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Whoopsie. Forgot how much traffic the board gets on premier days and looked away.

Last thread >>33688310

IRC: irc.rizon.net #/mlp/AiE
Active list: http://pastebin.com/mVG33ERX
Master list: http://pastebin.com/xGf9RcL9
Completed Stories list: http://pastebin.com/QZ4PDe7g
Stories Sorted by Pony: http://pastebin.com/GJyQquaY

>rope's turbo super gay Thread Archives: http://pastebin.com/Qg2dwzq0
Collection of AiE images: https://www.dropbox.com/sh/ju8ygvv3n4fa0um/quC3vIooOq#/

Add for Skype: sin.aie
>PiE corner
>Remember to tag all PiE Stories.
PiE Author List: http://pastebin.com/Mgd0QuNy
PiE image archives: http://derpy.me/PiE_Pictures
Browser Pony Author List: http://pastebin.com/ZCGjtftk
Browser Pony image and story archive (cloud): http://derpy.me/BrowserPonies
Did it fucking die twice?
No, but it was less than 100 posts in so my poor math skills took it there.
lmao at least that vegemite bullshit is gone
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hey be nice
One job, Mandrod. You had one job.
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Man I aint heard shit.
To be fair it's pretty hard to hear text.
Unless we're in a Pony Thread Simulator(tm).
What the FUCK are you on about?
no u
>You can see Pinkie baking in the back room with Gummy, quickly you sneak forward, her tail starts to twitch, Pinkie Sense is about to detect you.
>Diving forward you sweep her up in your arms, a vice-like embrace that any other pony would find uncomfortable.
>Pinkie squirms in your grip until she can look at your face.
>"Is this an extra special hug?"
>"Yep. Didn't you know?"
>"Well I did start to wonder when you didn't let go after eight seconds, which is how long you usually hug for unless it's a special occasion then you hug for an average of fift-"
>"No Pinkie, I mean don't you know why? It's the anniversary of the first time I hugged you."
>The pink pony's eyes go wide with revelation.
>"Since you go to the effort of keeping track of all those birthdays and special occasions, I thought I'd track this one."
>Pinkie smile reaches that super wide state, the kind that only happens when she makes a new friend.
>"And this hug is just for you Pinkie."

>Another morning, another trip to the library. Recently you had an experience where you badly missed some social cues.
>Despite living here for years, there's still some things that make you feel like an alien.
>Jokes flying over your head, missing historical references, social cues, that sort of thing.
>Books help patch the holes. And if that doesn't work, Twilight's lecturing while you're trying to read certainly will.
>Besides it's an excuse to get out and about.
>As you strut down the avenue, you suddenly feel yourself falling. Pain. Then the taste of dirt in your mouth.
>"Anon! You're spoiling the digsite!"
>Pushing yourself upright, you see the CMCs and another young filly you don't recognise.
>"We're helping Petunia explore her cutie mark by finding fossils!"
>The four ponies proudly smile at you.
>"I don't think digging holes in the middle of the street is the best way to do that girls."
>The fillies look around as if they're only just realising what they've done.
>"Oh. Sorry Anon. I guess we got carried away."
>"That's alright girls, just put up some warning signs before anyone else falls in."
>Climbing out of the hole you continue your journey, humming about your love of perambulation.
>Hopefully they haven't dug holes anywhere else.
>While watching the road for more digsites, you fail to take heed of the skies.
>Something made of cloth and wood descends on you. And you totally don't flail around like an arachnophobe who just had a spider thrown at them.
>And you didn't shriek either when you got tangled up in it. Totally.
>"Sorry Anon. That kite went rogue."
>Attacked by a kite, there goes your man card. Oh who are you kidding you lost that years ago.
>"Hey Starlight." You hold up the wreckage of the kite. "I don't think this one survived impact."
>"I can build another one. Wanna join me?"
>"Sorry Starlight. I'm off to the library, gotta do some research."
>Waving goodbye to Starlight you set off for the castle again. This is a bad a morning.
>Suddenly something hard yet moist impacts your head and once again you go down like a bag of hammers.
>Probing the projectile stuck to the side of your face reveals you've been hit by a cake.
>Among the rest of the splattered fragments on the ground is a flyer.
>"Pinkie's Ultra Super Fast Cake Delivery." There's a picture of a cake and a catapult on it.
>You don't even know where to begin with this one or maybe that's your growing concussion talking.
>The Cakes can deal with this one. You've had enough antics for one day already.
>You decide to proceed a bit more carefully, keeping a sharp eye on your surroundings.
>It pays off when you see a green blur coming toward you and duck.
>You've narrowly avoided getting clobbered by Tank.
>"Sorry Anon, Tank kinda of got away from me."
>"No problem Rainbow, no harm done."
>She gathers up Tank and flies back up into the clouds.
>If you were a paranoid man you'd suspect a conspiracy but that doesn't matter because you've finally reached your destination.
>Pushing open the doors of the castle you find Twilight loitering just inside.
>"Anon? What happened to you? You're covered in cake."
>"Twilight. Do you remember when I told you that story about Mr Magoo?"

My laziness at writing lately torments me.
How is your day going, Anon?
Did you write anything?
I thought about something
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No you didn't. Stop lying, you liar.
It was an thing with Derps too.
I was planning to, but I had deadhead all day and it wasn't gone until it was way too late to right. Maybe some day this week...
As a matter of fact I did, but most of it still isn't ready

>With just a single word, the confidence which practically oozed from the disembodied voice that you came to know as Luna manifested itself in physical form.
>You sniffle while wiping stray tears away with your sleeve.
>You become fixated on her mane.
>The way starlight pokes through as it ripples in the summer breeze make it appear as if it were a window into another universe.
>Awestruck, you find yourself unable to look away, much less form words in response to Luna's acknowledgement of the situation.
>You continue to stare silently in awe at her and try to stanch the steady stream of tears which continues to flow freely from your eyes when Luna begins to speak again.
>"Quit looking at me with those lecherous eyes, human. I refuse to be ogled at like the... Mare you're fondling."
>Her words trail off, her tone initially suggesting disgust.
>However, a hint of red flushes her cheeks as she paws at the grass beneath her.
"Ogle you? Fondling?!"
>Though the accusations catch you by surprise, it lifts some of the lingering sorrow away.
>Your confusion is a welcome change to the melancholic pain of remembering what you've lost.
>"Could you at least remove your claws from her for now? I would rather not witness such indecencies while stuck here."
"What do you mean stuck here?"
>A mild sense of annoyance begins to join the melstrom of emotions inside you.
>She doesn't know what it means to be stuck somewhere, not like you do.
>How could anyone in this world understand.
>"It would seem you have become receptive enough to Equestrian magic to allow myself to manifest physically in your dreams, but not enough to let me use my magic freely. For example, in order to leave."
I always kind of hoped someone would make a SMB2 romhack that incorporated the shit from those things.
That is something that Pinkie would really appreciate. Good job He-Anon.

Good stuff famalam. Thanks.
>being this upset that you need to bring it up a second time in a seperate thread
>"She and that ENTIRE store is EVIL," screeches Moonie in your office for what must have been the hundredth time now.
"Moonie, for the last time, she has no history of villainy."
>"Everyone starts off somewhere! My first evil act was blotting out the sun and taking over the current governing body."
>You roll your eyes and clean your glasses wistfully. Knowing every moment she is here in your office is a moment you're falling behind on your work.
>The form in front of you, a UR-YY, sits there blankly with what feels like an accusatory glare.
"Yes, well, she hasn't committed any evil so far so there's not a lot I can do about it... Also, you do realise I'm the mayor, right? Not the guard?"
>"We have a town guard?"
"Yes," you nod firmly. It's a small one admittedly, but they're there.
>"They're not very good," Moonie says plainly, "I didn't even know they exist, let alone noticed them trying to stop any of my antics."
>Part of you wants to say how most of her antics these days are far more childish compared to her old days but that'd only upset her.
>And she'd feel the need to prove to you and herself that she still has it by taking over the candy store or the bakery, something along those lines.
"I have already instructed the guard to investigate Mrs Evil McSinisterson. But without a history, nothing can be done.
>Because there is a real chance that Mrs Evil McSinisterson isn't even a villain."
>"Oh, yeah? You say her full name every time."
"What has that got to do with it?"
>"People don't shorten a villain's name. Whatever a villain prefers to go by, even if it's a nickname of their full title, is what everyone calls them.
>Nobody calls Tirek 'Terry' or Discord isn't called 'Discy' or Chrysalis 'Chrissy'."
>While you feel like she went with the worst possible examples, you can't help but feel like there is a glaring exception to this rule right in front of you.
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>You sit there silently for a moment then when Moonie drifts back to reality to make eye contact with you, you grin.
>And then it's very clear that she had caught on because she immediately glares at you as if daring you to say it. Before you can state anything however, Moonie cuts you off.
>"I'll find out what she is up to."
"While I feel it is my responsibility not only as Mayor but more importantly, your guardian, to encourage this new intention of being a Good Samaritan, I am wondering why?"
>"What's a Samaritan?" She asks, cocking her head to the side a little.
"Someone who is helpful."
>Moonie immediately dry retches.
>"By the night, no. Never ever, EVER, call me that."
>She over dramatises the whole thing, as you really should have expected. You sit there for a bit, resting your hand under your chin, to watch her as she carries on in feigned disgust.
"So no newfound sense of altruism?"
>She starts up again and you chuckle but interrupt.
"Alright, alright. But really, why then?"
>The midnight mare looks up at you, puzzled. Her face doesn't just look like the answer is obvious, but also seems a little wounded.
>While your heart pangs a little at the incidental insult, you also find yourself a little curious. Whatever the reason seems to have a lot of personal pride tied up in this for her.
>"I am the villain plaguing Ponyville," Moonie voice goes monotone at first but then deepens as the builds upon the seriousness.
>Her stance looks as if she is about to pounce, her gaze as cold as ice, and fangs flash behind flared lips as a temper you've not seen from her reveals itself.
>"She has invaded my territory, failed to pay the proper respects to my sub-contracted overlord, and is trying to inflict evil upon my enslaved subjects.
>As Queen of the Eternal Night and the void beyond, this will not stand. Not only will I uncover her plans, I will break them utterly.
>Mark my words, Anonymous the Overlord-Mayor of Ponyville, Mrs Evil McSinisterson shall be brought to ruin."
>A fire behind Nightmare Moon's eyes flares the intensity of her stare and her ethereal mane blows rather ominously in an non-existent wind.
>Passion and pride brought these words forth and not just the subject but the way she delivered them proves beyond doubt that there is little you can do to change her mind.
>And in an odd conflicting feeling, you find yourself hoping that Mrs Evil McSinisterson is a villain. Otherwise Moonie is about to inflict a fury on some very undeserving.
"This town ain't big enough for the two of you?" You reply coolly as you place the form back in it's place to focus on Moonie.
>There is no reply. Instead she just grin her razor sharp fangs and storms out.
>With a heavy sigh, you grab a blank piece of paper and start making notes on a plan to save Mrs Evil McSinisterson in the event that she isn't a villain.

https://pastebin.com/kdsEEAUt @line 2055
tard doesn't even know how good it is
>Spread a littlebit on an grilled cheese sandwich
>A spoon of it into a potfull of spaghetti sauce
Fuck now I really want some spaghetti but it's like 7am
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kek I'm not upset hell I even like vegemite I just thought it was a dumb image for the OP
Yeah, someone else is moving in on Moonie's turf but I also can help but think she wants to protect Anon & Ponville. Good stuff 8th. Thanks for the update.
Cool story bro.
Who cares, get over it.
I can't remember if it was asked here or not but someone asked for a Chrysi focused green. Someone else recommended "Sovereign Claim". I have to agree with the recommendation. I was not prepared for the feels.

"Sovereign Claim" by BonerMancer
Is Somewritefag dead?
I remember reading Captain Anonymous but it was unfinished, he seems to have deleted it from his pastebin.
I had made a backup, but I'd still like to see it completed.
>last edited April 2015
Jesus Christ, my sense of time gets out of whack here. Last time I read it it cut off at the part where they were headed to the empire, I had no idea it had been finished. Heck, I had thought it was semi-abandoned. It feels like I didn't read it that long ago, like maybe 2017, but clearly it had to have been in the late-2014 range.
always happy to see more Chyrsysysys
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I think she's my favorite villain from the show. Pic related.
>omg get over it REEEE
All I did was make a passing joke about it but you keep bringing it up. lmao are you sure it's me who's upset and not you?
I still talk to somewritefag and followed his stuff from some other threads. He's been throwing himself into his IRL work super hard for the last couple years so he hasn't had much time for the board (from what I'm told it's paying off well for him, he's earned two pretty big promotions within the last year). I don't think Captain Anon will ever be finished, unfortunately. Life gets in the way and people move on. It's sad but hey, it is what it is. You have that backup in a pastebin somewhere? Mind sharing?
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Should be this one.
I have no pastebin.
https://uploadfiles dot io/v0nwv
This is going to last 30 days, if someone has a pastebin archive they can upload it there before it dies.
Not that Anon. How 'complete' is it? Is it at a spot that could "feel" complete?

Thanks famalam.
Not that anon, but thanks. I was missing it from chapter 34. Maybe we should update it to a pastebin so it will be easier to access.

His other greens are missing too. I only read Captain Anon and Shiny and Corona.
>Anon hits the jackpot on a lottery
>Cue to him either doing silly things like following Dash to a Daring Do convention and buying everything there
>Or suddenly having a bunch of mares and stallions alike trying to woo him just for the money
Now throw in some Luna accidentally spent the entire royal treasury while gambling.
>Anon and Luna are at a poker game
>She bets everything she has
>But Anon has better cards
>Luna begs Anon to let this one go, as Celestia would tear her several new ones if she finds out Luna gambled away half of Canterlot in a card game
>Anon reluctantly agrees, but only if Luna becomes his personal maid for a certain amount of time
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Lads, what is your F A V O R I T E anon in equestria story?

“He couldn’t afford to pay, so the judge ordered him to be my butler!”
all of them
except mine
also edgelord trash and/or other cringe fetish based garbage
The one I never wrote.
The one where Anon appears mysteriously and inexplicably in Pastel Horse Heaven, and proceeds to be a dick to everyone, for the lulz. And then he has adventures or something. That one.
I've never really been a fan of the long ones, with a few exceptions that either got boring or died, but the stuff written by He Anon is really consistently quality and I think makes the best use of the greentext format, and keeps very well to the spirit of the general.
Did you mean heli-anon?

If not could I please have a pastebin link
No, He Anon, as in He-Anon and the Masters of Equestria. He posted green in this very thread. I just neglected the hyphen.
I agree. He-Anon's stuff has been consistently enjoyable.
One of the rainbro dash stories from a long dead writer.
Newfag here, can I get some pastebin links please? I tried finding these in OP's links but how the fuck do I find "that one where anon appears in pastel horse heaven" and there are literally like ten different stories about rainbro.

I'm pretty sure this is He-Anon's paste though, right?
Are they all one-shots or does he have a "main" story I should start with?
>how the fuck do I find "that one where anon appears in pastel horse heaven"
PiE reached 100 threads, hooray!
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This picture is adorbes, yo.
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Call the ponice, I don't give a fuck.
off you go then

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Does anyone remember the story where Anon wakes up with a horse dick and goes to Twilight to figure out why, and they end up fucking? For the life of me I can't remember what it's called.
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Have a source https://derpibooru.org/1599908
Pencils is breddy nice to talk to.
and aware of the throd from what I've heard
It's true. He's a pretty cool guy. Eh draw poni and doesn't afraid of anything.
I just finished my green but I'm way too tired to post, I'll drop it tomorrow.
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I still have to finish the green I'm working on.
Damn, I keep getting sidetracked.
So if Anon were to open a little library of his own, then Twi would never stop pestering him?
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Who's got almost 8000 words and a day off? This guy.

Prose Equus 10

>”Come on, throw it!”
“Baldur, I really don’t think this is a good idea.”
>”Frightened children don’t get a seat in Valhalla, No-name! Throw it!”
>You twirl the spear you held between your fingers and take a deep breath, sending it slicing through the air with a mighty heave.
>Baldur closes his eyes and juts his chin out with an expression so self-satisfied that you’d only seen it on cats before.
>The spear strikes the prince’s chin and rebounds with a CLANG, spinning through the air and landing some feet away in the courtyard.
>”Tadaaaah!” Baldur explains, flapping his wings out triumphantly.
“Did you even feel that?”
>”Like a breeze on my coat, friend!”
>You walk over to retrieve the spear.
“And everyone does this? Throws weapons at the crown prince?”
>Baldur rolls his hoof as he recounts. “Rocks, weapons, the occasional barn. It’s all in good fun if I cannot be hurt!”
“You’re one of a kind, Your Highness.”
>As you bend down to pick up the spear and inspect its head for chips, you see Crownsguard dashing along into the central hall of the palace on the veranda above you. It sets the hairs on your arm off.
“…Baldur, what do you make of that? The armor of those warriors looked different…”
>Baldur flaps his wings and gains some altitude, looking into further into the palace. “That’s peculiar…those are the markings of the Wolf Brigade, brother’s hoof-picked warriors.”
“Lord Tyr’s personal army?” you ask “What are they doing here…?”
>Baldur lands next to you, the time for games at an end. “I cannot say! It is rare to see them out of the Ulfirborg unless it is out in the frontier.”
>You look up upon the golden walls.
“What say we take a closer look…”
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>You step silently along the rich crimson carpet of the Asgardian royal palace and make your way deeper in. The Wolf Brigade were keeping themselves to the hall closest to your favored courtyard, requiring you and Baldur to go all the way around to the opposite end of the palace to avoid them.
>As you sneak closer to the throne room they were protecting, the walls subtly shift from polished brass to gleaming gold, and the glow reflecting off them gets brighter.
>You glance back at the Living Lightbulb before he ruins your stealth.
“Could you not do that?”
>The God of Light closes his eyes and suppresses his divine radiance back to a normal level. “Sorry.”
“No sneaking operations for you, Baldur.”
>”I will have you know that I-“
>You shush Baldur as a new sound enters your ears, the double-time clipping of someone with eight hooves.
>”What is it you would have me DO, my son?”
>You and Baldur sneak your heads around the nearest door and peer into the hall, where the Allmother was walking next to Lord Tyr. The queenly war god wore her usual stern face, while her counterpart kept pace with her despite the difference in size trying to instill some of his own emotion into it.
>”Do NOTHING, Mother! Simply allow my warriors and I to travel to Midgard so that we might prevent this tragedy!”
>”Midgard…?” Baldur whispers.
“What tragedy?”
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>”Lords of the Nine Realms we may be, Tyr, but you know the price of interference with them.” The Queen states. She looks down at her son with the softest eye you’ve seen from her. “I beg you, remember what transpired the last time an Aesir interfered with another realm to this magnitude, this is greater than simply slaying a few rogue giants.”
>Tyr’s face falls and his head hangs. “I will never be able to forget that day, Mother…”
>The Gods of War share a silent moment together before Tyr raises his head. “But she is still down there.”
>Sleipnir frowns and turns away from Tyr to silently chew his words and contemplate this mysterious “she”. Her eye looks back at her son with a question.
>”Are you certain it is her you are trying to save?”
>Tyr’s eyes widen and his head hangs, you hear Baldur suck the air through his teeth behind you. As you’re about to ask him what that meant, the Queen reaches out and places a hoof on Tyr’s shoulder. “You give these mortals too little credit. They have repelled Tirek before.”
>That gets your attention for a change, you remember the underground martial resistance you’d formed to get civilians to safety when Tirek rampaged through Equestria those years ago. If he was returning then-
>Tyr cuts off your thoughts with a second blow. “He was never at the back of a horde of demons.”
>Sleipnir nods and lowers her hoof, Tyr continues.
>”Mother…the Tartarian gates are open, and every minute sends them wider. Your birds themselves saw that the mortals stemming the tide are beginning to break against it.”
>Time has taught you many things, patience, calm, and confidence; you are not one easily shaken.
>However the thought of your friends down in Equestria falling against an army of Tartarian spawn, or facing the Desolator again while you were trapped here, chills you to your core.
>Your conscious mind catapults back to a week ago, with Loki in the Griffon cave where she told you the tale of Ragnarok.
>Horde of ghouls
>Horned beast of darkness
>Fields of dead
>End of the world
>It all checked out.
>”We must leave the realm of the mortals to the mortals for now, my son…” Sleipnir says, while Tyr simply sighs.
>You feel your hands break into a sweat and your breath catch in your throat.
“We need to save them…” you whisper.
>Baldur’s ears flatten. “Mother thinks that the Midgardians can handle this threat…”
“Well she’s wrong.”
>You turn back to Baldur, his cheeks are puffed in surprise at your sacrilege.
“I’ve seen this terror with my own eyes, it has only grown worse. We can’t just stay here and do nothing!”
>Baldur nerves must be getting to him, he scrapes his hoof on the floor. “We…cannot! Mother hath decreed that we shall not interfere and Tyr will abide by her will! So will Heimdall! There’s simply no way DOWN to Midgard right now!”
>You feel you can no longer spend another moment here and push past Baldur, heading towards your room.
“I refuse to accept that!”
>After an hour, you set your plan in motion.
>To the south of the palace, at the edge of Asgard, the watchpony Heimdall kept his eyes turned towards his rainbow well. Through the mystical Bifrost, he saw all that transpired in all the realms, but nothing right now was more worthy of observation than the battle that held Midgard in its grip.
>Until you arrive.
>With both hands, you throw the doors to his keep open and meet his gaze as he looks up. His eyes go between you, the heavy armor you wear, and the multiple weapons strapped to your person that you’d gathered since arriving in Asgard, from the icy blade you’d retrieved alongside retrieving Loki to the spear you were just playing with Baldur with.
>Heimdall sighs. “No-name.”
>”I suppose you’re here to join your friends in Midgard.”
>You take a deep breath, continuing to block the doorway with your body.
“I am.”
>”The Queen has decreed that we are not to interfere, No-name.” Heimdall says. “You know I can’t let you pass.”
“I know only one thing, Heimdall.”
>You reach into your satchel and retrieve something you’d stolen from a butcher after getting your weapons, a succulent cut of red, dripping meat.
“I know you can only stop one of us.”
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>A flick of your hand sends the venison sailing through the air, spreading its rich aroma across the keep.
>You duck as the flap of wings at your back sends a freed and hungry young Manticore through the air.
>Svaofali’s feet can’t exactly stop his momentum as he overshoots the meat and crashes into Heimdall.
>”What is the prince-!”
“He’s here because I freed him.”
>You leave the doorway and march towards the well, strapping your shield and chestplate tighter to your body one final time.
“Everyone here may not want to engage with the demons down there, but you’ll just as happily watch them, to the ignorance of things right under your nose by the looks of it.”
>You stop before the well while Heimdall tries to push Svaofali off him, the Manticore Prince now thinking he’s playing.
“I’ll keep them safe from anyone, Heimdall. Even all of you.”
>You ignore any response he had, leaping into the Bifrost.
“Shore up the left flank! Fall the wounded back and reinforce from fifth company!”
>”Shining!” comes a call from above you as Sunshine Smiles lands at your back. “Fifth Company has been fully deployed! We have no one to reinforce with!”
>You summon an Ethereal shield to protect you from a hurled fireball.
“How did we go through them that fast!?”
>”Perhaps the horde of demons had something to do with it!” Sunshine pounces on a fiery hound and pushes his clawed weapons through its chest. “There are too many of them! We’re getting more wounded than we can treat here!”
“Where’s Twiley? We need a bombardment to fall back!”
>”While the Princesses hold the skies with the Jarl, Flash reports that she went towards the gate!”
>Your stomach drops.
>”She snuck along the crags to our right flank! She has to be trying to go close the gates!”
>You push your barrier forward, keeping the infernal hounds at bay a few moments longer so your men can fall back. Chaos reigns all around you as the tide of demons prices the souls of the royal guard and begins to overwhelm their ranks.
“You need to get to her, Smiles! She’s our only hope of retreat!”
>You snag a lance from a fallen guard and thrust it through your barrier and through the skull of the dire beast behind it.
“I’ll hold the line here, but hurry!”
>”You can’t hold this front all your own, Shining!”
“I’m going to have to! Get to Twiley!”
>Smiles looks to the sky for his opening. “Too thick! We’re choked with-“
>Your friend doesn’t get any further as one of the demons climbs over your barrier and tackles him from behind like prey. You see it happen in slow motion and for a moment, your panic overwhelms you and your barrier falters.
>The demons spill over and close on your ranks as you try to dive to Sunshine’s aid.
>But it was too late.
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Music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhcVZMArN9M
>A shaft of rainbow light hits the ground like a meteor and blows dust and dirt into the air. The sounds of Sunshine’s struggle with the demon cease and for a moment, you fear the worst, until a voice calls out to you.
>He stands up to his full height, towering above any pony on the field. ”You’re letting them shake you, Shining. With as few guards as you have here, you could never hope to defend this line.”
>Another demon charges from its brethren into the smoke as the voice steps forward into a ghost you thought long gone.
>”You have to ATTACK!”
>Anonymous uppercuts the demon in the jaw with a mace and sends it careening back into the masses. The hounds that it lands on snarl and snap to get to their feet, but Anonymous whips his arm back and then forward, throwing a polished golden buckler off with incredible force that impacts the head of one before rebounding into another, its sharpened edge embedding deep inside.
>In rage, a pack leader in the back leaps over its fallen friends and aims to fall on Anonymous. With a grim smile, he reaches back and pulls a golden tipped spear along with the corpse of the hellspawn that attacked Smiles out of the dust, twisting it in his hands and thrusting it up into the gullet of the diving alpha.
>He’s just as quick to lower the skewered beast down where it drops on another.
>A cough from your side calls your attention.
>You help your friend to his hooves and get his helmet off him, he’s been bloodied a bit, but his remaining eye is still there.
>”Did I take a hit to the head, or is that what I think it is…”
“You’re fine, Smiles…Anon is back.”
>Your once-dead friend ducks under a swipe and retrieves his shield, using it to bash back a demon into a retreat. He turns to the both of you and holds his arms out.
>”Is this what Equestria’s finest have become since I’ve been gone?”
>You feel a smirk tug at your face and a fire in your heart ad the old man’s audacity.
“Smiles, go find Twiley. We have it here.”
>”You on your own, I doubted. With him? Maybe just…” Sunshine says before taking to the air.
>Anonymous locks eyes with you as the demonic horde charges at his back and the thunder pounds in your ears. “Let’s get to work, “captain”!”
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-Anon PoV-
>Shining Armor lowers his horn and charges at you while dragging sparks of the weird out of the air to the tip. Tired as he is, he powerful legs still let him leap, armor and all, over your head.
>A magenta barricade forms before Shining as he crashes into the ground behind you, crushing the infernal demons into ashes on impact.
>”Weapon!” he cries, your arm already reaching back behind you.
“Left side!”
>You throw your war hammer, tested and true against Chimera, along Shining’s side and crush the skull of another demon. Your feet move on their own bringing you to his side where you lance another.
“Good to see you!”
>”Likewise, you look well!” Shining responds as he gets the war hammer in his grasp and sends its head through another demon’s torso. “Remind me how that came to be? Because last I heard, you were dead.”
“Was, didn’t take.”
>You drive your spear through the neck of one of the demons and get the eye of the one behind it.
“As for the rest? Clean living, and eating my apples.”
>Especially golden ones.
>”Ah, of course. How foolish of me.”
>Shining sidesteps a hound and brings the hammer down onto its head. “Cover me!”
“At your back!”
>You step in front of Shining and raise your shield, getting between him and the horde.
>>Shining turns to the guard behind you. “LET’S GO YOU RUNTS! DON’T YOU WANT TO LIVE FOREVER!?”
>A few of the guard get to their feet as their captain calls.
>A resounding cheer erupts from the Equestrian Guard. Weapons are grabbed, hearts are steeled, and the Tartarian Hordes pushed back against the hooves of Equestria’s finest.
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>But for Shining and you, a different priority.
>You kick Shining out of the way and duck yourself back just in time to avoid losing a foot when a beam of destructive energy ripples through the air and scorches the earth behind you among a chorus of screams.
>”Well! I could scarcely believe it when I heard what stopped our charge!” a voice calls.
>You get to your feet, but remain behind a nearby rock to get eyes on the speaker.
>A pony, it seemed, taller than the others and bulkier, wades through the battlefield. From the sides of his head sprung two massive bull horns that widened his wingspan. His blood red eyes scan the scene as his hooves leave a trail of fire in their wake. In the center of his head, a gnarled unicorn horn that held a miniature sun atop it.
>He chuckles as he sees Shining getting to his hooves while the demons at his back break around him like a stream on a stone to attack the guard.
>”The Captain of the Guard and his former lackey, it was my understanding that you’d died.”
>You push yourself up with your spear and ready it.
“I got better.
>”Clearly.” He replies, puffing himself up. “Rejoice then, Equestrian! Your second death comes at the hooves of the mighty Trihorn Demoneye, servant of Lord Tirek himself.”
>A pregnant pause passes between you and Shining as you exchange a glance. Supressing yourselves.
>”Y-you can’t be serious.” Shining says.
“Are you sure you don’t want to be the one dead, with a name like that?”
>The orb swells in size. “And now you die.”
Fucking formatting ruining my joke.
>You spin your arm and send your spear flying. Your aim is slightly off, but it strikes one of Demoneye’s horns and throws him off balance, sending the beam of energy into the sky.
>”I’ll take front!”
>Shining and you cross over with one another as you charge Trihorn. The demon’s namesake eyes open and spot you cursing past his side. His horn alights with his cursed magic, but he gets the head of a hammer to his face.
>Demoneye turns his attention to Shining who blocks his blast with another barrier.
>You draw your ice blade from your waist and look around.
“Spear’s too far off!”
>”Then we do without! Number 23!”
“Got it!”
>Trihorn hears the glint of steel behind him and turns his head, his pupils shrinking as he sees you. An attack on two fronts was something even a demon would have trouble with.
>And so he does, bucking back and sending a wave of fire into the air, which you block with your buckler.
>Just as planned.
>Being in position before you, Shining can strike the demon’s skull with your hammer, letting of a resounding KRACK against it. He turns his blood red eye back to the captain to incinerate him, but instinctively closes it in pain as a frigid blade cuts slices out of his hide.
>An attack on two fronts is what any soldier wants to avoid, and that’s what Trihorn finds himself in now as he had to engage between you and Shining. The moment he could get one of you in his sights, the other would land an attack that would require him to turn his attention if he didn’t want to lose his head.
>And each time he was forced to turn his back, he’d take a hit from one of you, slowly wearing him down.
>You catch his eye one time when he turns to you and smirk.
“What’s wrong, darling? Getting tired?”
>The blood red orb turns into an inferno as all three of Trihorn’s namesake light up with infernal fire.
>”You just had to say it, Anon.”
>Trihorn Demoneye rears back and slams his hooves onto the ground, sending a wave of force from the impact and flinging you back into a rock wall while Shining Armor is sent end over end back to his men.
>Your sword and shield fall to the ground amidst the piles of demons as you slide to your ass. Even in armor, the impact on stone took the wind out of you.
>You blink through the battle haze and delirium from the impact as you get to your feet, the boiling sky rolling above you past the flying hordes.
>You could see Princess Celestia and Luna each doing battle with flocks of the Tartarian spawn, but holding their own.
>You silently wonder what would happen if you died here again, would they notice?
>”O-on your hoves, soldiers!”
>You push yourself up to see Shining Armor standing in front of his guards who caught his fall. His head is bleeding over one eye and his horn sparking, but he locks eyes with the enraged Trihorn.
>”Shining Armor” he muses, his horns alighting with fire. “Let us see if the slag I reduce you to shines as brightly as you do now.”
>Trihorn Demoneye unleashes his fury at Shining Armor and the remaining Equestrian Guard.
>A flash of light from the sky descends on Shining and the beam of destructive magic breaks on it.
Music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ny24zPeQLks
>Magical forces from the demonic commander blow apart the dust of impact. A pulsating hexagon of radiant light stands inches before Shining’s face and breaks the unholy energy against it effortlessly.
>Sunshine looks up at his savior, his red mane whipping in the breeze his magic makes.
>Wings outstretched and protecting the guard, Baldur strikes his front hooves into the ground.
>With a flap of his wings, Baldur’s barrier repels the attacking spell, while he looks no worse for wear.
>”No-name! Let us take him!”
>>As Trihorn prepares another volley, Baldur lets out a childish yelp and opens his eyes as wide as you’ve ever seen them.
Brilliant beams of light flash from Baldur’s eyes and illuminate the entire area, but they’re directed at Trihorn himself.
>You run looking for a weapon that wasn’t melted already, but they seem to have been blasted away by Trihorn.
“Baldur what in the Hel are you DOING here!?”
>”The God of Light will not abandoned his closest friend, No-name!”
>”Anonymous, what in the world-!?” shining starts.
“Baldur! This is Shining Armor, captain of the Equestrian Guard!”
>”Greetings, Captain! Gah! Eyebeams!”
>Baldur’s holy light drives Trihorn back down the hill he was atop, the magic on his horns fizzling.
>You however keep looking for a weapon.
“And this is Baldur! God of Light in Asgard and totally in..vin…cible…”
>An idea dawns on you, one that you hope the queen can’t see.
“Keep flashing at him, Baldur!”
>”I never stopped!”
>You run over behind Baldur and grab his hind legs. As a Pegasus, he was lighter than most. With a heave, you get him off the ground, though he flaps his wings wildly in surprise.
>”Whoa! Hey! Bad touching!”
“It’s time to put on your war face, your highness!”
>You unleash a terrible howl that Baldur is all too happy to mirror as you rush Trihorn with the God of Light held above your head.
>The demon sees your makeshift weapon just in time for you to bring it down on him. Again and again and again.
>You stand up tall and look down at Trihorn’s bleeding face. You spit on him.
“Stay down.”
>A toothy gurgle is your response.
>”Hey! Hey! Turn me around and let me see!” your weapon cries.
>You chuckle and indulge Baldur as you sit yourself down. The Princes ooh’s and aah’s at the defeated demon and then nearly jumps a foot as a soldier runs past him, charging into battle and screaming a victory cry.
>Another soldier follows him, then another, and another, before a routing charge materializes and attacks the demons.
>”Anon! Let’s go!” Shining calls, getting to his feet.
“After you, old man!”
>In moments, your sword is in your hand and you’re off after the others.
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>And in due time, you’re crouched to one knee in the middle of a combat zone.
>Your friends rush over to you, you hold up a finger.
“Just…give me a moment…to catch my breath.”
>The pounding in your chest rings through your entire body, even with the magic of the golden apple.
“I’ve got a few years on the both of you…hehe.”
>The Equestrian forces around you, rallied by the arrival of a bonafide god and the defeat of the demonic commander, quarrel with the demons on even footing. The demons themselves have the opposite effect, staying distance and cautious after one of their own fell as they plan their next move.
“Just need…one more minute to-“
>”No, I think you need some space.” A voice says.
>You, Baldur, and Shining are encased in a mystical bubble and floated off into the air.
>Baldur contorts in the bubble. ”HELP! MOTHER! STRANGER DANG-“
>”Relax, Prince Baldur!” Shining says “This magic belongs to-“
>You’re deposited in front of the spellcaster, a purple alicorn in a fancy hat.
>”-Twiley!” Shining Armor is the only one not on his flank when the bubble lets you out, instead running up and embracing his little sister. “You’re safe…”
>Sister hugs brother back before she sees who he came with. “Anon! Holy Celestia, you’re alive!”
>A moment later she’s rapped around you.
“Heh, in a manner of speaking. Hello Twilight. This is my friend, Baldur.”
>You gesture to Baldur who is already prostrating himself out. “Your Royal Highness!” he says emphatically.
>Twilight giggles. “He’s certainly polite.”
“He’s well groomed.”
>You push yourself to your feet a bit wobbly.
“Twilight is the one who found me when I arrived in Equestria, Baldur. She helped me even though she was just a filly.”
>”Then my most magnanimous thanks for aiding my future best friend, Princess!”
>Another girly giggle from Twilight escapes her before she composes herself.
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>”Anon, I’ll be brief.”
>”Then can I be-“ Baldur starts before you get your hand over his mouth.
“Please continue.”
>”Anon? Briefly? What the BUCK is going on?!”
>Shining grimaces at her language, but she continues. “You died! DIED died! We had confirmation that you went into that cave and never came out! Then you show up here with someone calling himself a god-“
>”Not “calling”!” Baldur shouts.
>”-right as the gates of Tartarus are opening?? Serendipity of this magnitude only exists in stories!”
>You look over the battlefield of soldiers fighting demons, once weary and now galvanized by the arrival of two souls at the right time.
>You shrug.
“It’s miracle duty, Twi.”
>Twilight rolls her eyes.
“What? It’s the most apt… How have you been since I’ve been gone?”
>”Oh you know. Finding the Pillars of Equestria, establishing a school for friendship. I was investigating a strange offucrance near the Crystal Empire some weeks back; a beam of pure cosmic magical energy shot from the sky and obliterated one of the peaks in the mountain range! Theories abound, but I’ve heard legend of a magical sword of ice that was kept up there-”
“That was me.”
>Twilight pops up. “Excuse me?”
“Yeah, that big magic. That was my fault.”
>”…You can do that now after you died!?”
“No no! Someone I know can! She did it to scare the witch at the top of the mountain.”
>You think.
>”Who could wield such awesome power?! Not even Princess Celestia can do that and she’s…THE BEST!”
>”Oh oh! I know!” Baldur chimes in. “It was my mother, Queen Sleipnir of Asgard! All-Mother, Skylord of the Eastern Cosmos, Living Daughter of Fire and Lord of the Day and the Night!”
>There’s another pregnant pause in the air as Twilight sits herself down and rubs her head with her hooves.
“Right…so just a recap; Asgard is real, I’ve been there the last little while, you might be able to blame any strange happenings on me lately, and his Mother is the most frightening thing I’ve ever laid eyes on.”
>You snap your fingers.
“Oh, and we’re here to help.”
>A great roar from the gates catches all your attentions. You see the massive Adamantine doors push open a bit more in herald of more demons spilling forth.
>”No! The doors!” cries Twilight.
>”More of them are coming through, Anon!”
“We need to get to the front!”
>Twilight runs back to a blue tent stocked with books. “Before Commander Smiles found me, I was trying to close the gates by force, but that won’t work now! You need to keep them at bay while I figure out a way to close them! Before Tirek arrives!”
>You nod and pick up your sword and shield, sliding a spare helmet over your head.
“They won’t take another step this way.”
>”I hope so. “Twilight looks back at the two of you with worried concern etched into her face. “I’m happy to see you, Anon but…it’s hard to believe any god sent just you and a novice fighter like your friend to us in an hour like this.”
>”Oh-ho, they did not.” Baldur says in a teasing tone.
>All eyes turn to the prince who points smugly at a whirling gap in the clouds, you know what’s coming from that hole in the sky.
>”No one sent me, friends! I ran away to help No-name, just as planned.” Baldur looks to the rainbow lights seeping from the cloud with a tired but assured smile.
>”Being prevented from leaving the city as I am, I knew someone would have to come get me…”
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Music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blCBoXKCGl0
>The stream of light from the Bifrost scorches runes into the ground on the field of battle, dividing the Equestrian Guard from the demons and leaving angels in its wake.
>Lord Tyr stands before ten of the most massive ponies you’d ever seen, wearing the armor you’d seen at the edge of the palace before your ill-advised jump.
>The Equestrian Guard drop to their flanks in awe, though the demons don’t hold such fear in them. A few of the brave ones charge forth only to be but in two when Tyr transforms the cap on his hoof into a mighty broadsword.
>This was not the Tyr you had seen in his keep training men. This God of War raised his weapon to the sky and bellowed “WOLF BRIGADE, ATTACK!”
>The ten guards with him joined their commander in their charge. They formed a perfect spear’s head formation as they drove into the demons, either skewering them with magical thrumming weapons or stomping them under the soles of their mighty horseshoes.
>The entire battle becomes just this front as demons pour from the heavens to try and reinforce their brothers making the push, only to be grounded and burned by the magic of the unicorns within the Brigade.
>What would take an army hours takes them but scant minutes as they divide the enemy line almost to the gates themselves, each warrior a flurry of motion as they tore demon flesh from its hides and sent the beasts screaming back to the abyss they pulled themselves out of.
>Shining Armor stands next to you agape at the spectacle, and you’re not too far behind him.
>”My brother Tyr commands all the legions of Asgard, No-name.” Baldur begins, coming up to your side. “If, in any of those legions, he discovers one of extraordinary talent, then they are offered ranks among his personal unit, the Wolf Brigade. Mightiest warriors in the realms clad in the most powerful armors and for use against the fiercest foes. They used to travel to the other realms as often as they could! Battling foes and righting the wrongs they could find as the swords of justice! ...Untill, well, something happened…”
>Baldur goes quite.
>”And they’re here to help us?” Shining says in shocked disbelief, probably the first good news he’s heard all day.
>Baldur sucks his teeth a bit. “Theeeey are probably here to retrieve me as I disobeyed Mother, and in such force due to my closeness to the Gates of Tartarus. But they’ll help while they’re here! The Wolves love a good hunt.”
>You sigh a tired sigh.
“Well I won’t turn down their help here…they can court martial me when everyone is safe.”
>You start to breathe easy when Twilight comes and ruins everything.
>”Uhh, guys!?”
>Shining rushes over “What is it, Twiley?”
>A magical apparatus Twilight is adjusting with her horn explodes in a shower of sparks. The Princess of Magic turns around frantically. “That astrolabe was the only way I could think of to close the doors! By all logic it SHOULD have worked, but something must be holding them ba-
>Twilight is interrupted by thunder speaking.
>Dread crawls into your stomach as orange eyes filled with hatred alight inside the Tartarian gates, their glow highlighting hellish red skin and rippling muscles that forces open the gates more.
>Twilight points. ”He’s going to force himself through!”
>”We need to get all our soldiers out of-What? What is it? A spontaneous storm cloud isn’t our priority right now!” Shining Armor shouts at a subordinate behind him.
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>A sphere of fire hot as the sun forms between Tirek’s horns and fires through the gate, impacting with nuclear force at Lord Tyr’s hooves.
>Baldur reaches his hoof forward. “BROTHER!”
>Like a bullet, Baldur is flying off over the battlefield to Tyr. Like Baldur did for you, you run right after.
“Twilight figure something out fast! Call the Princesses if you need to! We’ll hold him off!”
>Platitudes, you knew, but your body wouldn’t let Baldur run off into certain death to save his brother that protected your family without you.
>”Anon! Baldur! Get back here!” you hear Shining Armor cry.
>”Fear denies faith, Captain!” Baldur cries back.
“What he said!”
>And faith was all you were running on right now.
>You run past the site you did battle at earlier and spot a battered demon rising.
>”You cannot defeat Lord Tirek!” Trihorn jeers. “All the power in Equestria could not hope to best him in combat and you three have so much less than that!”
>You’d give it all you had, even if it wasn’t enough. Demon or no, God or nothing, you’d die standing like you did before.
>Another of Tirek’s beams hits Tyr’s hoof, now transfigured into a large banner shield that he ducked behind while his Brigade weathered the atomic storm with the wards on their armor.
>You and Baldur get behind the shield and press yourselves against it, offering what resistance you could against the unstoppable force bearing down on you all.
>Through the squinted eyes of effort, you meet gazes with the Battlelord.
“Lord Tyr.” You get out through gritted teeth.
>”No-name.” he bites back, pushing against the shield.
>As you feel your legs pushing back into the dirt and your hands burning through the metal, you make one final call to the sky.
“I don’t suppose you have any more miracles left for me, do you All-mother?”
>The All-mother doesn’t answer, but the sky does, with a mighty clap of thunder.
>Something races across the battlefield from behind you, breaking the sound barrier as it blows past Twilight and Shining’s camp towards the Gates of Tartarus.
>Trihorn’s mocking laughter is cut off as the object barrels through his head on its approach to the gates.
>A moment of shock crosses Tirek’s face as the object discharges a force of impact and forces the gates shut moments before it impacts them itself.
>Silence falls across the battlefield save for the sound of melting metal and discharging energy, but you can’t see what in Equestria is going on behind this shield.
>Tyr pulls the shield away as the object falls to the ground in a cloud of dust and steam before the gates.
>You look up at them. The black metal, said to be unbreakable Adamantine, was fused by some great heat down the center of the door, connecting both doors together into an unbreakable lock.
“What could have done this…” you ask aloud.
>”Oh dear…” Baldur says.
>”By Mother’s eye…”
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Music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Wx1z2mPHzo
>You look down at the clearing smoke and see what saved you all. Even you, a novice, recognize it in an instant.
“Is…that what I think it is.”
>”OH YES.” Baldur says emphatically.
>You hear a whistle off in the hills and the mallet floats off the ground, sparking electricity.
>”We should run.” Tyr says.
>”I agree!” echoes the invincible god.
>With those two decided, you weren’t going to argue. The three of you turn and start beating feet back to safety as the hammer begins to spin at high speed.
>The hammer sins and spins, pulling wind and gale from all corners of Equestria towards itself in a mystical cyclone that tears at the very ground itself. You must fall to your knees and hang on to rocks for safety, as do your comrades, but the demons still outside were not so lucky to escape the storm’s wrath. The infernal hounds get pulled from the ground and sucked into the vacuum made by the mallet.
>In what feels like moments, the battlefield is cleared of demons and the storm shoots up into the air. A hypersonic burst of air explodes over the valley as the hammer gains altitude, pulling the cyclone of demons behind it.
>Ponies below stand in silent awe as the hammer suddenly ceases its gale and expels all wind from the valley.
>Demons hang in momentary stasis, the ones still alive from not suffocating in the vacuum clawing at the air, before they slowly begin to fall to the ground.
“What in…the Nine Hels…”
>Baldur looks to the sky with tears at the corner of his eyes, smiling his most earnest smile. “The Princess wished for a real miracle, did she?”
>Even Tyr mirrors his brother’s gaze, watching the demons fall to the ground with the same astonished expression you saw Slepnir obliterate a mountain with.
>Far off, you hear a single distant voice in the nearby forest the cloud of demons was over shout “Hammer DOWN!”
>The hammer falls streaking a trail of lightning. The night of the battlefield from the acrid smoke of war becomes a brilliant day as the largest lightning bolt you’d ever seen erupts from where the hammer landed and into the clouds above.
>It didn’t stop there. The clouds themselves, fed this raw power, eject the same streaks of electricity through the sky and strike every single demon still in them.
>The Equestrian defends drop to knees, flanks, and more watching the storm incinerate the demonic host. Even the princesses watch astounded as the lightning flays the demons of their flesh and reduces them to ash in the wind.
>Howls of the hounds die with the lightning as their remains scatter into the air.
>The ground rumbles beneath your feet rumbles as the hammer shoots off into the sky and breaks through the clouds like it did the Tartarian gate. The force of its passing so great that a wide area of sky is pushed away, letting the light of Celestia’s setting sun bathe the battle-weary soldiers.
>And then it is gone.
>An explosive cheer of joy bursts from the mouth of every pony across the battlefield, marveling at what just happened and grateful to be alive.
>Yourself, Baldur, Tyr and his warriors remain near the gate watching the sky.
“That…just happened.”
>”Yes Anon, yes it did.” Baldur says.
>The light god looks to his brother excitedly “Do you know what this MEANS, Tyr!!”
>Tyr looks less than optimistic, locking his jaw. “Yes brother, I do.”
>One of Tyr’s wolves approaches behind him and speaks with a deep, hollow voice. “My lord, the Midgardians approach.”
>You straighten up as Shining Armor, Sunshine Smiles, Twilight and even Flash Sentry race down to meet you. The Princesses approach from above to see all the commotion.
“Hey Flash.”
>”Hey old man.”
>”ANON THAT. WAS. AMAZING!” Twilight explains, jumping for joy. “Whatever that was, it sealed the gates and killed every demon in the area! You were RIGHT, it IS a miracle you’re here!”
>”What happened?” Sunshine asks.
>You look to Baldur who just smiles at you, then to Tyr who is avoiding your gaze by examining the clouds.
>Guess it falls on you then…
“Well, you see-“
>The Bifrost opens up and pulls the lot of you back to Asgard.
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-A bit later-
“Ow! Ow ow ow!”
>You’re floating above the Bifrost well in the emptied keep bend over backwards and in an unescapable magic grip. You can feel your spine screaming in protest as you get bent in more terrible ways.
>”A bit louder, No-name. They couldn’t hear you in Vanaheim.”
>Queen Sleipnir continues to trot around the well, her eyepatch glowing as she holds you and bends you more, while Loki watches from the floor.
>The irony isn’t lost on you.
“You’re loving this…”
>”I’ll admit to a slight pang of joy over this.”
“Let me remind you that when you were here, I saved yoU-AAAAHHHH!”
>Your body contorts in ways it shouldn’t as Sleipnir approaches and holds her head next to yours. “Tell me what it was you did wrong, No-name.”
>You think for a minute.
“Got caught?”
>Sleipnir spins you around into a ball and bounces you off the wall a few times before returning you to your place above the well.
>”She hates that answer…” Loki says.
“Probably because she heard it so much from you.”
>”Silence.” She demands.
>Sleipnir turns you around so you’re looking at her upside down, still in a pressure pose.
>”What you have done, human, is reveal our existence to the Midgardians by dragging not yourself, not one, but TWO of my children along with you to a place where all eyes were upon. They know of you know, know of US.”
>You nod in pain.
“That…sounds right, yeah.”
>”Your actions go in the face of my rule back for hundreds of years. Gods have been banished for less.”
>She lowers you down just over the event horizon of the well and continues to squeeze, so you continue to scream. “Perhaps, if the mortals mean THAT much to you, I will return you to them…in low orbit. We can see if half an Iduun Apple is enough to survive re-entry.”
>Loki watches and grimaces, too frightened to speak.
>Sleipnir pulls you from the horizon and holds you before her face. “What.”
>Either it was the battle or your shoulders getting singed by extradimensional energy, but your patience has worn too thin.
“I said you don’t deserve the privacy, you one-eyed mountebank! “Queen of the Gods”! Ptah! What good are you if you lead your gods to let them die when a Devil breaks out of Hel!”
>Your wriggle in your binding.
“Maybe it’s a matter of perspective, Your Highness, but I was on Equestria when Tirek last set foot on it and he put the fear in me when he drained the Princesses of their magic and nearly destroyed the kingdom! I had to learn to fear him when we were organizing what amounted to a suicide run just to drown him in bodies!”
>Loki watches you rant, Sleipnir remains stonefaced.
“So you’re damned right I’ll throw myself right in front of every pony I’ve ever met to try and stop him from returning! And I’ll drag any of your children along with me, they all want to get out of here often enough! Hold me back long enough and I’ll even drag you down there, O Lord of Asgard! My life is given so that those ponies may never know a day where they must feel that fear! And so should yours and everyone else in this city!”
>You jerk your body forward and get a centimeter closer to Sleipnir’s face.
“So throw me or get the HEL out of my way, because I’ll tear down every veil of secrecy you have if it means saving ONE of their lives.
>”As you wish.”
>Sleipnir throws you.
>You impact on the keystone of the doorway into the keep and smack into the stones on the ground.
>It is Loki, surprisingly, that is at your side first. “If you lost an eye then Heimdall owes me a golden helmet!
>You lift your head and offer a quick, tired smile with both eyes, much to Loki’s disappointment.
>”So.” Queen Sleipnir starts, her eye still glowing as she approaches you. “You wish to be a meddler? Stick your nose in the business of the nine realms and impose yourself on them? An unpopular life, I assure you, it’s why everyone hates me.”
>You don’t touch that bait and just shrug your hands.
“We can’t put the past back, My Queen…the genie is out of the bottle. They know, and they need help.”
>”Indeed we can’t. I detest time travel.”
>”She really does.” Loki chimes in.
>”In your arrogance, you have revealed us to the mortals and you DO speak truth, we cannot put our secret back to the way it was…so we will control how the mortals are made aware of us, and you will spend the next eternity in penance for your misdeed.”
“I beg your pardon.”
>”You will not receive it.” >Sleipnir extends her neck down to you, regarding you as a bug. “Did I perhaps stutter? I am say that you are now my PEON, No-name. You will do what I command when I command it and it will be recompense for revealing yourself as you did.”
>”I hope you turn out better than the last peon…” Loki bemoans.
“…I’ll bite, what happened to him?”
>”I turned his skin into fire and then cut off his head.” Sleipnir answers, walking over you and out of the keep.
>”Be better, No-name. Loki, get him to a healer. Our No-name has changed more than he realizes by revealing us, and there is much to do…”
>Loki gets you onto her back and follows her mother, letting you asses the weight of today in your head in peace.
Pastebin updated.
For 8th: https://pastebin.com/BgPHYmAL
What do you think?

And as soon as I post, I notice a continuity error. FUCK. I'll fix it in the paste.

I think I broke both my word count record and "farthest back for a joke" record with this one.
By the Gods! That was an awesome update. That "you don't know what you did" sure isn't foreboding. Nope not at all. Thanks for the update Mandroid.
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I have a tiny quibble on word choice, especially if you want to keep the Norse feel.

"Thrall" is closer to the term you want, I think, than "peon." Also, "peon" is a Spanish word meaning roughly "landless peasant," and in the Philippines it is a slang term for a low-ranking soldier. "Thrall" is Old Norse for "slave."

As an added bonus, you get the opportunity to have Anon say he doesn't feel enthralled and get a kick to the face for his trouble.
I actually had this conversation with someone as I was writing it and consciously chose Peon. Thrall is a bit less demeaning.

Thrall calls forth the image of someone having to be your slave because you have power over them.
Peon calls forth someone who is your slave because that's their place.

A thrall could rebel, a peon will always be a peon.

That is the feeling I wanted.
As someone who plans to make use of thrall should he ever get back to writing his green, I approve.
Celestia would hate the fancy dinner parties Rarity would want to attend, that ship would never work.
Plus its a dyke ship and all of them suck.
lmao thrall is much more insulting than peon
a thrall is basically a mind slave
A peon is a paid laborer, not a slave. You clearly have no idea what you're talking about.
I write colorful horse fiction on a basketweaving forum you ding dong, I obviously have never had any idea what I'm doing.
That's fair.
That's the modern meaning.

In Old Norse, thralls were literally slaves, in literal actual chains. They pulled the oars of some Viking raiding ships. They tilled crops and split firewood, and by Norse custom they weren't even people. It was not a crime to kill one, though if you killed someone else's thrall, that might piss him off, and he might make you buy him a new one.
>you ding dong
That's the point I was making, though I hadn't delved into the etymology. That thrills aren't people, but peons are. Thus, being called a thrall is worse than being called a peon.
Thralls, not thrills. Fuck. Phone posting, not even once.
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>current year
>not getting your thrills with thralls
get on my level
I'd try to convince her that I need to taste her horse pussy just to be sure. If she's against it it must be because I was right, right?
Stop me
>When you first arrived in Equestria, you were very excited about the of prospect magic.
>But though you put on your robe and wizard hat, you could not cast level five eroticism. Or throw fireballs. Not even levitate a fork.
>Even the Magic of Song that facilitated those spontaneous musical numbers was a bit iffy about you.
>Despite traditional wizard magic being beyond your reach, it turned out you weren't beyond magic's reach.
>Which why you're at the apple orchards today.
>"Thanks for helping out Anon, gettin' all the Zap Apples harvested in time is always a tough job."
>"No problem AJ, just need a little privacy to work my magic."
>"We got part of the zap apple orchard roped off, so y'all won't have anyone interruptin' ya."
>"Thanks AJ."
>As you walk away you hear her mutter "Still don't understand why you're such a prude about yer clothes."
>Once you reach the roped off area, after making sure no one's watching, you strip off.
>Suitably butt naked, you stand and wait.
>And wait.
>And then you hear a rustling, dozens of snakes appear, slithering through the orchard.
>Each one climbs a tree, pulls down an apple and places it at your feet.
>Within an hour you have a huge pile of zap apples in front of you, the trees stripped bare.
>Reaching into your bag you retrieve the all important fig leaf and attach it to your crotch.
>At this silent signal, your snake army disperses. And you get dressed, it's fucking cold out here.
>As you leave you pass AJ and Applebloom bucking trees.
>"Done already? We ought to employ ya full time."
>"I don't think the snakes would like that. Or Fluttershy."
>Applejack laughs "Come by later and y'all can have the first taste of this years jam."
>Heading home you find yourself pondering your unique brand of magic.
>Act a certain way, do certain things and human myths and legends try to act themselves out around you.
>Don't think you'll ever get used to some of these 'rituals'. But if you have to get naked in the woods to do some magic, that's the price you pay.
>It's not all fun and games though. Everytime there's a thunderstorm you feel a barely resistible urge to throw hammers around.
>Fortunately, so far, you managed to stop yourself at the goat drawn chariot.

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Let's see if I can write some pone stuff today.

But what are you up to, Anon?
>But what are you up to, Anon?
Doing what Spitfire is doing in that pic, minus the smoking.
drunk but lacking the deep reflection into what my life has become
maybe I should
It aint all that bad
I'm sure there's a green in there somewhere
>you have to get naked in the woods to do some magic
>human occult traditions actually yield perceivable results
Would a more "new age" tradition, like the eclectic dogma-less "chaos magic", work too?
>Anon just runs around throwing pingpong balls and yelling "Magic missile, magic missile!!".
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>the balls actually explode into a flash of harmless magic fire because Anon believes that they will
>the pretty purple pony princess studying the phenomena is… more than a little perplexed
>as his friend she's happy he doesn't feel like an outcast anymore
>but like any creature with at least a modicum of common sense, she is worried the situation may get out of hoof
Nigga that's boring
You'd think she's used to it by now
I'd like that.
Nigga you boring
no u double nigger
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>no Ned Kelly in Equestria
Because then the jolly swagman jumped into a billabong. "You'll never take me alive," cried he. And his ghost can be heard as you pass by that billabong. "You'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me." And ghosts are too scurry for poni.
seems legit
>be Anon
>after escaping from twiggles' "sex" dungeon you've been trying to make a living in the one place that reminds you of home
>a few months back you managed to find a decent apartment
> the only issue is your roommate
> to put it kindly, she is a NEET through and through
>to put it less kindly, you didnt think equestria would have pissbottles
>after threatening to talk to her parents about it, the general funk levels of the entire building seems to have gone down
>once you get home from work, you kick your shoes off in the vague direction of your bed
>one goes underneath it and something splashes
>she didnt
she did
>you're going to skin that mare alive.
Go and stay go.
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The human creature had been moved to a room in the castle. Mainly because they were tired of repairing the cell door he kept breaking. They had discovered that if they kept him moderately entertained, he wasn't too much trouble. However, today he hadn't seen a pony all morning. Bored he began to wander around the castle, but no pony was in sight. Finally through luck or instinct he found his favorite guard.
>Cuddlemuffin! There you are. What's going on around here? Is it a holiday?
There was something different about her. Her eyes looked blank and she charged when she saw him. "I must protect King Sombra." Her charge was ineffective as the human easily caught her in his arms.
>Hey, easy now! What's wrong? You don't look right. Is this some kind of evil spell? Don't worry. I've seen Disney movies. I know what to do. With that Anon gave her a kiss right on the lips. After a moment her eyes returned to normal. "Blah! What are you doing? Put me down!"
>It was no thrill for me either. Yah! You've got rubbery horse lips and now I'm tasting grass. That was not nearly as charming as I thought it would be.
After a moment clarity returned to Cuddlemuffin. "Anon, you saved me! I'm not sure how but never mind. Quick! King Sombra has taken over the castle and has everypony under his control!"
>Who's King Sombrero?
"Sombra! He's an evil unicorn who once ruled the Crystal Empire. Celestia and Luna are away and he's overpowered everypony. We've got to do something! Anon, you've been unstoppable since you got here. You can fight him!"
>I'm not Captain America. Why is this my job?
"Please! There is nopony else! If you do this I'll... I'll let you cuddle me."
>I do that already.
"I'll go on a trip with you."
>We already did that.
"Please! Anything!"
>Would you marry me?
"Yes I... wait what?"

>You said anything.
Cuddlemuffin tried to think, but there was no time. "Oh fine! If Equestria is saved I'll marry you."
"Yes! Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."
>What does that mean?
"It's a very serious oath. It's said a horrible creature will appear if it's broken."
>Wow, that is a badass oath. Okay, show me where this faggot is and I'll punch him out for you. Anybody with bra in his name has got to be a sissy boy.
Careful to avoid other ponies, Cuddlemuffin lead Anon to a concealed entrance to the throne room. They arrived just in time to see Sombra's defeat and disintegration.
>Well, that was easy.
"It's Princess Sparkle and the elements of harmony! Oh thank Celestia!" Quietly Cuddlemuffin and Anon slipped away again. "I should have known they would save us."
>That was one mean rainbow laser. For cute ponies you can be vicious. At least now we can get married.
"What?! You didn't do anything!"
>You said if Equestria was saved you would marry me. Well, Equestria is saved.
"That is not what I meant!"
>It's what you said. You don't want the horrible creature to appear and eat you for breaking your solemn oath.
"But... I... you... I didn't... oh okay. I'll do it."
>I changed my mind. let's get doughnuts instead.
>I was just curious to see if you would do it. I'm too young and carefree to get married now. Besides, those rubberly horse lips are a deal breaker.
"I was under a spell! I'm a great kisser! I demand you kiss me! Wait, what am I saying? Hey, put me down! Where are we going? You aren't serious about doughnuts. I'm on duty! I can't leave."
>It's doughnuts or wedding bells.
"Fine! We'll get doughnuts! You aren't going to keep holding that oath over my head are you?"
I don't blame him.
Are you suggesting that Rarity's mom has got it goin' on, good sir?
She's all that I want
Hi woot
You've got a good idea, but everything should be in green text except the voice lines of the character whose PoV we are taking.
>The human creature had been moved to a room in the castle.
>Mainly because they were tired of repairing the cell door he kept breaking.
>They had discovered that if they kept him moderately entertained, he wasn't too much trouble.
>However, he hadn't seen a single pony all morning.
>Bored he began to wander around the castle, but no pony was in sight.
>Finally, through luck or instinct, he found his favorite guard.
"Cuddlemuffin! There you are. What's going on around here? Is it a holiday?"
>There was something different about her.
>Her eyes looked blank and she charged when she saw him.
>"I must protect King Sombra."
>Her charge was ineffective as the human easily caught her in his arms.
"Hey, easy now! You don't look right. What's wrong? Is this some kind of evil spell? Don't worry. I've seen Disney movies. I know what to do."
>With that, Anon gave her a kiss right on the lips. After a moment, her eyes returned to normal.
>"Blech! What are you doing? Put me down!"
"It was no thrill for me either. Yuch! You've got rubbery horse lips and now I'm tasting grass. That was not nearly as charming as I thought it would be."
>After a moment, clarity returned to Cuddlemuffin.
>"Anon, you saved me! I'm not sure how but never mind. Quick! King Sombra has taken over the castle and has everypony under his control!"
"Who's King Sombrero?"
>"Sombra! He's an evil unicorn who once ruled the Crystal Empire. Celestia and Luna are away and he's overpowered everypony. We've got to do something! Anon, you've been unstoppable since you got here. You can fight him!"
"I'm not Captain America. Why is this my job?"
>"Please! There is nopony else! If you do this I'll... I'll let you cuddle me."
"I do that already."
>"I'll go on a trip with you."
"We already did that."
>"Please! Anything!"
"Would you marry me?"
>"Yes I... wait what?"
As you can see, I also took the liberty of fixing some other minor errors and breaking up most of the prose into green text. Overall, it wasn't bad, but wasn't good either. The troll Anon is an ancient concept so it's weird to see lol randomness reemerging after all this time.
*It's a crack ship.
Like every other show ship. They have such little in show connection you minds well just be shipping two OCs. But welcome to the fandom.
It is both a dyke ship and a crack ship
I love it. Good job famalam.

I'd be down for some Cookie Crumbles. I'd keep trolling Rarity though.
>Anon is somehow related to all of the cast through wacky shenanigans
>He makes it his mission to fuck all of the moms in the show
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"Mother! How could you?"
Like mother, like daughter.
They're both sluts
Rarity, Cookie Crumbles, Ritsu, or Naoko? or all of them?
none of the above
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That's a human
Your mom's a human.
While we wait for more stories...

>day 69 in Equestria
>get summoned to royal party in Canterlot
>get much too drunk and proposition Princess Celestia
>"Would you care to try a bit of orangutangadingdong?"
>she's drunk enough to accept, oddly enough
>"Anonymous, where's the rest of your penis? Whom do you think you're going to satisfy with that thing?"
>you tap yourself on the chest with your thumb. "Me."
>and stick it in her pooper, shouting "SURPRIZE BUTTSECKS"
>next morning you're both really hung over
>you can tell she's PISSED, too
>"so, Anonymous, do you like bananas"
>uh oh
>as the guards load you into the giant moon cannon
>you give a thumbs-up and shout "Totally worth it!"
Trix of the Trade when?
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Probably never, but I wrote a Trixie story.

>not orangutang dangalang
Come on, step it up.
Not ever never.
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Springtime in Ponyville, Equestria
Springtime on Dew Drops Street, which intersects with Elm Boulevard and which also continues West to a small schoolhouse. No doubt some of Ponyville's most brilliant minds were once taught here. Of course in a hick town like this, that bar is set fairly low. To the East, there lies a fairly large NEIGHborhood haha where the low income residents live. Thunder rumbles from the West and several gusts of wind blow to the East. If one were to take Elm Blvd South, they would find the town square with all manner of biodegradeable party favors littered about. Paper hats, streamers, conffetti, rice and other grass seeds, and of course flyers advertising a big event. The event being the wedding of one Acodobin Rebat and a pegasus stallion named Lontin Cerbi. The celebration was so massive that the local government decided it would be easier to have a weather crew schedule a storm to blow all of the papers away to a place where they can safely decompose.

To the North stands a massive castle that sits upon a crystal tree. It's newlywed occupants, a purple and an orange pony, lie asleep in a bed several times larger than either of them, having just consumated their marriage. Just outside of the castle there is a school. One where no actual curriculum is taught, instead it mainly focuses on teaching others how to get along, as well as also focusing on charisma. It is not ran by the state, or at least not directly and is entirely for profit. The tuition funds go into the bank account of one, now Mrs. Cerbi. One of two ponies who saw this school for what it was is currently sitting behind bars, while the other changed his mind after a certain headmistress paid him off. Rain begins to hit the outside of the school before quickly picking up and becoming a downpour.

Back to the south, we can see that the wind has done a marvelous job of removing the trash. Further down south, there are odly shaped houses that are spaced out.
This area is home to Ponyville's more wealthy residents. One house is shaped like a turntable, while another is shaped like a giant carousel. One structure is a concrete house with a brutalist design, providing a stark contrast to the relatively simplistic and warm architecture of the town. Even further south, we can see a small cottege that borders a wooded area. And that is where we begin our story.
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Did /hhh/ fall into the sun?
Worse. It fell into the drawthread.
The word "Café" keeps giving me weird inconsistent encoding errors and it's pissing me off, so I'm gonna switch every mention of "Café Hay" in my story to a similar pun-based name (thanks Hoodponk). Thing is, I can't decide on the best version and wanted to see what y'all preferred.

Possible options are
>The Calf Hay
Most punny option but "calf" just *slightly* fucks with the pronunciation.
>The Caf-Hay
Most reminiscent of the word "Cafe"
>The Caff-Hay
Most obvious in its pronunciation
>The Caffhay
Looks less dumb than Caf-Hay and Caff-Hay imo
I like The Caffhay
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>Storm King
>Anon is yet another ape
Do you think they'd like him?
What are you doing
Don't eat that
My vote is for "The Caffhay" as well. It's a funny looking and sounding portmanteau.
>A faggot thread on 4chan
>A place where faggots are bullied.
That and surprise surprise they were cancer even by their standards. A majority were trannies and pedophiles in their discord. Honestly, if the shit was banned on this board it would only get better.
Anon's not black he's light green
Still too dark.
>encoding errors
Ummm in what program? Just save it in unicode encoding.
Two votes for Caffhay and zero for anything else sounds good to me

Notepad++ cause it's the only free word processor I could find with a dark theme.
It *is* saved in unicode encoding and 99% of the time it's fine, but every once in a while for some reason it'll randomly load in ANSI instead. It's pretty quick and easy to fix, it's just annoying as hell and the letter é is the only one affected by it.
Put a few characters immediately at the beginning which causes the problem. Like "éáűőúüóö".
Txt files does not contain the encoding, np++ has to figure it out on every startup.
Also use some version management sw, like git (with for example gitextensions for gui). Then you will notice the unintentional changes.
Oh no
>worried dubs sounds
>be Anonymous
>be in Equestria
>as the only human, you are a bit of a curiosity
>you're being interviewed by the Princesses
>specifically Sunbutt and Moonbutt
>or, as you privately think of them, "Built for Comfort" and "Built for Speed"
>a television set is chattering in the background across the room
>you can't remember which season this is, do they have TV in Equestria or not?
>you guess they do
>you're talking about the history of Western Civilization as best you can recall it
>a familiar-sounding voice cackles from the TV set
>you turn and it looks like Celestia, only her mane's on fire and the sclera of her eyes are black
>she's ranting at a confused TV reporter
>"Are you on drugs?" asks the reporter
>the Celestia clone on the screen grins maniacally
>"I'm on a drug and it's called BEING DAYBREAKER!"
>"And you can't have any! If you tried it you'd die!"
>"Your face would melt off and you'd explode from the awesomeness!'
>you look at Princess Celestia, puzzled
>Princess Luna rolls her eyes and gives her sister a "dope slap" to the back of the head
>you are pretty sure you shouldn't ask
>but you are compelled anyway
"Too many hot peppers?"
>there is a long pause
>Celestia is looking sadly at the floor
>"Cocaine, actually."
>she looks at you sadly
>"It's a hell of a drug."
>it was a face-meltingly awesome day

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>ywn be carried in public, held in place by Celestia's giant horse dong
>everyone know, but they pretend the big sweater is actually hiding enough
It's fine, Celestia only lets Anon do that because he's the only one around with a bigger dick than her.
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Made it through another zombie Jeesuus day
May a funny bunny free your life
I honked at a rabbit that ran out in front of me in the road and it ran in a circle like 20 times before it flopped off into the bushes dizzy as fuck today.
Does that count
Are you dead?

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