's purple pegasus mare x human man gentle preening and cuddling in 1080p 60fps FHD
>>34931930I think her intentions may not be pure
>>34930372what a little snugglebug
wakey wakey ponies!
Is pie asleep?
>>34936294can't sleepponi will boop me
Hey guys. Some of you may know me from my AiE story Apple Hospitality and I've just started a new story in an attempt to get out of my writing rut.>>34936600It's a PiE story with a somewhat generic intro of Twilight teleporting to earth and instantly getting injured, but Anon is a veterinarian and according to my proofreaders it helps provide some much needed freshness to the concept. Also I have an overall plot planned out and it should get less generic later on. It will be another slow SoL style story like my first cause that's what I enjoy writing and I know that's not for everyone.https://pastebin.com/U1k4Y12e
>>34936744Thanks will check that
>>34936744Poor Twiggy, she's in pretty bad shape. I like Anon the veterinarian
Poni says we are as dust in the wind, darling
>>34938509SHE'S NOT A TAILLIFTER GODDAMM- [cans.wav]
>>34938509Well duh. How else is she supposed to wash her butt? Smelly ponies don't get snuggles.
>>34939130rekt taillifter Anon
>>34937504I'm glad. I'm still sorta working out exactly how I want his character - he hasn't had much time to be anything but a doctor yet.>>34940012Uh... as soon as I can write it?
Poni's team lost the superb owl
>>34942794Don't worry, there's always Human Buckball League. The goaltenders might not have wings, but they make up for it by using real jetpacks.
>>34943291Wouldn’t the human equivalent of buckball basically be this? https://youtu.be/-Te4Vqat2HQ
>>34943309>Swedish Underwater RugbyThose are three words I never expected to see combined in that way. I think that might be closer to the Seapony equivalent.
>>34937933That's deep, Rarara
>>34943843She is so pretty
>"Hee hee! Weiner dogs!">"...I don't get it."
>>34946787someone get that equestrian fish & wildlife guy back over here
>>34946787Pilly what happened to you!
>>34947229That clearly isn't our dear Pilly. I don't see a hoodie anywhere.
>>34943843Is a messy mane a form of invitation to a bed?
what kinda cut you want, PiE?
>>34948276I want rainbow hair! And rainbow the rest of a pony!
>>34948725Say no more, senpai.
>>34949346dash u weird today
>>34949712She always dresses in style.
>>34951116Pilly's Blue Monday
>>34904006Cutest filly scrunch
If bojack horseman aired in a ponies on earth universe, would the ponies on the show be anthros or would there be an equal amount of animal heads on pony bodies possibly including humans?
>>34952632Human face on pony body
>>34951116What's the matter, Pilly? Need a hug?
>>34953098That's kind of horrifying.
>>34953635She needs to be snuggled in a warm blanket and given a cup of hot cocoa, stat!
>>34953970UH, UM>wrap her cocoa bags>give a cup with torn pieces of a blanket
not a pilly
>>34896330I love this pic
I gently boop
>>34956670I always found it unfair that we have to be gentle when we're booping ponies, but they can boop us with full force and get away with it. Their hooves aren't nearly as soft as they think.
>>34956906Always be delicate, no hard booping.
>>34954546Flick Flick Flick
>>34843040Not really, there should be a cream colored candy pony too
Am I the only one posting in this thread?
>>34954546unipilly a cute
>>34961265Nah. It's close to the end of the thread, though. That might be discouraging people from posting.
>>34960705Yes, sweetheart, come here
>>34960705>>34962792STORY IDEA!Young ponk is totally unaware of how weird her cartoon-logic powers are. She occasionally just kinda shows up on Earth. Everyone plays along with it because dang it, she's a cute filly and an honest rock farmer's girl.
>>34963341I like this teenager poni, who is she?
>>34964051Spur!She's a qt
Ponies are asleep, that's okay.
>>34963341Pat her curly mane
>>34968428Vicious cycle of booping
>>34970877Oh well, poni is too busy
>>34970877Pilly you scary
>>34971394That's what happens when you call poni a tail lifter one too many times.
new bread when
>>34974293This bread literally couldn't be fresher out of the oven.NEW THREAD!>>34974294>>34974294>>34974294