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Previous thread >>33200420 blaze it

>Shouldn't it be Ponies ON Earth?
Yes, but PiE is tasty. PiE has had this name since 2012 and it helps convey that this is the reverse of the Anon in Equestria formula.

>Please explain.
We ask what happens when one or more ponies (or changelings, or griffons, or something else) are placed in a setting where humans are the predominant species. How does one of those adapt to living in a society where they're the odd one out, and most items aren't designed for hooves? Fictional universes are a valid setting as long as they follow those rules.

Everything else your choice!

Stories can be silly, grim, future, past, present, whatever! Ponies could be as rare as bigfoot sightings or as common as next-door neighbors! Are humans friendly or skeptical of the new arrivals? Are they even new arrivals? Are ponies made by humans, as with Browser Ponies or Hassenfield Bioengineering? Is Anon around? Is he still a jackass?

The door's wide open, so come on in!

>I don't always see this thread on the board.
We'll post a new thread on the 14th of the month if one 404s from lack of bumps. Threads roll over into the next month if there's one already up. If there's demand, we'll make a new thread before the 14th. PiE is in AiE threads if there's no PiE thread up.

>Who's this pegasus OC that keeps getting posted here?
Her name is Pillow Case. She was in one of the first PiE stories posted on 4chan and has become the thread mascot. She likes soft things and wearing her hoodie. She is knowledgeable about soft clothes, soft linens, and software. She could code a spambot, but chooses not to.


~~~
Useful links
~~~
---
PiE Pastebin: pastebin.com/u/Ponies_in_Earth
---
FAQ: pastebin.com/RjGxp6Mn
---
PiE
Images: derpy.me/PiE_Pictures
Threads: derpy.me/PiEThreadArchive
Recommended Stories: pastebin.com/m8YWvb4k
---
BP
Authors: pastebin.com/KMbc65Zk
Images: derpy.me/BrowserPonies
Threads: derpy.me/BrowserPonyArchive
---
Writing guides: pastebin.com/V1ujiyJt
>>
>>33301736
Freezing cold!
>>
>>33301745
2cold4poni

You must snuggle to warm the poni with your body heat.
>>
>>33301761
Done
>>
>>33301776
Poni is not a hat. This only exposes poni to more wind and cold.
>>
>>33302596
Poni cannot be detached, it demands a helicopter and 1 million dollars
>>
>>33302610
Best I can do is a scale model and some Monopoly money. Does this appease poni?
>>
>>33303541
>Best I can do
>Let me call my pony guy
Pone stars when
>>
>>33302610
>Poni cannot be detached, it demands a helicopter and 1 million dollars

Instructions unclear, poni is now a helicopter but says she feels like a million bucks.
>>
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>Son, we are a matter of DAYS away from play-off's...and YOU STILL CAN'T RUN A BREEZIE-FLIPPIN', MOTHER LOVING HOOK ROUTE?!"
>'Wow. Troy, that Ponyville coach is really laying into his guys about now..'
"Eh, he's still not as bad as Switzer."

Hahah, fuckin' Troy.
>>
>>33302596
There! Now what...
>>
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>>33304398
Their friend is cold too. Acquire more poni.
>>
>>33304854
Pony armor!
>>
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Oh good, the website shat itself again.
>>
>>33307004
It's ok, she has fun.
>>
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Poni too sleepy, eyes closing...
>>
>>33308971
There are nocturnal ponies. Six post oneshot incoming.

>"Are you sure you know what you're doing?"
>Ms. small, dark, and brooding over here is getting impatient
>You met her just a couple of hours ago based on an online listing for a lock picker to help on an urban exploration
>This town isn't exactly urban, but you were equal parts bored and curious
>Then you met the person who posted the ad and found out she was a unicorn
>It turns out that 'Moonlight Raven' wasn't just her screen name
>Her being a pony would usually put your chances of getting murdered at zero
>She looks and acts like she's planning to grow up into the sort of crazy cat lady that'd own exactly one cat and call it her 'familiar'
>You didn't ask if there's a pony Wicca religion, but it's safe to assume there may be
>That puts your chances slightly above zero
>She did say that she couldn't just unlock things with magic because only nerds take the time to study it
>At least it won't be a drawn out sacrifice to Mephisto or something if she does murder you
>...Unless she's mind-gaming you into thinking she's not a witch?
>All you can say for sure right now is that you're going to have to stall for time if you want her to pay you
"I am. Are you sure of what *you're* doing?"
>Smooth as butter
>That response puts her off-balance for a few seconds before she replies in her usual sighing monotone
>"I'm waiting for you to unlock a forsaken passage into a cathedral of excess and fleeting satisfaction. So yes."
"That's a weird way to say that you think I'm taking too long to jimmy open the loading dock entrance to an abandoned mall's supermarket."
>"I'm trying to find at least a small amount of inspiration for my poetry in this experience. I'll forgive you if you admit you were bluffing, but continuing to waste a fragment of my limited existence on a futile display of bravad-"
>The lock clicks and the doorknob begins to turn
>"-Oh."
"Got it! Man, this looked a lot easier in the tutorial videos."
>>
>>33309127
>"I thought you said you had experience with locks."
"I never claimed to be a master of unlocking. What does it matter? We're in, aren't we?"
>"It looked like you've never done this before."
"I have! Once or twice. With reference material."
>She stares at you with an unreadable face
"I can only get better at this as we go along, right?"
>Moonlight breaks eye contact to slip on some thick soled hoof boots
>"Just make sure we don't lock ourselves in."
>A quick jiggle of the inner doorknob assures the magical goth horsie that won't happen
"After you, madame."
>Walking through the dimly-lit storeroom to the supermarket proper, the first thing you notice is the smell
>It isn't horrible, per se, but you can definitely tell there used to be a lot of spoiled food here
>There's no source to it
>It seeps out of the walls like a chain-smoker's living room, but instead of cigarettes it smells like a dumpster
>Your partner in sorta-tresspassing removes a hoof from her scrunched nose just long enough to comment
>"This is not the sort of decay I was hoping to find."
"Yeah, this is just nasty. I can't even tell if they fumigated this area."
>The pair of you walk through the empty aisles and slip out of the supermarket's broken glass facade
>This interior plaza of the mall doesn't smell great, but it's enough of an improvement for both of you to talk freely
>"Why use poison when that place clearly needs disinfectant?"
"From what I heard, the mall got closed because of some kind of parasitic South American bug infestation. That's just word of mouth. I was out of town at the time. The one thing I heard for certain is that exterminators were lined up for miles hoping to get the contracts to clean this place out."
>She nods pensively and looks around
>"Perhaps they're about to work on this section. All of these storefronts have tarp over them."
"Nah. The north plaza was under construction when this place got condemned. They finished fumigating this place years ago, anyway."
>>
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>>33309130
>What was left of the scrunch on her face dissappears in an instant
>"And already I'm finding more inspiration than I expected."
>She levitates a notepad out in front of her and scribbles 'tombstone with only the year of birth' onto it
>You had her pegged as being that kind of poet, but damn
"That's the darkest thing I've ever seen come from a pony."
>Oh crap, you said that out loud
>"Thank you."
>There's actually a hint of pride in her voice
>Results were better than expected
>She keeps jotting down notes for a for a moment longer
>None of them are particularly upbeat
>Eventually, she lowers her notepad and turns to you
>"What parts of the mall can we get to from here?"
"Uh... well there's only more of the north plaza over that way unless you want to cut through the courtyard. If we go straight ahead we'll get to Wonderland Plaza and the indoor playground."
>Her ears perk up as you finish speaking
>"That name calls to me on a level I can hardly articulate."
"Okay then. Let's go."
>She follows you across the dusty skybridge, shards of glass cracking under your shoes and her hoof boots
>Between steps you can hear her pencil continuing to scratch at the notepad
>You doubt she's suddenly switched to composing flowery verse about butterflies and stuff
>It's making you curious enough to ask
"So uh... why do you write such-"
>"Because things can be beautiful even if they aren't attractive."
>You stop in your tracks
>Moonlight barely looks up from her writing as she passes you
>"Sorry for interrupting. That answer has become something of a reflex."
"You get that question a lot."
>"Exactly. Huh, what is that?"
>She points her floating pencil down the steps at the end of the skybridge
>It's unnaturally bright at the entrance to Wonderland Plaza
"No clue. It's not like this place pays its electric bills."
>Moonlight starts trotting down the stairs
>You panic just a little bit
>>
>>33309132
>There was this really creepy clown dude the mall hired to entertain around the indoor playground in this plaza
>He seemed to like his job way too much
>You haven't seen him since the mall shut down, and it's entirely possible he's squatting here and is crazier than ever
"Uh... you sure you want to go down there?"
>"Yes."
"Even if there's a nutty homeless person in there?"
>She pauses for a moment to think, then starts heading down the stairs even faster
>Dammit
>You jog down after her, but she's already got a head start
>Moonlight is in the bright light before you can get to her
>You hear a third voice
>"Hëllo pöny! So räre to have vïsïtörs!"
>"Hel-OW! My eyes!"
>What kind of accent isOH MY GOD IT'S BLINDING
>"And yöu bring frïend? Thïs is grëät!"
>You try to look towards the source of the voice
>It's slightly above you, probably near one of the second level shops
>Even on full squint-mode you can barely make out their shape
"Why is it so bright in here?"
>The silhouette reaches over and taps one of the light sources with a...hoof?
>You don't think you saw any fingers
>"Many lämp, brother."
>You can see that
>Actually, you can't see that
>It is very hard to see much of anything
"Uhh... yeah. Yes there are. Quite an impressive collection you have there."
>"Thänk yöü."
"Please turn them down."
>"Okay! Yöü ask politely."
>A few seconds pass where you think you can see a shape moving around just behind the lights
>They dim to a somewhat tolerable level
>"Bëtter?"
>You blink away the spots in your vision
>"Yes. My name is Moonlight, and this is Anon. Who are you?"
>"Pëoplë call më thë moth hobö."
>>
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>>33309137
>Moth?
>Your eyes are slowly adjusting to the new level of light, but you can sort of make out the person up on the balcony
>He's... yeah, that looks like a pony
>Mostly
>He has weird triangular wings and some feather-looking thingies coming off of his head
>Oh
>No wonder he's called that
"You must be one of those moth ponies I heard about."
>"I wasn't aware there were any on Earth."
>"Möths are good at hïdïng."
>Moonlight taps a hoof to her chin
>"True. I've only seen a few back in Equestria. What brings you here?"
>"I comë hërë for lämp. Please, no need to keep ständïng äroünd!"
>The drab-colored lamp lover points to the balcony stairs and waves you up them
"Comë vïsït my homë!"
>You find yourself chasing Moonlight again as she approaches the stairs to the mezzanine
>This dude is clearly a has a couple screws loose
>Pony or no, you don't trust him alone with the girl that's paying you
>Whatever they'd get up to if you left them alone would probably be more adorable than it is nefarious, but still
>You jog up the stairs and find the moth-dude set up outside of a camera store
>He seems to have looted light fixtures from various parts of the mall, a couple of movie projectors, and a few lights that look like they would have been sold at the camera shop
>In the store itself you can see he hooked the lights up to what can only be described as a dangerous amount of car batteries
>>
>>33309144
>"Wëlcomë!"
>The goth is simply awestruck by the moth
>She ogles his setup and smiles with childlike wonder
>"Magnificent. I feel blessed to have met one so enamored by simple pleasures amidst the ruins of this scrap heap of fleeting desires and... mother of Luna, is that an indoor roller coaster over there?"
>"It üsed to work. Now it has too müch rüst. I coüld fïx, but why bothër when thërë ïs lämp?"
>"Case in point. May I interview you?"
>"Süre!"
>She looks around for a second time with a lot less wonder and a little more panic
>"Where is my notepad? I need my notepad."
"You dropped it when you saw the lights."
>"Oh. Thank you."
>She rushes over to the railing and looks around the lower floor for her pencil and Wordpress blog notes, spotting them after a few seconds
>They rattle softly on the floor in her magic like Luke's lightsaber near the beginning of Episode 5 before she musters enough power to drag them closer
>They're almost directly below her when she manages to pick them up
>Okay, you're starting to doubt your suspicions of her being a witch
>Maybe she really is one of those girls who had an occult phase that ended up not being a phase, MOM
>You're going to need to test her bouyancy to be 100% sure
>That can wait
>She brushes dirt off the pages with the back of her hoof and takes a seat next to her new idol, a drab butterfly-horse hobo that's inadvertently gone guru
>"What do you do with your time?"
>"I eat swëäter."
>"Fascinating..."
>You stand off to the side and lean against the wall
>You've got a feeling this is going to take a while

Merry Christmas/Saturnalia/arbitrary commercial season, PiE!
Guess which holiday I was planning to have this ready for?
>>
>>33309148
>moths
OHGODITSONME
>>
>AchingScaphoid
>not ded

...this actually makes my Xmas slightly less painful. Thank you for not dying.
>>
>>33308971
Has Poni slept well now?
>>
>>33309148
It's rare to see such an interesting story, is there going to be a continuation? I like both of these poners.
>>
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>>33311233
I-I think?
>>
>>33309148
This was a Dead Rising reference wasn't it? I approve.
>>
>>33311365
Not planning on it. I just wanted to make something silly with an underappreciated background horse and the moth meme.

>>33312764
At first the reference was just going to be the layout of the mall, but then I realized I might as well lay it on thicker if I'm using the names of the plazas.

It's been more than a decade and I still get the Willamette Parkview Mall muzak stuck in my head sometimes. Suffer with me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xMWvzDLl5c
>>
>>33312920
>At first the reference was just going to be the layout of the mall, but then I realized I might as well lay it on thicker if I'm using the names of the plazas.

I don't know how much verisimilitude this adds for anyone unfamiliar with that specific mall, though.

I sometimes go back and forth, writing dialogue in my head for a story I'll never write, using cleverly-altered place names, just wondering if anyone would notice it and figure out the pattern if I actually wrote it. This is probably a symptom of severe autismsmsmsms.
>>
>>33312379
Scratch her there
>>
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THEY'VE BEEN HERE LONGER THAN WE KNOW
>>
>>33314218
This reminds me of that picture of the Sentinel Island natives on the shoreline more than anything else. What if poni is already on Earth and they're just a hermit clan on some remote island?
>>
>>33313550
Let sleeping ponies lie. Especially if the poni is a former cult leader with powerful magic.
>>
What fictional universe would benefit the most from the addition of poni?
>>
>>33316181
Lazytown!
>>
>>33316193
Ponies are well suited to children's television programs.
>>
>>33316181
DOOM
>>
Does pegaponi prefer to ride aircraft or fly themselves when on a transatlantic/transpacific journey?
>>
>>33316795
I don't think pegasi can even make transoceanic flights.They literally wouldn't be able to bring enough food with them
>>
>>33314321
I'm putting all my savings into a boat as we speak
>>
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>>33316696
Classic, Doom 3, or 2016 reboot Doom?

>"Wow Mr. Slayer, you didn't tell me you also had a pet rabb-"
"DO NOT TOUCH HER."
>"I-I'm sorry, I didn't-"
"It's fine, I didn't tell you. I haven't trusted anyone else with Daisy ever since she died."
>"Since... what?"
"Demons tore her head off, so I kicked their asses, cut a swath through hell, retrieved her stolen soul, and stitched her head back on. Now she's good as new! Isn't that right, you lil' fuzzy wuzzy?! Oh I love you so much! Come to papa!"
>"Wow. That's... uh... it looks like she really cares about you too, doesn't she?"
"She's the best... Oh, and make sure your bunny doesn't, y'know, get up to anything with her. I see that look you're giving her, you misnamed little cotton ball motherf-"
>"I wouldn't let him anyway. This UAC outpost is no place for them to raise kids. In fact, they could stand to turn up the thermostat."
>>
>>33316181
A grimderp one. Not something truly grimdark, that would traumatize the poni, but one in which the poni could set an example of kindness and genuinely good intentions that might influence humans around them to improve their behavior.
>>
>>33317838
Portal series.
>>
>>33316795
>>33316795
>pegaponi riding transoceanic aircraft
>>
>>33317875
You are now imagining GLADOS as a sarcastic poni.
>>
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>>33317838
I have an idea.

>"Whew. These interdimensional spells are really-"
>"HALT, XENO SCUM!"
"[Wait what the fuck Celestia I had no idea you were coming over]"
>"The temple is breached! I will defend you to the death, my lord!"
"[That is entirely fucking unnecessary. I know this one. We were pen pals for a few millenia before I reconquered the human Empire. She's cool. Way cooler than you you Adeptus Custo-dork. Go stand outside and think about how much of a dork you are.]"
>"Y-yes my lord."
>"What was that about?"
"[I go into a near vegetative state for an eon because my favorite son ends up being a Chaos-tainted dickhole who violently betrays his dad and all of these mortals lose their fucking minds is what.]
>"Dang. Well I was dropping in to check if everything is alright. Uh... at least you lost weight?"
"[Losing most of one's primary and redundant internal organs does that. These dumbasses didn't even think to build a way to communicate into this golden piece of shit they strapped my half-corpse to untill like last week. I'm the father of humanity not their convalescent grandpa me-dammit.]"
>"Well, ponyfeathers. No wonder I haven't heard from you."
"[Yeah. Shit is fucked. I'd offer to go out for tea and cake but I'm a bit indisposed and decomposed.]
>>
>>33317976
>If the God-Emperor had a Text to Speech Device
Just silly enough in tone. I like it.

>GEOM x Celestia
I ship it.
>>
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>>33317976
>These dumbasses didn't even think to build a way to communicate into this golden piece of shit they strapped my half-corpse to until like last week.
Ackchually, that "golden piece of shit" was designed by the Emperor himself, albeit it was designed with Magnus in mind and on the throne.
>>
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>>33304398
>>33304854
>>33306006
>>
>>33318053
That's a big pony!
>>
>>33318059
u u
u u
>>
>>33318046
I admit I'm not familiar with a lot of the pre-heresy Warhammer 40k lore.What I know is:

>People are living like The Jetsons
>Skynet and Terminators fuck their shit up or something, nobody remembers why
>Mad Max on a galactic scale for a while
>Vandal Savage shows up and CRISPRs the fuck out of some fetuses and himself
>The primordial forces of Chaos are like 'this apocalypse was just getting good, could you please not?' and yeet all the babies to distant human colonies
>Emperor conquers Earth
>He makes a deal with the Borg who were living on Mars (and maybe are unknowing pawns of what's left of Skynet) to build him a sick gaming PC and starships and crap
>Galactic crusade to recover what's left of human civilization and looking for babies
>Starts finding babies, now adults because shit took forever
>Each one grew up in a different culture and some are kinda mutated in weird ways but w/e
>Mutant kids are given legions of surgically enhanced supersoldiers to inject their mutations into, train, and command
>The primordial forces of Chaos are like 'dude what the fuck now everything is boring' and start stirring up shit with the Emperor's sons
>Emperor forgets to hit send on CC: RE: Important memo please read RE: RE: FWD: Forward-Facing Synergy and Enhanced Transportation Logistics
>This ruins the Emperor's project to make FTL travel not involve literal hellscapes gets derailed because he didn't tell anyone about it and Chaos was pushing his sons to fuck it up
>Family Feud with Steve Harvey and Ollanus Pious
>Most of the good guys die or go into comas
>Bad guys get dual-citizenship in hell
>Emperor becomes a psychic lighthouse that runs on human sacrifice
>Corrupt bureaucrats take over human government
>Also there are orks, blue commie aliens, that armor dude from FMA but Egypt-themed (twice), whiny elves, sadist elves, and the bugs from Starship Troopers
>All of which want to kill you
>Grim darkness etc, etc, war and stuff

Does that sound about right?
>>
>>33317887
MMM HELO PONI
OPEN CLOTH
SHOW BOB & VEGEN
>>
>>33318195
Sounds about right.
>whiny elves
Where did you ever see elves that weren't whiny?
Even the sadist elves get whiny when they skip their daily dose of pain and suffering.
>>
>>33317731
>gentleman, since the our breach accident we have discovered alternative source of energy
>friendship
>we have many employees with low socialisation. by inducing socialisation onto them in presence of harmonic field we could generate enough power to provide entire system
>>
>>33318212

Druchii.
>>
>>33318195
Not so much whiny elves as unreasonable asshole elves who could solve 90% of their problems if they'd say what they mean and rein in their inner dicklords.

Also, the 'nids are the bugs from Starship Troopers plus the Zerg from Starcraft (which were actually supposed to be 'nids in the first place, but Blizzard couldn't afford the license for WH40K) plus Giger Aliens with a little bit of Lovecraft Juice sprinkled on top. But yeah, horrifying unnatural slime-bugs that are implacable foes of all that lives, mostly not even sentient but somehow capable of magical faster-than-light travel.
>>
>>33318797
>unreasonable asshole elves who could solve 90% of their problems if they'd say what they mean and rein in their inner dicklords
That describes just about every kind of elves. I don't think even ponies would tolerate their inflated beyond reason egos and holier-than-thou attitude for long.
Imagine one of those dendrophiles mouthing off Applejack for "gravely wounding" the pure and innocent apple tree.
>>
>>33318866
Maybe it's just the worst Elves that we see in-game and in the fluff, in their behavior with other species.

Years back I wrote some smut in /tg/ involving Idranel, the gorgeous but irritable Farseer from Dawn of War 2. Circumstances resulted in her getting stranded on an outer fringe human mining colony world and hooking up with a human. A year later Eldrad of Ulthuwe pays her a visit and tells her, among other things, "Never go sixty years without getting laid again. You have no idea how impossible you were to work with."
>>
>>33318866
>"I'm vegan, by the way."
>>
>>33317892
More GLaDOS getting angry at pony for being happy
>>
>>33319730
I think there's at least one at FIMfiction, unfinished and abandoned.

GLADOS ends up in Equestria as a petite little white poni with a white mane and yellow eyes with black sclera. Her cutie mark is the Aperture Science logo.

She immediately begins doing experiments FOR SCIENCE and accidentally saves the life of a filly on whom she wanted to do an experiment, so Purplesmart and the supporting cast are not nearly as afraid of her as they should be.
>>
Bap
>>
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>>33320931
Bap bat?
>>
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>>33320931
I TOLD YOU IDIOTS TO BREAK THAT STUPID MIRROR LOOK WHAT GOT IN
>OI BAPPY M8!
>OIM A SHITPOSTIN MACHIN I AM I AM
>YEAH NAH CUNT
>>
>>33321292
Twilight needs that mirror to get laid. She'd just build another and be angry the first one was broken.
>>
>>33321625
Bruh all she has to do get dick is go hang out at the mall food court where her bum ass ex lives
>>
>>33309148
>"I eat swëäter."

Fucking lost it.
>>
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ZIGGERS
>>
>>33322491
What about them?
>>
>>33322520
they make the criminiality of equestria sky rocket, also they sell potions that make ponies alucinate past events.
>>
>>33322532
How and where may I acquire such potions?
>>
>>33322547
First you're gonna need, hmm,'bout tree fiddy.
>>
>>33322566
God dammit Loch Ness Zibba, I ain't givin' you three fiddy!
>>
>>33309148
I want to pet Lamp pone nonsexualy
>>
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>>33322768
>walking home from work
>see Tree Hugger
>grow the balls to walk up to her
>say hey to her
>"Hi"
>never really talked to her
>awkward silence
>asks me if I want to get high with her
>okay
>go into woods
>she pulls out bong and bag of kush
>they were hidden in her dreadlocks
>okay
>get wasted with her
>high as fuck
>she asks me if I've ever kissed a pony before
>we kiss
>she grabs my dick
>starts sucking it
>asks me to eat her out
>we 69
>asks me to put my finger in her
>she loves it
>asks for three fingers
>do it for her
>asks for whole hand
>wat
>still do it for her
>asks me to fist her with both hands
>more wat
>do it for her
>"I need more"
>what else can I give you? I have both hands in your cunt up to the elbows
>she looks me in the eye
>"I need about tree fiddy and about forty cakes"
>it was about that time that I realized I had both my fists in the vagina of a seven story tall crustacean from the Cenozoic era with a sparkly blue and green mane
>that god damned Loch Celestia Monster had tricked me again
>>
>>33318031
>Changelings are genesteelers that mutated under magical field
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Poni asked why your clock doesn't have "miller time" on it
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>>33325408
Poni I don't know what is miller time, does it contain lewd activities?
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>>33325500
No, but it contains beer which may lead to lewd activities.
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>>33324642
We now need a picture of a Changeling trying to shoplift several pairs of jeans.
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>>33323932
THAT'S NOT A P0NI! THAT'S A GODDAMNED SUCCUBUS!
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>>33327385
Strawberry is a cute, Christmas colored horsie.
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'Tis the night before Christmas, Anons. What did you get for poni? You did remember to get poni a gift, right? Right?
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>>33327877
A box of those fancy, expensive light up color changing salt licks.
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>>33327877
Sugar. Lots and lots of sugar.
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>>33328067
Excellent choice. This will help poni stay awake on New Year's Eve. It will also keep poni awake from now until New Year's Eve.

>>33328036
You mean one of those salt crystal lamps? I don't get why anyone who doesn't also lick the lamp would want one made of Himalayan pink salt but this is a good gift for poni.

Any other gifts?
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Poni gets to continue living inside.
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As we all know, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

Are poni a little less stubborn?
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>>33328818
The opposite, they're naive
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>>33329338
They're too innocent and genuine to ever deserve contact with (irl) humanity :(
>>
>>33329383
I assume there would be a registry of people who shouldn't be allowed near poni until they prove they're okay. Everyone else would be a Poni Approved Peaceful Individual.

Don't listen to poni if they say "hurt me, PAPI."
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>>33329663
Oh dear.
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What did she mean by this?
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>>33331030
STRAWBERRY?!
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>>33331030
My reading is that she's hot for her cousin's boyfriend and wants him for herself, but her cousin out-slutted her.
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>>33331036
NANI?
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>>33331030
Nice find, I wonder how her cousin looks like
>>
>>33331154
I searched oc:cross stitch on booru and I don't think any of the results are her.
>>
>>33331154
I've been rereading her story and putting together some neat background details about her.
>inb4 autism

>I could feel the shock of being tossed into a crowd of strange creatures turn into a rising panic, and did my best to keep it down.

>Oh Celestia! Which bag did I pack my sweater in! Did I even bring it? I feel like I’m walking around without fur!
>“PC, you ok?”
>No I’m not ok Strawberry! I’m having a panic, like granny always says.
>My voice was a slight and urgent whisper, “I’m not wearing anything Jam! Everypony is staring at me!”
>Hey stop laughing!


PC most likely has or used to have panic attacks/anxiety
>>
>>33332150


>“No... No I don't know. But what else can I do? The shop is gone. I can't even go back home anyway! Dad might not ever find a job there himself. All my brothers have moved away and w-we hardly saw them anymore! A-all my friends left too. I don't want to feel alone again. But then, here I am, even more alone than before right? No ponies anywhere who know me.”

>“It’s not like I’d wear those things in public anyway. I just like human made fabrics.” I’m no ‘tail lifter’. Unlike some ponies in my family. Stupid cousin Cross Stitch. Slut. What did he even see in her anyway... Beside, socks wouldn't look nearly so provocative with something like that dress Strawberry was wearing. They’re only slutty if that’s all you’re wearing. That’s what Stitch always said at least. Gah! No, no more thinking about her. She makes me feel so mad I could just... I don’t know what, but it wouldn't be very nice. It would be mean.

Cross Stitch hasn't done anything wrong here, only clarify what makes something slutty and not. We also see that Pillow Case was interested in somepony she ended up dating.

>I hope she didn't mean coltfriend... Except I’m not judgmental! Stop being judgmental Pillow Case! You’re a terrible friend! Ponies can be with whoever they want! You've been alone since graduation. Stop judging others!
>Oh Celestia, I've been alone since graduation...

> I hadn’t seen that many ponies in clothes since my last school dance. Mom let me borrow her old dress. I had to make some adjustments though because it was so loose on me, the wing holes were especially difficult to readjust, but it looked pretty anyway, even though the fabric was kind of rough.

Pillow Case was dumped by her coltfriend during prom/graduation for her cousin cross stitch. She was probably close friends with Cross Stitch until that happened. Since Fetluck is such a small town it's not unreasonable for that to happen. Maybe it ties into the anxiety thing somehow.
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>>33332162
Cross Stitch sounds like a sexy mare, I picture her with long, straight mane and Rarara eyes
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>>33331053
What a sex bomb
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>>33332179
What should her cutie mark be?

>>33332162
Poor Pilly, all that work done on the dress and she still didn't get the guy.
>>
>>33334058
Stripped socks!
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>>33335112
Lewd, but I think that might be better suited to Pilly's mom, who IIRC has the word 'socks' right in her name. She had a wild time in her youth. Cross might have a cutie mark that reflects her name better.
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>>33335334
Well, something with stitching and wearing lewd clothes?
A niddle embroiding a heart on sexy panties?
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Would bad poni come to Earth and try to buy human slaves, if such things existed?
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>>33335380
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>>33335468
I want to say I'd play this game, but ponies can be dangerous with magic, kicking and stuff
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>>33336047
This one isn't even a unicorn. Or else she's magically hidden her horn in order to pretend to be one of those ordinary talking horses we see every day.

I think maybe she is showing too much white around her eyes. I hope she isn't crazy.
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>>33336102
This horsie is too big and scary!
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>>33334058
thread going into needle
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>>33335468
>>33336102
This just gave me an idea. What if poni tries talking to hoers, not knowing that hoers doesn't talk... but then hoers says that lots of hoers know how to talk but don't want to talk to hooman?
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>>33337336
poni should ask why
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>>33337933
>hoers responds that humans would try to enslave them
>human overhears and is mindboggled
>human sadly explains that in some cultures humans still eat horse meat
>horses are made into canned pet food also in some parts of the world
>pony and horse are horrified
>"well, they should have said something"
>>
I want to bully and beat up Pillow Case until she's crying
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>>33337970
Well, dear horses, how about this: Mr. Hands and his fate! "Too deep" means STOP!
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>>33338929
>"I love you Mr. Hands but neigh means neigh"
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What no
I am not a talking pony from that show

It's ok I get that a lot
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>>33339374
>"No, I'm from 'Filly Funtasia,' the OTHER pony show"
"Wat."
>>
>>33339374
>>33339385
holy shit its mr ed
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>>33339385
Filly Funtasia? Could you answer me a very important question: do you have a vageena?
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>>33340115
no i dont carry velveeta on me faggot, who the hell does that?
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>>33340140
>faggot
NOW LISTEN UP YOU SILLY HORSIE, either you are a very silly poner or I should clean your ears and other holes.
>>
Pony is too pure for earth.
We need to all die.
>>
>>33340156
Too pure for some. Flim and Flam could easily keep a job at EA, and that was just the first pones that come to mind.
>>
>>33340156
>that pic
I want to spank that poner with a spatula then teach her how to cook something that isn't a toxic waste.
>>
>>33341517
I actually think mixing the ramen with some eggs could be interesting. I'd probably try it once and never eat it again but still. I don't know why there's doritos though. As for the drink...is that a thing? Mountain Dew and cream? That sounds terrible.
>>
>>33341565
Ramen with hard boiled eggs and frozen or canned vegetables is actually semi-nutritious, mainly because of the additions. It's still not exactly optimum as the centerpiece of a healthy human (or poni) diet.
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>>33341598
Is this what the wondrous realm of NEET food is like?
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>>33341690
Or poor college student food, depending on your perspective.

Instant ramen is often eaten with added eggs, vegetables, and fish in Japan. See image. Though I suppose in the US, only a weeb would do such a thing.
>>
>>33341565
Ramen with eggs is great, at least in my opinion. But I draw the line with corn chips and cheapo "I can't believe it's cheese"-cheese.
And the soda+cream combo actually made me sick, which is an achievement by itself.
Even a NEET poni can and should do better!
Even a NEET poni deserves better!
If it's up to me to teach the lazy horse to cook, then so help me god I will!
>>33341707
Literally nothing wrong with adding stir-fried veggies in onions sauce to the ramen. It's one of traditional dishes IIRC — whatsitsname soba.
>>
>>33342069
You'd think she'd be able to operate the can opener.

Even canned beans would be an improvement, nutritionally speaking. And it's not like canned beans are expensive.

Dried beans are slow and labor-intensive to cook--you have to dump them out on a counter to sort them to make sure they contain no gravel, wash them, soak them overnight, simmer them slowly for several hours--but even less costly than canned beans. Would a depressed NEEThorse be able to focus on the activity for as long as it took, though?
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>>33340156
Every time I see her I want to molest her with a warm bath and rape with a good hairdo
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Poni is horny!
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>>33343208
Hi horny
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>>33341707
>>33342069
Also good to add slices of deli meat. Turkey or beef in beef ramen, chicken in chicken. Or get the neckbones and put them in the bowl. Green onions are good, nutritious and cheap. The last 2 inches or so, the part hat turns white and has roots, can be replanted and put in a window and they'll keep regrowing for renewable yum.

Dry beans are easy, just remember to soak them the night before and they don't take too long once they go in the pot.
>>
>>33343740
>Deli meats

Whoa there, pal. That is not for poni. Your point about renewable good is much more compatible with poni.

>Get Earth Poni roommate
>Buy planters and UV lamps
>Grocery bills drop to 1/3 of what they were
>Feds kick your door in at 2:36a.m. expecting to find a grow-op
>The grow-op they find is much more nutritious than expected
>They're disappointed that they didn't find any weed and disturbed poni
>Raid leader apologizes by slicing some cucumbers and carrots and serving them with LE/Military-restricted Tacticool Ranch Dressing dip
>A good time is had by all
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>>33344983
If they're gonna eat eggs, no point in not eating meat. Equines on Earth eat meat. And if they don't wanna, I'll eat it for her.
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>>33345521
>I'll eat it for her.
If you know what I mean. And I think you do.
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>>33343628
What the fuck!


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>>33345568
It's just a "dad joke." Calm your tits.
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>>33344983
I live in a state that just changed some laws, but for many years there were--and still are!--billboards on the major freeways advertising the wares of a company for "home hydro grow rooms."

If I owned a house, I would have been tempted to look into it, just for the little luxury of being able to have fresh home grown tomatoes in winter. But I knew that buying anything from them would have gotten my name on a List.
>>
>>33345678
REEEEE STOP RUINING MY LEWDS
>>
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>>33347513
This is not a happy place for a pony
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>>33335468
What's this?
>>
>>33347513
>>33348258
Story idea: Poni is abducted from Equestria by aliens. The aliens are humans.
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>>33348692
I believe there is a separate thread for that named "slave pony thread". Also, I believe there was a story on fimfic where humans acted like ayyliens and abducted ponies for sexul tests
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>>33347513
Stardust was a good story.
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>>33348311
I would like to know.
>>
>>33348311
>>33348951
It's from a pr0n manga. The subject matter and characters are pretty much what you see there.

In another world, horses can talk, and have money. They buy and sell human slaves. This particular mare has a human fetish, as if you hadn't guessed already.
>>
>>33348311
MLP/XCOM fanfiction fanart. It's pretty good.
>>
>>33327877
A spanking hairbrush!
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>>33349346
Thank you
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Please be responsible friend and don't let your poni friend drink before traveling, especially if they're a pegaponi.
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>>33350819
Don't worry, she's not going anywhere.
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>>33348692
Filly is picked up by a human to hug, filly thinks she's been abducted
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>>33352558
>AJ: ...the hell did you little heathens DO?
>CMC: "Cutie Mark Crusaders leprechaun catchers! Yay!"
>AJ: "wat"
>AB drags over a horribly beaten Irish midget
>SB: "And you're gonna give us all the rest of your gold too!"
>Midget: "Ye contemptible little gobshites, may the Devil break yer legs! I'm not a feckin' leprechaun!"
>Scoots: "Why do you have a pot of gold, then?"
>Midget: "Sorrow betide ye and may the Devil blow you up in the air in Dublin and you land in Scotland! It's me retirement fund!"
>AB: "And you keep it in a kettle?"
>Midget: "May Hell's thirteen devils take you with them! It's mine and I can do what I want with it!"
>CMC: "We don't believe you!"
>in a flash of light dollar sign cutie marks appear on all the CMC's butts
>AJ: "Ah was afraid o' this."
>AB: "What d' you mean?"
>AJ: "We're not even Jewnicorns!"
>SB: "Oy vey!"
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>>33353156
Kek, good one
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>>33353077
>Ponice try to rescue filly but get picked up and hugged as well
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>>33348692
>they do nothing but "ayy lmao"ing at her all day
>pone is very confused
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>>33354636
I am now imagining a bunch of humans encircling poni and screaming "ayy lmao" at the top of their lungs.
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>>33355578
Autism at the finest
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>>33354440
Pony dow- uh, up! Pony up!
S-send backup!
>>
Pony stores!
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>>33355625
Nothing but the best.
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>>33354636
>>33355578
>Be a poni mare
>Be standing in a spotlight in the middle of a dark room
>Be oblivious as to how you got here
"Where am I?"
>You hear something coming towards you, making slow, rhythmic tapping noises on the ground
>You swivel an ear to listen to it only to find that it's coming from several directions at once!
>Looking around in a panic, you see some large creatures approaching you from all sides
>They stop at the edge of the spotlight's spot
>Each one is maybe a little bit bigger than you are, but they're much taller because they're standing on two legs
>They have featureless green heads and they're wearing matching business suits
>"Life form captured."
>One of them just spoke!
>You fix your eyes on that one as it continues speaking
>"Attempting communication now."
>Communication?
"Uh... I can understand what you're saying?"
>The speaking one leans down towards you and speaks again
>"Ayy lmao."
>Now it's talking in gibberish
"...What?"
>It clears its throat
>"I said 'ayy lmao.'"
"No, I heard you. I have no idea what that means."
>It turns away and throws its upper limbs into the air
>"Well, crap. It doesn't speak our language."
"Yes I do!"
>It spins back towards you and looks you in the eye
>"Metaphorically! You can understand us but you don't *understand* us."
>"I told you we shouldn't bother with the mares."
>The first one points over at the last one to talk
>"We're here for horse pussy and memes, right?"
>"I did not and do not expect to get both at the same time. Neither should you."
>"Shut up, faggot! It's worth trying!"
>"If she breathes - say it with me..."
>Half of the group unenthusiastically chants "she's a thought" along with him
>The first one sighs
>"You guys are dicks."
>"And you love us, so you're a fag."
>"But the balls aren't touching."
>"Fair point."
>He turns back to you
>"Sorry about abducting you. You can go home now."
>You white out and wake up in a crop circle near your house
>It was a day you want to believe happened
>>
>>33357400
>crop circle is just an elaborate depiction of the gentleman's sausage
Poor pone's going to wear tinfoil hats and attend abductee meetings now.
>>
>>33357419
>abductee meetings
Is this a thing?
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>>33357593
It is and they're more common that you'd think.
>>
Why there is no eva crossover where some pony, caught in SEELE plan tries to bring Shinji (and probably Asuka too) from downward spiral?
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>>33357400
kek
>>
>>
>>33358020
There is.

Shinji's Nightmare by Harry Leferts. The poni is Nightmare Moon, of all people. It's abandoned. Harry Leferts don't write poni no more.
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>>33359721
It's kinda not really what i was looking for and it shat all over Asuka
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>>33356789
I approve of this idea.

>>33356129
>Pony up

Dammit, mare! I ain't givin' you no three fiddy!
>>
>>33361120
Racist ponies are even more cute than regular ponies
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>>33357400
To kek, poor pony has no idea what happened
>>
>>33362310
I wonder what misconceptions and stereotypes poni would have about humans? This could be an interesting exercise in perspective.

>Their concept of personal space doesn't apply to you
>They WILL try to pet you and it might feel good
>Very tall
>Every human has a car, without exception
>Capable of staring at screens nonstop for days on end
>Might make bird noises when they want to write down small notes
>Hates something with a passion. This could be anything, even an abstract concept.
>Will stare at your butt even if they can't see it
>Absolutely mortified of being naked
>Some types of humans become gravely ill if they don't have ranch dressing at least once a day
>They think every unicorn is a master wizard, even the foals who haven't gone to magic kindergarten yet
>Expects you to know hand gestures, will be confused if you don't
>Capable of playing the piano and using a typewriter at the same time

Help me add to this list pls
>>
>>33363532

In a cute setting?

>humans must eat meat with every meal
>some humans eat nothing but meat
>groups of humans will go innawoods with spears and kill everything they see, then burn down the forest to cook the animals they killed

Less cute setting?

>humans are very warlike
>humans enslave all other living creatures that they do not eat and sometimes even enslave one another
>humans will try to enslave poni
>humans are sex-crazed and have all manner of bizarre fetishes
>male humans in particular are likely to want to sex up poni, whether poni wants to or not
>the only way to seduce a human is by guessing his fetish, but if you guess wrong, the human will punt you out the window
>>
>>33363532
>Might make bird noises when they want to write down small notes

Only a pony could pick this thing up, cute
>>
>>33363333
fucking waste of quads
>>
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>>33364062
>Humans are very warlike

Let's blur the lines between the cute and less cute settings for a moment

>Be polite to humans on the internet; a surprisingly large number of them are members of elite human military groups and will ask their comrades to track you down and bully you if you make them angry enough
>>
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>>33364062
>Spoiler

I understood that reference.
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>>33350819
Ok, I can carry them
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>>33366786
>"Ehi ragazzo! You want-a some spaghetti?"
"No thanks. I always keep a bunch in my pockets. You know, just in case."
>"Che peccato! I surprise you with a romantic dinner for us and-a you turn-a me down! What's it gonna take to get-a your special sausage and-a spicy meat-a balls?"
"You could wait until I'm old enough t- are you about to start singing?"
>"*Sad operatic horse noises*"
"God, you're weird."
>>
>>33368156
This is a Hungarian flag you doofus!
>>
>>33368909
My mistake. I'd write an /ss/ to apologize but I don't know any Hungarian stereotypes.
>>
>>33368932
Uh... well, they have mustaches, eat meaty stuff with spicy sauces. Hard to describe.
>>
>>33368937
...That sounds very much like the Italian stereotype. No wonder you guys had that kerfuffle over the Isonzo. One of you is trying to steal the other's style and I can't tell which it is.
>>
>>33369877
Hungarians eat more cabbage than Italians do, and use more marjoram and paprika and less garlic and olive oil in their cooking. That's really just about it.
>>
>"..Anonymous, is The Wizard of Id a real sorcerer here?"
>>
>>33371366
>Poni believes everything they see in the newspaper
>Even the comics
>>
>>33372296
Sunbutt, c'mon let's go
>Anonymous I'm not leaving until I've a chance to hold court with this "Burger King"
Uh, here, he told me to give you this crown and to pardon his absence, let's go
>He truly is a king of the people, never forget his blessings, Anon
>>
How far is ponyland? Can I drive there?
>>
>>33373460
>Can I drive there.

Well, you can drive TO there. You'll need to leave your car in the parking lot outside the portal though. They don't have the infrastructure for cars to be driving around Equestria.
>>
Poni said Die Hard IS a christmas movie
>>
>>33375156
Gilda isn't a poni. She's not wrong either.
>>
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Griphons are extra cute, satyr griphons are extra cute and unf
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>>33376147
Griffonsatyr children are not for lewd. Just because the cross-species fertility rate is so low that you'd have to constantly fuk to get a viable embryo doesn't mean that wanting some fuk is in their genes.
>>
>>33376161
Hey, they will be adults one day, they will be for making babies
>>
>>33376458
Yes, but they aren't yet. Why don't you have a seat over there?
>>
>>33376935
I don't want into illegal satyrs :^(
>>
>>33363532
>Humans can apparently 'see more colors'
>Bullshit
>You have way bigger eyes than them! They're just bad at graphic design

>There is apparently a hidden minority called "gamers"
>Their pee has apparently many medicinal effects

>Some humans say that they 'won' the war because it was faster to nuke equestria than glass the rest of earth (this one might actually be true)

>If a human says they're a furry it means that they've got a lot of fur like a pony

>Clopping is the sound hooves make while trotting. When humans excercise they get all hot and sweaty which is why your boss looked disgusted when you said you clop on your way to work

>Humans can heal from almost any injury.
>One time, you heard that a human got in a flight and got stabbed, and didn't even notice until after
>Woah!!
>>
>>33364062
>Humans are sex crazed
>Ponies have a hard time understanding the concept of voluntary arousal
>While humans have sex for pleasure year round, estrus is bordering on painfully hot incessant arousal that is impossible to ignore
>Rut for stallions also makes them painfully pent up


>"So yeah, after her parents left we made out and stuff and eventually I lost my virginity"
>"Wait, and you were in 12th grade when this happened? Wow anon, I knew you could be a little socially awkward regarding girls, but I never knew it was THAT bad"
>"What?? 17 is a perfectly normal age to have sex. Why, how old were you when you lost yours?"
>"When I was 13 and hit puberty, same as almost every mare my age."
>>
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>>33377850

>be pony mare
>Feeling a little frisky
>Want something better than a hoof tonight
>Go to a bar to get some action
>See a human sitting all by himself staring at his drink
>Perfect
>Walk over and sway your hips a little.
"Hey there handsome, wanna go back to my place and have a little fun?~"
>He looks up from his drink and looks you over
>"Oh, um, no thank you. I'm not interested."
>Uh. Maybe he didn't get it
"Er, what I mean is, maybe you'd like to try a little pony-on-human action?"
>"No, I said I'm not interested."
>Holy shit this guy is retarded or something
"Let me be blunt. I want YOU, to have SEX, with ME."
>"Lady, if you don't stop harassing me I'm going to call the police. I just got out of a bad breakup and I think I just gotta avoid any kind of relationships for a while. I don't want to have sex with you."
>...
>W-what
"B-But you have a penis. And I have a vagina. A-And you can put that penis in my vagina and cum inside me. A-And I can cum! Many times! What part of this are you confused about??"
>"That's it. Bartender!" He raises his voice. "This mare won't stop harassing me!"
>"Oh god dammit, that's the 6th one this hour!" You hear from across the room
>M-maybe he's one of those types you have to pay
>In equestria, some stallions would hang out on street corners, and hold out on your advances until you paid them.
”No wait! I have money, i-is that what you want??" You say, fumbling to get your purse out
>You're stopped by the feeling of someone picking you up by your haunches
>"Alright lady, leave the nice man alone."
>You flick your tail and flash him your privates
"Do you want to fuck me??"
>People are staring but you don't care
>All you care about is your NEED
>You're thrown out onto the street and land with your butt up
>WHAT THE BUCK IS GOING ON??

>it was a sexually confusing (and very frustrating) day
>>
>>33377886
>rejecting free sexes from a pretty mare

ABSOLUTELY HARAM
>>
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>>33377917
The sad truth is that you have to reject them. It's like feeding pigeons. They never expect you to give it to them just once, and they WILL bring all of their friends. You will not know peace.
>>
>>33377886
I want to see more of that, honestly
>>
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>>33378667
>mfw strawberry
>>
>>33379362
I can survive
>>
>>33380489
Of course you'll survive. You're no good to them dead. The question is whether you'll want to live.
>>
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ok ok ok we're doing a walk now
if a poni ever asks if you want to go for a jog, you say NO
>>
>>
>>33381155
>Having to take poni for a walk

Between poni canonically having toilets and the people in my neighborhood who don't pick up after their dogs, I can't get behind this idea.
>>
>>33382648
That's an apples to oranges comparison. We go poop in the toilet just fine, thank you, we only pee outside. You don't get upset when owners don't pick up their dogs pee, so why do you when we do it?
>>
>>33382648
>"don't look and make sure no one is looking!"
>>
>>33382648
I don't think my poni is for walkies

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1fFJ4hnqs0
>>
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>>33384158
Many poni are not for walkies. This is normal.
>>
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oh no
>>
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>>33385212
Oh nooo...
>>
>>33385212
ponies doing /tg/ things should be a thing.

Rarity would play a Slaaneshi Chaos Space Marine legion in Warhammer 40k. Change my mind.
>>
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>>33386756
>ponies doing /tg/ things
Breaking news: ruler of Crystal Empire caught playing Dungeons & Dragons™!
"What a nerd." said random pony with green hair whom we asked what she thinks about it.
"Such a big nerd." said another random pony from the street, who looked suspiciously like the first.
"It's a very concerning trend that the royalties engage in-" said our political expert.
More news about this ghastly discovery at 11, but for now…
Hooves itch under the horseshoe? We got a special cream for that just for you!
>>
>>33382843
>We go poop in the toilet just fine, thank you, we only pee outside.

>implying you're a poni
>>
>>33386756
Actually I could see her as a loyalist outside the Emperor's children legion.
>>
>>33363532
>>33364062
I got this idea from the RGRE thread. What if humans were the cold, logical ones amongst the other species in Equestria? Kind of like how Humans would see the Vulcans from Star Trek.
>>
>>33387720
>What if humans were the cold, logical ones amongst the other species in Equestria?
Compared to some emotional ponies *cough*flower sisters*cough*, we are.
The good and the bad thing about us is that we vary greatly amongst ourselves.
There are people of cold logic, and people that nearly have a heart attack every time something happens around them.
Poni would find such logical individuals either very boring, or very cold and creepy.
>>
>>33387617
The Emperor's Children were so fucking cool before they turned to Chaos. Such a shame. I feel the same way about the Death Guard.
>>
>>33387783
It depends, but most of the time when you see people on the bus or going to somewhere people won't show their emotions to others unless they're on the verge of snapping or just had a really bad day. I just think it'd be hilarious if they think that the entire human race is under some kind of curse akin to what happened with the Kirin until someone explains to them that's just how humans are.
>>
>>33387800
Or you just move to Canada
>>
>>33387994
Uh Poni said they're too weird up there
Fuckin'..bags of milk, loaves of eggs an shit
>>
>>33388303
This is unaccountably amusing to me.

>poni: "Canadians are weird! They keep milk in bags and say 'eh?' all the time!"
>MLP:FiM voice acting cast and production crew, who are almost all Canadian: "Don't be rude, eh?"
>>
>>33388430
You should only use eh when you use right in the same context.
>"The weather sure is cold, eh?"
>T.Canadian.
>>
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>>33388763
>"Excuse me, Mr. Human? Would you please tell me which way it is to the doughnut shop from here?"
"Oh yeah, fer sure. Go west three blocks, south one block, and the Tim's is gonna be on your eh."
>"Than- wait, what was that last part?"
"I said south one block and it'll be on your eh."
>"I... is 'eh' a direction?"
"What are you talking aboot? You've got your left and your eh! Basic grade-school stuff. Preschool, even."
>"Uh huh... is this a local custom or something? Everywhere else I've been has called it a right."
"I'm guessing you came to our home and native land by way of the US, eh?"
>"I did."
"Well there you go! Those yanks are always talking about rights and such. Couple'a big ol' scuffles about that a couple centuries back and now they're obsessed with the things."
>>
>>33389363
I'd go bankrupt with these fillies
>>
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Going to horse IKEA
You guys need anything?
>>
>>33388763
>>33390185
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CJkyl1Ly1U
>>
>>33390185
I giggled.
>>
>>33390185
The funny thing is that's most likely areas in Eastern Canada that speak like that. (Nova Scotia, PEI and Newfoundland and labrador) Otherwise, prairie Canadians (Alberta, Saskatchewan and Manitoba) would sound closer to the Americans except for a few word choices and spelling (Couch is called sofa, soda is called pop, Color is spelled with a u (colour))
>>
>>33390185
>>33392776
ah im in PEI n its true
>>
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>>33392776
The Southeastern Canadian accent is actually quite similar to some Midwestern US accents. Minnesota in particular. I think it might be a Great Lakes regional thing.
>>
Is " you bet'cha!" a Canadian thing?
>>
>>33394015
One hears it in Michigan and Minnesota also.
>>
>>33392776
"sofa" and "couch" are interchangeable in US standard English. "pop" is a shortened version of "soda pop" (archaic since around 1945) and one mainly hears "pop" in the southeastern US.
>>
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I like the concept of ponies in Canada. The only caveat I can think of is that they might try to pay for everything with loonies because they're so used to coins as the main form of currency.
>>
>Americans tell poni to avoid weird Canadacucks
>Canadians tell poni to avoid dangerous Amerifats
>>
>>33396641
>mexicans tell poni "I need you to take this across the border"
>>
>>33391938
A dinner table suitable for poni. She's tired of jumping on a chair to reach her plate
>>
>>33397724
It would be easier to get poni a booster seat. Get them a car seat while you're there, too.
>>
>>33397788
>booster seat
Knowing pony logic, you'll probably end up with an actual rocket, with pillow taped to the top.
>>
>>33397846
That sounds dangerous
>>
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>>33398663
>>33397846
This is the reason poni doesn't have their own space program.
>>
>>33399231
>>
>>33399582
God no.
>>
>>33399231
>>33399582
>>33399671
>Poni is inspired by human space programs and make their own space program
>They design a rocket called the Pony Space Program-1
>It will be launched after a few un-ponied test launches and they reveal the design at a big ceremony to drum up interest
>Days later, other organizations point out to them that a box of snacks and a snorkel are not adequate life support
>Pinkie was planned to be the first pony in space, so it actually would have been, but then someone moved into Ponyville that has a birthday on launch day
>The PSP-1 rocket is redesigned to have air tanks and stuff that are generally needed by people who don't violate every law of nature
>Rocket is renamed Pony Space Program Vita to reflect the fact that it's designed for living things with bodily processes that make scientific sense
>They miss their launch window because Sony drags them to court
>>
>>33400478
Just imagine how dangerous it would be to send poni to ISS, all cosmonauts would hnnng to death from diabeetus
>>
>>33400478
>be unicorn
>grab yourself with magic
>lift until you reach space
Cheapest space program
>>
>>33401415
>poni is magical living Dean Drive

...this would drive human physicists absolutely fucking batshit.
>>
Poni sells hugs
>>
>>33403039
How much?
>>
>>33395571
Due to the government shutdown all pony immigration will be diverted to Vancouver, Toronto, Ottawa, Yellowknife, and Halifax portal-stations. We hope this doesn't affect your travel itinerary.

Also due to the government shutdown, immigration of ponies into and out of the united states will be temporarily postponed.

Thank you, have a nice day.
>>
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>>33401415
>>33401973
>Insert sustenance, receive thrustenance
Poni has other uses in spess as well.

>Be poni inna spess suit
>Be on a joint mission with Nerd Anon Space Agency, who bought a used space shuttle on the cheap
>The radio in your helmet squelches to life
>"Fuckin' uhhhhhhhhh this is Houst-Anon. We just figured out you're running counter-orbital to some debris so y'all are probably gonna die. Impact in 90 seconds."
>The Anon-stronaut who looks like George Clooney keys his radio
>"Houst-Anon, please shove a slide rule all the way up your ass. I TOLD you taking off to the west was a mistake."
>"Well that wasn't supposed to be a problem with Free Delta V McGee going up with you."
>"Was thrust the only part of the mission plan?!"
>"No. we added more struts, too."
"Everybody be quiet and I might be able to make some forcefields!"
>You spark up your horn and make dozens of layers of paper-thin forcefields
>You see something heading towards your barriers just in time for it to strike the first layer
>It flashes out of existence in a burst of plasma, totally atomized by the orbital head-on collision
>Then another one
>And another
>The silent downpour gets faster and faster, brighter and brighter... and closer
>Then it ends
>You're panting with exertion and sweating like a pig
>Barely a hoof-full of the barriers look like something other than Changeling legs, and more than half of them are gone
>There's a female voice grunting on the radio
>Not-Clooney hits his mic again
>"Fem-Anon, I'm just as happy to be alive as you are, but is this really the time for that?"
>"I CAN'T REACH INSIDE THE SUIT, YOU ASSHOLE! HELP!"
>You look over to where she--
>The robotic arm she's strapped to is twirling off into the distance
>Crud
>You must've missed one
>"Oh shit! Anon-stronaut is off-structure!"
>You sigh and give yourself a push in her direction with your magic
"I'll go get her. You guys owe me at least a week's supply of unlimited candy for this."
>It was a 9.82m/s^2 day
>>
>>33404340
poners are handy in space
>>
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>>33404631
Sometimes poners in space wish they had hands.
>>
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The Princess of Friendship says "Don't be a griffon! Why not pick up TWO big gulp's AND a slice of pizza for you and a friend?"

7 - 11
Oh. Thank. Heaven.
>Ad brought to you in part by the U.S. - Equestrian Commerce Initiative
>>
>>33404340
>>33404631
In space, no one can hear you squee.
>>
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>>33405305
>poni plus caffeinated soft drinks

It's probably already too late, but don't give that stuff to Ponka.
>>
>>33404340
That was pretty great ngl
(You)
>>
>>33404631
>>33404725
After what we seen in the show, I think we might be able to cut a few corners by removing magboots from pony spacesuits.
Also, while birb poni have natural aptitude for flight, does it also translate into flying a spaceship? What about EVA jetpack?
I feel sorry for the earth poni though, seeing how they have neither the super-helpful magic, nor flight-oriented brain.
You don't really need earth poner's super-strength in zero-g.
>>
>>33406444
They can throw and kick stuff, useful on Moon
>>
>>33406444
They would figure more into long term plans that require botany.
>>
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>>33405305
You know, I did actually buy 7-11 big gulp cups. Man, did my body suffer after I drank it all.
>>
>>33407244
But did you down it all in one big gulp?
>>
Eeeeew, what is this ugly creature? It doesn't have fur, walks on hindlegs, makes strange faces!
>>
>>33405305
>>33407244
I have been inspired.

>You still don't know how she talked you into it.
>The little purple mare had surely done some of her wicked witchcraft to get you to buy the Big Gulp.
>It was almost the size of her head and you feared for your sanity when the caffeine inevitably hit her system.
>At least you were able to drag her away from the hotdogs though.
>Although she was still curious even after you explained what they were, being the freaky little nut job that she is.
>Instead you got her a fruit cup that didn't look a month old to go with her drink.
>And since you hadn't had one in years, you grabbed a hotdog.
>It may be gas station food, but you still missed it.
>A light grunting noise brings you out of your musings and to the mare in question.
>She was doing an odd three legged walk, trying to hold the Big Gulp with the fourth as she walked.
>You can't help but smile as you watch her hobble along.
"You having some trouble there, Twi?"
>Twilight grunts again and trys to roll the mug upwards as it trys to spin the other way around her hoof.
>"A little. I just wanted to try doing this."
"And by 'this' you mean falling on your face, right?"
>She grunts again and this time there's annoyance directed at both you and her drink.
>"No. I wanted to try holding my drink like a human."
"Uh-huh. And why now? You've known me for awhile and have never tried to imitate any of the stuff I do. Except for the one thing with that special reading material that we don't talk about in public, but that doesn't count."
>"No it does not and we both promised to never bring that up again."
>She shakes her hoof a bit before sitting on the ground to readjust it with her other hoof.
>A quick glance at the 7-11's windows shows you that a number of their employees were gathered around trying to get a better look at Twi.
>Thankfully there weren't any other customers right now because that'd be a mess.
>>
>>33408467
>Twilight huffs as the mug swings down again and immediately picks it back up before marching forward.
>"It's just that I'm in the world of humans now, Anon. I need to understand how a human thinks and acts if I want to be friends with them. Especially if the upcoming delegations are going to go alright."
"And you think chugging a Big Gulp without magic will help you with that?"
>"Maybe."
"Twi, is this political stuff getting to you?"
>"...Maybe."
>You sigh.
>Looking over, you see that you had made it to your car as the two of you were talking and promptly place your rear on it.
>Twilight looks at you for a moment before following suit, placing her back to the grill of your car as she sets her drink down.
"Twilight, you know what happens when you overthink stuff."
>"And I also know what happens when I charge in without a plan."
"Yeah, that's fair. But I know you and I know for a fact that you'll stay up all night calculating every possibility, despite the fact that you won't factor in sleep deprivation."
>"I still don't know why I can't seem to do that."
>You chuckle and gently ruffle her mane.
"It's probably because it's your brain telling you to go to bed, dork."
>Twlight scoffs but nods all the same.
>"If that were the case I'd probably replace random words with sleep or leave out articles on the effects of sleep deprivation."
"Well how about we go home and get you a good nights sleep?"
>"That actually sounds pretty good."
>She picks her drink up with her hoof and starts to fiddle with the top.
"I hope you aren't planning on using your hooves on that thing all the time."
>She starts to heft the oversized mug up to face level.
>"Just let me try this a little bit more. I think I almost-"
>You probably should have made sure her lid was tight.
>But you didn't.
>So as one hundred ounces of Mountain Dew and ice pour over the puny purple princess, you do your damnedest not to bust out laughing.
>>
>>33408469
>Twilight simply stares at the red brick wall of the 7-11 as the Big Gulp rolls across the ground.
>"Anon."
"Snrk. Yeah, Twi?"
>"I suddenly don't like your world."
"Hehe. Well you know what, Twi?"
>"What?"
"This place is better with you here."
>>
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The Princess of Friendship also says "You can't enjoy your Big Gulp without some tasty snacks!"
>>
>>33408668
It's true, you know.
>>
>>33408200
They're called scalies.

See, I told you that you wouldn't have fun at the furcon.
>>
>>33409284
>letting poni anywhere near furfags, much less any of their aids-spreading cons
Absolutely haram. There is only so much awoo'ing and OwO'ing a poner can take before he needs therapy. And the former, while not scaring an intelligent poni right away, will surely make them uneasy.
Also, security needs to be increased at such events — a few foals who were denied entry could easily sneak in inside a costume.



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