Anon has finally been brought to justice. Justice means no dessert and going to bed early.Previous Thread: >>33588374Pastebins:http://pastebin.com/u/Aftercasehttp://pastebin.com/u/A-nonMoosehttp://pastebin.com/u/Bluebirdd065http://pastebin.com/u/Davyjones635http://pastebin.com/u/dungeoncrawlerhttp://pastebin.com/u/EyeCancerhttp://pastebin.com/u/Iron_Tarkingtonhttp://pastebin.com/u/jubileewritefaghttp://pastebin.com/u/Juggyhttp://pastebin.com/u/MindWavehttp://pastebin.com/u/MLPNopehttp://pastebin.com/u/Mythdhttp://pastebin.com/u/PhysicsAnonhttp://pastebin.com/u/SapphireMantidhttp://pastebin.com/u/Shardokhttp://pastebin.com/u/shrimpastahttp://pastebin.com/u/Slownonhttp://pastebin.com/u/Spritejunkeehttps://pastebin.com/u/Suturoganofuhttp://pastebin.com/u/Wand_of_infernohttp://pastebin.com/u/WarKing76http://pastebin.com/u/Zelishttp://pastebin.com/u/ZewStory Master List:https://pastebin.com/KwwB0NVY
First in line for pudding cup.
Boopers will be fined
>>33734107>tfw no sex in Equestria
>>33734120I did more than boop. I rubbed a pony's chestfluff.
>>33734631No vagina but you can fuck little pony's mouth.
>>33734709But then how does pony?
>>33734639You disgust me
Kind of surprised we made it all the way through a thread. Too bad I fucking suck or maybe I'd make some content or something.
>>33735509You are charged with he following crimes> Low Self-Esteem> Giving up on your DreamYour sentence> Daily encouragement classes> A professional friend to assist you> A really big hug
>>33735636Yea, well I lied anyway. So there.>ywn go to pony prison>your cellmate will never try to prison cuddle you>Be Anon.>Be in pony prison.>Stubbed your toe on the way back from the market.>Said a couple bad words and kicked a sign with your good foot.>7 days jail for public indecency and property damage>Your cellmate is Hard Time.>He's a little blue-grey pony with an unkempt brown mane.>Hard Time has been around.>The ponice officer escorting you to your cell warned you about him.>Apparently he was Equestria's premier repeat offender.>Hardy had been to prison TWO times!>TWO (2)!>For the same crime, even.>Profane language.>Hard Time worked in construction.>Hit his head on a cross-board back in '08 and then again just last week.>Almost seemed like this was his destiny, poor guy.>Everypony in the ESS knew Hard Time meant business, and you got to be his friend.>Dude was pretty cool.>The two of you got along well from the start.>By lunch time, you even had a pet name for your new friend.>Except that now everyone calls him that.>Kinda ticks you off really, but whatever. >It was your pet name, dammit. >You came up with it!>Now it's not even all that special.>Frickin' ponies, stealing your shit.
>>33735678>It's been a full day of getting to know everyone and talking with others about your hopes and dreams for when you get out.>But now it's finally over.“You all tucked in, man?”>Hardy rolls over in his bed and pulls the sheets up under his chin.>”Yea, I'm ready for bed.”>You flick off the light, and the and the little night lite next your shared mini fridge turns on. >You walk over to your bed and climb on in. >Time for a good night's rest. -------------------- >Be a light sleeper.>Wake up in the middle of the fucking night for no reason.>Great, whatever.>You turn over in your bed to try and get back to sleep.>Once you do though, you can hear Hardy do the same up above you.>You let him keep the top bunk when you moved in.>The bed shakes and squeaks a little a he moves around.>You can also just barely hear his voice, but you can't tell what he is saying.>You close your eyes and pray for rest.>Hard Time rolls over again, and you can hear him grumbling some more. >A few seconds of silence and then more movement.>A bit more grumbling, and then the bed moves again, but this time you can tell that Hard Time isn't just rolling over on to his side.>More movement and you can tell that he's sat up now.
>>33735682>You're a little bit annoyed that you won't be able to get to sleep anytime soon.>Little pony won't stop moving around up there, and now he probably has to go to the bathroom or something.>Doesn't he know it's bedtime? >It's fucking 11pm for God sake!>But then a thought occurs.>You're in prison.>It's late night, after everyone has gone to bed and there are no guards about.>Your roommate, the “hardest pony in the Equestrian Sorry System” has just sat up and started to make his way out of bed. >Oh sweet Jesus. >You've heard stories about what they do to ponies in prison.>And now here you are, all alone in your room with Hard Time.>Hardy climbs out of bed and down the ladder towards the floor.>You can see his shadow cast on the wall by the night light as he climbs down behind you.>First his back legs, then his body, and then finally his head.>And he just stops there, halfway down the ladder.>You can tell he is looking at you.>You can feel his eyes on you.>You screw your own eyes shut and grit your teeth.>Oh god.>This is it.>”H-hey.”>...>”Anon?”>Hard Time climbs down onto the floor and quietly walks up to your bed, as if trying not to wake you.>”Anon? Are you awake?”>You can feel him put his front hooves up on your mattress, and then he gives you a little poke in the back.>”A-anon. Please?”>Well, here goes.>You roll over in bed and prop yourself up on one arm to look at your assailant, only half pretending to rub the sleep from your eyes as you do.
>>33735687“W-what? What time is it, Hardy? What's going on?”>Hard Time looks down at the wall, and rubs his forehoof with the one he just used to attack your sleep.>After a short silence, he finally decides to answer your question.>”It's, uh... It's late.”>No shit.>”But look, Anon. I-I can't sleep.”>He looks you in the face briefly, but moves his eyes back to his spot on the wall just as quickly.>For your part, you just stare at him blankly.>”I just, I had a lot on my mind when I went to bed tonight, and then I had a nightmare, and I'm worried about what I'll do when I get out and if anypony will want to be my friend after they hear that I went to big house.”>After his little verbal eruption Hardy finally looks at you in the eyes again.>”And since you're my roommate and kind of like my best friend in here, I was wondering if maybe...”>Hard Time shifts on his front hooves a little.>”Can I sleep with you tonight? Please?”>You look at Hardy for a little bit as you mull over his request.>His eyes plead with you to say yes.>You knew that it was pretty common for the smaller, softer ponies to seek comfort in the embrace of their roommates on the inside.>But you never expected Hard Time to come asking for cuddles. >You had thought he was harder than that.>He seemed like he was pretty in control of himself earlier today.>But if he had a nightmare...>You can understand being concerned about getting out.>You suppose that's pretty normal.>Must have been pretty bad if it was giving him dreams like that, though.>Well, no sense making the little pony wait. >It's not like you're gonna be able to get any sleep if you say no.>He's just gonna be up there tossing and turning all night.>You'd actually feel kinda bad, too.>You scootch over against the wall and pat the mattress next to you.“Alright.”
>>33735690>Those eyes go from pleading to happy real quick.>Hard Time jumps up onto the bed and climbs under the covers head first.>He does a 180 and falls on his side next to you, facing towards you and the wall.>You might be a little pissed about him messing up the sheets, but it's probably gonna be a bit too hot to sleep all tucked in with a warm little poner in your arms anyway.>You lay back down, facing your cuddle buddy.>You slip one arm underneath him and wrap the other one around his back to hold him close. >Hard Time just lets you do what you will and then melts in your body once you've got him in your embrace.>You can feel him relax, even as he buries his face under your chin.>Poor guy really was tense.>Hardy lets out a contented little sigh.>“Anon?”>You gently stroke his back with the hand you have wrapped around him.“Hm?”>”Thanks for being my very best friend.”>D'aww.>”Good night.”“Good night, Hardy.”>Hard Time closes his eyes and settles in for the night.>You do the same.>It's gonna be a comfy night. >Just one last thing before you fall asleep...“No homo.”>”Huh?”“Nothing...”Remember to like and subscribe. Please donate to my poneon.
>>33735691lol the no homo got me
>>33735691Cute and also very cute.Read after waking up in the middle of the night. Now trying to imagine cuddling a pony cell mate to get back to bed.
>seeing his good behavior with fellow inmates Anon is released early for good behavior>Anon is sad because that means he'll leave his friends>while drinking his newfound loneliness away at a bar, a brilliant idea strikes him…
>>33735910is floridaman just IRL anon?that makes so much sense.
come on, ponies
>page 10Stop criminal scum you have violated the law
>>33739923What do paladins in Kinderquestria actually do?
>>33734107These threads haven't been active since forever. It's good to see that general is still alive.
>>33740257Apparently murder innocent civilians.
>>33738086>Floridanon is sent to equestrian jail for some typical "Florida man" stuff>neither warden, nor the guards have any idea what kind of beast they were tasked with rehabilitating
>>33740747Somebody do this it need to be done
>>33740747He should mellow out a bit after the amphetamine withdrawal is over with. Still gonna go to jail every three days, but he should be ever so slightly less erratic.
10 minutes time out for page 10.
What about WARDEN anon? Or what about kinder-anon in HARDCORE equestria?
>>33746078>kinder-anon in HARDCORE equestria?Downies don't go to normal prison
>>33746083Not a downie, but what if earth was kinder-earth, and it was kinder anon from kinder earth... Or just an actual kindergartener, but since poners have no frame of reference they just think he's a weak PoS adult.
>>33746078>HARDCORE equestriaFor some reason I have flashes of He-Man, Krull, Arnie the barbarian, and all the other over-the-top high-fantasy stuff, complete with scantily-clothed warrior princesses, earth-shattering magic, wise hermits, evil beings from infernal dimensions, and wacky villains with dumb but cruel henchmen.Assuming you're the otherworldly warrior from ancient prophecy they were waiting for, and that you won't die ten minutes in, it'll be the greatest adventure of a dozen lifetimes.And if you make it out there, you might just end up with a hot warrior princess waifu or husbando, whatever sharpens your blade and being hailed as the greatest hero in history.I like the hell out of it.
>>33747141>“Reach for the sky”>"There’s a snake in my boot!”>“You’re my favorite deputy”
>>33747802Pull Robberlestia's tail for these quotes.
>>33747880Who are you talking about? That's Looterjack.
>anon is released early from his two week sentence, and assigned to a hardboiled cop the prison chef, Hard Boiled>their mission? to find and capture the biggest threat the world has ever known>the only way to catch the meanest pony in equestria is by sending the meanest hyooman
>It's Always Sunny kek in Canterlot>"Anon Visits the Oubliette"
>"Inmate Blaze, this is Anon, your cellmate.""Hey">"Hello. So, umm, what are you in for? I couldn't open a pickle jar and kind of sort of burned down the house...""I bumped a thread from page 9 three times in a row"
>>33749454>Anon just keeps putting buckets of water on top of doors until Meanie McMeanwords breaks down and turns herself in, vowing to never be mean again.
>>33750939>Anon gets out of prison>immediately p9 bumps againHe's been in there for too long. It's the only life he knows.
>Anon is sent to jail or finds himself in jail somehow.>For some awful reason, he doesn't know it's jail.>Just some other place in equestria but ponies are actually SLIGHTLY more aggressive.>He worries so many guards and prisoners when he seems to be settling in a bit too well...like the asshole planned to stay.
>>33735691Liked and favorited. Cute story.
>anon gets sent to weird ponified things jail
>>33754374Sounds like some sort of pony SCP.>>33727001>>33727005>during his first lunch in cafeteria Anon encountered something that would make even Lovecraft shiver in terror — a ponified black hole>for some reason this one didn't tear him apart, along with the rest of the planet>nevertheless Anon is still scared shitless, much to ponies' curiosity>he then shares what humanity knows about black holes, causing few ponies to be scared shitless too and the rest to adorably tilt their heads like a bunch of confused puppies>what Anon didn't know was that, while he was explaining how gravity warps spacetime, black hole pone was close enough to hear him>her interest piqued, black hole pone now stalks Anon in hopes that he will share more about humanity and it's space shenanigans>meanwhile Anon is slowly losing it, being followed by a literal black hole, whose event horizon was somehow twisted into the shape of a ponyThere are things that shouldn't be ponified, if only for the sake of our sanity.And because it's physically impossible to boop an event horizon snoot.
>>33754548What did black hole pone get sent to prison for?
>>33754897And a hole
>>33754548>>33754878>>33754897>>33754984>tfw you will never get to stretch Black Hole pony's black hole with your fat monkey dickwhy continue living
Uh oh, somebody keeps leaving the toilet seat up in the prison bathrooms.
Supervillian isn't a strong enough word for this
>tfw no green
>it's raining in pone prison land>everypony is sad, because the warden won't let anyone go outside>and the prison has a strict "no running or throwing balls inside" ruleHow do you cheer up the sad poners?
>>33761415No throwing balls inside? So I can't bounce a ball around in my cell while I plan my escape?
>Anon volunteers himself to be a living climbing frame and sands there smiling as lots of little poners climb all over him
>>33761483Of course not! You could miss a catch and bonk your snootle really hard.
>>33761887Hey Anon, I just wanted you to know that I was writing up some green for you, and then my browser died. And somehow, despite frequently copying the entire text so that I wouldn't lose it should just this sort of thing happen, it is entirely gone. Someone else has to make some green today. I'm out.
>>33761905No pain — no gain.>Anon traumatizes ponies with that expression>>33762208>writing in browserThat's what you get for being a big dum-dum. Use Notepad++ next time, it has the benefit of letting you create a "syntax" that'll mimic the way your post would look here.
>>33762592Fuk u. No, but of course the one time I don't write things up in a document first, my browser crashes. But like I said, I was making sure to ctrl+c quite frequently so that should anything happen, I could just paste it all back. And yet, somehow, everything was lost. I don't think using notepad would have saved me in this case. I'm pretty sure God just hates me or something.
Hey are there any silly prison rape green-text? I could use a laugh
Episode 200 about to air. Board is going to get really fast again.Please don't let the thread die
>>33754374Stop.This isn't the strange waifu thread.That thread is dead, buried, and forgotten.
>>33765361Because they all got sent to prison, that's correct.
>>33765393Go directly to jail do not pass go do not collect 200 bits
>>33765393That's one way to describe discord I guess.
>>33769101>life sentenceHarsh, but fair.
>>33769135>anon earned his fourteen consecutive life sentences with pride
>anon forged a golem to impersonate a princessThat one gets superjail.
If a pony gets sunburned does Celestia go to prison for causing fire ouchies?
>>33774078Nah, Goddesses are beyond reproach. But you know how suicide is illegal? It would be the pony's fault for staying out in the sun too long, right? So wouldn't they go to prison for self-inflicted booboos? >Be Anon. >You own this place.>Everypony here fears and respects you.>If you want extra pudding, you got it.>If you want cuddles, all you have to do is say, and they're lining up to please you.>Life as king is good.>But today is different.>Rumor has been spreading around of a new pony in prison.>One that is just as tough and as you.>And "bucking crazy".>Or so they say.>Doesn't look so tough to you.>Time to put her in her place.>You put on your best tough guy look."So, little pony... What are ya in for?">The little pony just looks you up and down a couple times.>She turns around and sits down on her haunches, showing you her back.>Even under all that grey fur you can tell she has a pretty gnarly sunburn.>"I stood in the sun for FOUR(4!) hours.">Ponies faint all around you.>She's a tough cookie alright.>This is gonna be harder than you though...
I wanna write for the thread but I wanna start it on a shitty premise and don’t know how that will go
>>33734181>faust said otherwise
>>33775760Go for it So long as it isn’t super edgy
>>33775760Don't worry anon, they're all shitty premises. The fun is what you do with it.
>>33777345You're a shitty premise.
>>33778669O-oh. I'll just put myself in timeout for that...
>>33777945Damn Anon not coolI’m calling the ponice
>ywn teach fillies to swear
>>33775760Do it anyways.
>comes back from Douglandia to reconcile with Celestia>gets sent to Tartarus for her many, many crimes
>>33735691I'm so happy I read this. Thank you.
The most severe punishment for changelings is to be in the same cell block as anon for a week. They just can't handle being around a human orgasm and he has no reason to not jack it.
>>33783850this is hot for some reasonwhat episode?
>>33784345You'll make Celestia cry.
>>33784372It's not, just something the Two Best Sisters Play guy made. It always gets Anon Jr going and I have no idea why.
>giving heart eyes to a minorI was just giving her ear scratchies, you all saw it!
>>33739923>>33759159>>33767668God I would defile them so hard
>>33786097>On tough criminals, Guards and Ponice have to resort to low level name calling to try and stop any sprees.>Thinks like 'scum', 'creep' and the like make lesser criminals bawl their eyes out so they can be easier captured.>And then, in comes Anon.>And he can take what they can give and return words so vile, one poor Guard had to be in therapy for a whole day!>It doesn't help that he's pretty calm and -willingly- went to jail for his horrendous High Level Name Calling and Very High Level Curse Words...
>>33786966Clearly the only reasonable punishment to apply is to force him to console broken ponice mares through hugs and back rubs.How else will he learn what his words can do, and thus change his ways?
>>33786994>Anon volunteers to help Guards capture rowdy prisoners/escapees. >...>It goes as well as expected...
>>33787014"What do you mean I can't cuntpunt the little shit ?"
>>33787042"Oh come ON, the guards get to say insults all the time!" "...""What do you mean that's not an excuse to call him a 'bitch ass mother fucking cuntmuncher'?"
>>33787065I just imagined anon being in a prison room ranting to a mute inmate with Maud tier poker face that he can somehow understand perfectly much to everyone's astonishment.
>>33785393You're going away for a long time scuzball!
>>33788110>"As the princess of friendship, I think the we all need to do our part to make Anon feel welcome. That's why I want every one of you to do WHATEVER he asks."
>>33788164>Anon just tells everyone to do that big ol' group hug because he's been starved for affection his whole life and wants to know what it feels like>ponies can't figure why Anon broke down crying after the hug
>>33740747You made me laugh loud enough to alert my neighbours at 6:30 am. Thanks anon!
>>33786994>Anon gets a job as the prison's chief cuddler>When inmates get upset or scared or are just feeling down they can go to him for some cuddles>Sometimes he even cuddles the guards or other prison staff if they've had a particularly stressful day>After a terrifying prison riot due to pudding cups being replaced with fruit cups there were so many traumatised little ponies that he started group cuddle sessions>This was essentially a big pony pile with him buried underneath it, grinning widely as the little ponies squirmed about to get more body contact with him>The warden praised his skillful work and even dropped in for a few cuddle sessions herself, telling him that his fingers must have some magical properties>Overall happiness drastically improved in the prison and the inmates were noticeably less tense>Especially the ones leaving Anon's office, who all had big goofy smiles and walked like they were half asleep>Anon's cuddles are so effective that they are prescribed as treatment for some of the more... dangerous inmates>Helps reform villains just by holding them and petting them and telling them that he believes they can be good if they try>Is looked upon as some sort of national hero after reforming some of Equestria's worst bad guys>Anon doesn't get what the big deal is, he just wants to hug all the cute little poners and apparently this makes him some sort of messiah
Woah. I had a dream about my sister going to horse jail. What does it mean?
>>33790737That's she's breaking the rules.You know what must be done.
Is it ok to rape ponys in prison? Asking for a friend.
>>33791959Is that what passes for rape in pone prison?
>>33792083look what she was wearing slut was asking for it
Uncle Ted in Equestria when
>>33792322What do you think Professor Ted would think of Equestria?
tfw no green and im too shit to write some
>>33794299>Be Anon>In prison after trying to overthrow Celestia>You simply sat on her thrown while she was doing something else>Sadly it wasn't *that* much of a Kinderquestria, guards didn't submit>Decide to write your own "Mein Kampf" since the situation is similar>But you are shit at writing>So the story end hereSee ? Not that hard.Go Anon, you have no reputation to tarnish and an unlimited supply of Anons to frustrate with badly written and/or unfinished stories.
>>33794337if you say that shit and don't write more there will be hell to pay
>>33794299well don't worry most people who write greens are shit at writing so just do it
>>33792924He'd probably like it, due to the focus on caring for, and living with nature
Where the fuck is an actual aggressive punished prison anon? Let's get an anon that shows them what the fuck is up, not this pussy shit.
>>33795640Anon is already showing them, by not being afraid of losing his pudding privilege.Because if you want some "realist" horse prison, Anon's just gonna end up being the bottom bitch of any Earth pony who want a hole that can't struggle too hard.
>>33795640>>33795744Allow me to be the middle ground faggot and suggest an aspie Anon that can't express himself properly and tends to get just a teensy bit aggressive when ponies pester him one time too many, intentionally or not. You can make him nice and kind behind that disorder for added irony and maybe throw in a phobia or two to spice things up.
We don't have any of those things because we don't have any green.
>>33788110>Grand Theft Colt
>it's human speak for "noble warrior"
>meanwhile in the secret experimental villain rehabilitation camp...
>>33800583I want a story of Anon doing silly and illegal things every few days so he stays in jail
>Anon isn't in jail to keep him away from others, but to keep others away from him>Anon got injured when the villain of the week blew a wall open>While most ponies can get up from almost all by the most severe of injuries, he had several broken bones and internal bleeding>For his safety, he was moved to a maximum security prison where he would be monitered at all times and treated like glass>Because he isn't actually a prisoner, the Warden and guards are all friendly to him, meaning that they can relax their "mean guard" facades of low level name calling and snoot bopping>However, they freak out when he encounters anything remotely dangerous>He's also only allowed to associate with grey level prisoners, and even then he must have complete guard supervision>A red level prisoner sees this and gets the bright idea to use Anon as a hostage to get more dessert during meals by threatening to give him a wet willy>Guards want to come in and save him but are afraid of him getting hurt>Anon, tired of the porcelain treatment and the shenanigans decided to fight back>That day everyone learned that while ponies are more resistant to damage, humans have a way higher tolerance for pain
>>33801196>"I can't believe he did that!">"I know. I've never seen a belly get that pink before.">"I'm scared.">"Me too, warden. Me too."
>going for the high score
>Anon breaks out of prison and goes on a booping spree>Poners everywhere afraid to go out after dark >Guards patrolling the streets>Even the hardest, toughest ponies are locking their doors and sleeping with a night light on
>>33802444>actually creates a crisis as hundreds are put into the hospital for permanent scrunch syndrome >anon’s Superior Human Stealth Techniques™ help him evade the ponice for awhile >he is sent to a supermax for his crimes
>>33802471>Superior Human Stealth Techniques™>Consists of him crouching right in front of ponies, waiting for them to say "Must have been my imagination" and then entering Close Quarters Cuddling
>>33803437>Anon stealthily pickpockets their armor
>Anon is sent to prison for some inane "crime" like littering which he was actually framed for>said "prison" is actually more of a summer camp where mean and grumpy ponies are sent for rehabilitation>the framing and the ridiculous trial over a candy wrapper is actually princess "All according to keikaku" Celestia's plan to get Anon to make friends>upon arrival Anon discovers that he wasn't the only one shipped here to socialize>among the inmates he spotted one very grumpy princess of the night who, by the looks of it, was about to go into caffeine withdrawal
>>33804713Time to team up with Luna and Limestone for a prison break.
>>33806128S I N
>Anon uses a permanent marker pen to draw a moustache on a mare>Anon goes to jail but the mare must now live her life as a stallion>For him to leave pone prison, he must undo the dark spell he casted>He can't convince anyone he isn't some evil wizard who gender-switched the poor pony>Not even the victim herself believes Anon
>>33807752>Anon gets out of prison after serving his life sentence>It was actually 6 months but they call it a life sentence because it feels like a lifetime >Decides to prey upon the general stupidity and childishness of the little ponies to make a quick buck>Starts performing "gender reassignment surgery">Literally just gets paid to draw various moustaches onto mares with a permanent marker, and by pony logic that makes them a dude>It was only until one of his patients got married and tried to have foals that anyone realised he might not be completely legit>By that point he'd made millions, retired and changed his identity by drawing on some glasses and a beard>For some reason Equestrian authorities never questioned when a second human had shown up, just as Anon seemed to disappear off the face of the planet>And thus Anon went down in legend as a fraudulent mastermind
>>33808614I don’t know why but silly pone shenanigans like this always get my sides
>>33809823>TFW that strange monkey prisoner called you cute and tried to boop you while everyone was looking
>shipped off to princess jail
>>33804761>>33810712>Due to some..odd circumstances, Anon and Celestia end up going to jail together.>Something about her breaking a window and something about him screaming and punching her snoot.>In hindsight, she thought it was HILARIOUS but her little ponies were horrified when both the ALIEN and their PRINCESS broke laws at the same time.>In order to calm them down and show that even Royalty must follow the rules, she allows herself to be sentenced to jail.>..by Luna, who highly appreciated the irony and poetic justice.>Meanwhile, Anon just goes because 'fuck it, let's see where this go'. It was better than having his window broken again.
>>33812311>Nothing like being the toughest criminal around.>Punched a Princess AND dragged her to jail with him.
Space station 13 Anon in Pone Prison?
>>33812953>ywn HONK a pone>ywn slip the big tough and serious head of security on a banana peel and proceed to mercilessly boop them into submission>ywn turn canteen into impromptu ice rink with a couple bottles of industrial-grade lubricant>ywn glue squeaky clown shoes to hooves, feet and claws of every inmate, guard and staff member>ywn hide dozens of deflated rubber ducks under warden's bed to help her greet the new dayhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8mRMfdY7q4Honk!
>>33812953>>33813026>Clownon in EquestriaI am both amused and terrified by this idea.
>>33813026Holy shit I wish this was my life, just running around horse prison pranking little ponies in goofy and harmless ways. They want to hate you but the prison has transformed from a glum and scary place into non stop hilarity and nonsense.
>hfw she realizes she forgot to pay her horsetaxes
>merpony dragon monster thing cellmate knows what a human is>bond over how much you miss TV and bacon>her sisters got tired of her constantly screwing up so they led her into a trap>but that's okay, they were always mean, to her and to everyone else>besides, she likes being a fishpony more than those weird things through the mirrorAnon befriends villains, realizes he comes from an evil parallel universe
>>33814950>Celestia is pretty much depressed at this point.>Not only did the human not make any new friends, SHE got in trouble too!>She didn't mean to, just got too excited and broke a window.>While it was funny at first, being in prison kinda..sucked.>No one was allowed to listen to her and, because Anon was the one that punched her, HE was considered stronger and HER superior. >Prison rules are a bitch.
>>33815412>She becomes Anon's first friend in prison
>>33815412>>33815421>You mean she becomes his Prison Bitch, like Sombra. >...>Again, Anon has no idea what is happening either.
>>33815562"THIS FUCKING PLACE.">Both Celestia and Sombra try cheering him on...both fight over who gets to and why the other isn't good for him.>At least prison isn't boring.
>>33815573I need more of this.
>>33813078So am I. Here is my take on it>You are Anon, licensed clown (genius)>You graduated at the top of your class at Clownbridge University (Magna Clown Laude)>Due to an accident involving your classic clown shoes, a dachshund , and President Trump, you found yourself in Equestria with only your (half)wits and clown equipment.>Since you landed in the Princess’s throne room, you made immediate and friendly contact with these ponies. >It was a little tense at first, since you landed in Princess Celestia’s cake, but after juggling several cake pieces into her mouth, you earned enough goodwill to stay until they could find you a home.>However, you could never repress your instincts-A man has to clown, Krusty damnit!>You started small-a joke here, a balloon dog there, and the ponies ate it up!>Much better than those parties you had to work with those little shi-the jaded children of today>Self-restraint was never your strong suit however, and your expressions of clownhood expanded.>Squeaky shoes, oversized hoop pants, more and more lavish greasepaint faces. >Eventually, by combining a woopie cushion prank, a water button flower, a joy buzzer handshake, and a trip-loaded pie toss, you pulled the greatest tribute performance to the classics in your career.>Unfortunately, Princess Luna did not appreciate your hard work. At night Court. With visiting Griffin dignitaries. Who were discussing a de-escalation of the current (prank) skirmishes along their shared border.
>>33819562>Being tried as a terrorist was a new experience for you, but variety is the spice of life, right? >You were sentenced to a month in supermax, which apparently was the harshest punishment that could be levied on you. >You painted on an appropriate sad clown face, and got on the prison carriage to your new home. >When you arrived, you were searched for any contraband (only your rubber chicken was seized) and you were placed with your cell roommate, a stallion with a Mohawk manestyle, a scar along his cheekbone, and an adorable thuggish way of speaking>Naughty Nicker, as he called himself, was here for a week due to having yelled at a foal for cutting in front of him at the ice cream shop and calling her a jerk. Aside from that, he seemed like he needed a good laugh. >You told him several great jokes about your rubber chicken’s attempt to cross roads, but apparently, you went too far. >After your best joke, when he was rolling on the floor with tears in his eyes and gasping your breath, you pulled off your classic move and reached up to your AAA+, guild approved, top-of-the-line red rubber nose, and gave it a squeeze, eliciting a delightful *HONK**HONK*….*HONK*> “GUARDS, WE NEED HELP!!!!!!!!!!!”>Now here you are, locked up in a padded room, bound in a straitjacket that looks more like a bed comforter, due for an appointment with the resident mental health doctor, because apparently self-booping is taken seriously as an expression of self-harm here.>…..Maybe Dad was right, and you should have been an accountant.
>>33819570At first I thought my life was a tragedy But now I see...It just sucks
>>33819562>>33819570>"Self Booping" is considered some form of self harm..>ClowNon's (fake) nose fucking HONKS when he does it.>Pones now thing he does it so much that he broke his snooter.
>>33820600>Suddenly, the 'Got your nose' game just got a lot weirder.
>>33814330I'm a glutton for anything like this, where ayys and regular humans are two different things.
>>33820984"I got your nose~">Pony screams and rushes to the infirmary, truly believing Anon stole their nose.
>>33819570Honk/10Bit of a breakneck pacing though, don't you think?
>>33821846That face just screams 'I need an adult'
>>33817859>>33817933>>33820545>>33821090>>33821117>>33821121Stealing these for here.->Anon is sent to pone prison.>Not because he really did anything, silly poners just thought he was a dead body...or something.>Apparently necromancy was a thing here and due to Anon's lack of magic, in a world that was nothing BUT, he gave off a feeling of 'dead fucker here'.>Not like it was HIS fault but he had to be jailed 'just in case' he was 'ordered' by his 'master' to do something horrible to ponies.>Because of how taboo and awful necromancy is, Anon was shot STRAIGHT up to black suit.>Even if he wasn't, the other prisoners and guard could also feel the 'anti-magic'/magicless feeling he gave off.>Prison was going to be interesting for this so called 'zombie'.
>they're sick of your shit
>two weeks for crimes against peetzer
>>33823640Honestly that's a fair punishment that should be enacted in the real world.
>>33808614>After much trepidation and many years to reflect on what he did, anon decided to try and fix some of the pony's he "transformed" >He just writes "dick here" and draws a little arrow down to their snatch>Somehow this actually works>Anon questions how far he's really fallen
>>33823640Since ponies are vegetarians wouldn't pineapple be a relatively normal topping?
>>33734120Stupid Nigger pony.
Imagine actually being awful enough to be sent to pone prison. imagine accidentally yelling at foals because you thought they were those vultures from the press what with the camera they had. PERMANENT RECORD. you will lose any chance a weird monkey might’ve had.
>>33828610>Anon gets dragged to court for making an overeager journalist cry after he caught her trying to take photos of him through a window>immediately calls bullshit and lists off all the bullshit Celestia, Cadence, Shining, Discord Glimmer, M6 and the journo have gotten away with before being dragged to prison>Two weeks into his sentance he discovers he has a dozen new neigh-bors>airing everponys dirty laundry on what turned out to be a live broadcast of horse Judge-Judy started a revolution>equestria is now a democracy led by president Luna>Still in prison for cussing and staying up past his bedtime tho.
>>33823640Does this mean cadenze is the new gordon ramsey?
>ponies are in awe of Anon because he stayed up all night without getting tired, now that is tough
>be anon>wake up real early because of weird noise>takes like 20 mins to figure out its some ponies doing construction down the street>annoying>try to go back to bed>nothin' doin'>really annoying>decide to just get up, shit's fuck anyway>go to take morning crap>water splashes on balls>"Celestia dammit!">get sent to horse prison based on a true story
>>33830638>he has a competition with the other prisoners over who can stay awake the longest
>>33827782>The mirror world is actually a prison>It is a last ditch effort for dangerous creatures who refused to be reformed>They're forced to go back to school and can't leave until they learn friendship>Time doesn't move normally in the world; no one ages, only move in and out of the school>This is why the sirens are still in school despite being over a thousand years old
>>33831202https://www.fimfiction.net/story/337495/the-fishbowlsomeone took this idea already
>>33754548Sanity is overrated.
>>33794337>Had to go really bad>Asked where the "throne room" was>Guard told you>Princess Celestia really didn't approve of the state you left her throne in
>>33828741>Anon is considered either Equestria's greatest informant or it's worst snitch.>He doesn't give a damn if someone tries to make him swear to secrecy, if he gets in trouble for something and he KNOWS SoandSo did precisely that or worse that person is getting their named dragged through the mud.>The downside to such tactics?>When he eventually does have to visit jail for something he can't talk his way out of (to be fair, stubbing a toe and cursing is pretty fucking instinctive at this point), he'd be suddenly face to face with a whole Jail's worth of people he's told on.>All ranging from pouty princesses that can't believe you told on them for sneaking extra sweets or breaking something,to angry villains he caught monologuing their evil plans in the middle of nowhere. >Safe to say, every time Anon goes to jail, a shitshow begins and he'll be damned if he isn't the director.
>being a background mare so cute you take focus from the main characters>two days, grey suit
>>33836026I mean, seriously just look at this mare.
>>33836026>>33836063Where are these from?
>>33837735>ywn share a coffee with cute policemaresMan, this timeline sucks.
>>33839384>Anon works as a barista at a coffee shop frequented by cute police pones.
What if I don’t wanna get out, what if I wanna stay in prison forever. I want Anon to scare his psychiatrist because he feels comfier in jail than out.
>>33734107Dash is always so pretty, though I do like what they did with Ponk’s hair
>their faces whenWhat did Anon do and how long is going to be locked up?
>enslaving an intelligent species
>>33833408>Ponies he's ratted on then proceed to "take him out", mobster style.>Sadly for them, his version of Mobster and theirs is quite different in the most extreme of ways.>He wakes up with a broken horse toy in his bed, 4 mares try to ambush him with spitballs during dinner and paid off guards try and rough house him here and there (with their cutesy cardboard batons).>Suffice to say, while sometimes annoying, this had to be the funniest damn thing he's ever been apart of.>Now he can't help but think about some pony version of Don Corleone sitting around and fuming about their failed plans.>Little did he know, there actually WAS a mare that was pacing her "office" (a very cushiony cell for a crime boss like her) and muttering "Told on..on the day of my daughter's wedding..AND NONE OF THESE DUMMIES CAN DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT."
>>33845126>Ponies playing dead is a very punishable offense.>It's such a traumatizing move that barely any ponies dare do such a thing and others don't even know how to do it (thankfully).
>>33845656>>33845718>A very "Sick" pony decides to play dead on Anon's bed to get him into some -real- trouble and scare him to death..>Pony ends up being tossed out when Anon finds them with the fake note that he had squished them or something."Lying little bastards."
>>33845733Silly pony. Lying motionless on the bed only makes it easier to forcefully cuddle and go to sleep.They're just asking for it, honestly.
>>33845746Somebody make this
>>33845656>>33845718>>33845733>>33845746>>33845753>After a long, hard day of jail (it's a god damned resort), Anon decided it was time to take a nap.>While it was funny ruining the little mobster ponies' day by avoiding their traps and fighting back (PopAnon would be proud), it tired him right out.>So, he enters his room!>...only to see that someone else has taken his bed.>Some light pink poner with her tongue hanging out.>Despite how (Badly) she was trying to play dead, Anon just thought it was some tired mare that found the wrong room.>FuckIt.jpg>Anon scoops that lil shit right up and cuddles right into bed with her.>He barely even hears the frantic squeak from the mare he held as he drifted off to dreamland..
>>33844409That's worth at least two pudding cup suspensions.
>>33842888I remember when this pic was originally drawn for the thread. Back when we had green, years ago. It's kinda sad to see how empty and dead it has become. All the stories left unfinished forever. Fun ideas and plots that won't ever be resolved. I'm so tired, guys.
>>33846268From that day forward, Anon was known as The Cuddler, feared by prisoners and guards alike. Nopony who was graced with his touch was ever the same again.
>>33846268>Guards walk past Anon's cell>Caught non-consensually cuddling>An extra week added to his sentence and three days with no dessert
>>33847863And a few cuddle sessions for the guards.
>>33841206Booped Sweetie snoot.>Shy is shocked. >Rarity is losing it because some weird alien guy just assaulted her little sister. >Dash is a perv.>Pinkie is a sloot who was already booping snoots when she was Sweetie's age anyway, so she doesn't think anything of it.>AJ believes in marrying them off young. In fact, she was just talking to Rarara about that last week. That look she's giving her is a smug "I told you so" kind of thing.Monkeyboy is going away for a long time.
>>33849877not why, but why not? you like it, i love it.
>>33819570>>33819562>ponies treat Clownon like he’s the fucking Joker
>>33849048>AJ believes in marrying them off young. In fact, she was just talking to Rarara about that last week. That look she's giving her is a smug "I told you so" kind of thing.This could be funny >after Anon gets out of prison in a month, Rarity and her parents force him to marry Sweetie Belle>it’s the only responsible thing after he took her boop virginity like that
>>33851915What would a poneprison Equestria shotgun wedding look like I wonder?
>>33852559A crossbow wedding? Only the bolts have blunted tips so they don’t actually stab anyone. Instead they just leave bruises.
anon arrested for mean speech
>>33822094"I am an adult."
>Be Anon.>Hang out with cute ponies all the time because you live in ponyland.>Helping Sweetie Belle with homework or something, it don't matter.>She is cute horse.>Possessed by sudden urge to boop snoot.>Do so...>Just as mane 6 - 1 walk through door.>Freakout ensues.>Guard arrests you.>Held in dungeon for something like 12 hours.>No one will tell you what you did or even talk to you.>They just look at you with disgust.>Except that one guard stallion.>You were pretty sure he had silently mouthed "nice" at you when no one was looking.>Meanwhile, guard conducts investigation on the scene.>Fluttershy and Rarity are traumatized.>AJ cooperating with ponies on scene.>Dash said she had to "take care of something" and immediately flew off into the clouds after the assault >Ponk is Ponk.>After questioning the Elements, the ponice finally get around to talking to Sweetie Belle.>She has no idea what just happened either.>You don't think they'd actually talk about such lewd things in school, did you!?>They ask her how she felt about it.>Are you okay?>Did he hurt you?>Did he force you to do it?>He's going away for a long time!------------ >Be Sweetie Belle.>Not a dictionary.>School project or whatever you were working on with Anon has to be done soon.>If it's not, you fail class or some other bad thing happens.>In the middle of work, your sister and her friends walked in and started freaking out.>The ponice even came and arrested Anon.>And now they are gonna put him away "for a long time?">You'll never get thing done! >Unless...>You can get Anon out of trouble.>The ponice start asking you questions about when Anon poked your nose.
>>33852838------------- >You're sitting on one of the couches in the holding room of the Ponyville Pony Ponice Ponepartment.>As you go for another sip of your virgin pina colada, a pony with a cute little bun and a clipboard steps through the door, flanked on both sides by guards.>She looks you dead in the eyes.>"Mr. Anon?""That's me.">"Come with me">The four of you meet up with Sweetie Belle and her parents in the mane lobby, and carry on out into the streets.>You look at the little filly, but you don't even have to say anything to her.>She just looks back and shrugs, just as lost as you are.>Okay.>"Since our investigation concluded that this was not a case of non-consensual booping...">Wat.------------- >They set you up with a house in town.>Like a nice house, too.>Had a little patch for growing vegetables and everything.>And the inside was swanky! >Even had a couple extra rooms in it. >The perfect home to start a family in, they said.>Well that was nice of them.>Except they gave the house to you AND Sweetie.>You weren't exactly sure how it was the both of you were supposed to start families when there were only three rooms.>Wasn't she a bit young?>Anyway, you have other questions on your mind right now.
>>33852842>You turn to Sweetie Belle, who seems to admiring her new property."So... what just happened?">"I have no idea.""Oh.">You look at Sweetie, then glance around the house again.>Candles on the table, roses and white lilac on the shelves.>"I think you were in trouble for touching my nose.">There even seems to be a large collection of sparkling grape juices up on the wall.>"They started asking me all these weird questions.">You start you way up the stairs to check out the rest of the place, and Sweetie follows behind.>"'Did he hurt you.' 'Did he make you do it.'">As you get to the top, you are surprised to find a gate at the edge of the stairway.>You hadn't been able to see it from the ground floor.>"There was even this one weird pony who started asking me if I liked it when nopony else was looking." >Opening the first door on the left reveals a cozy little room.>Curiously enough, it is already furnished with a crib and all the goods.>Guess these little poners were serious about the whole family thing. >"Anyway, they started asking me more questions, and then said that they were gonna put you in prison for a long time.">What?>You turn around and look at the little pony standing behind you in the doorway."What?">"Yea!" "What the Hell?">You walk back out into the hallway and try the next door.>Here's what you were looking for!>The master bedroom.
>>33852846>And it was FAN-CY.>Wow.>Not only that, it was all dressed up, too!>"I don't know! But I didn't want them to lock you up, so I just told them that it was my idea.">There are rose pedals scattered all over the floor.>The scent of more white lilacs fills the room.>On the luxurious bed, there is a small box, all wrapped up in expensive looking paper with a little bow on top.>”They were all like, 'Are you sure,' 'Are you sure,' 'He didn't make you do it?'” >You walk up to the box and grab hold of the little tag hanging down the other side of it.>”So I just said it was fine, I wanted you to do it.”>Sweetie Belle walks up next to you and then hops on top of the bed to get a better look at the present.>”And then I just gave them the look, like I always do to Rarity when she doesn't want to give me stuff; I said 'Please don't take him away, he's always so nice and helpful, and I like him.'”>You look up to the little pony beside you, and she's giving you “the look.”>Yea, that would be a hard one to say no to, that's for sure.>”So what's the box say?” >You turn your attention back to the tag in hand.“It says 'to new beginnings.'”>You flip it over to check the other side, but there's nothing there.“That's it.”>You drop the tag and look at Sweetie with a shrug.>She just shrugs back.>”Ooh, can I open it then!?”>She looks so excited.“Sure, why the Hell not?”>She lets out a little squee and then sets to work unwrapping the gift with her magic.>As she tears open the paper, there is a loud knocking at your front door.“I got this.”-------------
>>33852851>Whoever is out there is a real asshole.>They won't fucking stop.>And they're banging the thing really hard too!“Alright, I'm coming, I'm coming!”>Upstairs you can hear Sweetie Belle let out a surprised shriek.>Wonder what was in that box... >You swing the door open to see a rather flustered earthpony stallion wearing a hard hat and holding a hammer in his mouth.“What do you want?!”>As he meets your gaze the little guy turns even more red and drops his hammer on the ground.>”S-s-sorry to interrupt, sir!”>He moves to pick up his hammer again as he continues speaking.>”I was just putting up tha shign.”“What sign?”>But the stallion is already hightailing it down the street.>You kinda wish he wouldn't.>You can see everything...>You shrug it off and decide to inspect the front of your new house for “tha shign.”>Stepping out and closing the front door, you see a large piece of wood nailed to the outside of it with the words “JUST MARRIED” carved into it, along with some ornate flowers and hearts.>It also looks like it has Sweetie Belle's cutie mark and question marks decorating it too.>What the Hell?>Sweetie Belle married someone?>But you don't remember seeing any ponies with a question mark on their butt...-------------
>>33852854>You head back upstairs to find the little pony in the master bedroom.“Hay Sweetie, did you get marri--”>As you round the corner, you see Sweetie seated on the bed, opposite the torn open box, a scandalized look on her face.>She looks up at you as you enter the room.“What the Hell happened to you, Sweetie Belle?”>She just raises a shaky hoof and points it toward the box.>You give her a funny look and then make your way over.>Seriously, what could it really be to make her react like THAT?>...You were not prepared.>Reaching your hand in, you pull out a tiny piece of white fabric.>It's really soft!>It's also super thin.>You can practically see through it!>It's decorated with all sorts of patterns.>Little flowers and hearts adorn it all over.>But the thing that strikes you most is the size of it.>It's so small!>Almost like it was meant for-- >You look up at Sweetie Belle with wide eyes.>She just looks back with her own. >The sign on the door, the weird questions about booping, the baby talk and the furnishings, the flowers, the candles, the grape juice...>Oh my god.>You just got married to Sweetie Belle.“AAHHHHHH!”>”AAHHHHHH!” -------------
>>33852858>Be Applejack.>You just spent the day with Rarity, helping her calm down after what happened with her sister.>Not that it was a big deal or nothin'.>You were telling her about this just last week, even!>Sweetie Belle was turning into a young mare, and young mares have needs.>They needs to be starting families, for instance.>No sense forcing them to sit at home all alone, ignoring their instinct and desire to be a mother.>Or even worse, abandoning that instinct and embracing a life of illicit, sterile, and promiscuous sex!>Eeyup.>Fillies her age need to settle down with a nice stallion. >As you make your way out of town and back to the farm you walk right by Anon and Sweetie Belle's new house.>It really is a pretty little thing!>Well, it ain't THAT little.>Plenty big to start a family.>Lots of room out here on the outskirts of town, too.>Your eyes come to rest on the front door.>That beautiful wood plaque was secured firmly to the outside with two large nails, loudly announcing the new couple to the whole world.>Big Mac had rushed to put that thing together this afternoon when he had heard the news.>All on his own too!>He was really such a thoughtful stallion...>A real sweetheart.>And it looked absolutely amazing! >As you take in the scene and think happy thoughts, you hear the sound of two impassioned voices crying out together in unison.>You chuckle to yourself a little bit.>Looks like you were right on the money with them panties.>Ahh, young love...
>>33852858>>33852854>>33852851>>33852846>>33852842>>33852838>>33852863This version of Kinderquestria would be a pedophile’s dream
>>33852869You must be fun to have at parties...I mean, if it's the kind of place where ponies go to jail for days at a time and get put in timeout instead of solitary... They wouldn't want to make anypony sad by breaking up what was otherwise a loving consensual relationship, right? So you make them get married instead. It's like a liberal's dream. God, all those (You)s for nothing.
>>33852880I never said the green was bad. I’m just saying if you put an actual pedophile who intended to do harm in Kinderquestria, shit would quickly get real. If we’re talking a scenario where adults and minors can legally get married.
>>33852863Thanks for the green senpai, it gave me a good giggle. And Sweetie is a good filly.
>>33852869It'd be a dream for virtually anyone with real malicious intent. Unless it backfires like in >>33823794 and >>33825130
>>33852863Applejack is a very wise mare.
>>33852863Cute/10This isn't really the thread for it but I'd like to see more
>you will never giggle like a lunatic as your small business of making and selling "human catchphrase" shirts becomes a nationwide phenomena even though nopony can read what they actually say>you will never nervously search for an exit when Twiggles shows up one day with a platoon of royal guards to tell you she finally translated your language>you will never spend five months as a red suit for bullying an entire country
>>33852863>semi-shotgun married to horse-legal Sweetie BelleThat score very low on the "worst thing that could happen" scale.
>Anon in Equestria>But he's considered 'Dad' by damn near everyone (like in one of these stories - https://pastebin.com/DEiT2qFg)>Why is he in Jail?
>>33855432For Going Postal
>>33855432For foal abuse (for sending a foal in the corner).
>>33855474All those stupid ponies had to do was to sign his fucking petition.That's all! But no, instead they decided to make things complicated..."Dude in pony Prison" when?
>>33855536Somebody needs to make
>villain episode today>it was really goodIf only Anon were thereSadly he's in solitary timeout for the rest of the season
>racially motivated hate crimeAnon is going to Tartarus for this one
>>33861774>ywn terrorize the prison with your cute con artist cellmateFeels bad desu.
>>33861774>>33861941>have cellmate get everyone's attention by doing something embarrassingly cute, even by pony standards>steal everyone's pudding cups while they're distracted>convieniently "find" them later and return them for good boy points, which can be exchanged for pudding cups>give extra pudding cups to prisoners and guards to gain their trust>rinse and repeat>remember to hug cellmate after she embarrasses herself
>>33863759God that mare is sexy...
>>33861774>give her the dicking of two lifetimes
>>33855432>>33855474>>33855536>Dude Anon is sent to jail>He had apparently tried to get ponies to sign some petition to make angry mare politicians play video games to calm the fuck down.>Ponies had been confused and refused to sign, no matter how polite he had been or how pushy he had eventually gotten.>Some LOUD cursing later and a super kick to a trash can later (he didn't even knock it over), he is arrested for Foul Language, Vandalism, Menacing, and some other fourth thing that made him cry out 'BULLSHIT'.>,,,the Foul Language charges piled on.>And now, he's in jail with a bunch of pussy horses that thing he's some crazy monster just because he got frustrated with shitty petitions.
>>33865672>some other fourth thingLet me guess, Malicious Self-Endangerment for kicking the trash can?
>>33866293i can see that happening
>>33867990>"Y'all disgust me with ya two legged walkin' and tentacle hooves. Celestia shoulda' kept you locked up."
>>33869120>Anon in jail for apparently being "scary" and "eldritch".>Some ponies are confused whether or not this is a hate crime but Anon DOES look...unsettling. Maybe not ugly but totally fucking odd.>So, while in prison, he is the main bad guy in quite a number of people's nightmares, guards included.
>sent to tartarus>meet evil filly>engage dad modePapanon in maximum security poneprison when?Cozy needs a dumb minion to be her muscle but everyone else already knows why she's there. The freaky hyooman fits perfectly
Should have never let nonponies cross the borders
>>33872054Darn right! Dirty shnobs...
>>33870987>3D Anon in the world of 2D.>Freaks the FUCK out of Ponies when he just casually moves in directions or ways he shouldn't...
>>33873258It gets worse then that.>Whenever 3D Anon picks something inanimate up, it turns into a 3D object has well.
>>33873258>>33873469>The item (let's say a ball) just suddenly bulges out and has wholly different physics than what Ponies think it'd have.>For Anon, it dribbles normally with the normal sounds but to a pony it no longer squeaks at each dribble or moves incredibly fast.>It's much slower and instead hits the ground with dull 'thuds' or deep "thumpthumpthumps".>It's...fucked up for a prisoner pony to watch, not going to lie.>They just wanted to be nice to the new...whatever he was and now he was.."playing" with the ball. >In several angles at once.>God, they're going to puke.
>>33873469>>33873658>Anon tries picking up a pony>Since Ponies are 2d they do not react well to suddenly experiencing an entirely new dimension>Like "existential crisis" levels of unwell>Anon's sentence has now been extended by 2 months as a result
>>33873779I like thing
>>33873779MORE and maybe have pov from first 3d pony
>>33873779>>33873803>>33874410>THEY CAN SEE EVERYTHING.>THE PAPER.>THE LINES.>THE GREAT BEYON->And then Anon let's go of the prisoner."Dude, you alright? I just patted your head.">You will never be the same again, Prisoner #1337
>>33874426>Casually Mind Fucks a fellow prisoner.>"That's an extra week, Anon.."
>>33873258 >>33873658 >>33873779 >>33874426Since horseverse is 2D, does it mean Anon's not really… imprisoned? I mean, he can just walk AROUND the walls, freaking out the guards.>Anon is actually very civil and stays in the "prison" because princesses politely asked him to>Also, because free food and a place to live, since getting a job here might be difficult for a hyperdimensional creature such as himself>And, while he wouldn't admit it openly, he enjoyed blowing the minds of fellow "prisoners" and the occasional guard with third dimension>Then he proceeds to blow the mind of a studious purple princess even more by telling her about the dimension of time
>ywn get thrown into superdupermax with the really dangerous inmates>no, not the serial boopers>i mean the feral beasts>turns out they're unaffected by harmony magic, same as you>ywn realize they actually ARE feral, like a wild animal>ywn use stuff you learned from late night reruns of Dog Whisperer to assert dominance and become the pack leader>ywn slowly rehabilitate a berserk Nightmare Moon that nolonger has intelligent thought>ywn get her past the tipping point where harmony magic can touch her again>ywn have your grumpy pupper-thing suddenly ascend to sentience mid-earscratchy>ywn have to watch her get taken away to reunite with her sister
>>33879584>Anon the beast whispererI like thing. Even better if he uses his animal-handling techniques on intelligent villains to capture and/or rehabilitate them, and have them actually working.
>>33879584>>33880589>Anon arrives in Equestria sometime before the show and proves...violent.>Not completely on purpose, mind you, he just poofed in and panicked pretty hard. Screamed something about home and swung at the first thing he could, babbling something about kidnappers and 'won't take me alive, damn it!'>Unfortunately for him and all involved, the one he ended up striking was Princess Celestia herself! Months before the Summer Sun Celebration too!>And as much as he wished things were different, he hadn't stopped at just one punch.>In his panicked state, Anon ended up in a full on tussle with Celestia, the most violent that any had seen in forever!>..granted, the most violent the Guards and Nobles had seen were small spats with magic pinches and what have you but that only made the punches, hoof stomps and cursing all the more horrifying.>It took a full 10 minutes before Celestia could remember she had magic she was so flustered and angry! So, after a quick spell to pull Anon away and pull herself up, she was...less some merciful.>"STRANGE CREATURE," she practically *screamed* with the Royal Canterlot Voice (which was already a damn yell) she rarely used, "YOU ARE TO BE THROWN WHERE NO ONE WILL EVER SEE YOU AGAIN!">The sun was VERY bright that day as guards dragged away the screaming and shouting human, his feral cries and screams almost sounding...fearful. But such a creature that appears before the princess and attacks her surely couldn't feel such things...
>>33882824---->At the "SuperDuperMax", it wasn't like the "resorts" that the other Anons got to deal with. >No...it was more like a zoo but there was only one, big enclosure that the so called 'inmates' shared.>Now, Anon, who has calmed down quite a bit, is a bit more than regretful about his panic attack but he was still adamant that SOMEONE had summoned him here by force. It's just a shame that it wasn't the Princess since that means his attack was for nothing.>Honestly, he'd be pissed too if an alien appeared out of nowhere and started bitch slapping him.>But even he wouldn't send someone here!>To him, it was as if he was being fed to the wild animals but the guards said nothing of their plans and what was to come next.>Not like he could give them a piece of his mind either, they had his mouth strapped with some kind of weird muzzle thing and his whole damn body was trapped on some gurney thing. Probably to keep him from fighting and biting...like he had with the princess.>Seriously, there had to have been a guard there that ended up in therapy because of all that by how these ponies were acting. It wasn't like he did major damage! Hell, he still had a cut on his cheek from one of her hoof punches!>One that nearly caused the warden to gag he just noticed.>Guess they finally made it to the gate.>"W-Why hasn't anypony treated him! A boo-boo like that could have lasting effects! He's lucky to be alive!""Hmrt?" He..attempted to say What but all his guards could only look away in shame at their negligence. >"We were afraid he was going to do something," one finally admitted after a moment, the Warden now fuming and spending the next several minutes lecturing her guards before she remembered Anon and his cut.>With another blanch, she'd call for the gate to open and that a nurse needs to meet them pronto.>He's barely in this zoo of a jail and Anon has already started a commotion..
>>33882859>Several minutes later and Anon found himself in a little nurse's station with a pretty pink band-aide on his cheek...and a shocked nurse staring at him.>Funny enough, it wasn't because of his sentence that she was staring at him. It was how calmly he allowed her to put on the disinfectant and put the bandage on. She gave some big, tearful warning and speech about how sorry she was and how she *had* to put on the 'nasty, stinging medicine' so he could 'feel better and stay alive'.>Anon barely even flinched when she did it.>And the silence was starting to get to him a little so he'd let out a little grunt to get their attention.>Kinda got the Guard's attention if them pulling him back from her with the gurney was any indication but it was better than nothing. >The equally shocked Warden decided to finally break the silence with a shake of her had and a quick clearing of her throat. "W-Well! Prisoner, my name is Honey Suckle and our lovely nurse is called Miss Heart Felt. I hope that you enjoy your time here and that you get along great with the others!">Despite how cheery Warden Honey was (because we're not calling her Warden Suckle), one of the stallion guards next to him gave her a grim look. "Ma'am, why do you keep giving them the same speech? You know that barely any of them understand a word we say.">And with the cutest scrunch of her muzzle, Anon noted, she would say, "W-well, we still have to treat them nicely! Besides, some of them seem really responsive to small talk! Maybe we can break through to them one day and show them the wonders of Harmony, like the Princess said!">The older, grey stallion just rolled his eyes and mumbled something but she gave it no mind, With the sweetest smile, she says "Anyway, since you are considered VERY dangerous, we can't in good conscious put you with the other prisoners. However, this means that one of our own gets a new roommate~!">Anon didn't care how happy she sounded, he had a really bad feeling..
>>33882909And that's what i have so far. Have fun with it. Go wild. Not sure what to post next.
>>33882909I like it. Given the "barely any of them understand a word we say" he could do a bit of animal wrangling or something.Or just pet the eldritch horrors trapped there into submission, whatever floats your boat.
>>33883469The plan was to write until he finally meets Nightmare Moon and 'tames' her for weeks before the Sun Festival thing starts. But y'all can have fun with that, see what happens.
>>33878444>Pony prisoner has been spreading nasty rumours of Anon being a booger eater.>Anon just phases right through the wall."Heard you talking shit, like I wouldn't find out?"
>"Warden Strawberry Sparkles is on vacation, I'm the substitute warden, Bombshell!"
>>33885228What is this? Trixie soul is trapped inside the plushie until she pay for her crimes?
>>33887004she's a good poner
oh god yes. do it anon
>>33886400somebody make a story about eldritch anon
>>33888504>>33888947I want to nonconsensually hug those policemares.
>>33890122I dunno, but Bombshell is adorably incompetent and prone to both accidents and panic.
>>33890166And if everything goes really right it also leads to lots of hugs and cuddles.
>a (nearly) perfect disguiseNo wonder she's a major villain.
>tfw you're the majority of bumps
>>33894086Feels like that sometimes. I know I've been there.
>>33734107Oh hey.I thought this thread dead.
>>33896198You thought right.
>spacepony prisonit's like pony prison but in spacel
>>33896951But space is scary, man. The guards could accidentally leave the door unlocked and BAM, now you're spinning through the great abyss without a way to get back home.And last I checked, you can't fly in space, so nobody could save you.
Can you recommend some of the best stories the general has to offer?>>33879584Wouldn't mind a story of Anon befriending an unrepentant Chrysalis. Only a cynical, sarcastic ass such an Anon culd befriend an selfish, unharmonious being such as Chrysalis. She's just too "evil" for ponies to understand.Nightmare Moon sounds good too.
>>33897206No. Mostly because they're practically all unfinished, and I dont want to put you through that.
>she wanted it
>>33896951marecel in spacel lel
>>33898224Fuck, I just noticed that. Autocorrect strikes again.Don't even know what it was trying to do.
>>33786966What if curse words were actual high level curse spells.
>>33899754>Anons trips and falls into the box>Gets sent to jail for attempting to dethrone the Princesses
>>33901810>Anon accidentally spreads arcane knowledge after he lets slip the S-word in the heat of the moment
>>33902375>anon and pones don't speak the same language>encounters twilight walking through the everfree to visit zecora>already nervous, seeing a huge green monkey spooked her real bad>"neigh! neigh neeeigh, whinny neigh shit fuck fuck motherfuck niggershit" and she disappears in a flash of purple light
>>33901810>Fuck is the Equestrian equivalent to Power Word: Kill>Anon suddenly feels exhausted after stubbing his toe, screaming it and reducing a three-meter circle of the Everfree around him to nothing but dust and rot
>350 bit fine
>>33903365so what would shit and motherfucker do?
Does this mean there's a Stan Lee policepony out there?
>>33907508Of course. Where do you think the worthy go when they die?
>adorable troublemaking protege
>shortly before the guards arrive to escort anon to the royal friendship dungeon
>>33911161>Twilight is the one to get sent to the friendship dungeon for discrimination and giving up on a friend.
>>33903365>Dabbing on ponies has the capability to drive them insane.
>anon won't stop staying up late
>>33913162You're not my mom. I reserve the right to hate myself in the morning.
>>33901810 >>33903365>Innaquestria strong emotions have tangible effect on the surroundings, hence such silly things as heroic speeches and evil monologues empowering people>Words, curses or not, become the words of power when backed up by strong emotions>Their effect, however, is subtle. Instead of making the skies rain fire or making everyone around vomit frogs, they affect only the minds of their victims, but in a profound way>So when Anon, angered by the villain hurting his friends, assaulted him with a torrent of expletives, it plunged the unsuspecting evildoer into the depths of despair and existential dread, that hasn't been witnessed since the early days of Equestria…>…much to Anon's utter bewilderment>…and ponies'>…and also the guard that the villain was handed off to>Said guards immediately tattled to the big white cake-loving princess>She wasn't very pleased to hear about this ancient practice emerging again, wasn't pleased at all>In fact, the news almost made her lose her appetite and abandon the slice of heaven she was about to dig into>Ponies are lucky their princess is so resilient. When the cake was no more, an order was given to the guards to escort Anon to the dungeon and give him a stern talk>Thanks to the dumb pair of guards carrying out the order, things escalated and Anon, once again accidentally, told them to eat a bag of dicks>With a pair of tough guards now crying like little foals, there was very little that anyone could do and Anon was sent to horse prison so that he could learn some goddamn self-restraint.Bonus:>Anon can only hear himself saying the words. Others only hear the shattering of glass, screeching of metal being torn, thunder, fingernails scraping on blackboard, low hum that makes you anxious, or a very high-pitched noise at the edge of hearing range, all coming from every direction simultaneously>The noises are actually the reality itself shattering and twisting into a different form
>tfw your image and prompt bumps have resulted in the literally all of the green we've gotten in the last month but you're too much of a brainlet to actually write some yourselfYou have no idea how much I hate this complicated feel.
>>33914768I know exactly how you feel.
>>33914768Start writing. You're not gonna get better if you don't practice.
>she can tell you're selling counterfeit apples
>>33915641>you know these apples are quite similar to the ones we grow at Sweet Apple Acres
What if the "prison" Anon thinks he was put into is actually a mental institution he was sent to, so that he could get the help he needed with his crippling depression?It's not like he could tell the difference between the loony and normal cartoony technicolor pony.>inb4 pony prisons are just mental institutions with more security and less pudding
>grumpy bug cellmate and her... haunted dildo?
>>33879584>Ponies consider Anon to be like Nobodies from Kingdom Hearts>He acts like he has emotions, but ponies question if they're real since he doesn't radiate his emotions through magic like other creatures do>Ponies question if he truly exists since he exists physically but is like empty space magically>Anon is placed in a SCP type facility until they can figure out how he functions
>>33915123You make it sound so easy, anon.
>>33901810 >>33903365>>33913650>Anon finds himself being interviewed after somehow defeating a Bigger-Than-Last-Time Bad with mere words.>No one had been close enough to hear but the villain had clearly had some sort of fit and curled up crying as odd waves of power came from Anon.>"Anon Y Mouse, by your own account you've mentioned having no knowledge of magic, yes?""Yyyeah? Never in my life.">"Then how do you explain the ground withering before you? Tress uprooting at your very words AND the mental attacks??">"The FUCK are you talking about?">At the mention of the curse, a glass broke nearby and a panic came over the interviewers face. Anon just merely glanced back."Wow, guards are a lil clumsy, huh?">The guards, posted by the door, gave fearful looks to the shattered glass vase before Anon turned to explain further."I dunno, I just figured that the asshole was throwing a god damned tantrum or some shit like that. I was just tired of him hitting my buddy, was all.">At his words, the interviewer could only gape and cower back from Anon as random things began happening around the room, horrible things that Anon didn't seem to pay no mind as he was not affected.>The Interviewer and Guards, scared as they were at the ancient magic before them, could only be glad that he was not specifically targeting them..."So, when can I go back home? Dumbass ruined my morning.">"O-Oh sweet Celestia, give me strength."
>>33916863 somebody make this we need a green like Asylum https://www.fimfiction.net/story/75199/asylum
>>33919249>ZP - CONFIRMEDZombie Police confirmed but not funded>>189088616You cried, didn’t you?Rapidash the Steed of Beerus
>>33919524>Zombie Police>Anon is sent to prison after ponies on Undeadquestria found out that he was, in fact, alive and not an innocent weird zombie frankenstein'd together by some mad scientist villain looking to create an army of freakish supersoldiers>It's not like being alive is such a big crime here, they're just mad at him for lying to their face, especially the naive lich-princess Twilight who was heartbroken after being deceived like that by a friend>And because in his defense Anon said that he was afraid they'd eat his brain if they knew he was alive, which was mean, prejudiced and completely untrue>…maybe with the exception of a certain mint-colored unicorn strangely obsessed with everything living, that stared at him hungrily while he was being arrested by the ponice
>vigilante anon busting little applehorses for operating a business without a permit>the busting is an ear scratchy
>tfw the human won't stop making puns
>>33920464>the busting is an ear scratchyor my nuts
>in a desperate last attempt to get people to stop being such a grumpy grump, they brought in two masters of their craft to combine their powers:>Laughing Gas Chambers
assault with a deadly weapon
purple princess is tough on serial pranksters
>>33935263That's a war crime right there
>>33734107>>33734107https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFLSOIufuhM>meme lords say get anon out of jail>anon wrongly put on sentence for life for carrying drugs>evidence thrown in the trash>anon haves-to break out or rot>havesto team up with the "e.v.i.l." squad who got put in jail after the end of s9 >cozy glow distracts the gaurds,>chrysalis steals their clothes,>tirek barrels through the bars.>talk about what they gonna do when they get out.>you don't know just something other then here maybe go to another country>but your waifu...you gotta take her with you along with the fillies.>you try and get back so she can come with you to canada or chile or some shit..she already mac'n on someone else>heart broken, you wanna kill em.>just leave but meet the fillies one last time.>"I'm goin away for a little kay?">""daddy! don't go!">you didn't wanna tell em your actually a girl and mom has the dick, but whatever.>"I'll be right back I'm just gettin some milk...">that was the lamest excuse you are feel like an asshole.>"I love you.">"we love you daddy!">make deal with the government to rat out everyone you know in exchange for freedomhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lr32uP5ZPBY>everyone on the streets think you a snitch, gang bitches gonna kill yo ass.>still get 6 months for breaking out>pray every day that you don't get stabbed>pony gang tramples you in the courtyard,>almost die.>try and get transferred>gaurds don't give a shit.
>>33734107So how would anon handle pony prison rape?
>>33935387>cute pony climbs into your bed and nuzzles you without permission>she hugs you tightly, making sure to keep as much of her body in contact with yours as possible>her muzzle darts under your hand and throws it on top of her head>she twists and turns her head so your fingers brush against her ear>when you finally give in and start scratching, she gazes into your eyes and breathes into your nostrils, forcing you to breathe into hers too>after what seems like an eternity, she lays her head on your chest and falls asleep, and you soon followAbsolutely traumatizing. Especially when it's the guards.
>>33935546why must you hurt me like this?
>>33935546>Pony wakes up to an iron deathgrip"I'm not locked in here with you, you're locked in here with me."
>>33935846Because, anon, maybe when death takes us the sheer desire to hug a cute poner will allow Equestria to receive our souls.
the other prisoners are being weird again
>>33852767Tip or no, with a proper arbalest the damn thing's going through
>>33734120Holy fuck that's cute.
>>33936632Aww, that's adorable.
>>33946706>naughty words actually come out as bleeps>you still go to jail for bleeping, though
>>33946706She’s not shy, she just has a hard time drawing a line so she does as little as possible
>>33946899>high pitched squeaky swearing
>>33948305I must be the only person to ever exist that doesn't derive some kind of sexual pleasure from imposing my will on others.
>when you break down crying during a prison rape attempt because the forced hug is the closest thing to physical affection you've had in years>when prison's toughest and meanest ponies end up spending an entire hour consoling you>when afterwards even the worst of the worst among prisoners feel sorry for you and occasionally comfort you rather than bully
>>33949017That's a pillory. It's meant for restraining a misbehaving pony so you can boop them mercilesslyJust a perk of being Princess Twilight's enforcer.
>>33901810Anon and Celestia fighting each other to a standstill
Surely there's more to this thread than this...
demon horse cellmate