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Back To School Edition

The "Biker Queen Celestia Took Over A High School Just So She Could Reconnect With The Son She Hasn't Seen In 5 Years" Sub-Edition

Study Guide: https://pastebin.com/XtAKzbfq
>post-tumblr Ponut Joe
bad sons
>no hooves
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I'd love my mom & aunt no matter what.
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They're not bad, just in need of some of /Mom/'s golden radiance

Very astute observation, Anon! For that, you get the first gold star sticker of the school year! Hooray!

And that's what they love about you
>Gold sticker
>During his mother's brief stint as a substitute teacher while his biology teacher had the runs, Anonymous accrued quite the collection
>"And Mr. Doodle is alright with this, sweetheart?"
>'Oh are you kidding? Mom, he LOVES fetal pig dissection theater.'
>Anon and a few other classmates puppet-rig the bodies and make them dance
>'..'Hello my baby, Hello my honey, hello my cute sub moooom~'.'
>"Oh you...you're such a 'ham', sunshine. Gold star."
>'Thanks, mom.'
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Any ideas over the summer for greens? one shots?
>"..'Then he...approached...her with...the confidence of a man..not a boy'.."
>Celestia fans herself slightly
>"..'Mother', he said huskil-..huskily?'"
>Mom touches the intercom button on her desk
>"Luna? Luna, are you in your office?"
>Auntie answers back
>'We are, yes.'
>"I need your advice on something..and it's a bit delicate."
>'Sister, for the last time, its called a thesaurus; use it.'
>"Luna, this is important, I need a good synonym for 'huskily!'"
>'Uhhh, you are breaking up, Sister. KKKHHHHHHH- going through a tunnel, sorry, bye.'
>No one has posted a single pony see: unmolested version of Celestia.
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Be the change you want to see or ride your complain train back to your room until you've something nice to say
>Stay in your room until you've said something nice
"B-b-but what if I want to go outside for once?"
Let's be honest, Anon...
If you had the chance, you'd spend the rest of eternity on the couch, playing vidya with your Mom and Auntie, wouldn't you?
>"Anonymous, hush, your Aunt and I aren't having 'fun', this is actually work for us-, LUNA, DID YOU PUT PROXIMITY MINES AROUND THEIR SPAWN?"
>'Fire in the hole, Sister! *Ahem* Nephew, your mother is right, this may look like Bonestorm Of Dutyfield VI, but we're utilizing it for an indepth look at..uh..school shooters!'
>"HA! You just got moded, squirt"
>'Verily! It looks as though 'Sperminator69_xXx420' shant be raising his victory big gulp this night!'
God they even play like boomers, they probably hold the controller closer to the tv and lean when their character turns or something.
"But Auntie is absolute horse shit at vidya! And I mean, she's Appledick suckingly bad. Can't I just visit my friend, and play Colt: Unlimited?"
>"All young princes off to beddy bye~"
>'May sleeps gentle embrace find thee soon, nephew.'
>biker queen
I want to lie naked at their cute feet.
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They're more than just legs for days and cute feet, but yeah, me too.
Then again I can appreciate all parts of mom & auntie, no matter the form they take.
Alright you two, make me proud at school today!
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How close are you all to your mothers?
Birthday was a few weeks ago, her and I went out to breakfast and she told me I was the best thing to ever happen to her.
Almost fucking cried in IHOP.
Back to Molestia
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>"Hey what's up, Anon! Thinkfastbecauseyourfavoritenieceishereforavisit!"
>'Don't throw that living magic grenade at me damnit!'
>[Amused Flurry noises]
>you will never have a mother/ son relationship with celestial similar to will and jaden Smith

Nuts to you, Mr. Shekelberg, I'll just have my magic pretty pony princess mom- I mean legitimate physician write me an excuse!
>Make an extra place at the dinner table, Sunshine
>Looks like we'll be joined tonight by your Great-aunt Event Horizon
Why is she dress like a hipster?
She's trying to be hip and or with it
>She dabs when seeing you off to class
Can I still have sex with her?
Very, she loves me very much
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As long as there's no abuse involved
Good to hear.
Wageslave son bump
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>"Don't be shy with that riding crop, Anonymous.."
>"I have to know my place, and that you're my jockey. You're the boss."
>"Now how about we warm up and I take us around the palace a time or two?"
Dear Diary Jackpot.
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>"Mom, I never said you couldn't wear your crown and regalia-"
>'Oh Anonymous, sweetheart, how devilish of you, now I have to wear blinders, too?~'
>"M-Mom pls.."
>'I hadn't even thought of spurs, thank heavens you brought it up, my loving, diligent son.'
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>Some boys get bed time stories
>You get this
>"Fuuuuck yoooooouuuuu!!!!" Your mom hollers out your bedroom window
>'Neigh, Fuck Youuuuuuuu!!!' Echoes back your Aunt's reply
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>"Nice of Twilight to invite us over for a picnic, eh mom?"
Good. I was and still am very close to my mother, it makes me sad when I learn other guys didn't have that growing up.
> *giggle* quit it Anon~ what if your mom sees~
How strong is your success Ma’am
>Nth year super senior shimmer
>"Gross, you were like 40 when I was still in kindergarten."
>'.. You still like fingerpainting?'
> Ok, as long as your mom doesn’t find out. I don’t want detention again
Ma, give it a rest, your tandem bicycle doesn't qualify as the kind of bike that 'bike gang' implies
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How's your mom irl?
What profession would mom approve of ?
Chair or foot stool
How is she doing? She's doing alright.
How is she in general? I of course love her, although she has a plethora of faults that I won't get into because it's not necessary. But I have forgiven both her and my father for all of the mistakes that they have made, because there is little room for resentment in my heart.
> Your precious mother can’t save you now!
>"..Is that guy a prisoner?" a new guard asks his watch partner
>"T-The..the guy she's sitting on.."
>'That's the Prince.'
She’s dead. Been dead 10+ years now.She died in my mid teens and somehow feel responsible. You see, she was an addict, a bad one too. And I used to work under the table to make money to pay the rent and get food in the house. But no matter how bad it got. She always made sure she cooked and she always made sure she’d help me with my homework before she’d go in her room and, you know. Which made me feel all the more guilty when I would give her money from my paycheck, knowing full well what she was going to do with it. I remember telling her once as I was handing her a couple bucks please don’t spend this on the wrong thing.She just looked at me and I guess she realized that I knew everything and she teared up a bit and said I’m sorry mommy is so sick. She OD’d a few months later. Whether it was suicide or an accident I’ll never know. Well I do know this much, she was a mother first, and an addict second.I just wish I knew what was hurting her so much that she felt the need to keep using.
>The princesses age regressed them selves for laughs
>However it also Regressed their memories.
> They spot Prince in the street while out shopping
>The Prince sees them and immediately knows what happened.
>Now he hast to keep his mother, aunt and cousin off of him while keeping the men off them while he prepares the reverse spell
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ugghh! Mom, keep it down! I'm trying to sleep
We have school tomorrow!
>To the Windooooowww
>To the Waaall!!
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>"Your mother and aunt were throwing a wild party and that's why you don't have your homework?"
>"A likely story."
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>"you two were partying late at night and that's why you're late to the parent/ teacher meeting?"
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>"Mom? Mama, we're out of cereal and my ch-"
>'Good morning, Prince Anonymous! Some party last night, huh?'
>"...Oh, you're freakin' dead, Twiggy piggy.."
That's rough, man.
Despite her problem she never stopped loving you. She still does. She'd be so proud of you, you know.
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Does dictator count as a profession? Because if it does I'm sure mom would be proud of her son taking up the "family business" so to speak, and would allow for some good mother son bonding experience, with her teaching her son the in's and out's ruling over his own kingdom.
>Dr Doomnonymous chuckles
>"..Dick tater.."
>'Hush, you..' Dormommu chides
>Your mom constantly farts in your lap
Get Pranked
That pic is fucking HOT..
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>Mom, stop, The Garcia's privacy hedge isn't Latverian soil
>"We shall make no concessions, Anonymous. Why today it's just their hedge invading our soil, tomorrow it could be their cat!"
You can't die this quick mom.
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>Blessings be upon the son who humors and obeys thy mother
>Celestians 25:17
Is that weird that I'd want tie Celestia up and spank her?
> Twilight you want Anon to like you back right?
> Well yea but...
> Then you gotta show him the goods girl!
> But I’ve never even seen my girl part myself! I can’t just show him!
> How have you never seen... you know what I don’t wanna know you clean it if you don’t look at it. The point is Anon wants forward women m. And what’s more forward than showing him exactly what he will if he gets in bed with you.
> Sunset I don’t even know what I’LL get if I get into bed with Anon. You keep talking about “doing it” and doggy style, and sucking his boy part. *sniff* You’re confusing me and it’s getting scary.
> Twilight, do you...not know what sex is?
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>"T-The Lunar Scourge reserves the rights to all snacks dispensed upon this evening!"
>'Mommy, tell mean Auntie Moon to stop eating all my Nightmare Night candy!'
>"He speaketh lies, Sister!...*pOP!*"
Sounds like you want to be in a general that does not focus on Celestia being your mom.
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>"See, this is what I was worried about." You tell mom, who currently has a tinfoil headpiece and cognito mask on
>"I knew this 'retirement' thing was just going to be this month's 'Anonymous, we're not having mid-life crisis's' issue."
>"Now c'mon, we'll get some Buck & Jerry's and watch Twilight's gradual descent into madness."
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>"There's a smile..see? Mommy remembered her little Shao 'Non's favorite flavor was lapsang souchong~"
>'M-Mother, please, it reflects poorly upon myself and OutQuestria when you call me that in front of the minions and conquered masses..'
> Hello young prince. It’s quite late to be on the roads isn’t it? I see, so you’re making for the Peaks of Peril. If you’re heading for the village it will be more than a day’s journey without a guide. Fortunately I know a short cut that will cut your time in half. But alas, the path is hidden after dark. Come, stay the night in my cabin. It’s the only safe shelter after dark in these parts. Besides, I have stew boiling. Surely after such a long trek from Cantorlot you much be tired. And whatever provisions you have will pale in comparison to my stew. Please dear Prince, no compensation is necessary, I like having company. And who could say they came to Prince’s aid in his time of need? I kid I kid! But please, allow me to show you to my chateau. It won’t compare to the castle. But I’m sure the amenities will be more than satisfactory.
> Celestia I know you’re upset but this is taking it to far!
> Nonsense Luna, since you’re so keen of convincing my son to go on “Journeys of self discovery” I figured you’d like to have a journey yourself.
> It’s not deserted, there’s food, water and shelter.
> How long do you intend to keep me here?
> Until Anon comes home.
> Sister you cannot be serious!
> As serious as the Nor’easter that will be here by sundown.
> Of course not Luna, there will be a regiment nearby to assure your survival.
> Well you can’t assure my boy’s safety can you?
> I can’t preform my duties stuck on an island!
> Nonsense, you can raise the moon from anywhere.
> Celestia I can’t understand how you could do this to me, your sister.
> Didn’t you once put me on the wrong train to Cantorlot? And I had to pawn my regalia to get back from Yakistan because I had no money?
> This is hardly the same!
> You’re right, you won’t be needing this.
> Unless you’re gonna pawn it at the monkey pawn shop for a boat, I doubt you’ll need it.
>The in's and out's of ruling over his own kingdom
>"Anonymous, you can't just up and declare war on somepony."
>"..Not without a written declaration form, which I keep in the lower right drawer of my desk."
>'Alright; war - no go without proper papers, got it.'
>"And then it's got to clear the necessary channels and be hoof delivered by a registered agent of the courts.."
>'I'll do it myself.'
>"Oh? May I see your registered process server's badge?"
>"My son, the stifling binds of the red tape are everywhere..now pick out a stationary, your Aunt and I were very partial to this off-white one with the raised lettering.."
>'Oh my god..it even has a watermark.'
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>no mom asmr talking about her day and asking about yours
>no auntie asmr with her gently speaking to help you drift to sleep
>Mom! this is the third time this week!
>Keep it down!
Apple bottom jeans
Boots with the fur
The whole club was lookin' at her
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>tfw just celebrated a birthday
m-mom says I'm not getting old, she always asks me what it's like to be 21 again
"Because A) I'm not looking for one right now, you know I just got out of a bad relationship."
"And B) even if I was looking, you hovering over me like this all the time isn't helping things."
Can anyone do a slice of life-story with a post-retirement sun mom and moon aunt?
Because you're the only one I want, momdandy
>post retirement sun mom
she could definitely use a hobby
>"Sir, can you believe somepony threw away Compton Cutie Mark Crusader's greatest hits?"
>'M-My Princess, the young master has ordered you not be let back in the palace until you've undergone a hot bath.'
>Wanting your own mother
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Guess that's what happens when people bitch enough about same face.
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Yikes, perhaps you should show yourself the door if you don't like the thread enviroment
>perhaps you should show yourself the door
Do it yourself. There's already a general that's perfect for people like you.
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Nah, you need to get back on your complain train and fuck off. We've been doing this for 65 threads; there's an audience for it.
Momlestia would be so much better without fags like you who keeps shoving your incest crap down everyone's throats. Seriously, the second anyone makes a green prompt, you show up and shoehorn incest into it most of the time.
>No wrong way to fantasize
>Aburrrr ur way is teh suck
No one's stopping you from posting the shit you want, retard. But you wont, this is literally the same M.O. you use when shitposting /irt/ to death.
>No one's stopping you from posting the shit you want, retard
Because shoving your incest into everything is so much fun, right?
>Someone tries to post something
>"Duhurr, incest time!"
Yes, that is such a great way to motivate one to keep posting shit.
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Just a reminder to all:
H-he started it, mom
> “ What a amazing morning, isn’t it my prince?
“Autumn we discussed this.”
> “Oh right! It’s just Anon now. Since you know, we’re on such intimate terms now~.”
> “I kid I kid! No need to be so touchy.”
“I really wish you wouldn’t kid like that. I’m not a prude but, time and place you know?”
> “Yes yes I know, you’re on a quest to discover your true self and it’s super serious. But what confuses me is why you need to travel to the village.”
“The village is just my first stop, I have multiple places I want to visit”
> “Mayhaps you want this humble Kirin to accompany you on your journey? I fancy myself a bard you know. Ohhh there once was a Zerba named Zecora the Striped-“
“Autumn please! I get it.”
> “I’m also well versed with both local and foreign flora and fauna”
“You don’t have to sell yourself to me. You’re more than welcome to come along if you’d like.”
> Oh? Need me to keep your sleeping bag warm?
Provided you knock it off with the innuendo.
> “ No promises~”
“Ok funnybones which way do we go”
> “Simple, just follow the sway of my hips”

You guys want me to keep going?
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>Yes and I'm ending it, mister; let's all just enjoy this vacation
>..My, the countryside's so scenic this time of year isn't i-
>[Distant roaring and buzzing]
>Alright windows up, c'mon
Nigga, of course!
So long as you make sure to give Celestia her share of face time, it is her thread after all.
> “General, I want sweeping patrols from here to Ponyville.”
Thy will be done your majesty!
“ Spymaster, I want intel on every sighting of my son, what trains he’s boarded, what checkpoints he passed and any border crossings he came to. If he so much as wiped his ass I want to know what bathroom he used and the ply of the toilet paper.”
“ I’ll even find out which hand he used”
> “ Excellent, you're both dismissed. I need to be alone”
> As Celestia’s council left her to her thoughts, she found herself staring out towards the countryside.
> The cool fall breeze did little to relax her as she contemplated what would process her sweet boy to not only abandon his duties, but her as well. Without so much as a word.
> Surely she could’ve helped with any issue he may have had.
> No doubt the prodding from his Aunt emboldened his resolve to do whatever is was he set out to accomplish.
> Sure he’d disappear for a night or two while on one of his benders but this was different.
> His personal weapons were gone but he left his royal regalia.
> He didn’t want to be found so easily, that much is clear.
> Surely he had not come to hate her.
> Celestia shook that train of thought from her mind.
> Her son loved her, surely.
> Yes she was hard on him from time to time but that’s what a good mother would do.
> Right?
> She turned from the view and made and crossed her war room to the entrance.
> The large door inform of her was polished to a mirror sheen.
> It had been a while since she saw herself.
> Her gloves hand patted her face as she made note of the harshness of her brow. And the frown that she admitted had become somewhat permanent as of late.
> The Griffin Nation had been testing her patience with their constant tariffs and treats of kicking out her dignitaries over what amounted to trivial disagreements.
> She slumped against the door and let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding.
> Relaxation would not come today.
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night, mom, auntie
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>"..I do hope Anonymous found his way to bed last night..that chair is bad for his back-"
>"Luna! Quit stacking things on him like that!" Mom hisses
>"He is your Nephew, not a living Jenga column!"
>'Sister, please, concentration is required..one more item of fruit to this stack and it'll be a record!'
>"Absolutely not."
>'We were going to share the record with him, of course!'
Mild interest bump
Jeez where’s all my mother fuckers?
Work for this guy rn
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>"Friggin' "page 10"?"
>"Dat how yous' gonna' treat your old lady, sunshine?"
>hey hey hey HEY
>What's the big idea 'nonymous?
I was just taking the hatchback for a spin
>No, nah uh
>Not until you bump me back to page 1
>Good night kiss
>"Sweet dreams, my sunshine"
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>"Not now!"
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>Celestia and Luna are having a typical sibling squabble and Anon gets involved as they ask him to pick sides.
>He refuses because they are acting like children which only fuels the fire for their disagreement.
>Their mini fued rolls over into the next day when they are all supposed to meet Twilight and her friends.
>Starlight comes along, being the teacher's pet to Twilight that she is to Celestia.
>Some of the fued is visible to the girls and Anon is forced to explain the situation and how he refused to take sides in their childish argument.
>This gives Starlight an idea, a better one than when she switched their cutie marks.
>She ran off to hastily write a summoning scroll and mix in some powerful time magic as well.
>Starlight is rather pleased with herself when she returns to the group with the princess's mother on tow.
>They all are stunned speechless by her presence.
>Starlight quickly explains who she is and why she did it.
>"Explain Your selves."
>Their mother says sternly.
>Celestia says with tears in her eyes.
>"Mother? So she's my grandmother?"
>She responds looking at Anon.
>"Explain your selves!"
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>"..You told on us to our MOTHER?"
>'And a good thing she did! I'm owed a veritable backlog of birthday presents, cookies, knitted sweaters, spanki-'
>"Not now, Anonymous."
>I can't take 2wycked out to go pick up Auntie?
>"No!..I don't like dis new crowd she's in with..friggin' bastids' keyed the car.."
>"Where is your Nephew with our ride, MoonMaiden?"
>'Yeah we're supposed to kick ass around the sea of tranquility, he'd better not be rockin' some crappy riceburner!'
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>"Egads, Sister, an 'irish' coffee this early in the day? In this heat?"
>'Anonymous and I are clearly morning poni-..perso-..we're clearly the morning type, Luna.'
>'Isn't that right, sunshine?'
>Anon gives a thumbs up from beneath the table
"Y-Yes *hic* I'm am-..I'm *hic* I'm am clearly the *hic* morning t- *URRP*..the morning type."
"Gimme another cuppa' that darjeeling daniels, ma, I'm not driving."
I don't want mom or auntie to go, I'm too attached to them.
I remember when I was about 8, my mom got on a train to go see some family. I ran with it for as long as I could, waving bye to her.
Shhh! She'll find me!
W-Weekends are her "Up and at em'" days...
>Be lazing around on a day off/weekend
>Be enjoying yourself
>Wild mom appears
>Mom notices you chillan
>That wont do
>Brings out the ol' sunnydew (sonny-do)list
>"You brought our mother here?"
"It seemed like the easiest way to solve this. Even the prince said they were acting childish."
>"So you respond by ripping her through time?"
"It's fine. I can just put her back right after they make up."
>"Actually... according to the history books, their mother disappeared one day and never returned."
"Wait, what?"
>"You mean you're the reason my mom and aunt lost their mom, the last of their family, and had to grow up as orphans on the streets?"
"Unintentionally yes, but I had the best intentions. And look how well they turned out though."
Bite me, Mr shekelberg, a mother-son day out takes precedence over your lame 'quarterly earnings meetings'
w-wageslave bump
I'd prefer a mother-son night in where she realizes no matter how old I am I'll always love and need her, and then she tries to hold me in spite of being an overgrown manchild and she sings me to sleep.
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g'nite mom and auntie
>Have a good night's rest sweetie
>"A midnight sockhop? Bully!"
>"Did thou knoweth, it is a little known fact the aforementioned song was originally by Ste-"
>Mom & Twilight stop
>'..Luna, we're right here, why are you yelling? You're going to wake Anonymous- he JUST went to bed right now, you know?'
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>"..Anonymous, that isn't the cosplay your Aunt and I laid out on your bed, why aren't you wearing the loin cloth?"
>'Mom people I know from school are going to be there.'
>"And? What, you're self conscious about your body? Oh vanity, thy name is my handsome cuddlemonster.."
>'It's literally like, a paper towel and some string, mom.'
>"Fine. I knew you might raise a fuss over showing off that hot bod to other girls, so we also picked out an alternate."
>Mom holds up something with a lot of zippers and a leash
>"You like it? I think it's from The Punisherer..it's black, leather, and for some reason it's got this leash thing.."
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keep an eye on them today
boards kind of fast
>Anonymous sees what's taking place before him
>Strips to his underwear
>"Grrrr and I'm the night like Auntie, too"
>"The cookies and cable belong to us now and for always!"
>'...Now do you see the bad example you're setting, Luna?'
Good boy bump
Get those gbp
2 gbp for me, you guys need to keep up
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>wouldst it terribly vexeth thou if circumstances required us to....
are woke nephew points the same thing?
she's asking for a friend
conversion rate is 1 to 1, yes
I got the sound proof foam set up
Got my earmuffs
And It's already past midnight
Finally, some peace and quiet
>Winga Dinga
No, That's not possible
Go home and be a family mare, mom
I can't sleep unless you tuck me in
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>"Princess, might I suggest instead of push-up's, you do push-away's?"
>"Like, push-away that next plate of cake?"
>"..I'll have you know I'm water resistant to a depth of 150 meters." The scale says from halfway in the toilet
>'See, ma? I told you that smart scale was a bad idea, just like that self parking carriage that thought you were a neighsian driver.'
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>"Blasted machine!"
>"Nephew! Settle this feud once and for all!"
>"This nefarious 'Alexa' beast claims to not be able to make sense of our words!"
>[I'm sorry, "Playeth the classics of Buch and Hoofthoven" is not a valid command, please speak more clearly.]
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>"Guess who I found in the basement?~"
>Any curiosity Anonymous had quickly vanishes from his face when he sees their guest
>'..Huh. I thought I blocked that mirror thing with a bunch of old hearthswarming decorations.'
>"I know! Isn't it wonderful Twilight survived, though?"
>"Why one moment I'm down there scrapbooking and then I hear 'Help! This tinsel is suffocating me!'"
>"And wouldn't you know it, it's Twi-..it's one of the Twilights!"
>'Yes, how wonderful, now when the princess one isn't sucking up to you or being weird around me, I'll have this one to deal with.'
>"Splendid! I knew you two would become fast friends."
>'Do you have that 'oblivious to sarcasm' charm on right now?'
>"What? I haven't the foggiest notion what you could be referring to my sweetheart."
>'You are getting such a boop for this later, mo- Twilight, stay out of my room.'
Awaken, my momster
>10 again
Alright there go the haystation and neightendo privileges, young man
Mom, Auntie. I know how much you 2 love your "sister time"
But I have class in the morning, YOU guys have school too!
>We both understand anon, we'll put our festivities on hold
>Have sweet dreams and vanquish your enemies of the night dear nephew!
Glad it worked out
>*Droning music*
>I'll endure the exile
But they promised...
>The darkness of night falls around my soul
>And the hunter within loses control!
>when spinal tap-mom turns it up to 11
Are those hands photoshopped?
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>yfw your mom wants to relive the good ol' days before you were 11
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>"C'mon sunshine, bust a move, you're hanging with the cool kids now."
>Mr. Doodle throws you a 'westside' hand sign
>Auntie pulls up one leg of her tracksuit to the knee and crosses her arms defiantly
>'Word to your mother.'
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Don't forget about sister-mom/clone-mom
>You down with GBP?
Mom stop trying to fight nature, gosh
good boy bump, that's 3 for me
What're you gonna buy with yours?
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If I get 5, we get to go eat out to a restaurant of my choice
Mom. why?! you promised me last night
>anon, we did what you asked, we postponed our "sister time"
No, no, you kept me up through the whole night with your noise
>I think dear nephew meant our melodies
>Oh! well why didn't you say so son?
No more music in the night
>Ok, cross my hear, hope to fly, stick cake in my mouth
>we will let you have your rest for the night
Thank goodness
What's that smell?
4am?! The sun is just rising, WHAT COULD THEY POSSIBLY BE-
You've just Rosetta Stoned my ass because I don't know what the hell is happening here.

Nice dropping Schism, I guess.
There's now this thing going to where celestia and luna are always playing music late, annoying anon

Might want to practice your grammar and syntax a little more mate, because it's not obvious what any of your posts intend. Good music taste though.
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I don't really write green, and things just sound better in your head. I do what I can
>"Waiter? My special Ray of handsome would like to redeem his GBP for the tendies flambe'."
>'Very good, madam. Would the young sir like a placemat and crayons?'
More like nein!
Would she be over protective of her brother? Is she older or younger than him if even by a few minutes. Also don't forget his cousin, the younger looking Luna.
>tfw no overly protective sister-mom-aunt gf
>tfw no mfw because mobilefagging
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>"Y-Young Master, your mother has vacated the throne in favor of the 'pretty princess box' again.."
See what happens on 9?
> Pretty boy!
Sunset not you too
> Anon! Anon! He’s our man! If he can’t do it no one can!!
Girls, serious. Every morning?
> Yep, by royal decree we are too cheer you on every morning on the way to school.
> Plus, you know, college credit.
> Shhhh he didn’t need to know that!
Any chance I could get some personal cheering behind the bleachers?
> Sorry Anon, we can’t cheer you on while you jack off. It’s in our contract.
*sigh* thanks mom.
> Oh don’t thank her, this was passed down by the lunar court.
Guess that also means I can’t fuck any of you.
> That was stipulation came from day court.
Of course it did.
> Okay! Fromthe top girls!
At least use your inside voices
Source please
>Anon gets capped for snitching
Thanks girls, but I'd rather have Mom do that herself
>2, 4, 6, 8! My son knows when I ovulate!
>Nephew, Nephew! He's my man, if he can't impregnate me no one can!
>..Oh crap. Luna, we said the ones we were supposed to be thinking, out loud instead of thinking them in our heads again."
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Why do I think all of the princesses will make great mothers?
>Auntie, please, I have an early morning tomorrow
The prince’s attempts at sending ponies to space are going...poorly
> Please Anon just once!
I’m going to Crystal Prep in the fall. I bet they don’t have to deal with this

"Do what just once?"
Would Celestia personally help you with your homework? Or would she hire someone?
It's part of your princely duties as a son.
Now don that apron and get those skidmarks off the toilet.
Why do I think those could be Metallica lyrics?
Why do I think "Enter Sandman" would be a rather fitting song for Nightmare Moon?
>Listens to Metallica

Are we too manly to be part of the herd?
>Enter sandmare
>Ride the sunshine
We're good
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S-Stop showing them our home movies!
>"Awww, bath time with the young prince! The cutest scene of the century!"
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>Alright, I'll throw it ONE more time and then I'm going to bed
What about compsci?
> Apologies nephew but the truth is, you were played from the start
Ok DJ Auntie Khalid, gosh...
>tfw Friday the 13th
>tfw no mommy to avenge jasnon voorhees
Scoot off 8 right now, ma
>hire someone
>Implying she doesn't have a very eager to please protegee who would do it for free.

>Be Anon.
>Be very confused.
>Twilight Sparkle has wormed herself into your room yet again, but something's very wrong here...
"Sooo, no annoying and dorky attempts at flirting with me? No obnoxious spastic ways to try and get into my pants?"
>"Anon, your mother asked me to help you with your homework, and that's what I'm here to do." Twilight says this with a determination almost foreign to you.
>You're okay with this though.
>More than okay with it in fact, Twilight, for all her 'tism is pretty much the smartest girl you know, and right now you're seeing her in a whole new light.
>"B-But if we hurry and finish, t-then we can..." She starts breathing heavily "W-We can foo- fool arOUnd~"
"You just had to ruin it."
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>"C'mon mom, this 'muh alicorn metabolism' excuse is getting old."
Never fails to make me laugh.
So how do you think alicorns can have this kind of metabolism (and possibly always be in heat)?
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Mom, you look kinda different today. You got a new manestyle or something?
Mother get off the floor. It’s not proper
>"Alright, now what're you going to say if anypony recognizes you?"
>'Uh, negative, I am a meat popsicle..'
>'Oh, um..multipass?'
Don't retire yet, ma
There's still cake
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Mom, hows a nation "for the butt and by the butt" going to function anyway?
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Never! I told you to bring your own calamine lotion! I'm using the rest of it! These bugbites are murder!
>shut up bitch we both know it’s your fetish
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night, mom
> Twilight?! I don’t remember inviting you to mommy and son time.
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>"This is the part where thou wakest up, Sparkle."
Fuck you you made me spill my drink
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"You're sure you want to do this?"
>The little Prince responds.
"But wouldn't the royal kitchen be a better choice? I could even ask Pinkie Pie to help us, you remember her right?"
>"No, I want to do this myself. But no pony let's me bake or cook in the kitchen at the castle."
>You are looking at his determination and sigh.
"Alright, but I'll be here to help and put it into the oven and take it out for you."
>He says grinning from ear to ear.
>Prince Anonymous, or just Anon as he likes you to call him, was over for his weekly schooling you devised for him.
>Today you gave him a test and you promised him that if he got a perfect score on it you would give him a prize of whatever he wanted.
>You were surprised when he wanted to bake a cake.
>Especially since you... admittedly were not the best at cooking.
>That's why you have Spike after all.
>You're just here to make sure he doesn't hurt and or kill himself.

>It's about time to pick Anon up from Twilight's.
>You teleport into her castle's main entrance where they normally meet you, but no pony is there.
>"Now just CAREFULLY put the top layer of icing on."
>What is this now?
>You follow the voices into her kitchen.
"Hello? Twilight? Anon?"
>"Mommy! I made you a cake!"
"Really? All by yourself?"
>"Well... more or less, yes."
>You look and see a cake that he obviously made himself... or Twilight is still as bad a cook without Spike as you remember.
"Why thank you Sunshine. Twilight, would you like to have some cake with us?"
>She let's out a sigh.
>"That sounds great Princess Celestia."
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>Not allowed to bake or cook at home
>"Gosh, so ONE time the kitchen was full of coltlumbian nationals and cocaine and all of a sudden I'm never allowed to use the kitchen again?"
>"I mean, 1. I was clearly going to cut you in, mom-"
>"Hushing up now. L-Love you."
Let her have her fun Auntie, while I have my fun with you~
>Some ponies find issue with how the luna princess has recently taken to her duties with 'company' in tow
>She appears to those in need in the dream realm as she usually does
>Only a bit preoccupied
>"P-Pay no mind to our Nephew and relay to us t-the nature of your dreaammm-ohstars~.."
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>"Yoo hoo~ this is your mother executing a no-knock search warrant, hope your decent in there."
>'Rippan & tearin' in here, ma, is it important?'
>"You got some mail, it looks like it's a video game or a movie.."
>"Oooh, it's from someplace foreign, too..look at all those different postmarks..your Aunt would have a field day."
>'Well, what is it?'
>Heh. Bigfather references
>"Hmm..sweetie, what's 'Amae Haha Nozomi' about?"
Had to look it up Amae Haha Nozomi. Seemed generic. But couldn’t find a plot summary. What’s it about
>And THIS Twilight, is why we done invite you to tea time.
From what I can tell:
>Single mother raises son
>Son wants to fuck mother, but is too afraid to say anything
>When urges get too strong, talks to widow neighbor about his problem
>Widow neighbor offers her body to keep son from sinning
>He eventually gains the courage to tell his mother
So, nothing special
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>"..Did..did that other colt just push Anonymous?"
>'Sister, no, they're just children.'
>"You lay claw/hoof/appendage upon my son and you forfeit all rights to life, Luna, they know this."
I’ll do my best mom!
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>Celestia is a single mother trying to get back into the dating scene
>she's mostly doing it for anon, after all, he needs a good strong father figure that he can look up to
>lil anon disagrees, he likes things the way they are
>just him, mommy, and auntie
>he doesn't need or want a daddy, some strange man coming into his home and stealing his mommy away from him
>anon proceeds to drive away every single man Celestia brings home by being as much a creepy little hell child as he can whenever her back is turned
>saying really creepy cryptic shit, like repeating numbers that turn out to be future dates, in a really disturbing monotone voice
>dismembering his toys and leaving them in strange positions that resemble some kind of satanic blood ritual
>drawing disturbing pictures featuring Celestia's boyfriends meeting really grizzly ends
>singing macabre songs in his cutesy little child voice
>every boyfriend bugs out cuz no MILF pussy is worth this shit
>Celestia cries and cuddles anon, and for a few weeks things are back to normal
>until Celestia decides to give it another go
>Mothers belong to their possibly demonic/anti-christ sons.
Based and satanpilled
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>big sister
>cool popular girl at school, fun troublemaker who loves to pull pranks, much to mom's chagrin
>because of her popularity you are protected despite being something of an autist nerd
>not dumb just doesn't really apply herself at schoolwork, probably has dreams of going into music, uses you as a human cheat sheet in return for various favors
>very protective of you, this was great when you were little and you were convinced there was something living in your closet, but now that you're entering puberty it's just gotten annoying
>feels the need to vet every girl you interact with, if she doesn't like them then they just start staying away from you, end of story
>knows it's wrong to touch herself while sniffing your dirty clothes, but can't help herself

Cousin Artemis
>younger cousin, just entering puberty
>awkward and shy, doesn't have too many friends, but always lights up when around you
>you both share the same nerd interests
>you make her feel funny feelings she can't explain
>God why is Summer always huffing Anon's laundry?
>...Guess that girl must really like her Tide
Based anime-levels-of-oblivious mom
>"Summer, honey... we need to talk sweetie."
>Oh no, that can't be good.
"C-coming mom."
>Mom and Aunt Luna are sitting at the dining room table.
>This really can't be good now.
"Hey, what's- what's going on."
>"Summer, we've become... aware that you've been sniffing Anon's clothes."
>Oh god!
>You sit down and feel the color drain from your face.
>You honestly think you might faint right now.
>"Sweetie, it's okay. We still love you, but we are concerned."
>Mom says putting her hand on yours.
"God, I'm sorry mom."
>Tears start to form on your eyes.
>This is so embarrassing.
"It- it just smells so good! I couldn't help it. I'm so so sorry! I'm a freak!"
>"Oh honey, we're here for you. But please tell me, you haven't eaten any of them yet have you?"
>Wait what?
"W-what? Eaten... his clothes?"
>"No dear, the pods."
"The... pods?"
>"Tide pods sweetie. There's a trend where kids eat tide pods as a challenge and post it online."
>"We thought you were really enjoying the smell of freshly washed laundry recently and were trying to ease your way into trying to eat a pod."
>"You need to know it may smell nice, but it could kill you. That stuff is basically poison."
>You just stare at them.
>That's what this is about?
>Not that you're a pervert who wants her own brother, but tide pods?
"No, no mom. I haven't eaten any."
>Both of them sigh in relief.
>"Thank God! I was so worried about you."
>"Just please promise us that you will not try to eat any."
"I, I promise. Can I go back to my room?"
>"Of course. Thank you for being honest with us. We can always tell if you're lying to us."
>You get up and start walking back to your room.
>"Hey Summer, you okay?"
"H-hey bro."
>"You're looking really pale. You feeling okay?"
>He puts his hand on your forehead.
>"You're soaked in sweat! What's going on?"
"It's fine, it's fine. I just need to lay down for a bit."
>"Okay, but let me know if you need anything."
"How about, how about a hug?"
>Anon in the center of that cuddle pile
He'll be either the comfiest or the horniest he's ever been in his life
> My son, my inner sanctum is off limits to all, even you. But alas, here you stand. What could you possibly desire that you would intrude on me at my most vulnerable?
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We're out of oreos and capri suns
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>Look, I know you two have this whole 'feud as old as time it's self' thing going on, but could you maybe lower it to a dull roar for the night?
>'Oafish firebrat! Your blistering sunlight is keeping our nephew awake!'
>"You wish, dorkest night, it's probably the moondust you're always reeking of."
>..Ok, well, I'm going back to bed now, love you both
>'Y-Yes, we bid thou a fond farewell to dreamland, nephew..if it so pleases THE INSOLENT HAG THAT IS OUR SISTER!'
>"*Mwah* Mommy will make pancakes in the morning, good night, my sunshine...if your WHINY INVALID OF AN AUNT WILL ALLOW ME TO RAISE THE SUN!"
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>Mom's date arrives at their house
>Is about to knock when the door opens
>"Hi, shyguy247."
>"Haha, you're right, I'm not PrincipalSingle111; that's my mother."
>"Anyway, let me tell you what's going to happen: Your date? You don't have one anymore."
>"No, I mean, the reservation for two is still there, you just physically have no date for it; you aren't taking my mother."
>"You aren't taking her out, you aren't taking her to your cheapass family restaurant, you aren't going to BS your way into her pants, and certainly not her heart, you aren't taking *shit*."
>"We clear?"
>"Super! Don't be late now, I hear Dennie's can only hold those booths for so long!"
>'Anonymous, sweetie, who was at the door?'
> Sunshine, what did I tell you about hiding in my throne? You know this is obvious. Everyone can still see you
The inter-dimensional mommy-son convention often get very messy
>What, no, I've always had 4 arms
>I also always fondle my breasts with the pair I'm not using either
>[Anonymous this is the LAST time I listen to you about a 'quikie' before Day court..]
>*Ahem* N-Nothing, Miss, I assure you, you have my fullest attention
>..If I could please have my other pair of arms cease their ministrations
no hooves be damned, I want a delicious tan mom
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>"Hello, how may I-..Oh, Twilight, dear, please, not this early in the day..."
>"For the last time, Anonymous is NOT a Prince here."
> my dear anonymous, I know your love for your mother is deep asthe ocean but cant you see my love for you. The mere sight of you makes my womanhood flutter. That brief tryst we shared at the gala the previous evening has been cemented in my mind and is my most cherished memoriy.If you were to only ask, I would drop to my knees again and pleasure you in every way you desire.Please, I Bed you, run away with me.In my country you’ll be treated much better I promise. You will know of no hardship. And I will satisfy you in anyway I possibly can be mine my darling anonymous. I will wait for you at the castle entrance until the morning.

>Love ( insert foreign royal female here)

What you reading mom?
> Oh never you mind Sunshine. Just some junk mail. Now get back to licking.
Mom I’ve been at this for hours. Aren’t you done yet?
> You’ll know when I’m done sweetheart. You’ll know
"He is not a prince here... yet."
>"What are you talking about?"
"Well, I just happen to be a trans dimensional princess. A fairly wealthy princess at that if I do say so myself. That was even before I found out how much humans value gold. In those standards, I could be one of the richest 'people' in the world."
>"I am very happy for you. But that still doesn't answer what you mean by 'yet.'"
"I only meant that he isn't a prince but that if he were to marry a princess, which I am, then he would be a prince. A very financially secure prince as well."
>"Twilight, it almost sounds like you want to buy my son."
"What? No. I would just make sure he is happy and wouldn't want for anything. And as the mother of the prince, you would also be taken care of by the crown as well."
>She sighs, but looks like she is at least listening.
>You take a gold bit from your pocket and place it on the desk.
"Equestria, which I'm one of the princesses of, has an almost infinite number of gold and gems at its disposal. And Anon could be a prince of it."
>"I don't care about money. I just want someone to make him happy."
"And I can. I just need the chance to prove it."
>"I can't force my son to go on a date or marry anyone. That is up to him to decide. Have you tried asking him yourself?"
"I could have done that? That would have saved so much time."
> No matter how big you grow, you always be mommy’s special little guy.
>Ahhhh retirement.
>Watch out boy she'll chew you up
>(Oh here she comes)
>She's a maneater
What is that racket?
Anon, turn that down, mama's trying to relax
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you have a URL for the Super DT mod that this was taken from?
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this ass is kanon
>Nobody mentions it
You can’t stealthpost this shit on my watch, Anon. Footfags go in the trash.
> (When had her sweet little boy become this....... man?)
> ( Such a forceful-)
> ( Commanding-)
> (MANNNN!!!!)
Is it for ants?
Did some footfag jizz on her feet or something?
Worse, judging by the inside of her shoes.
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Thanks mom
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>Welcome back, Anon, Ms. C
>I think you'll find the recent renovations to the mother-son auditorium much to your liking
>"Super, Rob, thanks a million."
>Oh and hey, maybe try to watch some of the movie for a change this time you two
>"No promises, my friend, no promises."
>lucky sumbitch
Hate that oc
>"No promises, my friend, no promises."
>"Even though he claims to be old enough to stay up late, little Anon always manages to fall asleep halfway through the movies anyway."
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Auntie, try to take over the world again so I don't have to go to work
>Neigh, thou art quite aware we are only permitted to do so twice yearly now
Stupid Assembly bill NM-01..
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What's the movie we're watching?
Tim Burton's Batman (1989), featureing Jack Nicholson as the Joker and Michael Keaton as Batman/Bruce Wayne.
Blues Brothers
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also based
>Neigh, thou art quite aware we are only permitted to do so twice yearly now

But wouldn't such bill be unconstitutional if treason is defined in the constitution of Equestria? And why would Celestia, along with her own parliament, allow for such bill to be passed allowing her to do so?
it's make believe, jesus
> Neigh! Not again Nephew! I should have never bought you those motivational tapes!
Why do you keep turning everything everyone posts into sexual crap?
There's no wrong way to fantasize.
It’s his stand’s ability. [Red Light District]
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>"..Mr. Anonymous, if you could please ask your mother to stop creating a spectacle so class can resume as usual."
>'I could try, Mr. Doodle, but it's best if I just let them both tire themselves out.'
>"What breed of dog is that, anyway?"
>'Sun Sun's a purebred sc-..pinsch-..uhh..doggy dogg?'
>His 'dog' is actually a magic princess pony! Spike; my dog is magic, too, he's actually a dragon where we came from!
>"Ms. Sparkle, please, one insanity at a time."
Except there is a wrong way, and that's if you keep shoving your fantasies into everyones' posts.
Go back to whining in /irt/
Are you trying to say this is /irt/?
So wait, when she does try whose side is Anon on?
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>"Sunshine, my tallest!"
>"...When do we get cake an' tacos?"
What if that’s his fantasy?
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>he's having that hoofholding dream again
> Cease Nephew! You’re corrupting the posts!
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>"..I hope this works this time."
>"*Ahem* Princess, if you're seeing this; good. It's me, Sunset.."
>"I'm going on year 1,297 of limbo in this eternal high school dimension..I know I left Equestria under less than pleasant circumstances, but..I could really use your guid-"
>'..What the fuck? How did you get on my teamspeak?'
>"O-Oh my gosh, is somepony there?! Are you getting me?"
>'What the fuck...MOOOOM!...Momma, did you pay the internet this month?'
>[Yes, my sunshine. Celestia singsong's from the next room]
>'..Weak. I'll just reboot, I guess.'
>"Anonymous, is that you?! ANON, NO WAIT, DON'T UNPL-"*KSSSSSSHHHH*
>The screen goes snowy with static before darkening instantly
>'That's like the 10th time this week..the fuck is up with horse comcast..'
Can't get those GBP on 9
>No imp mom to whisper things in your ear
>".. Anonymous, take that cake and claim it under imperial sunlight law.."
"Damnit, ma, c'mon."
>"Ma'? Nooo~ t-this is your conscience.."
"Any last words before we execute you"

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