I'll start:>be me>on the bus after my upper body session at the gym>chest and arms still have a pump>cute girl in the back eyefucks me >sit next to her>don't say anything to her, just sit there because autism>at one point she touches my arm and says "I'm getting off at the next stop">"yeah, ok">next stop comes>she grabs my arm again>moans while biting her lip>her body starts shaking>she buries her head between my chest muscles to prevent screaming>finally relaxes completely and smiles at me blissfully>tfw she really got off at the next stop
>>51152973Either that never happened or that girl is some disabled girl or weighs 300 pounds
>>51153112Are you an idiot, this literally really happened
>>51153123this response and demeanor says otherwise
>>51152973>be me>yes, really me>workout 1 week>noobgains>walk past girl at street>she wants to fuckLmao @ all mirelets
>>51153131wow anon, you saw through this l33t troller's masterful deception, i'm very impressed
>>51153146go outside queer
>>51152973Got a mire from a boomer the other day>At family gathering>Moms boomer friend comes to say hello>Looks at me from toes to head>"Damn anon youre JACKED">"I used to be jacked like that at your age">"But it all transformed into THIS!">He slaps his huge beer gut hard as hell and laughs super loudly>Reminded me of king robert from got
>>51152973started wearing my jeans a little higher with a belt to show off my skinny waist compared to my wide shoulders.now I often notice girls staring at me, walking closer and playing with their hair a lot in front of me.it was my outfit the entire time.
>be me, 350lb hyperbear mode>sitting on a park bench reading some neitszche and sipping a dainty mug of looseleaf lapsang souchong>identical twins walk up to me, panting and biting their lips already>look just like pic related but bigger tiddies and butts>"wow anon, those thighs are looking real joocy" says the one on the left, mirin my monstrous hairy quads peeking out from my digi-camo cargo shorts>"you must squat at least 5pl8" says the other, as they stand in front of me, gently massaging each others' tits>i give them a moment of searing slayer eye contact over the top of my sweet wraparound shades>one eye looking at one girl, the other at her sister at the same time>one eye each is plenty for them, they let out low, sensual moans in unison and each take a seat on my thighs>"actually it's 7pl8 for 5x5, but you dumb thots wouldn't know anything about lifting of course" i say, and instantly feel a hot wetness soaking through their gymshark leggings and coating my meaty quads>"what about your ohp?" gasps one, as the other bites hard on my mighty left delt, drooling uncontrollably over my sweet leather trench coat>"5.5" i reply angrily, thinking "here we go again, harrassed everywhere i go by these gains goblins on an hourly basis". the life of an ultrabear alpha like me can be so tiresome>the wetness has now formed a 10x12 foot puddle around the park bench and my sweet doc martens are in danger of getting stained>"oh please anon, please come and take our virginities and get us pregnant" one howls, ripping her panties off and pushing her sister's willing face into her gushing puss hole>the other garbles something incoherent from her twin's crotch, but due to my hypersensitive hearing from years of taking alpha brain, i can decode that she tried to say "just the sight of you made me instantly ovulate">i want to push them off me, but even my gentlest touch could shatter their skeletons so i have to just sit and take it
>>51153311>imagine writing this shit
Not sure if this is a mire help me out please>be me in PE class>we were playing ping pong>ask teacher if we can leave>stacy responds that we have to bring our stuff back first (tables and such)>tell her she can help>says she's not as strong
>>51152973>be former fatty>lift for a couple of years but stopped>maintain dadbod for some time>start lifting again last mid-January>on a cut the whole time, dat sweet recomp with recovered gains>last Wednesday get a haircut and go to the gym>while at the gym, start texting a girl I used to hook up with while dadbod>tell her I just got my hair cut and ask if she wants to mess up my hair, she's down>finish up my workout, eat, shower, take a body pic and text it over as "a preview">"Holy. Shit. Struggling to maintain my composure.">pick her up, she's excited>hooking up, she keeps staring at my body the whole time and in between rounds>tells me multiple times she can't stop staring>sex was okayThe funny part is that I'm not even that fit yet.
>>51153311>i consider quoting them some nietszchean philosophy to make them reconsider their actions, but his great wisdom would be wasted on their inferior female minds>"oh pleeeeease anon, look at our hymens just begging for you to shred them with your Big Bavarian Cock!" they said in perfect unison, lying back to face me and spreading their holes at me - how vulgar!>one now grabs my crotch, breaking a nail on my 28in cock>"even when it's soft, it's still harder than valyrian steel!" she gasps lustfully, and a tiny modicum of respect for her appears within me at her ASOIAF reference>however this is instantly shattered as her lustful grasp tears my sweet digi-camo cargo shorts>"shit, i only have seven pairs of these bad boys left!" i think furiously, and stand up>the power of my thighs catapults them into the air, and although they are disgusting gains goblins, i could never allow myself to harm a woman so i catch them both deftly, one in each arm, and set them down as they shriek in arousal>"you think you can beguile me with your wicked ways?" i scold them as they furiously fiddle with each others' clits>"a real man appreciates the finer things, like an evening's cigar, a megadeth album or the complete works of Professor Jordan B. Peterson">the smell of the pussy juice lake has now attracted two huge great danes>"begone, thots" i say, crushing their pitiable hearts and turning them on even more with my distain>i blow in their direction and the wind force knocks them to their knees>the great danes mount them and begin knotting their virgin slits with vigour>the twins are so physically and emotionally spent from their encounter with me they cannot try to resist>"they chose their fate" i think to myself and walk away to go jerk off to furry dickgirls using my custom made, two foot fleshlight>just another day in the life
>>51152973>running with dog>chick with dog walks by>smiles and waves as I go by>>>later virgins
>>51153311this could actually be from alphadestinys website lmao
>acquire gf recently>meet her housemate one evening when we go to her flat to fug>later, gf tells me her housemate said to her "wow, good for you getting some hunky rugby player type"nice little confidence boost. i want to be someone my gf's friends will be a little jealous of her for, it's something we can both feel good (read: smug) about
>>51153206Wow so reddit kys
>>51152973>and then the whole bus clapped
>>51152973>sister-in-law grabs arms occasionally>only when my wife is not around>comments how strong i'm getting>comments how big i must be>she's single>looks like image attachedwhat do?
>>51152973she mirin his face not his body
>>51152973>Be me>Be on a festival>waiting with buddy for a concert>start talking with girl next to us>hit it off>asks if I want to fullfill her lifetime dream>Take her on my back during her favourite song>having fun>Later she holds onto my biceps in crowdStill have contact.I only took the /fit/ pill 7 months ago. I think I am making it boys.
>>51153736respect the sanctity of marriage by not cheating on your wife with a thot
>>51153784>being on a dude's shoulders at a festival is her "lifetime dream"kek, the state of roasties
>>51153311Oh hi, JF Caron.
>>51152973Keked, thanks anon
>>51153311>>51153503you are now in the power of stardust
>>51153479lazy bitch syndrome my man
>>51152973>one night stand>post-sex laying in bed>she comments “woah, you have abs!” As she’s laying on my chestHearing that someone could see my abs felt better than the sex ever could
>>51153503>"a real man appreciates the finer things, like an evening's cigar, a megadeth album or the complete works of Professor Jordan B. Peterson"topkek, perfect
>>51153736Put your swastika armband on and do your sacred duty by eliminating the mutt
not really a mire because fit is just bongistani for good looking but I might as well post it.>going back from an internship via train>looking smart, shirt tucked in with no tie, my best coat, smart shoes>on the platform next to two girls, cookie cutter arthoes>not noticing me until we all get on the carriage>sitting down, cant look on my phones cause I'm underground, no data>notice the two girls looking at me and whispering across to eachover>eventually one of them moves seats next to the other, and overhear "that boy's fit" before they start whispering to eachover again>exit the train with them both staring at me as I leaveonce again not really a mire but hell it made this 20 year old virgin happy
>>51152973We need to bring back dating app screenshots/messages to mire threads goddammit
>>51156093congrats on making it
>>51156471Dating apps are shit
>>51156563but they're fun, lmao nice
>>51155790This is the appropriate response to ~90% of life's problems tbahwyf
GF finally pulled out the "I don't deserve you wahhhhhhh" bit. Feels good.
>>51156563>Sodomizing 2/10sI'm ok with this
>>51156563Which app is this?
>>51157017looks like some generic messaging/SMS app
>>511566742/10 is the truth. I met her on a dating app. Go figure
>>51156563How long from matching did to take to be pounding her asshole?Did she make you wrap up?
heh, yeah i guess you could say i used to get a few mires back in my day.>be me>see op's mom>she mires me>fuck her and impregnate herheh, nothing personnel anon.
>>51156093That's a mire, buddy
>>51153206>mom's boomer friendDude it really hurts your mom's and your stepdad's feelings that they've been together for almost 20 years and you still won't acknowledge it.
>>51153479that may just possibly be a mire
>>51153736sisters and sibling rivalry. Not uncommon for the younger sis to envy what the older sis has>be me>living with gf>her younger sister runs away from home for reasons, big sis takes her in>one day I'm sitting on couch and younger sister walks through living room to kitchen.>16, redhead, looks like cross between Faye Reagan and Dani Daniels. >she's wearing these super low-rise jeans (years ago, was still the style)>just tiniest hint of ass cleavage sticking out top of jeans.>she gets to the kitchen entry and turns to look over her shoulder at me.>"Does my ass look OK in these jeans?">My eyes point two different directions as I try to look unfazed and struggle to formulate a response.>she giggles and walks onFuck. All my boners. I did the right thing and ignored the bait. Totally right move, ended up marrying the gf, and the sis went on to shack up with an oxy dealer and scam welfare. Be strong brothers, play the long game, smartly
>>51153736>what do?Do not let succubi ruin your life
>>51153503This reads like A confederacy of dounces
>>51152973lol even i have a hard time beliving that one, and i believe just about anything someone tells me. im a democrat voter
>>51153736give in to temptation and fuck the sister so you can compare her pussy to your wife's
>>51158051>oxy dealer>dani danielsboomer pls go
>guy at my summer internship would tell me I have a bad body>lose 15 pounds and get a tad stronger in between summers>coworker has a door frame pull up bar>same guy who would make neg me tries to do a chin up but fails (he's in his 40s/50s so this is understandable)>"hey anon you should try doing a pull up">it kinda hurts that he genuinely thinks I'm that weak>I say okay>"I was just joking..." he said scared that I was gonna embarrass myself, I guess>do only 8 chin ups (I'm still weak)>he sees my biceps while doing these>"wow you actually have a some muscle!"
This happened the other day at a party:>"We like cuddling! Muscles are disgusting! We don’t like men who are obsessed with the gym! We want to look better than the man!” they would say.>At this point, I started getting annoyed with their behavior, and asked them the following question:>“What type of man are you looking for?”>They paused for a second, and replied “Well, obviously a nice guy that’s going to treat us with respect, and who can communicate in a way that does not offend us.”>At this moment, I had a big smirk on my face, knowing damn well that what I was about to say next would cause them to flip out.>“So then why do you cheat on your boyfriends for asshole guys like me?” I exclaimed.>They were silent for a few seconds, and then suddenly went full bitch mode.>“You’re such an asshole, Alex! You don’t talk to a lady like that! Go fuck yourself! You don’t know what a woman likes!” they screamed.>Of course, their words didn’t faze me.>I just sat there in a calm and collected fashion, as I sipped on my cool glass of lemonade.>After about 5 minutes of them ranting at me, I cut them off and said “So when are we fucking? Next Tuesday or next Saturday?”>They quickly glanced at each other, as their eyes and mouths widened.>“What did you just say???” they barked.>“You heard me. Are we fucking next Tuesday or next Saturday?”>Interestingly enough, they started giggling and eventually began playing my game.>They would say things like “You are so bold! You are so bad! You are something else!”Just as expected, they were coming on to me.
>>51157813Like a week. And she did not. I probably should have.
>>51158706Dude this is so savage. I got to try this soon, but I'm not sure if I'm sauve enough. Whats your routine at the gym?
>>51153736Smash her mf puss bruah
>>51158706Ive missed this pasta, does anyone have the screen cap of that boomer who was bragging about his "v thing" ? It has a simmilar vibe
>>51153131>>51153158Oh my god you're retarded
>Be expat anon in Switzerland>All winter buy the same things from the grocery store >Cute cashier always really nice at check out>Finally it gets warm out>First day that's somewhat warm out, first time going to grocery store in a fitted t shirt instead of winter coat. >Cashier smiles and mentions that it's finally nice out and I look like I'm enjoying the weather>Ask her what there is to do around here now that it's warm out>She suggests I go to local beach I didn't know about>"The sun will feel good on your bare skin" >A few weeks later I'm buying odd things, seasoning, a bunch of veg, making traditional french Ratatouille>Cashier says I'm mixing it up, asks if I've got someone special coming over for dinner>I think she wants some freedom lads
>>51153311>>51153503I didnt know /fit/ had professional shitposters, this is quality.
>>51158716lmao is that steve curry?
>>51153784good job blocking the view of the people behind you, you fuckin beta
>>51158835i really really like her i wish i was you and had game like this but i am stuck in my silly body with boring personality and cute cashiers usually avoid conversation with me and don't look in the eyes
>>51158785Nigger this pasta is old as fuck
>>51158961>ive missed this pastaReading comprehension nigger
>>51158051>oxy dealeras in a doctor
KekYou wish faggot
>>51159098who are you talking to, kiddo
Got a few Japan stories, here is one;“>” Meet up with this Japanese qt in a izakaya“>” We drink and eat“>” She comments about my body, says I look buff“>” Tells me to lift up my shirt to see if I have a six-pack“>” Lift my shirt up a little, she starts smiling“>” Go shopping after“>” Want to try on this t-shirt, step inside a fitting room“>” She tells me to step out and remove my shoes first, Japan lol“>” Step inside the fitting room again, and take off the t-shirt im wearing. “>” Suddenly Japanese qt sticks her head inside the fitting room, looking lustfully at my body“>” Ask her; you like?“>” qt starts nodding her head while smiling.
>>51159098Based and schizopilled
>>51159275Fuck I'm a newfag, Google failed me to greentext.
>>51152973She wants to fug him bad bros
>>51153739Women care exponentially more about face and height desu
>>51158706>all that while sipping on a cool glass of lemonade
>>51157813Lol what's the point, not like she can get pregnant that way haha
>>51153311>>51153503this is what I imagine it's like to be Brian shaw
>>51159275>>51159299actually LMAOing @ you're lyfe didn't even readed your post hahaha
>>51158706based manlet alex
>Work new job for almost 2 years>Part of the job requires that I meet with clients every week in their offices>Have to fill in a position in another city for 6 months>Workout every day cuz it is in a remote area>Get fit and new haircut>Go to meet with clients again after my time is up>No one knows who I am.>Think it's a big joke>All reintroduce themselves to me and what not.>The clients say I'm a way better rep than the previous guy>A few women gave me their personal contactFeel good but I'm also crushed. My hair is a bit longer and I have a bigger chest. So I don't think I've changed much.
>>51156563shes pretty ugly ma dudee but whatever nicee
>>51153736Don't listen to these retards, don't cheat, act like an adult.
>>51153503>the smell of the pussy juice lake has now attracted two huge great danesKek
>>51152973>Be me>Supervise /fit/ hot southern girl with a tight ass and great tits>She's married and her husband is in the military, 100% convenced she hates me>Fast forward 4 years and somehow we get to talking (we work at different places now)>She says to come over>She's shitfaced when I get there, she admits to always thinking I was hot and staring at my ass all the time. Admits to seeing me shirtless at the beach once and gets off to it all the time>Also admits that she's tried to get pregnant but it never works.>Too drunk to consent so I just make sure she gets to sleep and I go home>Next night we have a couple drinks and get to fucking, A LOT of fuckin.>Only way im going to cum is without a condom.>Creampie hard and fuck all the way in to the morning, break furniture, break drywall, glasses etc. keep creampie.>Wake up, more fucking>Go to cook breakfast and I'm looking for spices when I find her husbands ED pills and a mental health /suicide resource packet for servicemen. >GuiltWorst part is that we kept fucking for a few weeks until right before her husband came back from deploymentI came in her at least 10-20 more timesRoughly 9 months later she has a kid who looks JUST like me as a baby.I am the shittiest person on /fit/ Is their any redemption for me?
>go to a concert>wearing a tank top and shorts>go to the entrance>bouncers give me a check>got nothing on me>one bouncer says "got any protein powder on you?">haha no>walk infelt good
guys my roomate's gf is mirin hard. he's been with her for 3 years. idk wat do. i'm so lonely. i'm on a 2 year dry spell. how do i fuck a girl.
>have skinnyfat figure>large puffy nipples>Afraid to ever get with a girl because of my terrible figure>but look normal in clothes>had to reject dozens of advances over the past 10 years because of it>Now 36>Still in terrible shape>still live with parents>everytime I hussle down the stairs my manboobs bounce>Dad says "Woah look at those things jiggle!"Tell him to fuck off>Tell myself everyday that tomorrow I will start to get in shape>never happens>It's too late now. Still a virgin. Would be incredibly awkward if I did end up having sex at this point now>Have ED either because of my figure or because I watch too much porn and jack off 3X a day to trannies>Even when looking at that depraved shit my dick only ever becomes half erect. I could have a naked woman infront of me now and my dick wouldnt budge.>Even when I see hot chicks with their asses hanging out of their shorts, my mind says that I want to fuck it, but my dick stays dead.>Resigned myself to just trying to make as much money as I can so I can move somewhere in solitude for a year where I will have no electricity, no phone (except an older phone for emergencies, no internet, no nothing. It's the only way to fix myself at this pointDon't be like me bros. Stop making excuses for yourself, and change, and do whatever extremes you need to take in order to force that change.
>>51152973>be me>last night>go out to a hotel with the gf just for fun>female receptionist>she chats with us a little and hands us the room keys in a little paper sleeve>walking to the room>notice what looks like a phone number written in pen on the sleeve>"hey gf, looks like that receptionist wrote a phone number on here">"nah anon, why would she? that's a different area code too">say okay and don't question it>next day>realize what I've done>why would she have any reason to write any phone number on itI think I might be retarded bros
>>51158805>cope post 7 hours laterKek
>>51161304sure, as long as you're not a nigger.
>>51161489Jesus fucking christ, that gif .. my night us ruined...
>>51161375just buy a 6-7/10 sex worker, wrap ot up and fuck her.
>>51161354friendly bro mire
>>51161526>"hey gf, looks like that receptionist wrote a phone number on here">"nah anon, why would she? that's a different area code too"When tf would it ever play out like this? You're telling me a women wrote down a phone number and when you (((brought it up to her))), her first reaction was denial? You might wanna talk to her abt it if she literally doesn't care.
>wear tank top shopping for foodMires everywhere in the supermarket from fattys and roasties in their 30s'40s'50s
>>51161637>paying for sexthat's gunna be a no from me. i'm above that. and that's not cope. i get mired all the time im just autistic and have no idea how to flirt. last time i had sex was a one night stand where some 7/10 roastie threw herself at me and i just let it happen.
>>51153311>>51153503A true /fit/citizen.
>>51159275>>51159299I'm fucking going to start doing this on purpose. This is amazing.
>>51161304don't worry man, this shit happens to basically every soldier when he's overseas.
>>51161466Sounds like you need to take our own advice.
>>51156093>that boy's fitthey sound black
>>51161304You're scum, but at least you're alpha scum.
>On date with girl>"You have arms like the Hulk">"I never usually date guys with your bodytype"
>At the gym>Look at the mirror>See a big guy in the mirror>”Oh shit who’s that” I think to myself>It’s me
>>51161304I've been a Jodi as well mate. Think of it this way, if not you, somebody else.
>girlfriend's best friend, qt petite half-asian number, starts miring me regularly>try to keep it platonic but it's hard not to be flirty>start imagining a threesome>it's all i can think about these daysgod save me
>>51163744>frog posterYou don’t lift
>>51158706mode one all the way
>Vacation to Mom's hometown for a week. An island city. Relatives are mirin' after not seeing me for 14 years~>Walk to city square and ladies mire, guys intimidated>Lift to new gym, thots staring, dyel normies astounded by my powerlevels as I deadlift 3.5 pl8 and press 155lbs for reps>Thot was taking selfies while i was behind her setting up barbell for deadlifts and clean press>Go home, videocall my gf and camsex with her before i cold shower
>>51163651she has low self esteem dude just go with it. shes subconsciously saying youre out of her league
>>51153311pretty cringe and unflowy and reddit tier imo
>>51153680Based>That dude really is handsome, good for you>Ikr. And he is smartFeeling when you hang out with the hot one is great.
>>51153503fit has better prose than lit
>>51159275>>51159299thanks for the giggle m8
>>51160766based and hit-the-reset-button-on-life pilled
>>51152973>be me, have 9 inch cock>Start a relationship with girl from work>She's never seen a cock evn close to that big>she brags to friends about it, they don't believe her>At small party with her and friends, everybody is getting drunk>Rowdy chick friends start egging me on to show them my girthy niner>Take them upstairs, away from the dudes>Make out with gf to get my chub on>Drop trou>Jaws all drop simultaneously>GF slowly gets jealous over following weeks, apparently friends are asking for a threesome>One of the friends, who is hotter than gf starts chatting me up>Relationship with GF is getting rocky, I decide to meet up with the friend>Get HPV>No longer confident to sling my yuge cock around because there's a monster wart on it
>>51153311best thing ive read on this bored all month/10
>>51153311Made me laugh troughout the entire thing.
A girl i have a crush on from the gym mired my roller skates
>>51166635How'd you slide in them DMs my mans?
>>51165829omg see a doctor you dumbfuck,also well played
>>51166635>Well maybe we can learn together ;)> #?and bam, make the move, either she gives it or she doesnt. EZPZ lemon squeezy
>>51166664It was autistic as fuck. I hit her up with “ hey” and “ you’re that girl from the gym” ( cuz we met eyes a couple times) And I proposed to workout together but she declined. Time passed by and she hits me up from time to time and replies to my stories and stuff. I don’t know why though, maybe she does that when she’s bored or something.
>>51166698Check >>51166703I already tried making a move before but she declined it. She’s confusing me.
>>51166703>I already tried making a moveAsking to workout together is not making a move. It's something people do because they have to, not because it is fun. (at least for 95% of women) In >>51166635 she is giving suggestions that you teach her to roller skate or go rollerskating with her, because she says she wants to do it, and she knows you do it.
>>51158835Where is that beach?
>>51161304No. Married cheaters (male and female) and their enablers should KYS
>>51165829imagine not being vaccinated for HPV in 2019
>>51166711Chicks workout casually with guys, maybe she didn't have the time?
>>51152973Friend asked me for advice saying he wants to be as lean as me
>>51161304>get tricked into volunteering to go fight for jews>get maimed physically and mentally>you're an absolute mess when they're done with you>your wife is spreading her legs to niggers back homeis there a more cucked creature than an american soldier?
>>51166743>>51166807Noted. I guess i’ll ask her out again when she dm’s me about skates
>>51153311>>51153503Topkek. Holy fuck, that is top-tier shitpost. Write a book anon.
>>51161537>>51153158>>51153131>>51153112Butthurt newfag, please fuck off.
>>51161304can't you go to jail for having sex with a soldiers wife?
Caught a chick eyeing me in public transport. Had fun fucking with her by catching her whenever shes looking. The panic in her face and celerity is amusing lmao
>>51153736Don't cheat. Marriage is not just a promise to your spouse, it's a promise to God. If you cheat, you will definitely pay for it. It's never worth it. t. Cheater
>>51166901Lol no. The wife should be punished for her going back on her vows, but instead she gets 50% of his shit.
>>51153131you don’t misdemeanor my elliot
>>51153736cheating is for low iq retards without morals, never tell a lie again in your life and aspire to be one of the most honest men who ever lived, if people can't handle the unapologetic truth than they will be subject to violence
>>51153206bring me the creatine before i piss meself
>>51161304Probably not since you would do it again. People like you only understand crime and punishment. Spineless.>>51162766Weak excuse.>>51163793If there were no Jodies, it wouldn't happen, retard.
>>51161304troops are born cucks. thank you for your service
>>51161304good. cuck all troops
>>51167127>cope post 11 hours laterKek
>>51167056try and stop me>>51167143>cope post 11 hours later>06:18:38>06:48:00
>>51153479not a mire, she trick you into doing what she wanted. That's a standard form of manipulation
>>51153739Yeah he is skinny fat irl
>>51153206Is that beto orourke
>>51158051>ass cleavageIts a plumbers crack anon
>>51152973I will take things that never happened for 100 dollars
>>51152973>be me>on the bus after my upper body session at the gym>chest and arms still have a pump>cute girl in the backthis part is probably true, the rest nah
>>51153784Lmao u idiot u got used as a literal petistool
>>51159275Leave and dont come back
>>51166861Better fucking report back to a mire thread then. Don’t leave us /nevermired/ bros hanging
>>51153206gods he was strong then
My gf called me mc wide because of how big my back and shoulders have gotten
>>51153503>>51153311can someone tell me, is this what happens when you /fit/lit/? anon just mogged the entire thread with his shitpost
>>51167604>>51167621Are you autistic? It's a joke.
>>51168324I’ll keep you guys updated, but don't have your hopes up about that girl
I've posted here before. I'm a bouncer and for some reason, black women love me. Don't get me wrong I get my share of looks from others, but the chocolate ones come onto me something fierce with complete disregard for standard flirting etiquette. I've bounced at high end posh, everyone where's a suit, type parties before and even there I have the dark daughters of rich bankers/accountants coming onto me.
>>51168872>everyone where's a suit>where'show the fuck do you fuck up basic language this badly. the superfluous apostrophe is the cherry on top
>>51169262Swipe text auto correct. Part of that mobile shit posting Master race.
>>51168872Oh hey I remember youThink I asked you to post body but you had back tats or something
>>51169370Yea tats that would identify me if anyone I knew happened to browse here. I'm mobile and don't keep any sensitive pics on my phone in case it gets stolen or like my last phone, broken in a fight. Lost a lot of Vacation pics on that phone.
>>51169414>Vacation picsThe clean or dirty kind?Also anything special when it comes to picking up/fucking black bunnies vs white girls?
>>51169428>Clean or dirtyA mix lol.>Black vs whiteI'm a lot more direct I've noticed when I'm returning the flirts with a black girl. Or even Spanish speaking women. They come onto me a lot more blatantly and direct, and tell me exactly what they want. Where as with some of the white girls, even girls who were dancers, they play little games. Like it's blatantly clear they want my cock, but won't admit it because they don't want to come off as a whore. So I have to flirt it to make it seem like I convinced them to fuck me, not that they were down to fuck in the first place. But when the clothes are off and I'm balls deep, they're begging me to choke them or yank on their hair. Side note, I fucked a black girl like a would a white girl once. Grabbing her hair especially. Huge no no. Hot in the moment, but girl was miffed at me afterwards. She got back at me by doing buttstuff to me when I was on the verge of blowing my load during a bj. 2 swift fingers right up the butt when I was lost in a coming orgasm. This of course doesn't cover all black/white women. Just my experience.
>>51161466My exgirlfriend loved sucking on my puffy gyno nipples, there's always one for you anon
>>51153311way too forced, but ty for the effort
>>51166635All these fucking emojis and normalfag drivel.
>>51153492dad bod is the best bod
>>51156647you respond with "you know what? your right..." and you use that as leverage to get her to let you fuck other girls. obviously. if you are a real man.
>>51166904kek, gonna try this
>go to the gym every day for a few monthes>go from 250 to 190 in like three monthes>go to the sauna every time i go to the gym>somewhat cute latina girl in there doing yoga>she's talkative and bubbly and obviously attracted to me as she touches me from time to time on the shoulder or arm or chest. >kind of like a dharma from dharma and gregg personality>one time gets in trouble for never paying to go to the gym and trying to sneak in, tries to use her pretty girl powers to make everyone in the sauna take her side, i'm the only one who calls her out. >she gives me a fucking love letter and chocolate asking me to add her on social media and hang out with her at her place. >i have a boyfriend with a dad bod and the type of girls that i like have fat asses and aren't thots>i give the chocolate to my boyfriendmfw
>walk by teen stacys in the park>hear them laugh a few seconds behind me>run home and cryim still too small shouldnt have worn that tank top
>>51170283I’m very confused
>>51152973>be sitting on a bench>see cute girl walking through campus>she's really hot, dressed really nice, easy 9/10, has a big beautiful smile>our eyes meet>her smile disappears in an instantW-was it a mire?
>>51161304>get cucked for israel
>>51153311Based and 311 Grassroots pilled
>>51158785brother, I only fuck 10/10s
>>51161466lol your life is like a piece of shit on the sidewalk that everyone avoids. You only have yourself to blame
>>51166703Type: lets go roller blade togehter
>>51170831HOW DO I ACHIEVE THIS DAD BODY
>>51171022Lift twice a week only curls, light weight though because volume ;)And eat like shit
>>51170283>kind of like a dharma from dharma and greggHa ha you're old
>>51170483i know that feel
>>51165829lmao, so you have a cancer dick now? Why even consort with thots bros?
>>51158706This isn't Reddit, you don't have to press enter twice after each line.
>>51153680>i want to be someone my gf's friends will be a little jealous of her forfuck breh that's the reason i lift. i wanna be the best man i can be for my wife/future children
>>51171224He never pressed enter, he only had to press CTRL+V
>>51170831Kek thats the one
>>51170669hes the big gay, anon
been working since April on transform. Havn't seen anyone from Uni since. 2 months I already get low tier fatloss mires. By next term no one gonna recognise me. Gonna be endless mires
>>51156093making it is not far away anon
I wonder, do "he's cute" statements from middle-aged women count as mires? I'm not super fit, but I have fine facial features and a reserved demeanor. I wonder sometimes if I unlock some kind of mother's affection in middle-aged and slightly older women.
>>51170283>doing yoga in the saunathats a doubt from me
>>51170283Post tits? I’m still not sure of the gender
>>51161304You're a trash man and I hope you won't even get to purgatory you fuck
>>51153503lel ch2 was an imrovement
>>51161466>>Dad says "Woah look at those things jiggle!"based dad
>>51158533So you couldn't do pullups.
>be me>not ugly, not hot but tall with good frame>yesterday>get out from library having returned books because I'm also not stupid>wearing headphones listening to a podcast>almost collide with a girl 8/10 coming around a corner>wink at her after us both having said 'sorry'>walk across the street and then stand at the bus stop>glance over at her right as she turned her head, presumably to look at me>continue looking at her for a solid 30 seconds as she kept walking away because I have no dignity>she turned around more than 5 times kinda hard to tell if she was creeped out or if she during that minute or so also imagined our lives together
>>51153736I'm in a similar situation. She hadn't seen me in over a year an outright told me that I'm hot.My mother in law was checking me out as well.
>>51153311>>one eye looking at one girl, the other at her sister at the same time
>goin to gym for deadlift day>turbostacy i went to high school with is there being trained by gigachad trainer>”woah anon! You got way bigger since the last time I saw you!”>last time she saw me was like 2 months ago>mfw the raw garlic is working
Heres today sperg out> driving in traffic with my windows down>notice some cute girl in the backseat of the car next to me dancing real funny in a car full of people>me and my friend start laughing and she looks over and smiles>At the next light her car pulls right next to mine and rolls down the window and she holds up her hand and is like "hey do you want this?" >im confused and thinking they are fucking with me or something so i say "what?" And she repeats "do you want this?" > im thinking this is confrontation so i go "what? Did you shit in there or something?" >my friend laughs and she rolls up the window and we drive away> i start thinking about it down the road and my friend turns to me and goes "i think she wanted to give you her number dude" Time to lift away the pain of being a retard
I had a nice date with a cute girl finally. How's that for a mire
>>51172497I just did the same exercise that he tried to do. I don't think he knew the difference between chin ups and pull ups
>just now>out running>gets hot so i take my shirt off>car of girls drives past me>just hear them laughingwhy are girls so mean bros..
>>51164290I would headbutt that bitch so hard if she tried that shit with me, I'm dating a woman not a child.
>>51153492Don't brag about it without posting it fag or you're lying
>>51152973Yeah I didn't even have to read past the first few lines to know how much of a closet faggot you are to come up with this kind of incel daydreaming shit
>>51169904lol I had the same experience. She used to grab it sometimes too as if she was feeling me up. She was bi so maybe that's why.
>>51173046Should have given her a high five. You'd look like a retard if that isnt what she was looking for, but at least it would be endearing and she would probably think you're cute or something.
how do i fuck the milf I saw today at my parents pool today i think she was eyeing me
>>51153736Ask yourself now if it's worth losing half your shit to a woman you clearly love enough to marry.
>on the train home from uni >Chubby girl is miring and flirting with me>Trying to ignore her >Her guy friend comes on the train, they are talking>Shes still glancing at me>Next stop is mine>Just before i get Off, her friend gives me a paper and says "its from her">Get off and read the paper You are hot, call me xxxxxxx77 Check em>Go right to the bin and trash the paper Didnt even think about how devastating it was for. Just after i trashed the paper I realized it and felt petty. And now i feel petty for me, that i was a picky faggot back then. Wasted a free fuck desu
>>51173735I didn't need to read past the first word to know that you should go back to R*ddit
>>51152973>live in Asia>be half white mutt>get called handsome all the time Beat that virgins.
Got a super-cute chick at work, 10 years younger (~23), who's one of the first women in years I felt the need to describe to my friends with flowery language (less "her tits make me diamonds" and more "I wish I could see her in pajamas"). This is a clear sign I actually want to be intimate with her rather than just fuck her and then hate myself.Thing is she's a colleague and never in my life have I hit on a colleague, it's one of my few rules of thumb for keeping myself safe. It's all around a bad idea yet here I am thinking of asking her out for coffee. Someone please talk me out of this. My rational side says this will end badly, but then I remember her mousy voice and I just feel this excited warmth in my chest. Make this shit stop.
>>51174912>I felt the need to describe to my friends with flowery language (less "her tits make me diamonds" and more "I wish I could see her in pajamas")something tells me you're an insufferable faggot to be around
>>51153736How is this even a question? If your wife cheated on you I'd say for sure fuck the shit out of her sister and get a divorce but why would you ruin your marriage for a thot.
>>51153112Lmaoing at your life rn
>>51174922I said I felt the need, not that I did describe her. Also you'd be wrong I'm an ok person. Sorry I'm not a dudebro douche like you.
>>51174912unless you are in a petty retail job.... don't.i had a petty retail job and banged 1/2 dozen babes younger than i am.... they weren't there for a career-- just a job for a bit until they found a better one, etc.one of them stayed around as an event person, and tried to get me fired 5+ years later after I cracked a harmless joke that the entire lunchroom chuckled at.side note: buddy of mine worked at jewelry store. denied a chick booty action. she got him fired over something petty where they took her word. remain neutral.>she quit, I stayed until I got laid off.. corporate retail
>>51174912Go for it dude, chicks like older men and I assume you lift so you probably look presentable enough.Build some rapport first, don't go autismo and be casual about itGood luck man
>>51174955>and tried to get me fired 5+ years laterUsing your relationship/sex as an excuse? 'cause cunts exist everywhere and could fuck you over regardless.>>51174966I wouldn't consider it if I didn't think she might be into me. Then again she's a very nice, sweet person in general, so it's harder to say. If it were any other environment I'd have ask her out weeks ago, but I'm heavily conflicted.
>>51152973>got in decent shape after a year and a half of lifting, still dyel though>wear tight fitted clothing>walking to get my mail (i live at an apartment complex so i have to walk down the street)>one pre teen on her bike comes up to me and talks about how she feels like an adult talking to me and how she likes it>she leaves as i reach my mail box>standing there checking what mail i got>pre teen and all of her friends come up to me riding their bikes>all of them comment how my shirt looks real good>one of them asks her friend, "are you sure thats what you wanted to say to him?">they all giggle and ride away>start walking back to my place>they all appear again and make small talk with me and i say bye to them and to be careful when talking to strangersi dont ever get mired by people my age unfortunately.....
>>51175013Are you from the us? In that case yeah you could get your ass metoo'd so you should avoid it
>>51175051>get your ass metooglobal issue man, not only burgers suffer. I'd tell him no myself but i did it so who am I to judge.
>>51169262Criticicising spelling mistakes on 4chan is the lowest form of faggotry anon, just so you know.
>>51166861or ask her now ..
>>51170669I'd like to second that emotion
>>51159275>>51159299OH NO NO NO AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
>>51174766i almost did that once but my dick started thinking instead
>>51175119>>51175051I realize this, was asking if that woman used the relationship as excuse/blame material, or was just vindictive.
> be me> play in beach volleyball league> after game, getting drunk in bar> bro goes to bathroom, i wait outside door> turn around, see hot beer runner staring at me bum> im already toasted, havnt eaten all day and am about 6 shots deep> “what the hell are you looking at” i say> she giggles and says “i was going to ask you, what are you going to do with all that ass”> mfw> i stare at her, brain processing what she just said to me> “the fuck did you just say to me”> she laughs and walks past me, touching me on my shoulder> friend gets out of bathroom and i walk in and stare at myself in the mirror the entire time im pissing
>>51159275bahahahahahaha the actual state of /fit/
>>51173465>t.never dated a woman ever
>>51175562I hope this is real
>>51175562imagine getting this mogged by a girli'd be equally pissed and aroused
>>51161946Unironically nofap and practice holding conversations with people on the regular. Literally anyone will do. Your brain will help you take the initiative.
>>51173465>he doesn't knowYou're gonna be very disappointed if you ever get a girl, my man.
>>51170721If you can't be loved, you can be feared. Work out to make women unironically scared to look at you in fear of you being violent.
In Germany some chick was giving me fuck me eyes on the bus while we were WITH OUR PARENTSwould've cracked a smile at her desu instead of glancing away but her mom was right next to her lmaodef popped a chub though
>>51174912if you plan to stay with this company for as long as you can and if the girl plans to stay with the company as long as she can, don't. Imagine breaking up and having to see this person every day.if you plan to quit eventually or if she plans to quit eventually, then go for it.
>>51173465>thinking there is a difference
>>51175029Go for it anon
>>51166901Only if you're another military member, and probably only if the guy you cucked outranks you.
>>51156563Hitting 3's like Steph Curry
>>51174466Honestly i feel really bad for dropping the ball, i got some work to do on my low self esteem and thinking everyonr that engages me is out to get me i guess
>shirtless sidewalk run along the beach>cars driving by honking and holleringFeels good even if it might be mocking
>>51152973Are there people who honestly believe this?
>>51168870Just dm her now you fuckin fagget
Is it a pro move to include my Instagram name on my tinder/bumble account?
Lads I graduated from uni and now I’m home. Do I say fuck it and slide in the DMs of some qt 3.14 I liked in HS?
>>51166635Easy on the laughing/crying emoji ya fuck face.
>>51172026I always stack these compliments into the “I’d fuck him if my personal circumstances were different” folder
>go to gym for 3 years.>never really talk to anyone except where necessary>same calisthenics+ some freeweights routine>cycle back and forth between pretty built and just above dyel cuz that's how my motivation goes>always have mental roster of the top 10 or so attractive female regulars>last 4-5 weeks every time I'm there when she is, this one of the 10 checks me out *hard*, like staring across the gym, letting me catch her staring etc.>this out of nowhere; desu my gains are slipping a lot lately evenwhat do I do? I'm not an autist, but I don't know how to take this to a place of healthy sexual tension, we have no mutual connections.
>>51170283>dharma and greggJesus, could you think of a more obscure reference
>>51177549>tfw i know that show too>fuck dharma seriously
>go to mcdonalds drive thru for dat dere dirty bulk>order 2x mcdoubles and a mcchicken>pull up to window, qt black girl hands me my food>"you look like you could be one a dem hollister models">t-thanks you too>drive home feeling good about myself>get home, open bag>stupid bitch forgot my mcchicken
>going out to drinks with friends>Running late>Decide to use one of the bird scooters to make up the difference>Trade in my pride for one of these cuck transports>Homeless guy sees me and says "you're in too good of shape to be riding that thing"Thanks dude. You smelled like piss.
>>51158835yes, swiss seaside is beautiful
>>51161354best in thread
>>51161526i dont understand what you think happened. are you saying she wanted your dick and wrote her phone number on the paper?
>>51174955>shows Muslim battles over many hundred years>compared to Christian conquests in nowhere near the same timeframe>hurrr look at this empire it’s so evil it’s expanding!!! Cringe and christcuckpilled
>>51178138>Thanks dude. You smelled like piss.kekd
>>51172495this lmao, Imagine if his dad was a supportive faggot as dads are today. His son would just stay body positive fatty regardless of how much his life sucks.
>>51159299>>51159275kawaii mein nigger
>>51161304In death by your own hand, on your knees, in front of the husband.
>>51178093based mcchicken poster
>>51168601based and deathgripspilled
>>51174555Ask her if she's swimming. You know, because you're at the pool. She'll find it funny.
>>51175631do you know what mogged means?
>>51175681I should commit to that, didn't even feel bad honestly. I found it funny.
>>51179712No, do you?When you act like an asshole- when people treat you like one, don't be surprised.
>>51179735You're 0 for 2 at attempts of posting a coherent sentence.
>>51175709The market is free and in 2 years I might not be there anymore, and she's young and might switch jobs too. That's not a good excuse in my mind, if someone asked my advice I'd say exactly what you said, but I haven't felt this need to be with someone in many years and I don't want to waste this shot. You're right though. Maybe if either of us quits I'll give her a call...
>>51161304The redemption is to let him know so he doesn't get cucked for 20 years.