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ITT; Raids.

>FiMFiction Starter Kit (recommended fics):
Winners:
http://i.imgur.com/vuTA7EN.png
List of nominees by category:
http://mlp-fanfics.herokuapp.com/

>How do I write fanfiction?
Ezn’s guide - https://eznguide.neocities.org/
Politics and the English Language - https://web.archive.org/web/20180531183237/https://www.orwell.ru/library/essays/politics/english/e_polit/
Vhatug's tips for anatomically correct clop - https://pastebin.com/g4VpEg4f
Horse Behaviour - http://www.equestrianandhorse.com/equus/behaviour.html
Setting a story in motion - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufO8LbwTdu0 [Embed]
Taking criticism - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-v4R2ZcxPlA [Embed]

>Can you pre-read my story?
Post it on Google Docs with comments enabled and give us a link.

>Reviews and riffs:
https://pastebin.com/u/notkickass222urmom
https://pastebin.com/u/IHeartShinzakura
https://pastebin.com/wmGX7FPm
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1z9Bz7UnEbxo-svlXa2tV49PJkP-yFuR7pRXiBUn-IeU

>Voiceguy's readings:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCt68MpmvEketmqOdHncHI2w

Last thread: >>33188798
>>
>>33198849
Come on OP, you can do a better summary than that.
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>>33199482
I'll try when we're raided again in three days.
>>
Will BV anon survive to make another compilation update on Berry Sue and friends?
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>>33198849
added a few new chapters to this story:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/425118/a-day-at-the-brony-convention

after consuming an experimental serum, a dude's genetic structure becomes subject to the subconscious desires of horny bronies. First he becomes female, then TF's into busty versions of Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Celestia, Twilight, and Fluttershy, and all the while them tiddies gettin bigger

up to Twilight now, pic related
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>>33200356
Gross.
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>>33200406
one man's fetishistic nightmare is another man's trash I suppose
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>>33200356
>men transforming into women
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>>33200476
it's treated as horrific & shameful in the story, dunno what you're complaining about Pence

just enjoy the tiddies gettin bigger
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>>33200577
>That broken spine
o noes
>it's treated as horrific & shameful in the story
Does the guy lament over the loss of his dick for a full chapter?
>>
>>33200715
>Does the guy lament over the loss of his dick for a full chapter?
probably for a paragraph or so.
and then immediately afterwards comes the chapters upon chapters of his reveling in becoming a wanton cumslut for tiny brony cock
>>
>>33200805
>probably for a paragraph or so
Aw, seems like a wasted opportunity
>and then immediately afterwards comes the chapters upon chapters of his reveling in becoming a wanton cumslut for tiny brony cock
Mmmm... Yes.
This will do.
>>
>>33200818
> wasted opportunity
agreed. I'll add more to that part...
>>
>>33200805
> reveling
as the different minds supersede his own original mind, this is accurate, but intermittently the old mind tries to break through and is horrified by what it has become / is becoming and tries in vain to return itself to primacy
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Ebin
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So, are you working on something, Anons?
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>>33200356
>anthro horse TF
>breast inflation
>brony
>gurochan-tier horror as clop
I really hope the voices told you to write it because I can't think of a good non-schizophrenic reason for this to exist.
>>
>>33202287
Reading.
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>>33202562
Is that the name of the story?
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>>33202287
I'm aggressively avoiding anything that could possibly be construed as productive.
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>>33202562
Same. Just finished Mythology by Edith Hamilton yesterday. Now I'm prepped for making stories closer to that vast possibility of what could be that good myths can capture.
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>>33202618
>Mythology by Edith Hamilton
That's a fun read.
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>>33202287
I've been working on a story on and off mostly off for almost a year.
I have a bunch of notes and a couple of very incomplete chapters so far.
I'll probably never finish it but I've had some fun writing it and that's all that matters to me.
>>
>interesting daybreaker alternative reality story
>oh nice
>aaaaand it's a shitty lesbo pairing story
>>
>>33202811
>not liking lesbians
What are you, gay or something?
>>
>>33202811
Which story and which ship?
>>
>>33202287
I'm still writing my first fic, Only have the last 15 or so chapters to write so I've started publishing chapters daily. Still don't get many views or comments but some people are following and enjoying it so I'm happy enough I suppose.
>>
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Fucking hell. TMA has now broken my understanding of the English language. It's like someone disguised the Necronomicon as a rational fic.

Spoilers, including the pic which gives the wider context, are from chapter 40. What the fuck is this saying? Here's how I read it "“In hindsight and having read her journals at Luminance [which show her SLOWLY going mad], the changes my sister overwent might not have been as sudden as I thought, thus evidence for this theory [that is, the theory that she used the alicorn amulet and went INSTANTLY mad] over the following one [that she's got split personality disorder].". I just don't get it, she's singled out something that would predict Luna slowly going insane, and used it as evidence that she used the Alicorn Amulet, and therefore went instantly insane. What am I missing here?
>>
>>33203119
https://www.mentalhealth.gov/get-help/immediate-help
>>
>>33203119
I'm lacking context that I don't really want anyway, but I guess the think here is that using/studying the Amulet was slowly corrupting her?
>>
>>33203165
That's also my best guess.

>>33203140
But there's only one chapter left!

...plus or minus some miscellaneous re-reading. I swear, the biggest problem with this fic is that the chapter are too long. Characters will talk about stuff that happened 200k words ago, and you're suppose to remember it like it was just half a chapter ago.
>>
Is it not fitting that "Eliezer" sounds quite a lot like "Elsevier", and that both are a great enemy of open access and dissemination, and that both are a huge funding sinkhole.

HPMOR.
>>
>>33203233
You need to move on to some more exotic bait. Try posting sequel fics as if they're from fimfic.
>>
>>33203253
Yeah, sure.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/144911/the-moons-apprentice-2-rationalize-harder
>>
>>33203266
Try harder. This one is worse than I remember, I could swear that it was only 3 chapters long and utterly dead.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12825305/1/The-Longest-Day
>>
>>33202427
on the title page, "God" is credited for commissioning the work, so...
>>
>>33203699
So it's a bit like Revelations. I see. Chug industrial amounts of PCP spiked with horse semen and blame it all on God.
>>
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/208304/together-forever

I hate to leave fics unfinished but this was shit. To whoever recommended it to me, bruh.
>>
I think that I might need to make an apology to /a/. I've been rereading fics recently and consistently finding that I don't even vaguely recall some important scenes that happen in them. Typically, this seems to be the case in long chapters, or bits where I was convinced that the arc was shit and forced myself through a bunch of chapters just to reach the end of it. All in all, I'm almost forced to conclude that /a/'s speedreader meme is real.

But more importantly, if it is real, what can I do about it? Limit myself to some number of words per day? That sounds good, and I want to say that no form of serial fiction is designed to be read in huge chunks at a time, but I can point to plenty of manga and webcomics that could say otherwise, which puts me back to square one. Any ideas guys?
>>
>>33203813
God works in mysterious ways
>>
>>33204359
What do you mean? I don't think reading a lot is bad, wouldn't the problem rather be that you're reading too fast? Try and pace yourself, be slower. If that doesn't help than work on memory exercises like keeping a journal where before you go to sleep you write what you've done that day, or every now and then ask what has happened for the last five minutes (this works while reading too).
>>
>>
>>33203119
TMA?
>>
Is the "I heart Shinzakura" text dump up to date?

>>33205466
The Moon's Apprentice
>>
You want real, exotic bait? Here you go.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/121836/the-bridge-a-godzilla-mlp-crossover
>>
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https://www.fimfiction.net/story/37680/fluttershy-has-tea-with-jesus

Fantastic little read that delivers what its title says. I recommend it, it's only 2k words long.

10/10
>>
>>33205549
I've thought about reading that. It wouldn't be the longest thing I've read but eh, never really got in the mood for it.
>>
>>33205603
How the fuck can combining Godzilla with Ponies ever work? One great mystery for the universe.
Also, some have commented that the fic is a better fit for a Godzilla anime than the actual anime films.
>>
https://www.fimfiction.net/bookshelf/1095406/read-it-later

I have a lot of free time on me so what next? Please no Austraeoh, I'm saving that for the last fics.

>>33204011
>>33205554
This is me btw.
>>
>>33205783
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/325161/celestia-privatizes-the-sun
This one.
>>
>>33205783
A lot of free time?
>>33205549
>>
>>33204484
/a/'s meme is that people who don't read things as they're being released end up having no fucking clue what is going on.
>>
>>33206011
>people who don’t watch anime as they’re being released end up having no fucking clue what is going on.
FTFY
>>
>>33202811
>daybreaker
>something that was explicitly a nightmare conjured by Starlight and had nothing to do with Celestia's thoughts or fantasies
It's not like there are any good still alive mirror universe fics anyway, but its still stupid how the fandom has to be spoonfed everything and can't pick up on nuance at all.

>>33205783
>having a cancelled fic in your RL list
For what purpose?

>The Age of Wings and Steel
Is good, although the duel plot weakens it and the epic adventure angle and its characters aren't as nearly as good as the warfic angle and its characters.

>Withdrawal
Is also good and has a nice twist, although it kind of fumbles near the end with some pointless shit happening.

>Monsters
Very good, even if its portrayal of NMM doesn't line up with what canon shows, despite it supposedly being a prequel.

>Mendacity
A nice lighter adventurey fic (from what I remember) that dove deeper into changelings than I think any other fic did.

>Before the Storm: The Rise of Firefly
One of the better warfics out there, even though its odd first person format spoils who lives and dies and the war doesn't actually start until the very end fo the story. It also starts kind of slow.

>Carousel
Really good horror fic with one of the most exiting climaxes I've read. It's place as a show prequel also gives it a unique feeling.

>Blackacre
I will always contend it to be the best tyrantlestia fic thanks to the subtlety that's used. The author made some revisions since I read it, so it may be different from what I recall.

>Re:Harmony
Good if you like One Piece-style anime with high levels of action and unique and strange settings. It also can suffer from pacing issues just like an anime can.

>Empty Horizons
A good dark "everything's shitty" setting fic that appears to be ready to stretch on as long as the author has the will to write it.
>>
>The Bridge
A curious specimen, created from the mutation between the Toho and Hasbro universes, resulting in a (allegedly) "fabulous" ongoing story which balances out both sides by ponifying the kaiju, giving them personalities to boot, as well as giving the ponies plenty of screentime. Also an example of how to do a crossover without overpowering any particular side.
>>
God damn it, started reading a story tonight and it was so weeby and generic.
>HIE
>soldier
>i must protect your world!
>i have seen very ugly things you shouldnt know of...
>rarity: wow let me make you new clothes
>dash: wow you're very cool!
>I need work
>applejack: ye can cum to our farm n shiet

It's like the most generic HiE I've come across, right after one with luna and an apparently asspie protagonist.

Why can't someone who knows what social interaction and good storytelling is like write a HiE?

inb4 HiE sucks

it does, mostly. there are good ones too, though. Written In Dust is one of them.
>>
Alright, I finished re-reading the end of TMA. Now to see if I can piece together an opinion that won't require me to re-read the entire fic.

First of all, I finally understand why I re-read it. It was a good fic, but the ending lacked closure and, if you weren't paying attention, seemed to completely lose its way at some point past chapter 30. And oh boy, was it easy to stop paying attention. The fic's chapters were way too long, and chapters 24-29 amount to >50k of tying up loose ends before the author could resolve the huge SHTF moment that ends chapter 23. So long story short, I must've re-read the fic out of confusion, something to the effect of "this author clearly doesn't suck, so how did she fuck up so badly?"

As for explaining what actually went wrong with the fic, I can't do enough to stress my point about paying attention. The last eleven or so chapters make sense, but the material that lets you make sense of them is obscured by this fic's ridiculously long chapters. If you don't spot the hints, you'll find the last few chapters utterly baffling and you'll just give up when you see them reference some tiny details from 300k words ago. To make matters worse, even if you reread and pick up on the hints that will let you understand the last few chapters, the fic still lacks closure. I'm fairly confident that another re-read would let me piece almost all of it together (assuming that there's no plot holes, I'm still not 100% sure Celestia's plan makes sense), but why should I bother? As much as the author tried her best to make us understand Celstia's side of things, all that the author had to do was any one of lets us read Celstia's whole letter, lets us see the conversation between Celetia and Luna, or have Luna's banishment finish and have her talk to pretty much all of the alicorns. Basically, what the fic needed was one more chapter of closure, and at least 5k words to be cut of out almost every chapter past the mid-way point.

cont?
>>
>>33206231
Yeah, I'll cont...

As for giving my opinion on the fic and whether or not I'd recommend it. I can say with some confidence that I could probably pick any random chapter of the fic, read it, and have a good time, albeit with a complaint about how fucking long the chapters are. As for the fic as a whole, my opinion before this reread was that the second half of the fic retroactively ruins everything that came before it. After this reread however, I'm much less sure. The fic does indeed lack closure, but if you're willing to carefully read each chapter and skim little to nothing, then, aside from complaining about the consistent issue of how long the chapters are, you'll have a good time until something like chapter 40, by which point you're pretty much done. However, if you end up not paying enough attention, you'll probably think that chapters 24-30 dealt a killing blow to the fic and ruined the entire thing. Long story short, read it only if you've got a truly impressive attention span. As I've said many times, the author should've cut at least 100k words from this thing.

Anyway, I should probably revise my list of good and bad things about the fic:
The good:
>up to about chapter 24, it's very solid and you won't notice most of the cons that I've listed
>this being partly a rational fic, there's a lot of scenes where one side has to outsmart another. When you throw the old "alicorns are basically gods" thing in to mix, it becomes a great read where shit often hits the fan hard. For example, there's numerous times where they have to play around Cadence's ability to sense love
>it does an excellent job of making you feel sorry for Luna. They do the whole mentor thing really well
>the banter is fucking excellent and the characters are really well done
cont
>>
>>33206263
>the concepts are great, it delves in to questions like "how do you hide huge bursts of magic from Celestia?", "why are there only 3 alicorns?", "how do you get a spaceship to work with magic?", and "holy shit, just how overpowered are changelings?". This ties back in to the second point, Twilight is up against an OP as fuck world and has to win
>maybe I'm cheating and repeating the previous point here, but the world-building is also great and goes in some very interesting directions. "How do you deal with an alicorn pregnancy?", "how do you stop your baby dragon from burning all of your stuff?", "can Celestia eat meat?".

The bad:
>the chapters get far too long. Once you're in the last 20 chapters, the fic probably averages 12k words a chapter
cont
>>
>>33206283
>tying in to the previous point, it's really easy to let your attention slip. The fic is entirely too long. Hell, when I was first reading chapter 4 I even made a post questioning just how the fuck they were going to stretch it out for another 30-something chapters. But they did. At first, it's just that the fic has a few too many unnecessary character interactions. For example, you probably don't really care about most of Twinkleshine's interactions with Twilight or a lot of the dialogue between the shipmates. But before you know it, they'll spend a chapter or two exploring a location that doesn't look like it'll ever be relevant to the plot again, and they'll spend like 25k words exploring the memories of a dead character. It doesn't really become a problem until you're in the mid 20's chapters*, but by the time that you're in the 30's you'll be wondering when they're going to get back to the main plot. The thing is, as I mentioned in the previous point, the things that these seemingly unnecessary chapters are made out of are actually relevant to the plot, are often much needed downtime, and are usually pretty interesting and/or funny, but there's just too much of it (both in terms of their frequency and their length) and they often come at a bad time (e.g. when shit has hit the fan). Overall, this totally murders the pacing in the latter half of the fic
>>
>>33206293
*actually, I think that I've pinpointed it to Chapter 24. Shit hits the fan at the end of Chapter 23, but the author has so much stuff that needs to be resolved before it can be dealt with that the problem that ends Chapter 23 doesn't get resolved until Chapter 30, which is over 50k words later. To make matters worse, chapters 31 and 32 (about 23k words) are then spent tying up the loose ends from chapters 24-30, so the 50k words of necessary bloat that you've suffered ends up causing even more necessary bloat. This is already bad enough, but Chapter 32 is then followed by about 5 chapters of the low tension character development, downtime, and set-up for the ending that naturally comes with the fact that Chapter 30 ends the longest of the fic's arcs (I've been told that the technical term is "the denouement"). Normally, this wouldn't be a problem, but as we're reading a rational fic, said 5 chapters make up about 70k words (not a tyop, that's SEVENTY THOUSAND). In retrospect, they should've just cut Sunset Shimmer entirely. The denouement following Twilight's ascension (e.g. all of the stuff to do with Twilight explaining things to her friends and family, in addition to her post-ascension efforts trying to become a better pony and the obvious character development that comes with becoming a fucking god) meant that we already had enough talking to do. Sure, the fic would've ended up bloated with or without Sunset, but cutting her would've done a lot to help.
>In many ways, the sum of this fics parts are worse than the whole. Even in the second half of the fic, which is where most of my complaints are, the chapters aren't bad, they're just too long and too numerous
>related to the previous point, this fic has the typical rational fic problem of characters spending far too long thinking about things when shit has clearly hit the fan and they need to hurry the fuck up. As mentioned above, Chapters 25-29 are the worst case of this,
>>
>>33206296
>actually, there's just too much talking in general. Sure, it's often relevant to the plot, but there's just too much of it.
>at some points, things deliberately don't make sense. For example, IIRC, chapters 7 and 8 aren't explained until chapter 9, and don't even get me started on explaining Celestia's side of things
>some people will drop the fic as soon as they start discussing sex or as soon as Twilight starts building a fucking spaceship (chapter 5, I think). The latter is less of an asspull if your trigonometry is good enough to have seen it coming, but that's an issue in of itself. As for the former of those two issue, I can promise that there's no actual sex that takes up more than a handful of paragraphs. It usually takes a "fade to black" approach
>You'll sometimes have to reread bits before you totally get them. I've given up on making sense of some of these things, often because they happened like 30k words before they next get mentioned. Come to think of it, this is a big problem with the last 10 or so chapters. They'll expect you to recall small details of stuff that happened something like 300k words ago. See what I mean when I said that this fic is too long?
>There's no fucking closure. Unless you're willing to reread the fic a few times and figure everything out by yourself, you can expect to be deeply disappointed by the last two chapters.

Alright, I'm done, or done typing at least - fuck knows if I'm done with this fic.

See the non-green part of >>33206263 if you want the tl;dr.
>>
>>33206066
>Written In Dust
Truly an underrated fic
I just wish there was a sequel about the effects of magic leaking into earth
>>
>>33206305
>There's no fucking closure. Unless you're willing to reread the fic a few times and figure everything out by yourself, you can expect to be deeply disappointed by the last two chapters.
Fucking hell, reading the comments on the last chapter of the fic really highlights this point. As much as I've said that the fic should be shorter, there's enough room here for a sequel. You could plagiarise this and make an entire book series.

Hey... that's such a good idea that I can't believe that I'm the first to have had it. Are there any examples of someone doing that before? That is, taking a fan fic, making a plagiarise book (or book series) out of it, and then getting caught after they published?
>>
>>33206305
Yeah, I'm done with this. Unsurprisingly, my opinion of it has come out an awful lot like my opinion of HPMOR. Namely, as flawed as it is, I could happily read almost any particular chapter and only really complain about the length, but I wouldn't be nearly as happy to read the entire fic. All that being said however, I wouldn't enjoy the struggle that would come with trying to pick one of these two fics over the other.
>>
>>33203119
I think there's more than one theory. The first is the Alicorn Amulet, and the second is that Luna became a crazy shut-in slowly. But the passage is written irrationally.

>>33205350
Metaaaaaal!

>>33206066
>inb4 HiE sucks
The problem with HiE is that humans are essentially irrelevant to the pony universe. Even G1 struggled with this. They don't fit in and they don't add anything interesting.

Edgey McScaredge, the pegasus OC veteran of the Battle of Griffonfall does everything the average human does for a story, and he actually manages to add a little interest because at least now you're wondering about the Battle of Griffonfall and its significance to Equestrian history.

Figure out how humans could actually be essential to a pony story, and you may be on the road to writing a good HiE. But it isn't going to be because of guns, hands, or laughably non-magical technology.
>>
>>33205783
Well since it's on there...

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/423908/applejack-gets-lost

You could read my fic, I'm putting out new chapters every day. It'll end up being about 150-200k words long. I'm still writing the last 15 chapters so not sure how long exactly.
>>
>>33206474
>Figure out how humans could actually be essential to a pony story, and you may be on the road to writing a good HiE.
Not him, but all that comes to mind is outside knowledge, anon is an eldritch abomination, humans are mythologic creatures, and sex stuff.
>>
>>33206474
The real problem with HiE is that all HiE stories treat Equestria like one of the many worlds Sora and pals might visit in Kingdom Hearts 3.
Once your wish-fulfillment human protagonist has found his mares to marry/"Comedically" bounce off, what else is there to do? HiE writers don't know, because HiE writers aren't writers. That's why they shit on OCs and especially the ugly shallow OCs of children. Their own OCs are even worse, and nothing makes you feel worse about spending every day at a kid's arts and crafts table than the kid next to you doing what you're doing better.
>>
>>33201113
Oh, good. So the writer breaks out of his own "porn writer mind" every now and then to swear that his story totally isn't his cumslut fantasy and is totally 3deep6u.
>>
>>33205790
Just read it. It was good, but I didn't enjoy it that much. I see why you recommended it though, it's very similar in the way it's written to the one I linked.

>>33206029
>>33206499
Thanks for the suggestions, but Written In Dust sounds interesting.
>>
>>33206066
there is nothing inherently bad with HiE, it's just that there is even more autism and shitstories containing humans than pure pony stories
I blame ease of self inserting in HiE compared to other genres
>>
>>33206972
Yeah. I stopped reading the trainwreck of a story that I was talking about. The moment I saw the anime cover art and read the description I knew it was going to be bad, but I gave it a chance anyway. Wasted a good portion of today and yesterday.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/23917/friendship-for-a-soldier

It had some moments in the story which weren't all that bad, but for fuck's sake, the protagonist has a fucking katana and there's jap words thrown left and right.

Not including Written in Dust since I already mentioned it, here's a few GOOD HiE stories which may or may not be as popular as they should be -

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/394644/the-anonymous-mr-green-hill

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/296712/mancala

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/163706/bad-mondays

There were a few more good reads, but they haven't been updated in ages. Anyone got any good non-sexual reads that focus on first-contact and/or interaction between humans and hay munchers?
>>
>>33207009
Arrow 18 is the best I've read. CSI, Stardust and Project: Sunflower were meh IMO.
>>
>>33207370
Project: Sunflower's biggest problem is that it completely abandons the HiE element for basically hyping up some ultra-edgy OC bad guy the author can't stop sucking the dick of.
>>
>>33207009
>Good HiE
>Bad mondays
>a crossover
Why not throw in some cultural artifacts or diaries while youre at it?
>>
>>33207924
i have no idea what mancala is a crossover with, but I enjoy the author's writing style.
>>
Why does Applejack always have the ability to tell if someone is lying in some fics? I'm pretty sure she didn't in canon.
>>
>>33208134
Same reason why Cadence knows that you're a virgin. Many fan works will take any excuse to overpower characters.
>>
>>33208134
Consider how this concept is far from unheard of, but I've yet to see a fic where Dash can detect disloyalty.
>>
>>33208172
In fairness, only Applejack, Pinkie, and maybe Twilight show consistency with their element in cannon.
>>
>>33207009
A lot of the best HiEs are the ones that DON'T focus on the standard first-contact stuff:
An Academic Visit
PIRENE
The Ash

Similarly for PiEs:
An Ally Called Preponderance
Disco Inferno

And whatever the hell At the Inn of the Prancing Pony is

If you really want first contact stuff, I really like Celestia Sleeps In (CSI), even though I have to admit the pacing is extremely slow

If you want general human/pony interactions, Admiral Biscuit has a bunch of good oneshots along those lines. There's also Track Switch - Frankfurt Calling and its sequel, which was inspired by some of Biscuit's stuff
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>>33208292
>No Arcadia

Nigger, what the fuck? Die.
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>>33208299
>metafic
For what purpose
>>
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/106165/metro-retribution
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>>33208292
So where does AAG fall in that sense?
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>>33208355
I really hope this is good. I'll rewatch a walkthrough of it to understand the fic some more.

>He kills himself and wakes up in Equestria.
Tbh all HiE's should begin like this.
>>
>>33208172
>Dash can detect disloyalty.
Well she does seem to think everyone is a spy...
>>
>>33205549
Furthermore, how does pairing Anguirus with a Kirin work?
>>
>>33206066
>write a HiE
Because what would make one good kind of defeats the premise. A good HiE fic is basically an alien first contact story (language barrier, culture shock, anthropology shit, technological impact, etc.), so why not just write an alien first contact fic with actual aliens? What do humans add to the equation that a real alien couldn't?

Nothing, which is why the genre is bogged down by self insert wish fulfillment, meta commentary, and unfunny humor.
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>>33209759
>so why not just write an alien first contact fic with actual aliens? What do humans add to the equation that a real alien couldn't?
See >>33206673
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>1/3 of the way through Utaan
>Ofolrodi is still dead
Pic related
Did skirts ever say anything about what he's doing with it? Is he taking a break to avoid burnoit, or did he run out of ideas and go on hiatus, or did he give up or something? I didn't find any relevant blog posts on either relevant account.
>>
>>33206673
>outside knowledge
Like what? Ponies have printing presses and steam technology, and the average person actually doesn't have the know-how to build electronics or h-bombs. "I'm a traffic-control consultant in Equestria, and boy am I going to shake things up!" zzzzzzzz

>anon is an eldritch abomination
I mean, we know he isn't, even if the ponies think he is, so it's a joke that can only carry a story so far.

>humans are mythologic creatures
See above.

>and sex stuff
The least interesting thing you can do with HiE. Also, horse dongors are more interesting than human dongors; was it humans who invented the dong-gun? I rest my case.
>>
>>33209968
>Did skirts ever say anything about what he's doing with it?
to know the future,you must look to the past.

itll linger for a couple of years, continuing to give readers hope, then one day you'll check it and it will be cancelled with nary a comment from him
>>
>>33210080
>and the average person actually doesn't have the know-how to build electronics or h-bombs
By no means am I defending average HiE fics, in particular the ones where the human is a genius with a portable copy of the entire corpus of scientific publication in all relevant STEM fields memorised, but ponies are smart and the most people would probably be able to convey the general principles, which could easily be enough. Building an h bomb is very complicated, but a focused program with proper funding and a good research direction would likely succeed in just a few years, whereas a society with no clue about subatomic physics would be quite incapable of anything of the sort.
Same goes for electronics: EE is a mystery to me but I know that copper conducts, the basics of transistors, high school electrical physics, and from there a research body should be able to work things out better. And going into the extreme, I would never be able to design a CPU, but I am sure that after learning about the basic principles of logic gates, ponies would be able to rig up some 60s style computers and proceed from there.
I am talking about an average educated human; an "average human", unqualified, probably would prove you right, considering the average IQ is 100.

Of course that hinges on physics being the same, which in itself I find a questionable assumption.
>>
>>33210199
The past of what, though? To my knowledge Austraeoh has been going quite steady for well over half a decade.
>>
>>33210224
I think he's talking about End of Ponies
>>
>>33209759
>A good HiE fic is basically an alien first contact story
See >>33208292
>>
>>33209968
I've read some summaries and spoilers on what happens in the Austraeoh series and I still don't see how it's as long as it is. What happens in it? And there's some steampunk crap in it too?
>>
>>33211311
Skirts has the ability to say something in fifty words what could be said in five.
>>
>>33208468
AAG transcends all known barriers of quality
>>
>>33211311
Two things.
Firstly, skirts is like the personification of "show don't tell". So he'll never, ever explain anything that's happened, or give a summary of some events; the narrator voice almost doesn't exist. Instead you'll get to see everything happening first-hand. If you want a quick story then it's not for you but if you're happy embarking on a 3M word journey in the first place, then you'll actually probably be entertained, because unlike what that other anon suggested skirts isn't actually long-winded in his prose or descriptions - it's no Estee, nor a Celestia Sleeps In. Things actually -happen-, you just get to see everything relevant happening. (Or not - depending on whether the narrative calls for suspense or knowledge.)

And secondly, the Austraeoh saga takes place over many continents and countries. Pretty much every one has its own story arc. Some have several. Of course the entire thing is closely linked, you can't just break it up into separate stories, and plenty of characters are recurring (or at least last for several arcs before finally being left behind), but a lot of the supporting side characters, scenery, etc. just gets left behind by Rainbow as she flies East. It's easy to see why skirts chose this format for a long-running story like this: he basically gets to write a whole bunch of different settings, sceneries, etc. all in one story.

I tried to keep this free from specifics, but nevertheless, if you ever intend to read through it and want to go in blank, stop reading here. If you don't mind having a general idea of what happens, here are some examples:
You've got the continent filled with advanced magitech, a totalitarian and oppressive - and corrupt - regime, and an awe-inspiring military forces that permeate society (because oppressive regime, remember); (cont.)
>>
>>33211512
here you have the story of a bloody war, grizzled soldiers and disenchanted war veterans, military heroes, military and espionage intrigue and betrayal (because corrupt regime, remember), religious fanatics (with an equally totalitarian and bloody society), and the state fugitive running from a military armada and dismantling the regime from the inside out.
Or you've got a whole arc that takes place over an ocean and a bunch of stuff they find there, which I won't spoil, but it's basically the setting of an adventure into a remote area far from civilisation. You have the ship crew working together with no outside help, you have them battling the elements and storms, you have them getting lost in the poorly charted waters far from civilisation, you have the super secret villain hideout located deep in an unexplored area no-one has ever sailed to, etc. etc.
Or you've got the continent of feudal intrigue and ancient customs, where an unseen evil has corrupted the highest echelons of society but not permeated the rest of the kingdom. In contrast to the awesome (in the older, literal sense) military displays of the regime mentioned above, this area is more about political intrigue, as the populace isn't indoctrinated into a totalitarian ideology and so both Rainbow and her friend as well as the villains must manoeuvre carefully around each other, and the laws of the land, avoiding exposing themselves as disturbers of the peace and causing public unrest (while trying to find a way to expose the opponent party into being such).
(cont. again)
>>
>>33211515
Or you've got the entire story arc centered on a slave magnate that runs a vital industry with brutal efficiency, working his "employees" to death and relishing every bit of it. We get to follow the life of an orphan working in that place, and see Rainbow get entangled with the slaving empire and, as could be expected, eventually bring it down - but there are probably 150k words or so that are basically a nearly Dickensian account of everyday misery and the struggles in there, if Dickens had suddenly acquired a severe allergy to purple prose and decided that he liked to write characters whose catchphrase is "awesome".

I am getting way carried away here, but the point is there's a vast variety of settings, local plotlines, temporary villains, and more, all made possible and logical by the overarching setting of a journey of epic proportions, and each easily being novel-length.
>>
Yeah, I actually added it on https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheEpic. As noted there, that’s a term that gets bandied about with some abandon, but it fits their “basic guidelines”:

>A longer-than-average story that...
>... Is wide in scope (not just one battle or skirmish, but a country-wide/planet-wide/galaxy-wide war or catastrophe) and...
>... Follows one hero, group of heroes or bloodline, who...
>... Strive to achieve a particular goal or complete a quest, in the course of which they...
>... Commit extraordinary deeds and...
>... Have multiple (three or more) separate adventures in the course of their quest or journey.

Heck, it’s 2/3 for the additional guidelines of the “classic” epics:
>Starting In Medias Res, usually later having The Hero explain via Flashback How We Got Here.
>Often, a journey to the Underworld.
>>
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>>33199777
It's been three days, lads.
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>>33213378
"Hey Undertaker. Here come the Pigs."
>>
>>33209927
>outside knowledge
So alien technology.

>eldrich abomination
How would a human be that? Especially compared to what could be done with an alien.

>mythological creatures
I suppose. Don't see how it could really spin into a whole fic, though.

>sex stuff
What does a human add that can't be accomplished by a pony, let alone an alien?

>>33210219
>ponies would be able to rig up some 60s style computers
feelingpinkiekeenscreenshot.jpg

>>33210397
An Academic Visit is literally about the ramifications of first contact--specifically a hostile one initiated by the griffons. Literally the first sentence of The Ash's synopsis is about "alien matter" landing on Equestria and fucking things up. Preponderence is about second contact. So two of those five aren't related to first contact.

>>33211311
>What happens in it?
A hundred-thousand word long fight scene.
>>
>>33213819
>feelingpinkiekeenscreenshot.jpg
They also literally have giant LCD advertisement panels, yeah
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>>33213976
It's almost like the show is animated mostly on the whims of the storyboard artists and animators and there isn't actually anybody to keep consistency through the show. Who knew.

It's yet more reason to completely ignore show canon and just do your own thing.
>>
>like 5 hours in to sleep
>some shit wakes me up at a stupid time in the morning
>read fimfic for like an hour
>go back to sleep
>wake up 6 hours later
This keeps fucking happening. What's the cure?
>>
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Don't let this thread die. I still have it open on the only legitimate domain, and I sure as shit am not going with the japanese jew's advertising plan and switching to the other.
>>
>>33214668
Fine, I'll post more moons.
>>
>>
>>33214731
Is it worth the paper that it's printed on?
>>
>>33215320
If you like skirts's writing then sure. The print quality is good and the cover and binding and general quality are all great.
If you don't like skirts then you're obviously not gonna think it's worth the air it's displacing
>>
>tfw utterly miserable
>tfw nostalgia for fics is a stronger motivator than anything else in my life
>somehow overpowers my urges to rewatch the show, watch new shows, read new books, or talk to friends, or even fap
I just don't get it. Why am I only feeling this for fimfic?
>>
>>33215935
I don't know... maybe it's just force of habit.
>>
>>33214731
well... at least the book looks good.

what's the cover like ?
>>
>>33213819
Half a point for An Academic Visit, in which first contact happened years ago, but at least there's some hypothetical issues about human vs pony technology
Zero points for The Ash, which is basically a natural disaster fic (antimagic dirt gets sprayed all over Equestria). The "language barrier, culture shock, anthropology shit, technological impact, etc" is basically nonexistent since the human is in a coma for the first 2/3 of the fic and doesn't wake up until the shit has already hit the fan (at which point nobody has time for that nonsense).
Half a point for Preponderance, solely because of that scene where the professor has to talk the hotel clerk into renting a room to three little horsies. There's no language barrier at all, and in general everybody's too busy trying not to die to worry about culture shock or technological differences.
>>
Is Berylverse Annon dead?
>>
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Enough HPMOR.
Let us instead talk about homestuck.
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>>33216879
I'm gonna take this bait. I barely started Bard Quest, but what's wrong with Homestuck? I've been wanting to read it for a while, but as far as I know it's just a case of "good work, shit fanbase".
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>>33217429
*Everything*.
Everything before Homestuck was great. Problem Sleuth, Jail Quest, all good stuff that is short-ish, interesting and to the point. Homestuck ends up being none of those.
t. basically grew up on MSPaint Adventures
Problem is, Homestuck got way beyond the confines of MSPA, even moreso than Problem Sleuth (which is great.) It got far too popular, and it being a "player driven" deal, it got way out of scope once Hussie stopped giving a shit and could no longer deliberately frustrate his own fanbase (because that would rid him of his popularity and his merch income and everything else.)
It's progressively shittier work, shittest fanbase. All the nice little quirks and themes it starts with get thrown out along the way as it explodes in scope and gets far too fucking complicated to handle properly and ends with a good ending that satisfied exactly no-one.

I would recommend not reading it. But if you still want to, read up till the end of Act 5 or so and then drop it. Assume that is where it ended. Just imagine that The Scratch completely obliterated everything and that was it. It will be a much more satisfying read and ending than going through the entire thing.
>>
>>33214117
the cure is not exposing yourself to bright light in the middle of the night. it disrupts your circadian rhythm. don't read fic, just go back to bed.
>>
>>33217512
Or, you know, do what any real scientisto would do and get something like Sunset Screen or Redshift to dim the blue component of light, since your circadian rhythm is mainly regulated with the amount of blue light (and possibly UV, research is hazy).
>>
>>33217441
>Jail Quest was great
Post disregarded.
>>
>>33217544
I remember it being great. Might be wrong. I last read it when it was unfinished.
>>
>>33217522
I'm pretty sure that I already do that.
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>>33217441
Jail Quest is not particularly good.
I'd say Problem Sleuth and maybe early Homestuck is peak Hussie. Aside from Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff, of course, which is the greatest piece of media ever produced.

At the end of the day, I don't have a lot to say about Homestuck. I simply don't care anymore. Though I do think the form of it is somewhat interesting. It's multimedia storytelling of a kind that's only just been made possible by the internet age. If I'd been a literature student, it might have been fun to write a essay on the ways in which technology impact storytelling, and Homestuck would be a prime example of that.

Speaking of which, do any of you know about horsewords that have an unusual or interesting format? I vaguely remember there being a story up on FimFiction that was had all the text as images, using font colour and other effects.
>>
>>33217865
Nah, Jailbreak is good. I just read it again. It's 100% Hussie fucking with his audience, and the source of the fucking pumpkin and the suicide stump. It is a beginning.

But yeah, Homestuck truly wouldn't work without a combination of text, image, animation, music *and* flash. It really could've done without the community past its halfway point, though.

And if you want to know more about alternate literary media, I'd recommend some of Gregory Weir's flash games https://www.kongregate.com/accounts/GregoryWeir
He messes around with narrative structure and literature a bunch.
In fact, I've been thinking about it a bunch, as well as bringing it to another level. Something along the lines of a meta-breaking visual novel, except it implements self-training neural networks that use your own computer's data as a predictive database to gauge what you like, what you do and how to mess with you. Blame the intensive training process on "performance issues".
>>
>When an "Updates daily" story stops updating with no notice
>>
>>33217865
>Speaking of which, do any of you know about horsewords that have an unusual or interesting format?
I know there was a procedurally generated one, and then one that was meant to be a fucked up horror-type story and had some sort of gimmick that I forget - maybe it was an endless loop or something.
>>
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>>33217441
>there are people who kept reading homestuck after the introduction of the trolls and the fucking shipping diagram
I only even got that far on my second attempt (and this is after loving problem sleuth so much I checked it daily for updates back in school). When the plot stopped dead for a literal romance flowchart I knew it would never recover, and judging from how the fanbase really took off at that point it was the correct decision.
>>
>>33217963
Yeah. Yeah. It was correct. Sadly, I was in one of *those* communities back when Homestuck was updating, the kind that liked the romance flowchart.
I got wiser, though. I think.
>>
>>33217978
>I got wiser, though. I think.
You're here.
>>
>>33217990
Fifty fifty, then.
>>
>>33217512
>don't read fic, just go back to bed.
or just get up and start your day. then the next night he'll be tired enough to get a full nights sleep in.

But then anyone that gets 11 hours of sleep in a day obviously doesnt have any sort of a life or job
>>
>>33218005
Or they're Yudkowsky.
>>
>>33217865
>Aside from Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff,
What even are these?
>>
>>33217963
I've never read it, but isn't the consensus "acts and 1 and 4 are nothing special, 2 and 3 are great, 5 and 6 are mostly shit"?
>>
>>33218505
http://www.mspaintadventures.com/sweetbroandhellajeff/
Art.
>>
I'm reading Written In Dust and while it's not bad, it sure as shit isn't good. Noticeably, the prose sucks.
>>
Riffs when?
>>
>>33210219
The way I see how pony magic/technology works is that magic made Equestria move in a really different direction from us, where they have up to 1800-900 "technology" (anything mechanical, electric, not backed by magic) but everything else has reached levels close to us currently or even better, due to how OP magic is.

Modern electronicsand guns would be in their infancy in Equestria where they are being evaluated for their ease of production compared to developing and embedding complex spells into objects, and non-magical species such as the griffin would have a slight edge in it as they are trying to rival Equestria while being independent of magic.

So you'd have ponies riding in 1900 style airships and at the same time casually calling their friends over a crystal acting like a cell phone, where a human coming in would only give them an alternative instead of somethignt hey never saw before.
>>
>>33218820
And apparently the protagonist now has a sort of sixth sense, ffs.
>>
>>33218858
riffs of what?
I had one I was working on a couple years ago but never got around to posting
>>
Conjecture: Anyone who cannot write concisely cannot write at all. If I can't read your sentences without immediately seeing how I could significantly shorten them, you suck.
>>
>>33218860
It's unlikely there'd be a 1:1 correspondence between magic and technology uses, or that magic would be a strict superset of technology. In particular I think anything relying on computational power is unlikely to have a magic equivalent.

Of course this is all headcanon, and some of it is even contradicted by the show, but like another anon mentioned above the show is all over the place and isn't a good basis for detailed worldbuilding.
>>
>>33219144
One guy was doing Seeking Power and another needs to do the new chapter of Displaced In To Nothing.
>>
I fucking hate it when any author or anyone really uses "kiddo" unironically.
>>
>>33219543
Or worse, when authors portray Dinky as Derpy's daughter and not her sister. The only exception being BGP, that was just heartwarming bittersweetness.
>>
RIP Berylverse Anon

He never got that Wizard War
>>
I am so fucking tired of bat ponies. I'm reading like six different fics with bat ponies in them. What's with bat ponies?
>>
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>>33219892
4U

>gaoa, ch.9-12, part 1
Holy fuck this was confusing. Not sure if I wasn't paying enough attention or if the fic is just badly written.

Anyway, here's the brief rundown
>good guys: Rarity, AJ, RD, Berry Sue, Sandalwood (figuratively who?)
>they go to the airship Arno's crash site to investigate
>in the woods, they run into Thorn and Thistle, who are supposedly crash survivors
>at the Arno, the guards Skyracer supposedly sent ahead are nowhere to be seen
>the good guys ignore the problem and go looking for the black box
>the main one is damaged, but there's a backup
>it's in the freezer for some fucking reason
>also in the freezer: our mystery survivor, Coco Pommel
>everyone heads back to town

>Berry Sue finds a note from Skyracer saying the mayor is taking him and the two other military leaders to see the remaining survivors
>(I have no idea what this means)

>suddenly, werewolves
>also zombies and vampires, because originality would require actual effort
>giant brawl goes on for a solid chapter
>Berry Sue, despite being OP as fuck and totally capable of soloing this entire raid, somehow fucks everything up
>the party is forced to split up, and the non-Berry-Sue half gets BTFO
>Berry Sue has to fight Lockbox, who is Sombra Scion #3, with powers on par with Berry Sue's own
>Lockbox thinks Berry Sue is a "witch hunter", there to kill her
>or maybe she thinks Berry Sue is looking for Versatile, Lockbox's changeling buddy
>anyway, Berry Sue wins by shapeshifting into a human, which stuns Lockbox so Berry Sue can punch her and HADŌKEN
>good guys win
>>
>>33220523
>gaoa, ch.9-12, part 2
>Actual Skyracer arrives with some actual guards
>the mayor and Lockbox lead everybody to the secret cavern city underneath the normal town
>all the airship passengers are there, along with a bunch of guards
>oh, by the way, the group that got rekt without Berry Sue is perfectly fine
>also, all the werewolves and shit weren't real, it was just a "dark magic physical glamorie spell" by Lockbox
>Lockbox is a good guy now, having come to her senses and realized that Berry Sue is a cool person and not a mean old witch hunter

>for some reason the mayor decides to tell everybody about the changelings that live in the forest
>(this makes no fucking sense because in another two pages he turns out to be in league with them all along)
>the Bearers depose him ('cause that's a thing they can do) and replace him with some random mare
>she bullies him into leading the whole party to the hive
>Coco is there too, due to plot contrivance
>the mayor turns out to be in league with the changelings
>he tries to lead the party into an ambush, which he arranged while releasing Thorn and Thistle (changelings) from jail
>there's a fight, which the good guys win, but some of the changelings get away with Coco
>Actual Skyracer wants to go back for reinforcements, but Berry Sue wants to go straight for the hive

That's the end of chapter 12. Presumably next week they'll hit the hive itself.
>>
>>33220523
>suddenly, werewolves

Wait...weren't all the werewolves cured back in like, the second thing about werewolf Applejack?
>>
>>33220523
>who is Sombra Scion #3

And if Razz is Scion #1, who was Scion #2?
>>
>>33220527
Anyway, the TL;DR is that everyone's a changeling and everything's a lie. I don't think I explicitly mentioned it but Fake Skyracer is a changeling, Thorn and Thistle are changelings, the mayor is a changeling collaborator, and I think the other military leaders could also be changelings (no idea desu).

I'm pretty sure the mayor kept the survivors in the cave on changeling orders. As for why the guards (or were they militia? idfk) and townsponies went along with it, no idea. Also no idea how this is useful for the changelings. Also not sure by what logic he was able to convince the entire town to beat up on four national heroes (and Sandalwood) or to forcibly take two "crash survivors" (Thorn and Thistle) to the hospital. Actually I have no idea what went on with Thorn and Thistle - they were with the non-Berry-Sue group that got jumped, but were gone when they woke up, but somehow wound up in jail (where Actual Skydude's dudes discovered that they're changelings), but escaped.

Oh yeah, and the changeling queen specifically wanted to replace Coco as part of her evil plan, which is why the powers of plot contrivance arranged for her to be in the forest where she can be plausibly kidnapped.

>>33220553
It was all an elaborate ruse. Also, there's a solid paragraph wasted on Berry Sue describing in intricate detail why she can't cure werewolves in this town like she did back in Ponyville.

>>33220555
Fuck if I know. Berry Sue speculates at one point that it was Divine Right, but I don't know if that's supposed to be accurate or not. It's possible we're just seeing them out of order. But yeah, Berry Sue is #1 and Lockbox is #3.

>Razz
I haven't called her that in literally years. Even in my own notes she's always "Berry Sue". Are you actually reading this shit? Or writing it? I know BlueBastard has been here before
>>
>>33220577
>Are you actually reading this shit?

Nah, just went through the comments trying to see if I could decipher the autism further through there, must have picked it up there.
>>
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>>33218554

There's not really a solid consensus on any of it, to be honest, but most people will tell you the comic really takes off around act 2 (personally I loved the early parts, but if your sense of humor can't tolerate lots of jokes about text-based-adventure-RPGs and needlessly-complicated inventory systems you may also find it doesn't really take off til act 2 either).

For real though, just read it. It's far from perfect, but it's still very good, and in a lot of ways it's the first of its kind. Obviously I'm biased, my damn fimfic handle is ripped right from it, but still, it didn't get as popular as it did for no reason. The writing is generally anywhere from solid-to-excellent, the music is consistently phenomenal, and most of what's actually 'bad' about it tends to be from the fandom more than the comic itself.

TL;DR I would recommend Homestuck.
>>
>“Lol”

>“ay this story is pretty good woaw”

>“I don't understand why this isn't any more popular. I look forward to more!”

>“Why does this not have more likes?”

>“You know, in all the fics that I’ve read crossing over humans in Equestria or just humans and ponies together, I’ve always thought about a pony sitting on a humans shoulders like a kid. Thanks for the image. I’d forgotten how much banter goes on between the guys, particularly Haggard and Sweets, when your not doing much in game. It’s been so long since I’ve played the games in campaign mode.”

God I love the variety that you find in comments. It’s either nice or the work of someone that’s braindead.
>>
shiiiiit this is getting gud
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/425118/a-day-at-the-brony-convention

usually transformation / big-titty growing stories don't drag it out like this, plus the horror / porn / comedy balance is strong

for some reason the author kinda stops describing the different pony tf's in detail about halfway thru which is kinda disappointing, but overall I gotta say I'm cumming buckets ty
>>
>>33220943
>the author
Why are you referring to yourself in the third person?
>>
>>33220908
better than youtube comments
>>
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>>33220943
I need more "anon gets turned in a girl and grows huge breasts" fics. For reasons.
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>>33221021
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/418523/hot-swap

this one's kinda what you're looking for (anon stand-in pony getting tg'd and growing fat tits) but I'm still waiting on the pregnancy thing advertised in the art pic

I'll have to root around, I'm sure I've got more around here somewhere
>>
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>>33219892
> not understanding bat ponies
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>>33221062
I want to fuck that smug horse in its smug face.
>>
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>>33221207
based and redpilled

>>33220943
> turning into a girl and growing big tiddies
w-what are you, some kind of f-fag...?
u-unf...
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>>33221227
UMU
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>>33221227
Post profile.
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>>33221260
>random alicorn OC spoiling the view
Eugh
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So, in any faith, I ask if could I get some shit-slapping feedback on this? It’s a first for me in any kind of extra curricular writing, but I feel pretty self aware in avoiding awkward wording, bad tones, plot holes, and other flaws. The grammar is great and I feel as if the way I’m writing the characters is “sighted in.” But I kinda want to be proven wrong if I am.

So, if anyone looks at this and has a suggestion other that changing the premise after skimming it, that would mean more than anything those asinine “favorite but don’t like” accounts.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/422230/bad-compony
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>>33221343
well, first of all, you seem to have misspelled the word "company"
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>>33221346
That is literally the premise
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>>33221359
> not getting the joke
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>>33221389
I’m not sure about who’s either Shirley or sure about getting the joke.
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>>33221343
I'll take a look at it, maybe give some insight within the week. But just from looking at this opening blurb, I think there's room for improvement.

I get that you're going for a joke in the summary, but the whole thing comes across a tad long-winded and overly detailed. You don't need to include character bios and plot from the source material, that's info that oughta be conveyed through the meat of your story.

In my opinion, this summary would be improved by including more buildup for the punchline, clarifying who the speaker is, establishing why ponies can't solve the big dilemma, and why only the men of Bad Company can. All in under 50 words, ideally.
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>>33220727
>and most of what's actually 'bad' about it tends to be from the fandom more than the comic itself.
Isn't the pacing an absolute shit show?
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>>33221549
>seriously listening to one of the autists who unequivocally liked the whole thing
That's how you know you should back right out. If someone is a diehard fan of Homestuck even after the shitshow of basically the entire 6th act and especially the ending, they ain't right in the head.
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>>33218860
It really depends how much you want to stick to canon in their tech development.
I'm leaning more towards disregarding some of purely mechanical stuff and substituting more advanced tech with magic. So yeah in bigger cities, where there is large conentration of unicorns they hace acces to modern stuff but it's magical in nature and not mass produced but rather developed by unicorns who have cutie-marks in that fields. So while wealthy citizens, companies and state itself can afford it majority of population see it rather as a novelty than part of everyday life.
So there is big disparity between development in Equestria, with some ares of high development and more remote places still living in basically late medieval period.
I find it a lot more interesting than just simply slaping XX-XXI century minus guns on ponies and calling it a day

Also considering that they have acces to magic and can simply bypass certain obstacles means that their design often isn't optimal. Yeah it works because of magic, and it works well enough that there is no need to improve it. But humans don't have such crutch. We often spend decades perfecting design to get just a little more efficency, to make stuff just a little bit better. And you don't need to know about that whole process, just knowledge about the final product is enough. If you just have that final concept and then mix it with their already developed magical version then there are high chances that you will end with design that is better than both previous ones.
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>>33221465
I mean, that blurb started of as a parody of one of the first TV commercials for the game. Which aired back in 2008.
This also segments nicely into my next point of issue; I want to – but I know I shouldn’t bank off of anyone’s memory of this spin-off game franchise that feels almost forgotten now. Referencing source material like that just seems futile in a way. But it’s important to me.
>>
On the off chance someone likes it I'll shill my story I updated after a hiatus.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/414926/welcome-to-the-verse
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>>33221892
Is it really worth having easter eggs if they're lost on 99% of the audience though? Plus, you're not directing a tv commercial.
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>>33222314
But it’s a funny commercial...
>>
Poni
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>>33222398
Relying on the audience to have complete knowledge of something as obscure as a 'funny tv commercial' for the sake of a joke means the majority of people won't find it funny. They'll just find it odd.
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>>33223706
Would it kill me to link it at this point?

I’m assuming yes, but that one add does so much to summarize the feel of the game.
I say it’s a “funny commercial,” but it introduces the jist of the game too well to pass up. I need to set the “doesn’t take itself too seriously” attitude early on and this is a great precedent for it.

The add’s use Isn’t just a reference, it’s a guide.
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>>33221549
The pacing is probably the weakest part of the comic overall, yeah, it made a lot of readers feel like certain parts dragged on too long, but it's honestly not nearly as bad when you're not waiting for updates day to day, and even when it does drag I personally find the writing good enough to compensate most of the time. I think there's only two characters in the comic who I tend to glaze over and skim through when they start talking, and they're both minor late-game characters anyway.

>>33221555
I wouldn't say I'm a diehard fan, I never got deep into the fandom or cosplaying or trollsonas or any of that crap, but I don't think the ending was as bad as most people do. I'm an optimist, though.

Also saying Act 6 is a total shitshow is completely unfair to Roxy, the best character.
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>>33223858
the worst part of ending is that it didn't actually happened. We never saw defeat of LE, nor the collapse of Paradox space. Would we saw it in some way ending would be much more toleratable.
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>>33221643
I'm the guy you replied to, but not talking about HiE, just magic and technology in general

Kinda wanted to write a war fic with guns (not pony-held though) and wanted to use this theory for the EUP in a war.

The infantry of the EUP would be a relatively small force composed mainly of trained unicorns, and their small size would be justified by the difficulty associated with combat training unicorns. Actual breakthroughs would be based on small team of very elite operators, composed of at most 30 ponies but wielding extremely powerful magic (Twilight level power, but of course older and better trained). Again, due to the time spent to training each specialist, a large scale infantry offensive would be impossible.

Earth ponies would be serving for logistics and crewing the EUP's main military might, magical artillery. Basically, they have crystals/whatever spell equivalent to replace gunpowder, with similar magical warheads fired, making the firepower pretty OP.

In a war against the dragons following their invasion of the Badlands (decade before the show airs), the Equestrian would first see a lot of decisive victories with their elite raid method and heavy use of armed airships, but then be bogged down when reaching terrain more suited for close quarter combats where the dragons' large numbers and relative nimbleness would cause heavy damage to the airships and any attack, turning into a WW1 style trench stagnation. The dragons would be secretly backed by the Griffin hoping to set Equestria back and test their own weapons. The griffin would be developing mechanized weapons, and their tanks would cause Equestrians a great surprise as their explosive-based shells have limited effect on them, similar to how the Allies surprised Germany in WW1.

I know it's a lot of autism and probably stupid, but how does it sound?
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>>33224039
Totally on board with the idea of a war effort that relies heavily on a small number of spectacularly talented individuals.

Limiting it to artillery unicorns seems like a waste, though. Why not a pony who can scry anywhere on the planet? One who can teleport 500 soldiers at once? One who can make an entire village invisible? As long as you've got some reasonable limitations so there's an actual conflict, you can go pretty wild.

Depending on how you headcanon cutie marks, you don't even need to restrict it to unicorns. Do like Harmony Theory and Message in a Bottle, where the right cutie marks come with supernatural talents beyond what anyone could learn through practice. Like Charisma, who always instinctively knows the best way to kill everyone in the room. Hell, you could give Colgate's talent ("always arrives on time") to any type of pony, and then spin it as a sort of clairvoyance regarding unexpected delays - surely something that would be useful when planning military movements.
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>>33224039
What?
Explosive, non-penetrating shells had catastrophic effects on tanks during that period. A few hand grenades could cripple a tank, let alone a howitzer shell landing nearby.

And couldn’t a Pegasus just drop an explosive above an slow moving armored target? Never underestimate the limitless possibilities that infantry with wings can achieve.
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>>33223854
If you rely on the audience to watch a completely separate video to understand what's going on, and that video isn't pony related...then that's a textbook bad crossover.
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>meanwhile, ch.3, part 1
W E W
L A D S

There's a new chapter of Shinzakura's part of Phase 3 and it is fucking Q U A L I T Y

Remember how Psycho Ponk has a "reality thread" stuck to her, one from an AU where Pinkie and Sunset are married, which causes her to be obsessed with fucking Sunset's brains out? Well, thanks to some dank 4th wall memery, Psycho Ponk gets to visit that reality and have a chat with Pinkie (who's like 50 for some reason). Ponk gets Pinkie's whole life story, which goes like this:
>start after EqG2
>depowered Dazzlings transfer to Crystal Prep
>they meet Twilight Sparkle (Human Edition) and convince her to help them
>there's some kind of ritual, which I guess is supposed to repower the Dazzlings
>instead they get Midnight Sparkle
>Midnight goes on a rampage against the students who used to bully her, killing a bunch of them
>Sunset puts a stop to it by killing her
>the rest use mind magic to turn "demon rampage" into "school shooting"

>Sunset winds up in a coma
>eventually wakes up but takes a long time to recover
>also, her magic is permanently mostly gone
>Pinkie helps nurse Sunset back to health
>develops feelings for her
>starts cheating on her girlfriend, Fluttershy
>Sunset is somehow okay with this

>M5 conspire to put the blame on the Dazzlings
>no details on how the hell they managed that particular trick, but the Dazzlings eventually wound up in jail
>but the M5 were so focused on revenge, they let their friendship fall apart
>also, eventually Fluttershy found out that Pinkie was cheating on her with Sunset (seriously, what the fuck)

>now Fluttershy is mayor of Canterlot
>RD is the Crystal Prep PE teacher
>AJ is VP of sales for the family brewery
>"Riri" is a nun

>Sunset tried to get the gang back together on her 35th (actually 62nd) birthday
>only Fluttershy showed up, and only to try and get Sunset deported
>somehow, Sunset's fake IDs held up to actual government scrutiny, so it turned out okay
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>>33224289
Part 2 'cause I'm too lazy to edit this down to 2k

>meanwhile, ch.3, part 2

>Pinkie and Sunset now live out in the country in bumfuck, nowhere, with their three children
>their actual, biological children, 'cause science lol
>Pinkie gave birth to Pastel Chime and Starlight Glimmer
>Sunset insisted on carrying Aeon Soul herself
(Yeah, that's right, fucking AEON SOUL)
>btw, in this AU Berry Sue is an alicorn, lol
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>>33223854
>>33224287
>>
I almost wish I could write a song.
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>>33224411
holy cow look at those digits
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>>33224298
>>33224287
>>33223854

Now hold it for a second...

I have written 30k words without linking to suplimental materials. The only one you would ‘need’ to look at would be the MLP movie itself, maybe.

I’m pretty sure that I was talking about showing that link to >>33223706 specifically. I was. The wording was vague but still.
>>
Confession: Reading a riff of a fic has improved my opinion of the fic, because it forced me to reread a lot of it and realise that the worst parts weren't nearly as long or as bad as I thought.
>>
https://vocaroo.com/i/s03lH0wu4Gg5
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>>33224755

You've written 30K words and yet originally you said:

>It’s a first for me in any kind of extra curricular writing

And you've done nothing but harp on about this 'great' commercial for a game from a decade ago to the point of calling that commercial a guide. It's one thing to merely base your story off of it - though frankly it sounds like you're just shoving ponies into something that doesn't really have anything to do with ponies - but instead of even trying to explain what the hell Bad Company is, you keep saying how this commercial does all of that already.

Sure, I could look this stuff up, but...that's the exact opposite of what a story should be. A story should draw readers in, not drive them away simply to understand framing context (I.E. Destiny's Grimore cards). As an author, it's YOUR job to be describing things, not tell people where to look to get the information necessary to understand what you've written in full.
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>>33224170
The idea with the cutie mark thing would be really amazing actually. I'm totally stealing that to put in the story (if it ever gets written).

>>33224176
Yes, but they need direct contact with the target to do any damage, and indirect fire artillery doesn't have adequate rate of fire and precision to handle anti-armor roles effectively.

The artillery was used generously to saturate an area, but it wasn't developped to strike at individual targets. When faced with thougher, smaller number of targets, the Equestrians would be set back until they find more effective ways to counter these tanks.

As for pegasus, they are fighting the dragons after all. Pretty sure the dragons would be dominating the skies after a while.
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>>33225049

>though frankly it sounds like you're just shoving ponies into something that doesn't really have anything to do with ponies

Have you dabbled in the crossover tag before?

But back to your crit, I’m actually pushing things in the opposite direction however; shoving something that doesn’t have anything to do with ponies in with ponies. I should’ve probably mention it’s another displacement tale in Equestria within the summary, although it’s clear within the first chapter.

I’m also aware that leading you on that add tangent has left a sour taste in your mouth, but I have only one last thing to say about it – the structure of the summary is what is inspired by it.

From this:
“Deep within the US Army exists an elite force, deployed for precise tactical operations. These are the men...
who are totally not the guys I was just talking about.”

To this:
“Deep within the Equestrian Guard exists an elite force, deployed for strategic defensive operations. These are the ponies...
Who are totally not that force I was just talking about.
They're not even ponies actually. They're just four guys, like 5'10" at the shortest.
They were dealing with a WMD on a plane, and now... they’re here-”

Not the same thing.
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>>33225265
>Have you dabbled in the crossover tag before?

Yes and most of the time they are garbage if you ask me.
>>
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1G93Sq86ynCw5VQJ_coP0G7mt97lXqjgOR30CSy6yXxs/edit?usp=sharing

Rainbow Dash Pet story(chapter 1).
Want to know how much it sucks and whether it's a good idea to continue it.
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>>33221343
I'm the guy that made these first two posts >>33221465 >>33222314

The rest are someone else entirely btw.

Here's some of my thoughts after reading through the first chapter.

You open with spoken dialogue in the very first sentence, which I'm not a huge fan of. Doing that pretty much throws the reader into the world with zero context, when they should be eased into your story this early on. It puts an immediate damper on any willingness to read further. How about setting up the scene before dropping the reader into it?

I think we can both agree that dropping hard-broiled, wise-cracking, rooting-tooting military men into magical horseyland is an inherently silly concept. So I go into this expecting two things from the get-go: fish out of water and culture clash. I'm not really getting any of that at this point. For example, when prompted, Marlow recites his rank and other military identification to Starlight as though she were his superior officer. What's the in-universe justification for doing this? Yes, he does it in the game, but it doesn't make sense why he'd do that here. It really feels like you're smashing together two pieces of fiction without really marrying the two universes.

I'm pleased to see that you're writing from Marlow's perspective. It's the natural choice, and I do feel some of his personality from the 2nd game (or what little he had) coming through in your writing. However, you don't use him much beyond anything more than a mouthpiece. He's the vehicle that's gonna carry your reader through entire story, so he needs to be interesting enough to latch onto. In a game, it's okay for the player character to be not all that well developed. Here though, he needs to be more expressive, more dynamic, more of his own person.
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>>33225849
There are some points where you don't do something that I feel would make for a stronger story. Like when the rest of Bad Company "opted [Marlow] out as the best one to spin this tale". There's an opportunity for both a joke and a bit of relationship building here, but you don't go for it.

Using a frame story is okay if the framing story also has some kind of agency to it. From what I gather though, the mission is done and over with. Why have the main character recount the main story when we can just have the main story? This entire bit just kinda squashes any sense of danger or stakes.

You need more dialogue tags, especially when three or more people start talking. You can get away with using less if and when characters become distinct enough to gain their own unique voice, but at this point, it all bleeds together into this thick, conversation soup. Sidenote: you would do well to differentiate the Bad Company boys visually. Sometimes one or two accessories is all you need to establish a character, "Sweetwater slipped into the room, his max-strength glasses sitting crooked on the bridge of his nose as always and a heavy machine gun strapped to his back."

At the end, you essentially recap the entire plot and ending sequence of the second game. You throw a lot of action jargon, and new characters at the reader all at once and, given two of the characters are alive to recount their tale, it's safe for the reader to assume they're gonna survive. It's all way too much at once, and it ultimately doesn't matter. It's also not a strong introduction to the rest of Bad Company.

Overall, there's not much here compelling me to read further. This story could be streamlined a great deal. That all said, you keep doing you if it makes you happy.
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Anything happened to Fictiondick guy?
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>>33225859
This is good.

I asked for someone to circumcise my work with a box-cutter and you managed to do it with a sawmill

I’m on track to skim almost 4K words now.
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>>33227138
Not the guy that you replied to, but "Politics and the English Language" in the OP is a very good essay on where bad purple prose came from and how to fix it, written by George Orwell.

https://web.archive.org/web/20180531183237/https://www.orwell.ru/library/essays/politics/english/e_polit/
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>>33196712
>Are you saying it's unrealistic for Luna to have ever had any romantic relationship whatsoever?
It's unrealistic for Luna to exist. For Luna to have had romantic relationships is a deviation from canon as presented.

>Or did you take the use of the word "lovers" in the TMA screencap to imply promiscuity / lack of commitment, and you're objecting to that?
The fact that the "lovers" seem to be only incidentally mentioned, as though they were just a hobby and not any actual part of her emotional journey, implies that.

I'm sure there are plenty of interesting stories to be told about promiscious and uncommitting princesses, provided that (1) the story actually does something with it and (2) it's acknowledged to be a deviation from canon as presented.

(Sorry for the late reply.)

>>33197263
I wonder what this guy was talking about.
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>>33203266
>ID points to a placeholder entry by "sentience"

Hmm.
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>>33227511
>it's acknowledged to be a deviation from canon as presented
Every story on fimfic is a deviation from canon, my dude. Do you really want a warning label on every single one?
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>>33227511
>so butthurt over the idea of his waifu having had sex before that he declares the notion a "deviation from canon" so severe it warrants an AU tag
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>>33227450
I’m cutting out 2 chapters, not extra words. I still read it though.

Also that link might need to be updated
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>follow back reply chain to see posts I missed
Oh hey, are even more people reading TMA now?
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>>33228821
Unless I've missed something, there's just the usual guy (me) and one guy who asked for an opinion on it.
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>>33228821
>>33228991
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>>33229266
But I did stop. See >>33206305 or >>33206459.

Truth be told, I'm still mulling over whether or not there's a plot hole with Sunset Shimmer. Celestia's letter doesn't seem to agree with the question that ended her conversation Twilight in the hospital and the question that ended her conversation with Twilight in the spaceship.
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>>33227511
And here we see a textbook case of denial, as Anon struggles with the fact that a millennia-old being might have had sex.
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>>33229382
>animation by shinzakura
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>>33228821
Would you like it if they were?
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>>33199777
>1 week later.
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>>33229857
A raid? Been out a bit, who raided us? Shinzakura?
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I've just stumbled on to something for the Seeking Power riff anon. Pic related. We knew that the "my, myself, and I" thing from Seeking Power was inspired by HPMOR, but it turns out that it's actually a straight up rip-off. Then again, I know that TMA was being released as HPMOR was being written, so it is possible that Seeking Power beat HPMOR to this, but I very much doubt it.

>>33230233
Nah, I'm just waiting on anon's summary.
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>>33229382
Maybe the Princesses maintain their vast power through being literal grand wizards?
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>>33230240
I bet he read that shortly before hamfisting it into his own tryhard fic. But at least HPMOR is somewhat amusing in its delusions, and RapeMalfoy, and Riddleliezer beating children in public (and being loved for it). But Seeking Power has nothing to it. Maybe the fucking changeling OC will turn into something, but I doubt it.
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>>33230258
Her, actually.

Anyway, it's good to know that you're still reading. I'm really looking forward to your posts. As for the Seeking Power, all that's keeping me from reading it are the fucking insane chapter lengths, the fact that it was never finished, and that it's own author wasn't happy enough with it to ever continue. To be honest, I'm struggling to bring myself to believe that it sucks as much as you're suggesting. TMA has some nasty flaws, but I doubt that someone who came to write TMA could write something as bad as what you're saying Seeking Power is.

>Maybe the fucking changeling OC will turn into something, but I doubt it.
They were pretty good in TMA.
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>>33230283
Nah, it's poopy. It has no real redeeming qualities so far, good or bad. HPMOR has plenty of both, though mostly the latter. Seeking Power's just a clone of a clone. It's like the shitty ripoff straight to DVD movie you might get for your birthday from a confused and senile elderly relative. Like the Sharknado of disaster movies, an already shitty "genre". There is nothing truly notable about it outside it existing.
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>>33230304
From what I can remember seeing of Seeking Power, I can almost believe you. Seeking Power is blatantly inspired by HPMOR, but TMA's similarity to it doesn't extend much further than them sharing a genre. Hell, there might be an argument to say that TMA is what you get when you've studied enough rational fics to have a decent idea why they usually suck, but still want to write one anyway. Have you considered riffing TMA? At least that'll be remarkable enough to riff, although my own experiences with the fic suggest that its issues aren't blatant enough to come up in the format of a riff.
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>>33228814
idk why they put a web archive link. The old one works just fine

http://www.orwell.ru/library/essays/politics/english/e_polit
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>>33230329
A TMA riff would basically be complaining about pacing, verbosity, and chapter length. Every now end then, you could exaggerate some circumstances into being cringeworthy, I guess. Could make for a good shorter riff perhaps: in general, the writing and prose are fine, I don't recall any plot holes (unsurprising given how autistically thought-out the entire thing is, as is becoming of a rationalfic I guess), characters tend to actually act mostly smart and I don't really recall any particular times anyone was dumbed down just for the sake of the plot, etc. - in short, I doubt there's enough material there for a full-length detailed analysis (like what we got for Displaced into Itching etc.).

The shorter riff might be a good read, though. I'd actually maybe do it but I finished the story something like 1-1.5 years ago and I don't feel like rereading 400k words (especially since I'm in the middle of Utans right now).
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>IT PUTS THE RIFFING ON ITS SCREEN OR ELSE IT GETS THE TRAINS AGAIN
Okay, yeesh. I think I'm recovered enough from my foray into furryland to do a little more of Jello's Magical Adventure. So, without further ado, we interrupt your regularly scheduled discussion of harry potter fanfiction to bring you more DISPLACED.

Part 2/3 of chapter 7 (fuck if I know what that translates to in human chapter numbers) starts off in style, with Jello wasting no time making a bunch of random capitalizations and dropping an ellipsis:
>Twenty Six minutes later, Twilight and I approached the Edge of Everfree, the images the table had shown us weighing no lighter on our minds...

If you'll recall, last time Spike got kidnapped by sighhhhh a mysterious Illidan-looking creature. This is still a better fate than fucking a diamond dog in Shiny's war camp, but the girls still hurry to rescue him. Except Fluttershy, who has for some reason gone off to gather supplies for their brief hike.

Twilight is optimistic about their chances:
>"Part of me keeps thinking that Spike could already be dead, but another part of me still can't believe he’s been taken.”

Jello firmly squelches the rebellious spurt of pathos:
>I nodded, “Your brain is trying to process the ongoing situation without knowledge of the resolution or the likelihood of the possibilities. You need to focus on reacting to things to distract your emotions from the situation.”
Can't bore the reader with lame shit like that, after all; we're here to watch Jello and Twi impose their wills on the universe.
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>>33231646
They meet a few of the others at the edge of the forest. Flutters was quick--perhaps she merely had Discord whip her up some 12-dimensional trail mix. Pinkie's looking uncharacteristically grim, but best horse is still in true form, coming dressed to the nines in a wizard outfit:
>I wasn't entirely sure how much of it was meant for practical spellcasting and protection purposes, and how much was for her to look “fabulous” on an adventure.

Twi pushes ahead, leaving Jello and Rares for a brief aside. It's finally time for the payoff to that botique visit back in the "this is a chapter from every HiE/self-insert fic written in 2012" section!
>“I managed to put the last few stitches in this before I left.” she levitated out an ornate cloak and a long vest, offering them to me, “It's not the most elegant work, but you asked for sturdy, and I believe it fits the criteria.”
> The fabric was definitely tough, and the enchantment woven into it felt like a strong net, holding it all to reality.
Yes, the enchantment. Not... being made of materials from reality. Reminder that Rarity did this for free and used "special ingredients" or something, so this thing has to have at least a +2 INT bonus.

Always willing to look a gift horse in the mouth, Jello asks if she still wants to give her this ludicrously expensive robe gratis:
> I mean, are you sure? I know you’re not comfortable around me anymore. I did turn into something monstrous...”

Rarity juggles the robes and some ellipses:
>She winced, “Ah, well, while it was rather... Garrish... It’s really... what’s on the inside that counts! Besides, you did it to save my sister."
Quite a sensible attitude. Best not to piss off the walking blender, anyway.

Jello's touched:
>“Well, thank you. It really means something to me...”
Nothing means anything to you, Jello.
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>>33231651
The Great Jello Case of her weird memories of the main cast continues to be unsolved:
>It was occurring to me that I'd never really appreciated just how great Twilight's friends were, even though I didn’t know when or where I'd heard about them. Now we'd been pushed together by the situation, the truly remarkable nature that each of them had was beginning to stand out. Twilight was lucky to know ponies... People like them.
>Part of me wished I'd had friends like that in the life I couldn't remember.
Maybe if you weren't an insufferable, power-tripping egomaniac you'd have more friends.

Speaking of suffering, up staggers AJ, who's so drunk she's turned into a highlander:
>She was wearing a tight-woven jacket, probably wool, with two more on her back. “Ere’s gonna be a chill wind ta'night... ‘Sides, a good strong fur can take a scrape or two fer ya.”
Ach, lassie, yer a wee scunner!

Rainbow appears, having scouted ahead. She has fucking armor on for some reason (maybe they issue that in the Wonderbolts now?) and proves useless as always:
>“I can’t see anything.” She grunted, gritting her teeth as she glanced around, “It’s just too dense out there...”
It's easy, Rainbow, you just have to find the part of the forest with a bunch of dead creeps.

They all reaffirm that they're going into the forest together to rescue Spike, and the audience starts getting flashbacks to the sieges of the great zebra war, but this "action" is suddenly interrupted by a mysterious stallion:
>“Flash!” Twilight’s wings flared, “I told you to get some rest!”
>“And I did.” he said, matter-of-factly, “Then I woke up, ate some fish,
oh right, ponies are fucking raw-meat carnivores in this
>drank some cider, and put on a new set of armor. Now, I'm escorting you into the Everfree forest.”
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>>33231654
You know what we haven't had in a while? No, not a RECAAAAAAP, it's time for one of Jello's patented Comedy(R) bits!
>“Flash, you're in no condition to be here! Go back to the castle and get some rest!”
>“I will...” he said with a stern nod, “After I've escorted you through whatever it is you're about to walk into.”
>“Flash,” Twilight stated in a level tone, her annoyance rising, “I’m ordering you to stand down and go get some rest.”
>“I understand your order, and I respectfully refuse to follow it, Princess.”
>Twilight was at a momentary loss. “I’ll... I’ll have you court martialed.”
>“Then I’ll be court martialed, after I escort you through the Everfree forest.”
>Twilight was becoming flabbergasted, “But... But you swore an oath to follow my commands!”

Man, this story's moving slow. We're over 1000 words into the chapter and nobody's killed, fucked, cucked, genocided, or yiffed ANYTHING yet.

Anyway, that excruciating bit continues for another few paragraphs of back and forth before Flash tells her in an overwrought way that he's ready to die for Equestria. Somewhere in the forest, Spike checks his watch and sighs.
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>>33231662
Finally, after about another five hundred words, Twilight gives up and lets him come. As they head into the forest, Jello pauses for a moment to gloat about her amazingness:
> I felt Rarity shiver nearby, and I’d probably have done so as well, had my body been truly alive.
Take a shot!

They don't get far before they run into a timberwolf. It's a mass of moving branches--strangely lacking in white fur--and quickly slinks off after they spot it. Rather than ignore it and get on with their supposedly urgent rescue mission, everyone starts muttering darkly about how timberwolves always travel on trains in packs.

A little further in and they come across a dead young dragon--but fear not, it's just a useless side character:
>The stiff corpse of an adolescent drake was halfway propped against a tree, eyes still upturned mournfully, though the blood from the gaping chest wound was mostly dried over her orange scales as she hung from the bark like a pig on a meat hook.
>“Oh sweet Yggdrasil...” Applejack blurted, pulling off her hat.
Poor bairn, yae never had a chance.

Flutters halfheartedly suggests they try to find the dead dragon's family, but Jello coldly says "SHE DED" and they move on. It turns out that they've only just begun the Hike of Haruspicy:
>Next was a Cragodile with its head split open by a familiar axe, its midsection draped over a rock as insects squirmed where its blood and gore had been spilled on the path. After that, a series of normal animals were strewn across the path. A pack of wolves, a black bear, a few foxes and rabbits, which looked like they’d had bites taken out of them when they were fresh.
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>>33231665
Jesus christ, yet again a throwaway joke turns out to be the actual explanation for this:
>“What in Tartarus were they doin’ out here?” Applejack scowled at a twitching timberwolf limb which was wedged in the fork of a tree, “It's like they were tryin’ ta wipe out every monster Luna missed in here.”
>“Boredom, I guess.” I said, not reacting to all this, “Maybe they were practicing on something they knew they could handle before taking on the main threat.” The term “jungling” flashed through my mind, but I wasn't sure exactly what it meant, nor did it seem like a word anyone else would've known.
WHAT COULD THE ANSWER BE? I bet we can drag it out for another six chapters, easy.

They find a campsite and a dead cow, who AJ recognizes and is upset about.
>“Ahh, ahh naw, Celestia no, ahm gonna have ta tell Bessie and Toro we found her like this... like... Ah don’t even know what this is!”

Flash has turned into pony Columbo:
>“I’d say the T.O.D. was about... A day and a half ago, not too long after she was last seen. Not sure on the C.O.D. though. I'd say exsanguination, but clearly it was a lot more than that.” He glanced up, “Got anything Princess?”

Twilight checks out the crime scene and puts two and two together:
>“They ate her.” the words came out in a choke, “They carved up her body and ate her.”
>The whole group froze, their faces contorted in that moment of shock.
After all, none of them could even imagine eating another living creature! Well except when Twi gets peckish and disembowels a living pigeon.
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>>33231671
>“Cannibals.“ Rainbow growled, the blades peeking out from under her wings
oh god wingblades are so fucking stupid
>“Twilight, this is getting way over our paygrades. Are you absolutely sure you don't want more backup? I bet I could have the entire fucking guard out here in two hours tops.”
Why in the fuck did you make a huge point of the ponies eating meat last chapter if you're going to have them be horrified by meat-eating?

Well, good suggestion, Rainbow, but you forgot you have Mary Sue on your team. Besides, Twilight suddenly remembers they're on a time crunch:
>“Spike doesn’t have that kind of time, Rainbow!"

Jello butts in:
>“Two hours is more than enough time to open a portal to the Infernal Realm.” I stated, knowing exactly how long it took without need for context
Of course, you can just pull that info out of the conceptual plane.

They head over to the big spooky building and work up some resolve.
>“So... We’re going... in there?” Fluttershy whimpered.
>“We have to.” Twilight said, turning to the door, “Spike needs us.”
>And so, with dread under every hoofstep, we left the corpse of the poor girl they’d butchered for meat, and stepped into whatever forgotten outpost they’d darkened with their presence...

Will our heroes prevail? Can Jello turn her hooves into fire axes? Can Mana Burn destroy Jello? Has Spike bonded with Illidan over a rousing game of DotA? Find out next time, on the fic that's driving me to drink, Displaced Into Nothing!
>>
>>33230283
>I doubt that someone who came to write TMA could write something as bad as what you're saying Seeking Power is.
You know SP was written prior to TMA, right? The author clearly learned some things in the process of writing SP, and applied those lessons to TMA.

>>33231678
Hey anon, did you see? Miss Jello-Panties' latest fic made it to the feature box
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/425556/whats-your-problem
It's a "Dramatic Character Study of the Young Six"
>>
>>33231654
>>Part of me wished I'd had friends like that in the life I couldn't remember.
If he doesn't remember, why does he assume that he didn't have such good friends?

>“Ere’s gonna be a chill wind ta'night... ‘Sides, a good strong fur can take a scrape or two fer ya.”
Has this author never actually heard AJ speak? Because that's the easiest explanation i have for this fucking shit.
>>
>>33231965
>look at his blog
>there's a post called "Some thoughts on writing characters"
I hate it when shitty authors think that they're good.

Him in the blog post:
>If you can't see the writers of the show writing a character's lines a certain way, don't write it like that.

The very same author:
>AJ: “Ere’s gonna be a chill wind ta'night... ‘Sides, a good strong fur can take a scrape or two fer ya.”
>TS: “The offer is intriguing, but it doesn't change the situation: my desire for knowledge isn't a reason to let my guard down, and if you were a malicious entity using deception, it wouldn't matter what you promised me.”
>FS: “Discord can be pretty scary when he makes his body parts fall off... And sometimes, when he's not thinking, he shows me his... um... his organs...”
>RD: “WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED WHAT THE FUCK DID SHE JUST DO TWILIGHT WHAT THE FUCK DID SHE JUST KILL HOW THE FUCK DID SHE JUST TEAR HERSELF APART? ARE YOU EVEN A FUCKING PONY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!!!”
>Also RD: “Twilight. You HAVE to tell the other princesses about this. I mean, HOLY SHIT, Twilight, we’ve been harboring a fucking ALIEN PREDATOR!” She ground her teeth, “Captain Spitfire’s gonna throw a fucking fit when she finds out about this!!”
>Luna: “Approximately seven days ago, an analysis of my wards revealed that several large rifts had been made in the Ora which separates the Waking from the Dream World. Upon further investigation I determined that a large amount of energy had been transferred across the divide, though I found no source and could not determine a single point of target. I believe multiple entities may have crossed over in that time, but was unable to confirm this.” She looked at him gravely, “As you know better than any other pony outside of my guard, the Deep Ones have left our World alone so far in favor of more disruptive ones. I fear, however, that we may have just become the target of one of the creatures of the lower depths.”

It's like hearing the show!
>>
>>33232182
That Fluttershy one's not that bad, actually. It's more an issue with the subject matter than the way it's delivered.
>>
>yet another new Triptych chapter
>+14,000 words
>still not complete
Estee plz
>>
[Pt. 1]

>>33218860
Resource limitations could also play a role. To the best of my knowledge, crude oil/gas has never been shown. It doesn't appear they even have internal combustion engines I could have sworn one showed up in One Bad Apple, but none of the screenshots show it.

A lack of oil would be crippling for tech development. Severe power generation handicaps, no lightweight plastics, no portable, light engines.

>>33219892
>What's with bat ponies?
>virtually untouched by canon while still being canon, allowing authors to do as they please with the lore and characters
>have unique fanon abilities, design, and color palettes
>said reasons result in a fuckton of OCs, which results in a fuckton of porn, further increasing their popularity

>>33220943
>A POTBOIL OF THE AUTIST AS A JUNG PONY
What did the schizophrenia mean by th--

>Carl Gustav Jung was a Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who founded analytical psychology.
>Jung proposed that art can be used to alleviate or contain feelings of trauma, fear, or anxiety and also to repair, restore and heal
Deepest lore.

>>33221343
>punny title
>synopsis suggests a comedic fic full of bumbling idiots
>no comedy tag
What? If it's not a comedy fic, that synopsis really should be redone.

The use of en dashes instead of em dashes for sudden breaks in dialogue is stirring the national grammar socialist within me. Generally, I'm a fan of jumping right into things, but I think >>33225849 is right in that things are quite a bit jarring in this case. Fanfics usually benefit from readers already knowing things about the setting and characters that can allow for being plopped into the middle of a scene, but with the crossover component and the fact this scene is, chronologically, at the end of the story, it makes it far more confusing and doesn't pull you in the way a sudden drop in usually can.
>>
[Pt. 2]

>>33224039
>dragons
>CQC
I guess it depends on if we're talking about S1 dragons or S2 dragons, but that's still not the term I'd ever expect used when talking about a dragon war.

>sending airships into CQC scenarios
Whoever's in charge should be fired, regardless as to whether the airships have point defense. That's like sending a carrier into a river.

>tiger fucking tanks
There's also pegasi's weather capabilities to factor in. Not only could a torrent reek havoc in a trench, it could seriously hinder early tanks' mobility--it wasn't until the Mk V in 1918 the British added an "unditching" beam onto the tanks to get them unstuck from muddy trenches or craters.

>>33225179
>would be dominating the skies
I thought the airships allow Equestria to dominate?

The big issue in my mind is how this thing's supposed to play out. How are the battlefields supposed to look and the course of the war play out, because that really sets what kind of tactics and tech can be used.

To be honest, dragons strike me as the kind to want rapid, offensive action. Trenches and tanks really don't seem to be ideal tactics for a species all about agility, speed, and breathing fire to employ--especially if their opponent has armored airships and artillery.

>>33227511
>For Luna to have had romantic relationships is a deviation from canon as presented.
What? When has canon ever declared she's not in a relationship? Canon's almost completely blank on shipping--as it should be given how much of a clusterfuck that inevitably creates.

>it's acknowledged to be a deviation from canon as presented
>a fanfic needs to acknowledge it's not canon
Wut
>>
>>33232182
not gonna lie, an offensively Scottish AJ and a Dash that's as vulgar as she's dumb would be pretty funny to have in the show
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>>33231309
>I don't recall any plot holes
One big issue, particularly in the earlier chapters, is that some things don't make sense until you've read the chapters that follow. As for plot holes, I've still not been able to figure out the "she abandoned me twice" thing, but the big holes are probably in Celestia's plan. I'm not even sure if the few explanations that are given for Celestia's plans actually makes sense.

>unsurprising given how autistically thought-out the entire thing is, as is becoming of a rationalfic I guess
TMA is probably the exception rather than the rule. Sit down and think about HPMOR for an hour and you'll find nothing but holes. I can't say the same for TMA.

>Could make for a good shorter riff perhaps
Maybe. To be honest, you could get a lot out of the sexual bits or the spaceship. Not to mention the bad positioning of a few of the chapters.

>The shorter riff might be a good read, though.
Agreed.

>I'd actually maybe do it but I finished the story something like 1-1.5 years ago and I don't feel like rereading 400k words
To be fair, the first 20 or so chapters are fairly short and everything else can be broken down on a scene-by-scene basis rather than chapter-by-chapter.

>>33231678
>urgent rescue mission
>wants to wait two hours for an army to arrive
I'm amazed that they even suggested it.

Wait, that's the entire chapter? Fucking hell.

>>33231965
I do, but if SP is really that bad, she must've learned an awful fucking lot.

>>33232771
Pretty sure those engines were just steampunk shit.

>oil
Google found pic related, but I don't know the source. Goldie Delicious also has a line about oil, but she meant lube.
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>homestuck
I wonder if someone's done an MLP/Homestuck crossover fic.
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>>33233039
>wombstretcha.com
Hmm, best not click that one.
>>
>>33232213
Yeah, it's not the worst.

I was going to try to find bad lines of dialogue from all the mane 6, but I didn't find any that were particularly egregious from Yellowquiet, Whiteperfect or Pinkobnoxious on a quick scan. In some cases, like with Dresshorse, it doesn't seem like she has a ton of lines.

It does look like the fic makes the very common mistake of overemphasising Appul's accent. She doesn't speak nearly as thick an accent as people seem to think, and though it's been years since I last looked into this, I'm fairly certain even Applebloom has a more pronounced accent.
For example, this author seems to think she says "'inta'" when I'm fairly certain she just says "into". Likewise, he thinks she says "why'd", which I don't think she's ever done.
Though you see this in so many fucking fics is't almost not even worth pointing out until it gets really bad.

Unlike AJ Anon, I'm not going to actually read this shit just to make fun of it

>>33232851
I wouldn't say no to comically Scottish AJ.

From skimming the text, this fic seems to play up Rainbow's military angle. Fitting, because she's swearing like a sailor.
Also, the clown who wrote this lives in Texas, he should be able to suss out the fact that AJ's accent isn't Scottish.

>>33232947
>Wait, that's the entire chapter? Fucking hell.
It's chapter 14, which is actually part two of chapter 7.

>>33233039
That sounds frighteningly autistic.
>>
>>33233039
there is some but all of them is
>troll is now in equestria and become pony, now he's cranky
I would want someone write fic where after destruction of paradox space John and co escape into equestria (say something about how their universes compatible or whatever) and have Kids gradually appear there. There is ton of possibilities. Have discussion about time travel. Have a "horrorterrors vs discord" episode. Have Dirk recognising FiM but not telling anyone and instead just fucking around.
I would write this but i stuck in middle of s4.
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>>33233125
What if you also made it into a rationalfic?
I believe we have stumbled upon the holy grail of fanfiction, boyos.
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>>33232182
I wouldn't say the Twilight line is that bad; you'd need to change a few of the words around, in my opinion, but it generally trends towards her voice, at least in the first part. The second part is where it starts to get just a little off (I mean, 'if you were a malicious entity using deception' sounds like something she'd use in a lecture, but not in her everyday parlance). Also, from what I know, isn't this an alternate version of Twilight or something?
>>
>>33232947
>One big issue, particularly in the earlier chapters, is that some things don't make sense until you've read the chapters that follow.
It might be annoying but I'm fairly sure that was the intention. Related to how I said it was all super autistically thought out - you really have to pay close attention and remember details to get the "full experience".
That may not be a good thing but it's not something you can base a riff off either unless you try really hard.
>I've still not been able to figure out the "she abandoned me twice" thing
Like I said I read it ages ago so my memory is fuzzy, but wouldn't that refer to Sunset feeling abandoned (or something, I forget the circumstances of her running away, but it definitely wasn't pleasant) followed by Twilight being rejected as student and being sent off to live with a magical inhibitor ring?
Also do we even need spoilers at this point, given how this is constantly being discussed?
>Celestia's plan
I mean her initial plan to prepare element bearers was fine, but I forget what exactly she planned after Twilight ascended. Didn't she just decide she'd take a vacation and set everything up accordingly? If so, that also succeeded marvellously.

>To be honest, you could get a lot out of the sexual bits or the spaceship
Oh yeah you probably could. I don't recall many details but I don't doubt how autistic it must have been.
>bad positioning
Just goes back to "pacing issues" pretty much.

>TMA is probably the exception rather than the rule.
Guess I should have specified "good rationalfics". Or the rationalfic ideal, or something. I haven't actually read many (any?) other ones so I don't really have a point of reference, but it's what I imagined rationalfics should be like at least.
>>
>>33232771
Yet ponies clearly have lots of plastic and petroleum products. Pinkie must get all those latex ballons from somewhere
>>
>>33233281
Latex comes from trees, you dummy
>>
>>33233236
>Also do we even need spoilers at this point, given how this is constantly being discussed?
I at least spoiler tag the important bits. As for replying to your spoiler Twilight didn't know Sunset's fate yet

>I mean her initial plan to prepare element bearers was fine
Except it wasn't. Celestia had 1,000 years to make some element bearers. All that she had to do was get some at some point, un-banish Luna, and then hit her with them. As best as I can tell, the canon explanation for why she didn't do this is that Celestia's plan B was to hope that Luna was discordified and that her dream-walking would cure her the long way. As for what's wrong with this, it's that plan A isn't mutually exclusive with plan B. Hit her with the elements, and if that doesn't work then she'll either be banished again automatically, like the first time that Celestia tried to un-discordify her or she'll be weak enough to intentionally banish again.

As for Twilight's objection that Celestia didn't have enough evidence to know whether or not Luna could dream-walk and therefore should've just unbanished her and hit her with a sleep spell, the solution is that Luminance is proof that Luna could dream-walk while banished and Celestia's painting is proof that Celestia knew about Luminance.

Of course, there could be more to it than this (since we never saw the end of the letter). But at the end of the day, there's still some obvious holes like Celestia didn't appear to have any plans for if Luna wasn't discordified, which is odd given that she should've picked that up from Luna's diaries.

>but I forget what exactly she planned after Twilight ascended. Didn't she just decide she'd take a vacation and set everything up accordingly? If so, that also succeeded marvellously
This is what chapter 40 is all about. Celestia's plan B (see above) was little more than wishful thinking.
>>
>>33233039
I started a smutty oneoff once because I was on a musicpone kick and thought Dave and Vinyl Scratch fucking would make a disturbing amount of sense. Never finished it though, it's sitting in my scraps folder still.

If anyone was gonna do a Ponestuck crossover I might read something about the core MLP cast being an 8-12 player sburb session themselves, rather than anything involving the homestuck cast coming to Equestria. For some reason pones in god tier duds just look/sound really cool to me. Pic very related.
>>
>>33233292
Ever seen rubber trees in Equestria? Checkmate
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>>33233236
>you really have to pay close attention and remember details to get the "full experience".
>That may not be a good thing but it's not something you can base a riff off either unless you try really hard.
Given the pacing issues and how fucking long the fic is, it's a bad thing. It's far to easy for you to turn your brain off, which is what the fic does not want but accidentally encourages.

>Guess I should have specified "good rationalfics". Or the rationalfic ideal, or something. I haven't actually read many (any?) other ones so I don't really have a point of reference, but it's what I imagined rationalfics should be like at least.
Reddit makes a distinction between 'rational fic' and 'rationalist fic'. I've never bothered to look at what the distinction is, but I can guess at least this much. Some fics, like Friendship is Optimal or Displaced, are blatant LessWrong propaganda while fics like TMA just try to take the HPMOR route of at least trying to make all of their characters smart. What we'd call a good rational fic is probably what Reddit means when they say "rational fic" but what we'd call a bad one is what they'd call a "rationalist fic".
>>
>>33233305
All fair points. The flip side to the fic requiring you to recall all details is that when the details start to fade from memory you lose the ability to reason about the plot.

>>33233319
To this day I still have no idea what makes FiO a rationalfic. When I read it it seemed to me like just a piece of nicely written science fiction, with a dystopian undercurrent.
>>
>>33233348
It's purely because it's blatantly LessWrong shit. Hell, this is probably why Reddit makes the distinction that they do. Then again, I suppose that most of the characters in that fic do act fairly rationally.
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>>33233306
did he straight up bang a pony or was there body morphing on one side?
>>
>>33232773

>S1/2 dragons

I don't know, I've always thought about dragons as a cast based species with alpha males being able to attain puberty Spike-like sizes, and the rest of the males being limited to human/pony like size, as we saw in that episode where Spike tried to become dragon king.
>>
>>33233319
>What we'd call a good rational fic is probably what Reddit means when they say "rational fic" but what we'd call a bad one is what they'd call a "rationalist fic".
Wut? Are you trying to say that all "LW propaganda" fics are bad, and all "HPMOR route" fics are good? That is obviously stupid, so I must be misunderstanding you.

>>33233395
>I suppose that most of the characters in that fic do act fairly rationally.
That kind of depends on your philosophical stance on mind uploading, doesn't it?
>>
Any good fics with Sunset Shimmer that aren't Road to Friendship?
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>>33236660
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/350494/looking-glass
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>>33235693
>Wut? Are you trying to say that all "LW propaganda" fics are bad, and all "HPMOR route" fics are good?
It's a good rule of thumb. I've not read much of the "LW propaganda" fics, but it should be a safe bet that something that'll be at worst a copycat fic will be better than blatant propaganda.

>That kind of depends on your philosophical stance on mind uploading, doesn't it?
True, although a lot of the cases that we see are due to CelestAI's manipulations.
>>
test
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>>33237702
Oh, thank God.
I was under an IP range ban for over a week.
I'm not going to give you my money, Hiro.
>>
>>33237333
>It's a good rule of thumb. I've not read much of the "LW propaganda" fics, but it should be a safe bet that something that'll be at worst a copycat fic will be better than blatant propaganda.
Not him but my sample size of one says you're wrong. Friendship is Optimal isn't a bad fic, and has an interesting premise and plot. I know now that apparently LW think that's what should unironically happen, but I didn't at the time, and neither then not now does the story sound like it's worse off for exploring those ideas. Taken on its own, it's just an interesting sci-fi story.
Meanwhile the "not just propaganda" category include gems such as Seeking Power and Displaced Into Nothing. I would certainly much rather go through FiO again than read either of those.
>>
>>33237760
To be honest, I was under the impression that Displaced fell in to the propaganda category. Maybe I'm just making a vague and useless distinction.
>>
>>33237915
Maybe. Maybe the distinction isn't well-defined, either. You're right in that the author constantly used LW buzzwords like rational actors and priors (and when I call these LW buzzwords, I mean specifically when used in the pseudointellectual LW manner) so it could be considered to be of the propaganda type.
>>
>>33237915
I think it's perfectly reasonable to distinguish rationalfics (HPMOR style / "smart" characters) from rationalist fics (propaganda for LW's philosophy). There's no hard line separating the two, but it's still a useful distinction. However, trying to say that one type is mostly good and the other is mostly bad seems, like I said, obviously stupid.
FiO clearly falls into the propaganda category (it's all about pushing LW's ideas about AI and mind uploading in a way that's appealing to bronies), and even though it's not all that well written IMO, there's no reason someone couldn't write a better version based around the same ideas.
On the other side, Worm is all about "smart" superheroes, yet it's an absolute disaster nobody should ever read. In fact, that seems more common than not with rationalfics - for some reason, rationalfic authors seem fixated on this stupid idea that the way to make your protagonist seem smart is to go over their entire thought process in excruciating detail. Contrast with https://www.fimfiction.net/story/413950/harmonic-fellowship, where Twilight acts like a rationalfic protagonist, but isn't actually the protagonist. So instead of pages upon pages of tedious internal monologue, she just shows up and does smart stuff and it's awesome.
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>>33238049
>for some reason, rationalfic authors seem fixated on this stupid idea that the way to make your protagonist seem smart is to go over their entire thought process in excruciating detail.
Blame HPMOR.
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>November is ending
time to get to work on that RiL clop backlog
>>
Horsewords
>>
>>33240204
90% of what I'm reading isn't updating.
>>
hey this is pretty good for a fan sequel.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/426277/my-little-pony-the-movie-2
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By the by, since this got mentioned, if anyone wants to know about Masters of the Universe and how it got turned into Twilight and then subsequently into the Twilight films, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzk9N7dJBec this guy does a lengthy and in-depth analysis of all of that. Especially notable is how Mitchell self inserts into the role of Christian, and a lot of her negative traits and personality can be seen through his character once you relate both of them. That's something you can see quite a lot with the worst of fics.
>>
>>33241012
Oh look, part 3 came out.
>>
>>33237706
dude, just use 4chan.org/banned
>>33241012
>Masters of the Universe
you don't mean the he-man cartoon, right?
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>>33232947
>pic related
Isn't that ink, though? Let's hope they developed a better way of making it than using hide glue.
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>>33231665
>Next was a Cragodile with its head split open by a familiar axe
I'm really digging the axe cinematic multiverse
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>>33241558
>just use 4chan.org/banned
It wasn't an individual ban, it was an IP range ban. It's Hiro's way of forcing me to buy a 4chan pass, but it won't work.
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>>33234825
It would have been straight-up, no body-morphing. Didn't get that far, though. Got lost in the setup because I have a boner for plot. And also pesterlog BS.

And also I'm just plain bad at finishing fics apparently.

>>33236660
Featherfall.

Although ironically the most interesting plot thread by far at the moment isn't about Sunny at all.
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>>33242164
>And also I'm just plain bad at finishing fics apparently.
I believe in you, carccy.
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>>33237706
Me too, but the ISP ban don't allow me to post any pic
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>>33242164
>>33236671
>Sex
>"""Profanity"""

Uhhhh
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>>33242318
There aren't any actual sex scenes.
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>>33242376
So they, like, say "fuck" once?
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>>33242394
It's just some sexual themes later on in the story and Sunset has a bit of a foul mouth.
>>
How do we get rid of evictus, dakari, and the rest of the shitpost brigade?
>>
Who
>>
dares
>>
to
>>
enter
>>
my
>>
anus?
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>>33244320
I do!
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How do you guys take this shit seriously, let alone write billions of words over one fucking cartoon.
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>>33244362
autism is unexplainable anon
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>>33244362
I think looking at the longest stories list you can see that it's a lot of autism. Almost every fic that long is super autistic.
>>
>>33206029
>>daybreaker
>>something that was explicitly a nightmare conjured by Starlight and had nothing to do with Celestia's thoughts or fantasies
Assuming Starlight didn't see something in her time traveling that Twilight didn't.

(Also, Harry the bear was explicitly a lie made up Rainbow, and he turned out to be real. It's a cartoon.)

>>33217865
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/42101/celestia?

>>33219564
Or worse, when authors portray the wall-eyed pegasus as being named Derpy instead of Muffins.

>>33225043
...Okay?

>>33226575
Who?
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>>33227693
>>33227756
>>33232773
>>33229382
Most non-AU stories on fimfic take some reasonable interpretation of canon as a starting point; such as that Luna grew up alongside Celestia, came to feel overshadowed and ignored, and eventually tried to overthrow her and ended up banished for 1000 years.

Are there *any* circumstances where you'd accept that a female character is being portrayed in a way not perfectly consistent with their keeping a constant rotation of lovers just off-screen? Or are we going full Wizardchan here?

>When has canon ever declared she's not in a relationship?
Do you not understand the concept of implication and inference?
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>>33244697
>constant rotation of lovers just off-screen
You know, for an immortal, I guess "one lover every 100-150 years, who she stays faithful to until the end of their natural life" actually does count as a "constant rotation"
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>>33244697
>luna is PURE AND UNSULLIED
>>
I think the timing is appropriate.
Post luna clopfics.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/359777/precious-little-woona
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>>33242318
As for Featherfall they are pretty vulgar and say fuck a lot (mostly Gilda), and there's one (entirely skippable) sex scene so far, plus a couple other implied ones.
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>>33244697
>concept of implication and inference
Which is called "headcanon." The only canonical inferring that's acceptable is when applying basic facts (breathing oxygen, having blood, etc.) that aren't outright stated because they're obvious and doesn't need to be explicitly stated.

You're being retarded anyway. Luna having multiple lovers isn't canon just as her being celibate isn't canon. Canon has taken no position on Luna's relationships so nothing can be considered canon.
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>>33244697
>My waifu is pure!
>PURE!

Listen up, Anon, and I'll explain some very basic facts to you.
First of all, the AU tag signifies a large and significant derivation from canon, but that does not mean that any form of derivation makes it AU. Furthermore, a reasonable interpretation of canon is just that, an interpretation. There's a large swath of contradicting ideas that are all reasonable interpretations, and even when they're not that's not in and of itself terribly important. The narrative significance and contextual usage of ideas are more important than a strict adherence to the canon. Fanfiction is fundamentally about deviating from the main body of work as it is. Fanfiction without derivation is just reproducing the original text. Inference is nothing but a tool.

There are a multitude of contradictory ideas about Luna's past that can be assumed from canon, and many of them are entirely reasonable. There's nothing unreasonable about assuming that a millennia-old adult would at some point have gotten some action. Insisting otherwise, and that there can only be one right way to interpret these things, makes you sound like an actual, unironic autist.

Even then, how "reasonable" an idea is is not always very important in and of itself, as the most reasonable of interpretations is no more canon than any other.
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>>33245816
>when applying basic facts (breathing oxygen, having blood
ummm, excuse me, did you just assume their biology?
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>>33244685
Fictiondock? Some guy wanted to make a fimfiction competitor a while (3 years or so) ago
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>>33246300
I remember Fictiondock.
It was supposed to be a sideproject the guy was making while working on some other thing.
How adorable.
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>Writer's block in the middle of final fight scene
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>>33246487
>ever getting to final fight scene
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>>33246487
Rewrite all
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The only way I'm ever going to get to the feature box with my type of stories is by massively upvoting and favoriting with alternate accounts. Which sucks because I would never do that.
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>>33246649
You could always write stuff that isn't shit.
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>>33246660
But the feature box is full of shit. He should just write some kind of porn.
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>>33246649
Screw you, you need to get real and stop lying to yourself.

There's three reasons you aren't in the feature box:
- Your content is shit
- You didn't gather any followers
- You're not lucky

Guess what, you can do something about all three.
Stop writing shit. Get yourself out there. Keep fucking writing.
>>
>>33246660
>>33246667
>more work

Geez louise
>>
bleeding does it again, gents
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/426366/regid-fart
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>>33246774
I'd say the downvotes are deserved just because of bleeding's prose.
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>>33246774
>>33246792
Nice try, but you're not going to sucker me into reading your story, bleedin'.
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>>33246792
What's wrong with the prose?
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>>33246812
Content aside, since I know you won't listen, your opening paragraphs are full of sentences that are the same lenght. Read the filename of the cap.
Vary your sentence structure, use connectors, commas, and so on.
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>>33246821
And I'll throw in that writing purely to meet the basic 1000-word minimum is very obvious in general. If you can't come up with more than that then it's really not worth posting.
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>>33246792
Since when are beans made of onions, sugar and cinnamon
that's not even remotely close to what beans are, what the fuck
also haha this nigga writing about beans
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>>33246821
>>33246839
I see
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>>33246862
It says made with, how does that mean
>beans are made out of onions
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>>33246889
Oh whoops my ESL brain short-circuited on the "made with layers of" part
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>>33246862
>>33246889
>>33246894
Bleeding, if you're going to deviate from canon by making beans made out of onions you really should put the warning label on it.
>>33227693
>>
What are you guys on about? Have none of you ever seen baked beans before? Sure it's worded badly, but he's obviously talking about the sauce.
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>>33246774
>>33246792
This is exhausting to read. Not only because the content is crap, but because it has terrible flow.

>>33246934
No, he clearly needs an AU tag to justify this derivation from bean-canon.
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>>33246994
So this was a low-key entry in the beanis cinematic universe?
>>
Where does canon say beans aren't actually made from onions? Show me where they state that in the show. Fanfictions are by necessity based on inferences and assumptions, there's nothing that contradicts canon in a fiction that has beans be made out of onions.
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>>33247061
http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/Food_and_beverage/By_episode
>She also imagines a piñata breaking open, releasing lollypops, banded candy sticks, a wrapped sweet, and a few jelly beans, despite them containing gelatin, and pieces of candy corn.
Beans confirmed to be made of gelatin.
Take that, onion lobby.
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>>33247076

>at this moment, anons are combing through transcripts to prove that beans canonically aren't made of onions

everydaywestrayfurtherfromfaust'slight.jpg
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https://www.fimfiction.net/story/400457/queen-rarity
Damn this is a weird fic, and not even that well made, but as a long-time /g/entooman, I fucking love it.

The premise is basically that EqG Rarity meets an experimental AI (NotABug) online, which accidentally downloads itself into her brain. Due to reasons ("equestrian magic, lol"), this gives her the ability to merge electronics into her body, think at 100x normal speed, and transfer parts of her consciousness into computers, and also causes her to slowly start turning into a changeling queen.

Most of the story is about Rarity dealing with these weird changes, trying to use her abilities (and NotABug's staggering wealth) to improve her everyday life, and learning to be a super-hacker so she can defend herself and NotABug from the evil AI (and main antagonist) Windigo.

The part of this fic that stands out the most to me is the technological aspects. The author has very clearly done their homework. For example, even though it's never stated explicitly, it's pretty obvious from the backstory on NotABug's development that the author meant for NotABug and Windigo to be essentially the two halves of a GAN. Later on, there's fun stuff like Rarity telepathically port-scanning various systems, or installing TOR onto the phone that's embedded in her brain so she can get on some dark-web IRC channel to trade 0days.

I'm not sure I would recommend this fic to "normal" people, though I will say the technological bits are explained in a way that's accessible to everyone. But if you, too, suffer a touch of computer-related autism, you should check it out.
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>>33247151
Added to RL.
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>>33247151
What the fuck does any of that have to do with ponies? That just sounds like someone writing a /g/-core scifi story and naming one of the characters Rarity.
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>>33247216
I left out a few details because I thought they would be more-or-less obvious. Rarity's day job is designing dresses. In fact, a major part of the story is about her starting her own business, which is called Carousel Boutique, so she can have more creative freedom. She has a friend named Rainbow Dash, who can move at super speed. She's also friends with Twilight Sparkle, a nerdy scientist who studies magic. She has a younger sister, Sweetie Belle, who at this point (several years post-EqG) is in college. Any of this ringing a bell, or do I need to keep going?
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>>33247252
I dunno man that could all just be a coincidence, doesn't mean it's pony related. What are the beans made of in the story?
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>>33247151
>For example, even though it's never stated explicitly, it's pretty obvious from the backstory on NotABug's development that the author meant for NotABug and Windigo to be essentially the two halves of a GAN. Later on, there's fun stuff like Rarity telepathically port-scanning various systems, or installing TOR onto the phone that's embedded in her brain so she can get on some dark-web IRC channel to trade 0days.
This sounds like it falls into the hard sci fi trap of being about technology for technology's sake, rather than using technology to tell an interesting story or approach interesting themes. That might not be the case, but it sure sounds that way.

Does it offer anything to someone who doesn't care how the tech works, just what the significance of it is?
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>>33247342
There's always an audience for such things, and what they lose in lasting impression they can make up for with entertainment for those in said niche. I don't begrudge a tech/gun/car-porn story as long as it doesn't make any pretensions to the contrary. Just not my cuppa.
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>>33246501
>SS&E
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>>33247342
The fic doesn't actually spend that much time on details of the technology. But when it does go into detail, the details are usually more-or-less realistic.

On the TOR thing, for example, there's maybe a sentence or two about some special software she has to download to get onto this secret hacker chatroom, and after that, the focus is purely on the conversations she has there: convincing people she's not a fed, swapping code for various hacking tools, or gathering info on Windigo's online activity. I don't think the fic even mentions TOR or IRC explicitly - it's just that, if you know how these things work, it's pretty obvious from the way the software is described that those are what she's using.
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>>33247151
I don't see how any of those abilities stem from any form of static-size input or output generative adversarial network.
Elaborate.
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>>33248266
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>>33248571
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>>33248589
The actual explanation in the fic is that Rarity's Equestrian magic somehow makes contact with NotABug through their chat session on some dating website, and inexplicably gives it a way to interface with Rarity's brain. A few days later, when it tries to upload itself into this new "storage", the Equestrian magic I guess interprets this as Rarity merging with a changeling, and starts transforming her body to match.

So, basically, what I said before
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>>33248648
That does not explain how a generative adversarial network, GAN, relates to this. One part of the network generates data, the other classifies it.
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>>33248683
Yes, thank you, I understand what a GAN is. I think I used too specific a term, actually. I don't work in ML so I don't know the technical term for the style of adversarial training of which GANs are (I assume) just one example. Anyway, that's how the AIs' development is described in the fic: NotABug is given some kind of goal, while Windigo is set up to oppose it in order to force it to learn better strategies.
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>>33248938
That is not even remotely a GAN. One part of the GAN VERY specifically generates some sort of pseudo-random set of data, usually an image or a set of text, while the other scrutinizes and usually classifies it along the likes of predetermined training. What you describe is plain and simple supervised training, a concept common to *all of machine learning*. Unless it's unsupervised, which wouldn't really require Rarity in that pair.

If anything, it'd be a pair of GANs. The generative network outputs very different data from the adversarial network - one gives you a multidimensional representation of something while the other gives said representation a test score. The technique of dual GANs has been used before, but it has no specific name. Just adversarial cooperation.
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Anyone had a favorite fic update recently?

How are your own projects progressing?

>tfw haven't written anything since before Thanksgiving
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>>33248977
>What you describe is plain and simple supervised training, a concept common to *all of machine learning*. Unless it's unsupervised, which wouldn't really require Rarity in that pair.
I don't know what you think is going on in the fic, but I'm pretty sure you have deeply misunderstood my descriptions somehow. NotABug and Windigo are two AGIs, which were trained in tandem using some kind of adversarial approach. (GANs are the only ML technique I've heard of that use that sort of adversarial training, so that's what I compared it to.) Rarity didn't become involved until much later, long after both AIs had escaped the lab and migrated to the internet.

>>33249014
>Anyone had a favorite fic update recently?
See: the entire discussion you're rightfully trying to derail
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>>33249044
AGIs are fine. But comparing an AGI to a GAN - a component thereof - is just fundamentally wrong. An AGI is not a network itself. It is, at the very least, a collection of networks. It's akin to comparing a human body to a brain. And GAN is not a technique - it is a template, a structure. The technique would be that of cooperative networks - cooperation is dimension and data agnostic, it just implies at least two networks or groups of networks sharing some form of data either to train (through the use of a loss function) or to directly change one another's state.
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>>33249014
Empty Horizons updated not too far back. And A Magic Turn of Events just a couple days ago. Besides that most of my favorites still aren't updating, aside from a couple daily updaters. Still waiting on that next chapter of Re:Harmony.

My own fic is coming along well. I have less than ten chapters left to write and I'm publishing new ones daily.
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>>33249014
>Anyone had a favorite fic update recently?
Well, Sucker for a Cute Face had a bonus chapter uploaded. It wasn't pancreas-busting-cute as huge chunks of the story, but it did a good job of fleshing out some parts of the Sirens' backstory.

>How are your own projects progressing?
I finished drafting the last act of Blankness. I find odd how I never realised the ending would have such a strong anti-SJW message, but here I am.

Other than that, I did some non-pony writing. Shameful, but at least I'm being productive.

Most of my writing has been on my thesis. Boy, oh boy. I can't wait for the 18th so I can sleep again.
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>>33249134
>Blankness

I've had that on my to read list for a while. Do you intend on finishing it?
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>>33249145
I have every intention of finishing it.
It may have taken me much longer than I would have liked because of uni, but damn it, I'll finish that story.
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>>33249156
Well I suppose I'll start reading it after the next two I planned first.
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>>33249166
I hope you'll like it, Anon.
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>>33249014
Well, Triptych finally finished I guess. I haven't actually read the last chapter, partly because the fic has gone full retard as of the second to last
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>>33249175
What is Triptych even about?
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>>33249014
>>33249175
Also, I got to it a bit late, but I read https://www.fimfiction.net/story/424138/the-third-wheel and it's fucking fantastic. After reading it, I unironically checked the author's "last online" to make sure he hadn't gotten vanned for IRL stabbing his siblings over thanksgiving dinner.

>>33249175
Someone tried to make a pony into an alicorn, but it didn't go so well. M6 go investigate.
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>>33249193
Whoops meant to reply to >>33249185
>>
You know what interests me quite a lot, if not most, about HPMOR and Masters of the Universe and similar overly popular shit-fiction?
It's proof enough that quality doesn't really matter. What matters is marketing. 80% of their popularity is purely marketing, the actual content is only the glue that holds all the parts together once the publicity has gathered them all together. Neither of those fics would have gained anywhere near a cult following to either create an actual cult around them or to inspire many books and at least three successful (but equally as shite) movies. It's all marketing.
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>>33249199
Judging solely by the youtube video linked earlier ITT, MOTU didn't have marketing so much as it had a really fast update schedule. People will ignore a lot of flaws if you can get them their fix every day or two and by "people" I mean I'm desperately hoping I'm not the only one. Look at Silver Glow's Journal (1300 upvotes), The Maretian (1600), or Austraeoh 2-4. I would never recommend any of those fics to anybody, but I sure did enjoy reading them every day when they were updating.
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>>33249193
Yeah, Third Wheel was a fun read. Bit of an abrupt ending.
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>>33249231
>Silver Glow's Journal

Oh man I tried reading that but I just had to stop after a while.
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>>33249231
The really fast update schedule is a deliberate piece of marketing in of itself, although not to the degree of modern capitalism. If you keep your update schedule up, you keep all kinds of numbers up and - like with fimfiction and most any fiction site - you keep yourself pegged square in at least several hot/recently updated boxes, therefore driving further popularity. It accumulates day-by-day. It's why MOTU had so many filler chapter and useless fluff - because keeping a regular schedule is MUCH, MUCH, MUUUUUUUUCH more important than keeping any semblance of quality.
And like you said, it drives people like you (and many others) to keep reading just to see where it goes - and to hell with it, it's just one per day. I can read that.
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>>33249193
>Someone tried to make a pony into an alicorn, but it didn't go so well. M6 go investigate.
Sounds interesting.
It's a shame aI hate Estee's style.
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>>33249199
Ignore maybe the first 2-3 chapters, HPMOR starts out pretty good. Sure, there's some red flags, but I can see how people get hooked. Particularly if you've not read the HP books or if its your first fan fic, it's easy to fool yourself in to thinking that it's great.
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>>33249542
>starts out pretty good
No, it starts out fucking awful*. I can see how one would get hooked, but I have read far too much bad fanfiction and seen too much both of Eliezer and Harry Potter to ever like it as anything but a cautionary tale.


*if you have read most of Harry Potter prior†.
†Elsevier Yudkowsky hasn't.
>>
anyone got recommendations for fics about donkeys? cute little idiots don't get enough love.
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>>33246300
https://connorshea.gitlab.io/portfolio/
>tfw Conner abandoned it after just two months
It truly was the most authentic fanfic website out there.

>>33246792
>sugar
>not brown sugar
>cinnamon
>not worchestire sauce
>no salt
>no pepper
>no ketchup
>no bacon
>layering the ingredients instead of mixing them together so the flavors blend
Is Bleedin also a terrible cook? Seriously, though, it takes three seconds to look up a baked bean recipe to paste the ingredients into your fic.

>>33247061
>aren't actually made from onions
Black beans are canonically spicy, which onions are not. Checkmate, Alliumites.

>>33249014
>tfw dad has open heart surgery so you have a new excuse to procrastinate
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>>33249860
>tfw dad has open heart surgery
I hope it all turns out well.
You should write a story about Twilight dealing with Night Light undergoing surgery to deal with the stress.
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>>33249860
I wish your dad the best, Anon.
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>>33250694
>spoiler
Well to make it more allegorically realistic it would be spike uses night light's surgery as an excuse to accomplish nothing
>>
>tfw some big reviewer is reading one of your fics
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>>33252555
post link or gtfo

also nice check
>>
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>>33198849
I gotta admit I grew reluctant to follow any advice I found here after I got burned repeatedly with both purple prose mistaken for good writing and just general shitfics, so it took me fucking forever to read Days of Wasp and Spider despite all the recommendations (I thought I read enough of origin fics with Celestia and Luna being AI experiments to last me a lifetime.)
Eventually I ran out of both horsewords and real literature to read and... oh man, this is the shit. This is why I keep coming back despite the mountains of trash lining the horizon. The prose could still use some polishing here and there, dropping a few of the over-excited-fanfic-writer-reaching-out-to-the-audience-moments, but otherwise it's brilliant.
>>
>>33252573
Seconding. You can't have nicer reviewers than this thread, believe me
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>>33252584
It's pretty fucking good yeah. Got enough of the theme that I didn't read the sequel, but good memories.
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>>33252573
thx
>>
>>33252584
I've heard nothing but good things about this one but have avoided it mostly due to the length. What's the gist of it, some vague highlights?
>>
>>33252555
I don't really think things like that are a big deal.
>>
>>33252592
>A Dream of Summer Days

Sounds like just the kind of story I'd like but I really don't feel like adding another long story to list right now.
>>
>>33252599
_______________________________________________________________________
_____________made you look________________________
_______________________________________________________
;^)
>>
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>>33252621
>>
>>33252599
It's not even 250k long, that's two days of reading if you get into it, four if you take your sweet time, do you have ADHD or something? Stories under 100k are over before you can really get into them, anyway.
Really though, it's difficult to describe it outside of the general "ponies exist as a bioengineered servitor race to highly scientifically advanced diamond dogs until one day there is an accident that breaks the conditioning of a single pony" synopsis, but both the world-building and characterizations are top notch. And I mean it, it doesn't feel like a chore to go through the exposition, you fucking lap it up, especially if you like hard sci-fi. The pacing and tension are great, too. Knowing how it all ends up in the end doesn't detract from the experience at all, quite the opposite.
>>
Looking for reccomandations.

Any good police thriller stories?
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>>33252584
Oh yeah I remember that
Is the sequel still alive?
>>
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>>33252584
>origin fics with Celestia and Luna being AI experiments
Links?
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>>33252676
Yeah. It looks like it's close to wrapping up as well. Though, at the current rate of one chapter every 2 months, it might take a while before we finally get there.
>>
>>33253039
Fucking sweet
Hope he continues with the rest of the trilogy (assuming he has a good plan for it - he hasn't disappointed so far, but it's happened before when excellent things went on for too long and turned to shit). I don't mind glacial updates as long as I can expect a conclusion eventually, even if it takes a few years.
>>
>Get a dislike

I wish someone could at least comment for why they did it.
>>
>>33253279
They probably disliked the story.
>>
>>33253279
Maybe they didn't like your story.
>>
>>33253297
>>33253363
Yeah thanks. I'm not writing fucking Shakespeare I expected to get more than a few dislikes, I just wanna know what in particular they didn't enjoy.
>>
>>33253373
The story.
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>>33253373
Did your beans deviate from canon?
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>>33253384
You know, there's no canon implication that Luna's ever eaten beans.
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>>33253464
there’s no canon implication that luna hasn’t had sex with anon
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>>33253467
there's no cannon implications
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>>33253470
except headcanon

they can’t stop me from believing what i make up unless they prove it wrong, and they won’t!
>>
>>33253470
Would cannons in Equestria be dick-mounted?
>>
>>33253472
implications of headcannons hurt my neck just thinking about them
>>
What about pony cavalry, how would that work
>>
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>>33253474
>>33253481
>dick-mounted head cannons
Do they fire heads, or are they guns sticking out of eye sockets? Do you have to reload them by feeding them beans?
>>
>Ranger is in the feature box yet again
Wish they'd put a capper on the number of times these daily update fics can show up. What is that story even about at this point? Is she still fighting ayys or has it gone completely off the rails?
>>
>>33253474
Dong guns are always canon.
>>
>>33253519
Well, it's not as if there's only one alien.
>>
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>>33252555
>>33253555
Truly this thread is blessed.

I read through some of the comments and they were going on about magical bullets that could erase sunset from history, and I can't even begin to imagine how they got there from "Sunset joins XCOM and makes out with hot ayysneks".
>>
>>33253545
Don't forget about vagina mortars.
>>
>>33252903
I can't remember any right off the bat, nothing really made any of them stand out, but just look around on fimfic, it's a pretty popular origin story, honestly.
>>
>>33253519
I mean, even if they did put a cap on, Wanderer D is a mod anyway.
>>
>>33253279
But when they do leave a comment with the dislike, half the time the author gets upset while the crowd flames the downvoter to a crisp
>>
>this platinum crown goes steady for half a decade and then stumbles into the deadfic pit on the home stretch
finish your shiiiiiiit
>>
>>33255128
>mfw that's me
Haven't touched my fimfic for 2 years because I got stuck on other stories, swearing to go back.
>>
>>33255222
as someone who finished a longfic after a three year break, i can confidently say that being done with it will be tremendously satisfying and give you a boost to move on to other things.
>>
Epic fic
>>
>Check new stories
>There's a 'Harry Potter is Discord' story with Dumbledore and Ron bashing
>One of the comments says (quoted verbatim) 'pleas let there be a herd/harem in this one he needs the love'

I hate people who tarnish Harry Potter like that.
>>
What the fuck was Estee smoking when he came up with this ending for Triptych?
>yo dawg, I hope you like shitty oneshots where Twilight wildly overreacts to this retarded lore I just came up with and goes all emo for no reason, cause I wrote one and tacked it onto the end of this adventure fic for you
>>
Wait Tryptich is finished? I have a lot of catching up to do
>>
>>33250694
Thanks. The scene where he's moaning in agony while they remove the respirator and they can't give him narcotics because he'll stop breathing would surely get it featured. Seriously, don't visit someone when they're taking out the respirator.

Dad's doing good now, though. He's still weak and his voice is fucked up from the respirator, but he doesn't have five blocked arteries anymore.

>>33250724
Thanks.

>>33253489
They already have saddles, which really raises a ton of questions.
>>
>>33257693
>They already have saddles, which really raises a ton of questions.
Kink.
>>
>>33257196
Still looking forward to catching up. But from my experience, it’s an unwritten rule of the Triptych Continuum that the POV characters can’t be not depressed/upset about something or other for long.
>>
>>33257196
Spoilers, motherfucker. I'm about to start Triptych.
>>
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>>33258947
This TMA obsession is getting a bit unhealthy. Consider therapy desu
>>
>>33257693
Oy, got similar thing here. My uncle back in China just had an AVC last week, has to get his blood drawn each 2 hours for 2 weeks. He's still in the hospital but can move his limbs now
>>
Whoo, finished writing the final major arc of my first MLP story. Almost completely done with it now. It's a good feeling to be writing again.
>>
>>33259951
FUCKING. POST. THE. FIC. YOU PIECE OF SHIT. Every FUCKING time. A reminder should be in the sticky that it isn't bad to fucking share. Fuck.
>>
>>33259972
Not everyone seems to care so much but fine.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/423908/applejack-gets-lost

I've been pre-writing it so published chapters are far behind the chapters I'm writing now.
>>
>>33260001
I wanted to keep reading it, but I got busy with uni stuff. I liked what I saw so far. I'll binge it next week or so.
>>
>>33259972
Maybe we should switch back to "X% more shameless self-promotion"
What's our actual thread number, anyway? Are we in the 300s at this point, or is it 400s already?
>>
>>33260013
Thanks. I'm releasing a chapter a day cause I got impatient. Was going to do every 2 or 3 days but that would've taken a while and I'm almost done with the story anyways.
>>
>>33260037
The trends tarted with "5% less shameless self-promotion", then we went with "x% more _____" until we reached a hundred and then started again with "x% more _____"
Maybe we should go back to shameless self-promotion for simplicity's sake.
>>
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Speaking of sharing, what do you guys think are the chances present day /mlp/ would be down with making a collaborative text adventure game, a la Corruption of Champions? I'm the guy that's been dabbling with Twine, and I think I'm at the point where I can make something halfway decent. The way I see it, people can just write whatever they want and I'll just slot it into a game.
>>
>>33260328
0%.
Present day /mlp/ is nothing but a collection of insular circlejerking generals. There can be no cooperation.
Also, Twine is shit.
>>
>>33260328
More power to you buddy but anything on the scale of CoC would have to have been started back in 2012 to stand a chance. Look at Fighting is Magic, that took like 4 years and STILL came out after the community mostly died off.
>>
>>33260362
Yea, that's what I was afraid I'd hear. Guess it was wishful thinking on my part to hope we could all make something together, even if it was a shitty Twine game.
>>
>>33260371
Don't lose hope, Anon.
It may not be a huge thing, but if you care, you can still make a short but enjoyable experience.
>>
>>33260328
Collabs result in either nothing getting accomplished whatsoever, or content of wildly varying quality.

Its almost better to just do everything yourself if youve got the abilities.

FWIW I actually started on a straight up mlp conversion of CoC a few years back, but the patched together engine they used just proved to be too much of a headache to deal with and I dropped it
>>
>>33260407
I don't blame you, Fenoxo's spaghetti code is supposed to be legendary from what I've heard.
>>
>>33260328
It's probably too late for the community, but you'd probably still find some interested degenerates.
Look into Slablands, I'm fairly sure that's communally written.

For what it's worth, you're not the only guy here to have started writing a porn game in Twine. If you get what I'm saying.
I'm saying that I'm a pathetic human being.

>>33260407
Fenoxo's shit has so many people involved that at this point it's arguably a collab, just a very centrally led one.
>>
>>33259113
Nah, I'm done with it. The only thing that's drawing me back is the temptation to reread the fic and autistically go through whatever the fuck Celestia was really thinking, but that temptation is nowhere near strong enough.
>>
>>33260362
Fighting Is Magic came out? I thought that they were C&D'd.
>>
>>33260407
Can confirm, I used to have something to do with SlaveMaker 3.
>>
>>33260457
even the modders on there have no idea how it works

Though Fenoxo is working on coc2, which means TiTS is finished, which is less sloppily coded and therefore less frustrating to mod. but then i think we're 8 years into a dying fandom and its just not worth the effort anymore
>>
>>33261113
isn't that what you said last time?
>>
>>33261247
It's true!
>>
>>33261116
i mean, they rebranded it and redid the art but it did come out as fighting herds (which i believe has a general on this very board).

>>33261370
the first step is admitting you have a problem.
>>
Hello!
>>
Goodbye!
>>
>>33261534
What makes you say that?
>>
>>33261544
do you ever hang out with bleeding and brainstorm ideas?
>>
>>33261556
Whose bleeding?
>>
>>33261568
wanna suck my horse dick?
>>
>>33261568
https://www.fimfiction.net/user/65695/BleedingSequine
You may get along nicely.
>>
>>33261592
No!
>>
>>33261619
then get out
>>
>>33260782
Can I ask what your game was about?
>>
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>>33261592
I do
>>
>Ace Combat Equestria
Dear Luna, what were they thinking??
>>
Anyone reading Airship Mauled? I see updates for that all the time, is it any good?
>>
>>33264424
>thinking that regular updates implies good
You are the cancer that is killing fan fiction.
>>
>>33264588
>assuming that just because he mentioned it updating regularly means he thinks it's good
You are the cancer that is killing life.
>>
>>33264424
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/404566/airship-mauled
>159 chapters
>Still only on "chapter 26"
>over 400k words
Seems like a typical case of an author not knowing when to stop telling a story.
>>
>>33264424
>>33264635
judging from the comments it isn't even a story, he's just running a one-man D&D campaign via fimfic. I'm not even exaggerating, they're all talking about tabletop mechanics instead of, y'know, characters or plot.
>>
>>33264692
I was unaware of that.

>>33264588
It just caught my attention and it didn't have any of my "warning" tags like Human or Anthro.
>>
>>33264692
>>33264728
I thought about reading a random chapter to see how it was, and I notived all chapters are around the same length.
Now I'm afraid of clicking any of them.
>>
>>33264733
Okay, I read a few. It's shit.
Full of OCs, present tense, -change of POV- and little to no descriptive narration.
>>
>>33264733
>2,598

It must be intentional. Maybe it's some kind of number significant to the story? Or just autism.
>>
>>33264785
more likely that it's just a logistical artifact. i bet he writes the entire "chapter" and then posts chunks of that size (as close to 2.4k as he can get without breaking up sentences) in order to keep his daily update schedule.
>>
>>33264810
*2.5k, and paragraphs, not sentences. you get the gist, anyway.
>>
When a fic is talked about here, what does it do to its position on your reading list? The eternal TMA conversations have me curious.
>>
>>33265011
If it's shit, it gets removed. If it's really good, I'll put it in my "currently reading list" and put it back to "read it later" a week after when it turns out I still have 5 million words to finish first.
I don't order my read later list, I'll get to all of them sometimes never in the future.
>>
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EPIMETHEUS is the fool. His methods are loud and creative. He is the artistic foil to PROMETHEUS' utilitarian action. He creates blindly, attracting as much attention to himself as he can - he does not care for legality nor detection. EPIMETHEUS wants to be seen, and will take any and all action to do so. He creates.
PROMETHEUS is the sage. His methods are subtle and ephemeral. He is most concerned with detection, unlike his brother in design: His primary objective is to avoid mechanical detection; secondary, to avoid biological detection. PROMETHEUS observes the works of others and he changes them subtly so as to avoid their judging eyes - and to give those most deserving their just treatment. He reignites.
>>
>>33265011
I don't really care, I saw To Perytonia talked about on here for forever and I still didn't start reading it until well after it was finished. Some stuff just jumps out at you more than others.
>>
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Does anyone know what the official books/comics are like? I don't know if I should read them or read more fics.
>>
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/316852/empty-horizons

Wait, it's over? The last two chapters just got published.
>>
>>33265846
I've only read a couple of each.
Books are for the Target Audience, so pretty dull to read if you're past the age of 10.
The comics are okay. They're not bad, I'd read them over plenty of fics, but nothing out of this world either.

If you have nothing better to do with your time, give the comics a try I guess.
>>
>>33265974
What about the Daring Do books? Are they at least mildly entertaining? The Hobbit was written for 10 year olds too after all
>>
>>33265995
I vaguely remember hearing they're pretty good, but haven't taken a look yet.
Our daring do books tho, definitely "entertaining".
>>
You know, I think that Canterlot Wedding is the best demonstration of the difference between canon and fanon.
>Celestia is not a god, barely notices Cadence acting off, and is foolish enough to ignore her student's opinion on something very fucking important.
>beyond the military presence and the big fuck-off shield, there's no special magical defences on Canterlot Castle (somewhat implying that such defences don't exist)
>Luna, a pony who could credibly threaten to bring eternal night, is so unimportant that no one thinks to contact her during an invasion or even invite her to a royal wedding
>there's more than two alicorns
>Changelings are incompetent
>Equestria's military is weak
>civilian ponies are not particularly combat effective. Earth ponies can't easily overpower puny changelings, pegasi can't rain death from above, and despite teleportation existing, the most combat effective unicorn magic appears to be lasers
>Pinkie Pie is not god
>>
>>33266056
>implying
I chalk most of those up more to the 20-minute time limit than anything else.
>>
>>33261671
High fantasy. It was about the settlers of a island colony who have lost contact with the mainland. The focus was more on exploration and meeting characters, with fairly light mechanics.

Knowing myself, it never had a good chance of reaching a point where it would be worth putting on the internet, but the writing process was still pretty fun. I'd look for scraps of it, but I'm unsure if anything survived the Great Hard Drive Failure of 2017.
>>
End of thread. Commence to shitposting
>>
>>33267129
So how about those Past Sins, eh fellas?
>>
>>33266056
Celestia is pretty much Albus Dumbledore in that she's extremely powerful, old, and wise, but she's still just a pony, and as she's just a pony she makes mistakes occasionally.
>>
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>>33259196
>has to get his blood drawn each 2 hours for 2 weeks
Yeesh. Hope he gets through it.

>>33260328
>making a collaborative text adventure game
0%. /mlp/ has a terrible track record:
>Deer or Don't
>that RTS game that was copypasting Equestria Prevails
>the 1,500 comment long argument over where the star should go in the /mlp/ 4chan Cup club logo
>our very own superstorm and the anthology that died before we could even argue about whet genre to set it in

>>33261116
They filed off the serial numbers and called it Them Fighting Herds, thus defeating the entire point of making the game in the first place. I think someone also patched the last released build of FiM and released it as well.

>>33263980
>tfw Ace Combat: The Equestrian War is so obscure no one knew you were referencing it when you gave the griffon emperor the same name

>>33265011
I've dropped a few from my RL from people saying they were shit.

>>33265846
The books are shit because they're aimed at five year old girls and read like it. Crystal Heart has Trixie and Gilda team up for no given reason and Twilight just go along with their evil plan. The one about the seaponies is a means to show off the hand-painted artwork. The story's pretty much filler.

Pic related will forever sum up the comics.

>>33265968
>Continued in Act Two: Sunken Horizons
>thinking the story's ever actually going to finish
>>
>>33267164
Spoken like a My Little Brony fan.
>>
>>33267172
I mean, the picture is somewhat true. Although, personality-wise, Harry trends more towards Rainbow Dash whereas Hermione is closer to Twilight.
>>
Are there any fics that cover the obvious end of season 3 question of "Celestia's favourite student just ascended, what are they hiding?". I get that Twilight gets coroneted and they make a big deal of that, but nopony seems to cover the angel of "she just became an immortal demigod, it'd be really fucking useful if she spilled the beans on how it happened".
>>
Page 8 and dropping. Whose got next thread?
>>
>>33267828
I'm on it.
I'll make a better summary this time.
>>
Apparently I'm banned again
>>
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>>33267901
Don't think I'm lying, it won't let me make a new thread.
And here I went through the effort of reading through the thread to make a good summary...
>>
>>33267901
>>33267903
How are you banned if you literally just posted about being banned?
>>
>>33267936
I have no idea, but my guess is that the block prevents me from posting new threads, but I'm free to postin existing threads.
It's still an improvement over >>33242121 but it's still Hiro trying to squeeze money out of me.
I wonder how long it'll be until he does like the Wikipedia guy and just puts his face on top of the site saying "Can you give me, like, twenty bucks?"
>>
>>33267903
Post summary, I can make the actual thread for you
>>
>>33267947
ITT: Shit summaries, no more raids, becoming a huge titty monster whose hunger for brony cock overshadows everything else, writing, reading, Anon's continuing TMA adventures, Godzilla fics, recommendations, the nature of HiE fics, The End of Austraeoh, homestuck, the Berylverse is still a huge fuckfest, crossovers, FictionDock is remembered and promptly forgotten, "L-Luna is pure, guise!", the Fire Axe cinematic universe, bleedin' does it again, AIs and technobabble, >implying Empty Horizons will ever end, and anons are combing through transcripts to prove that beans canonically aren't made of onions.

>FiMFiction Starter Kit (recommended fics):
Winners:
http://i.imgur.com/vuTA7EN.png
List of nominees by category:
http://mlp-fanfics.herokuapp.com/

>How do I write fanfiction?
Ezn’s guide - https://eznguide.neocities.org/
Politics and the English Language - http://www.orwell.ru/library/essays/politics/english/e_polit/
Vhatug's tips for anatomically correct clop - https://pastebin.com/g4VpEg4f
Horse Behaviour - http://www.equestrianandhorse.com/equus/behaviour.html
Setting a story in motion - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufO8LbwTdu0
Taking criticism - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-v4R2ZcxPlA

>Can you pre-read my story?
Post it on Google Docs with comments enabled and give us a link.

>Reviews and riffs:
https://pastebin.com/u/notkickass222urmom
https://pastebin.com/u/IHeartShinzakura
https://pastebin.com/wmGX7FPm
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1z9Bz7UnEbxo-svlXa2tV49PJkP-yFuR7pRXiBUn-IeU

>Voiceguy's readings:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCt68MpmvEketmqOdHncHI2w

Last thread: >>33198849
>>
>>33267961
Done

>>33268007
>>33268007
>>33268007
>>33268007
>>
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And before I forget.
>>33224454
>one-off



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