Don't ever fuck with a Cassowary
>>2993681rip florida man
do I have to get rid of this image now?
i'd fuck a cassowary. i cant imagine how soft and warm their big juicy cloaca's must be...
>>2994150If you want a 130-lb. uncaring, mean, vicious animal that will rip your heart out any chance it gets, just marry.
>>2994150>be left with kids to take care ofIf single fatherbood's your thing.
>>2993681I would like to behead one.
>>2994150>cloacakek. I just learned something I can never put back
>>2995721he said he wanted to fuck a cassowary, not marry a woman
>>2996756Cloaca is USB-C of holes
>>2994150Trim their nails first then.>>2995721kek
>>2994150Get an ostritch man. They actually want to mate with humans and can't stab you fuckhuge nails.
Please don't fuck birds.
>>2996938if they're big enough to not be hurt from it, and they are willing, why not?
>>2997073You would just end up killing it no matter how small your dick is.
>>2997077even 1 pm will kill?
>>2997077they would explode on contact?
>>2997077>has never seen an ostrich dickAnon...
>>2997111Ostriches have retractable dick?
>>2997077Species that still have dicks (ostritches, emus) can be fucked and they are as big as us so no problem with it unless it's a moral question.
>>2994150if its anything like their ostrich cousins, its huge, soft, and will kiss you back ;3
>>2997117Yes and poop comes out of the side of it. The whole thing, which is dolphin dick sized, fits inside of what looks like a mouth without teeth. Birds are weird.
>>2994150high iq post.
>>2993681Are big flightless birds' cloacas big enough to fit a human dick in them? Imagine that. It would be like anal and vaginal at the same time. How can mammals even compete?
>>2999323>imagine getting a bj from one of these freaks
>>2999323It would be more like >dick penetrates the cloaca and enters the proctodeum>it’s warm and wet in here but not very tight>your dick is also not alone>inside the proctodeum is a protuberance that fills the cavity>there’s an orifice on the protuberance>the orifice has a strong, muscular sphincter>beyond that is the next chamber, the coprodeum >inside the coprodeum are turds floating a soup of hot, white bird lime>stimulation of the sphincter triggers a contraction of the coprodeum and a pound and a half of bird shit in your lap.
>>2999323i meanthis is an ostrich eggthis thigh comes out of their cloaca
>>2994150t. Chris Crowe
>>3000107basedliving the life
>>2999839>a pound and a half of bird shit in your lap
>>2997464>No problem with fucking birds unless it's a moral questionOf course it's a moral question you sick fuck.
>>3000332>>Of course it's a moral question you sick fuck.Wow, who knew fucking birds was morally wrong? Holy shit anon, better submit your dicoveries for that nobel prize because holy shit, that's the discovery of the fucking century.
>>2999323Mammals have horses and Dolphins, which is the pinnacle of vaginal evolution.
>>3000370Cow butts are nice and pinchey.
What if the Cassowary fucks with me. ?-?
>>2996933>Get an ostritch man. They actually want to mate with humans and can't stab you fuckhuge nails.
>>3000370Flare connection is much better than push in fittings.
please dont fuck an ostrichthey don't "want to fuck people", captive bred ostriches think theyre people (this is the same with many birds) so they don't want to fuck other ostricheshttp://scicurious.scientopia.org/2012/01/13/friday-weird-science-is-that-ostrich-flirting-with-me/
>>2994150Based. And the guy who made like two dozen videos of ostrich fucking proved it's possible with a large ratite.You could have an actual cassowary wife. Follow your dreams, anon.
>>3000332>t. still believes in god and/or still follows rules made by religions to keep the plebs in line
THIS THREADpic related
>>3000585Should have come by three days ago. He’s gone now.
>>2996758Oh boy, this guy
>>3000238>5 feet tall>11 poundsWhat the fuck are cranes made of, clouds?
>>2995721Harsh but fair and redpilled
>>3000542>t. patient zero for bird to human AIDS 2.0
>>3000766Aviation grade bones and feathers
can i use self-defence if a wild cassowary attacks me?
>>3000909Sheet of anything strong. Plywood, door, table...
>>3000831Sooner we know, sooner than we will cure it
>>3000585Prove to me Jesus never fucked an ostrich!
>>2999839Not if you move the dick to the left, getting into the vagina and oviduct. Don't know how it should feel but it's supposed to be tight. Birds are fucking weird or weird to fuck depending on one's case.
>>3001184It's more difficult than that. The vagina isn't all that hard to get into, but it's very shallow (comparatively to a mammal, but an ostrich might be big enough). The oviduct behind it is locked behind folds and a sphincter and can be very tricky to navigate into. Also they tend to tolerate vaginal activity but going into the oviduct is quite alarming to them.t. has surgically removed eggs bound up in oviducts, and palpated the oviduct beforehand. Don't fuck birds, but if you're going to fuck one anyway a large ratite is your best bet for not killing the poor thing.
Secret Ty The Tasmanian Tiger thread
>>300076680% of their height is neck and legs, they're basically a small turkey on stilts
>>3000242The way their heads flop around when they turn makes them look retarded
>>3001209Considering an ostritch dong is 40 centimeters long, I'd say it's safe to fug them.
>>3001318Hence the end of my post. Male ostriches have squishy dicks that they insert with mild force and only really wiggle around in there for a few seconds, but they're so much bigger than a human that despite us being firmer and taking comparatively forever to get off, it's probably reasonably safe. She's capable of tossing your ass off her and kicking the shit out of you if it hurt anyway.Still though. Don't fuck birds.
>>3001330They aren't my type so don't worry about me. Still, that was pretty educational.
How posts about fucking ostriches are legal, but discussing d-word requires loicense?
>>3001349Mods are zoophiles who run zoophile d**cord groups. That's my guess.
i dont know how many of you are actually fucked enough to try fucking an ostrich but you will get disemboweled if you try so that's probably got a good idea
>>3001483I don't think that someone actually wanted to fuck an ostrich here, just mind experiment.
>>3001483There's actually a dude who has a flock of ostriches and he plows them daily while sometimes recording it. When ostriches are raised in captivity with regular human contact, they tend to see their caretakers as his another ostrich. So it's definitely not impossible or anything.But >>3001495 is right, this is just a fucking around thread. I seriously doubt anyone itt will be going and buying a goddamn ostrich.
>>3001512>this is just a fucking around thread. I seriously doubt anyone itt will be going and buying a goddamn ostrich.Sounds like a challenge.
>>3001495>>3001512i actually want to fuck a cassowary.
>>3001556Yeah, that's respectable because cassowaries have a peculiar aesthetic. But we were talking more about ostriches for some reason.
>>3001556I though that 4chan only pretends to be retarded.>>3001583Don't fly, run fast, weigh a ton. Same thing. Someone just suggested ostrich, since for dinner reason they are considered safer.>>3001753No. Do it. Be sure to take a video
>>3000913you havent answered my question
>>3001811Think about it. Can you self defense bare had from 100 kilo fatso with knife, which also can run fast. No.
>>3001583They're safer to fug and more easily accessible worldwide.
>>3001512Don't fucking doubt the internet. Now some anon is on his way to an ostritch farm and probably going to make a video too.
>>3001911Where can I buy an ostrich?
>>3001916At an ostritch farm, silly.
>>3001955Okay, I kinda have no idea how to transport adult ostrich. How long it takes for them to become mature? Stealing egg and hand-rising should be easier
>>3001966*gets 2 eggs*both are male
>>3001966Just buy a female chick but if you don't even know that, you don't deserve an ostritch waifu.
>this threadplease dont
>>3001971Please do. I want to see anons gutted by cassowaries and kicked to death by ostritches.
>>3001967A double winner, nice.
>>3001988Ostriches are only 45 kilo, so no big deal.Cassowaries are heavier than me, so big deal.
>>3001993Is it gay though?
>>3002020If it's male on male, you tell me.
>>3002020Kinda the point.
>>3002014how tf are cassowaries heavier than ostriches?
Looks like ostriches were designed for flying (retractable dick, etc.) but something went wrong and they were grounded.
>>3002462Nothing went wrong per se. The fifth mass extinction vacated many ecological niches, some of them were inherently flightless and some birds filled those niches before mammals could.Furthermore, the closest relative of ratites (cassowary, ostrich etc.) are tinamous, which are poor fliers that spend most of their time on the ground; it was easier for them to evolve into big flightless runners.
>>3000542t. Fool who has said in his heart "there is no God"
>>3002663There could be a god. The existence of one isn't falsifiable, so it can always fit in the shadows, just beyond our vision into the nature of reality. But as we've expanded this vision, prior gods have evaporated. At this point it's more foolish to assume a god is behind the unknowable than something more grounded in the framework we've built through careful observation. The possibility of god remains, but if one does exist it has never been measured. Possibility, it doesn't care about us. Certainly the widely varying religious rituals we've made up haven't had an effect in this reality, and it's impossible to know if following any particular ruleset will give you better favor for anything beyond this reality, if one exists or at least exists for us. It's highly questionable if any god would even care about the difference between our life and death. The soul is really just the internal state of our brain, and after metabolic cessation the state simply decays and who you were is lost. Would a god care about any individual person enough to preserve that state and give it continuity? I believe it's fairly narcissistic to assume so. If any god exists, it's fair to assume that since no observable action is taken by it in this reality, then potentially no action is taken to preserve the "soul".So if we cannot sense god, and we cannot know if any action gives us favor with it, then why follow rules imagined by other men? You might as well follow any arbitrary rules in hope that the ones you choose are the right ones. Or you can do the rational thing, and design rules which maximize the success of humanity.I believe the creators of religions understood this concept fully, and created their own rules in order to push humanity to a prosperous state. But these creators of religion were not perfect, and many of their rules have not weathered well. Do not assume they are right. Carefully analyze each one before incorporating it in your life.Sorry for the text wall.
>>3002451ostriches are 150kgs
>>3004219Florida Man is going to buy it so he can say he fucked a man killing dinosaur.
>>2995721Take my cassowary... please!
>>3004615this guy absolutely fucks his cassowary
>>3004652can you blame him? dat casque.
>>3004615This is way beyond "you just know".
>>3004615>>3004899"Cassovary being tamed"half naked man (but why, WHY ??? ) fondle and mount his birb.then put movie like that on YT with comments like "She is doing great and I have gotten her to lay eggs 2 seasons now"Well i guess you can tame them that way too...Well, im jellyalso classichttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mi5hp4gR_fg
>>3005369look man they're not THAT dangerous.The only people who have been killed by them are the elderly and kids. They usually die from a kick to the the jugular after tripping.An average man could fuck over a cassowary with ease. People over-hype how deadly they are. Dogs are more deadly. >This assessment of the danger posed by cassowaries has been repeated in print by authors including Gregory S. Paul (1988) and Jared Diamond (1997). A 2003 historical study of 221 cassowary attacks showed that 150 had been against humans: 75% of these had been from cassowaries that had been fed by people, 71% of the time the bird had chased or charged the victim, 15% of the time they kicked. Of the attacks, 73% involved the birds expecting or snatching food, 5% involved defending their natural food sources, 15% involved defending themselves from attack, and 7% involved defending their chicks or eggs. Only one human death was reported among those 150 attacks.>The first documented human death caused by a cassowary was on April 6, 1926. In Australia, 16-year-old Phillip McClean and his brother, age 13, came across a cassowary on their property and decided to try to kill it by striking it with clubs. The bird kicked the younger boy, who fell and ran away as his older brother struck the bird. The older McClean then tripped and fell to the ground. While he was on the ground, the cassowary kicked him in the neck, opening a 1.25 cm (0.5 in) wound that may have severed his jugular vein. The boy died of his injuries shortly thereafter.>Cassowary strikes to the abdomen are among the rarest of all, but there is one case of a dog that was kicked in the belly in 1995. The blow left no puncture, but there was severe bruising. The dog later died from an apparent intestinal rupture.>Another human death due to a cassowary was recorded in Florida on April 12, 2019. The bird's owner, 75-year-old Marvin Hajos, was apparently clawed to death after he fell to the ground.
>>3005369>gotten her to lay eggs>Implying he was """inducing ovulation""">>3005410I guess the lesson is "don't fall down around an irritated cassowary". Who the fuck just falls down anyway? I haven't tripped on anything in like a decade. Watch where you're fucking going!
>>3005369>half naked man (but why, WHY ???Never been to Florida, huh?
I sayWould you have a sammich?
>>3006368As shit as we are in general, humans are pretty generous when the generosity is novel to them.
>>3006368this is delicious what is it?>looks up turkey
>>3006418Do you care that cows are also mammals like you are? Do hawks care that the birds they hunt are also birds?
>>3006462Do you have to take everything personally? No one likes you or values your opinions. Just go.
>>3006709>Absolutely btfo>Resorts to insults instantlyI knew you were at normie tier intelligence when you made that stupid joke, but I didn't know you were this big of a salt mine. Thanks for the laughs, retard.
>>3006709imagine being this fragile
>>3004615Now I wonder if some of our ancestors tamed animals by dicking them.
Please don't lewd birbs.Birbs are not meant for lewding. Birbs are pure.
>>3008361It's a certainty. Ancient humans had way less hangups about sex.>>3008365Anything over 40lbs is fair game.
>>3008639>be ugg>ugg the best hunter but still no hairy gf>feelsbadcaveman>go out to hunt with pointy stick>maybe mammoth kill ugg >on the way to the hunting grounds ugg spot lone wolf>wolf is angry at ugg>prepare pointy stick to kill it>it lunges on ugg and take pointy stick>ugg killed mammoths, ugg no die to puny wolf>rage.cavepainting>ugg wrestle wolf into the ground>ugg then see wolf has no peepee>ugg show who has the peepee is best>ugg fuck wolf to show dominance>ugg cum buckets>wolf doesn't want to kill ugg anymore >wolf follow ugg to hunt now>ugg now got hunting partner and hairy gf>ugg happy now
>>3008651Holy fuck, is this how dog was domesticated?
>>3008662Yes, but instead of an epic battle ending in sex it was "hey, here is some food", followed by sex.
>>2995721Didn't skip a beat
>>3008745what if food and sex was offered at the same time? could you domesticate something twice as fast?
First dude to get killed by a giant bird from New Guinea in like 100 years , is of course in Florida.
>>3009243That's pretty much what happened. They came for the food, then came from the sex and stayed.
>>2995721women dont have big juicy cloaca's tho.
>>2993681Birds are weak ass niggas, their only strength is if you don't really want to fight them and they do some douchebag thing like remove your finger or eviscerate you with their evisceration talon.
What’s going on in this thr——OH GO OH LORD IN HEAVEN HAVE MERCY
>>3011493Yes. Please give those niggers a bird waifu already.
>>3011493So you want to fuck a bird too, eh? It's a pretty top tier desire (you're basically fucking a dinosaur), so nobody can blame you.
https://www.earthtouchnews.com/wtf/wtf/behold-the-falcon-sex-hat-a-species-saving-hump-helmet/>Birds gain a "sense of species" by visually imprinting on their parents during early development. When a young falcon comes out of its egg, it becomes attached to the first moving object it encounters.>It is through this process that a captive falcon comes to regard a hairless, bipedal primate as its mother – and, eventually, as an attractive mate.i mean...
>>3011592this is legitimately one of the strangest things i've seen.
>>3011592great, you just showed every zoophile in this thread the easiest way to get a bird to fuck you, are you proud of yourself now?
>>3012144Well, I knew that before.This is why>>3001966>>3001967
>>3012144Avian zoophiles already know this, but we don't want to hatch an egg to fuck the bird when they grow up. We want to meet sexy birds in our area and make eggs with them. This fantasy isn't possible, so we resort to buying adult birds who were hand reared, and using AI to do the reproduction thing with them.Raising your own bird wife just feels really icky.Source: I've talked to 100+ bird zoophiles.
>>3012182w-when you're breeding it isn't called zoophilia haha, that's what you mean right lolr-right?
>>3012217Nah bro. When you get yourself a nice bird to live with and you take care of her and cuddle with her it's not zoophilia. When you see her lay unfertilized eggs and get upset when they aren't hatching, and you feel a pang in your heart it definitely isn't zoophilia. When you buy a dose of male bird sperm and inseminate her so she can be a momma bird it's absolutely not zoophilia. And when you relish in her delight over the hatchlings and help her take care of the little ones like they were your own children, it without a single doubt is 0% zoophilia.Zoophilia is all about raping animals for the satisfaction of a sick fetish, doncha know? There are no redeeming aspects to it whatsoever!
>>3012258That's nice, I'm glad you're doing all you can do to make your bird wife happy.
>>3012182thank you for this information. i did not want to know any of this and now i have to live with it.
>>3012258I have simpler explanation.If your PPBUS gets G3HOT in USB-C of a bird, that is zoophilia.
>>3012403Same goes for flare connection.
>>3002923I think your fixation on the existence or nonexistence of a god is proof that you haven't really grown beyond a religious way of thinking.Do not treat the scientific method like it's a replacement religion. Do not put blind faith in the human ability to discern the world, or the things that new authority figures tell you. Our senses are limited and fallible, and humans can fool both others and themselves.
>>3012421I do not fixate on the existence or non-existence of god. I haven't thought about such things in depth since my mid teens when I realized such navel gazing was pointless.It's literally impossible to perceive objectively. You can't prove a system is consistent within itself. But we still do not understand a lot about our universe. Until then the scientific method is the best we have by a long shot. You're the one putting blind faith in the existence of god. Your first post literally claimed one exists so don't try to backtrack to some spiritual bullshit. Falsifiable hypothesis and evidence are all I ask for. I put my "faith" in my own ability to parse the world with these tools, because they have worked every single time in my life. I need no excuses for the action or inaction of a higher being. No faith in a nebulous third party. I simply observe, do, and succeed.
>>3012403What if I do a data transfer to a null modem using my PPBUS while I bitbang the bird's USB-C interface in low speed mode?
>>3012474please don't think your usb anything into a bird's anything
>>3012474Question: is PPBUS being inserted in USB-C?If yes: it is gay... I meant zoophileIf no: it is ok.
you people actually fuck birds??? Do us all a favor... an hero
>>3012492>Thought police>>3012497No. The PPBUS data is being null routed, and the USB-C is getting a connection handshake using emulation software, but no data is transmitted. It would be possible to route some data from the PPBUS to the USB-C using the software, but of course the encoding would be wrong, so the data would be silently dropped.>>3012502You actually give a fuck about what other people like??? Do yourself a favor... have sex
>>3001512>that thread in hotwheel chanToo bad everything about that thread disappear.
>>3012505Okay, I have to admit, that I don't understand a fuck now.>Fun fact: PPBUS_G3HOT is power rail that is required for MacBook to charge... Also, Louis Rossmann, called USB-C port a cloaca, and I kinda liked the idea.>>3012502Nah, I will wait for generic engineers finally do something useful.
>>3012502i hope they dont
>>3012509Hotwheel thread still exists brah.
>>3012531You really want me to do so?Do dead birds count?
>>3012587I'm pretty sure the entire board was purge when that New Zealand stuff happen.
>>3012588No. It only counts if you love each other.>>3012590We're talking about different boards then.
>>3012597Full courting ritual including you doing the stupid dance males of her species does.
>>3012598I see. No, I will not fuck my parrot.
>>3012588please do NOT harass birdsexcept sw*ns, if you want to you can because they deserve it
>>3012914What about geese?
>>3013091geese dont even deserve the satisfaction
>>3012502I don't. I'm here for the salt and biology lessons.
>>3014541This thread is great
>>2995721>>2994150Put me in the screencap Also, FUCK YOU r/4chan niggers
why a cassowarythere are way cuter birds out there
>>2993681Yeah whatever, I'll whack that big faggy chicken upside the head with a stick.
Can one safely put their connectors into a raptor's USB-C? Maybe a really big one like the harpy, I'm sure they'd be able to enjoy it, right?Asking for a friend btw
>>3016801if you tried to fuck a harpy eagle you would absolutely get ripped to shreads so go ahead i guess
>>3016801No, COM port will not fit on it self it USB-C.You will need USB-UART converter. If you have LPT - I don't know.
>>3016805>5 kilo birdDoubt.shWhat is 100% sure, that he would get robbed and raped not even once, not by eagle, but rather by Brazilian mafia or whatever gopniks.
>>3016819their talons are massivei guess you could raise one from birth, but that is awful and please don't
>>3012258This is so romantic, and hot
>>3016821>their talons are massiveYes, but you know what really matters: force and area of tip.Birds of prey aren't parrots or something (which are already quite painful on hand, if not dremeled/clipped. I wouldn't risk putting dick in there), so people use gloves.So yeah, you have no options, but bondage. Even hand-rised (unless it wants to be fucked) will have some power in claws/talons and beak.
>>3016832Or don't bother with bondage, if you're into sausage piercing.
>>3016657They're big enough for it to be possible without risking killing them, the length of their mating is much longer than most birds (up to a whole 30 seconds), and of the birds big enough to do this they're the best looking imo.>>3016801No. Still too small unless you have a microdick (<2in). If the haast eagle were still around, that would be an option for average guys.>Would they enjoy itOnly the first couple of seconds. Most birds get off insanely quickly, then they want to be done. Some species and individuals are ready to go a few minutes later, but others will want hours or more. This isn't unusual in animals. Humans take forever compared to most.Remember: We're in a meme thread, and plowing a bird isn't actually practical.>>3016832>unless it wants to be fuckedThis is possible. Likely, even, in a hand raised bird of any kind. But what they'll want from you is some vocalizations, rear end massaging, and a nice vent rub. Basically artificial insemination without the actual insemination. Raptors in AI programs are often resistant to the first procedure, but will then accept subsequent inseminations simply because they enjoy it.
>>3016847>No. Still too small unless you have a microdick (<2in). Perfect. At least something that BBC can't do, but I can.
>tfw no harpy gf
>>3000332Love is the law.
>>3016801Read the No Harm, No Fowl comic. That wolf guy was able to take the hawk to pound town no problem.
>>3016920also in falconry birds are mostly IMPRINTED on human/owner and mannedimprinted means their raised from the chick with human -so they think that owner is their parent and as a result also a mate (cos birbs are IMPRINTED to think they are human)Maning means "training birbs how to interact/live with a man"imprinted birbs see HUMANS as sexual partners and quite often they not going to EVER try to mate with their own species of birbs. they are also unable to be reintroduced into the wilds -they are fully human dependant.a REMINDER: these is NORMAL falconry procedureA lot of falconers also inseminated their own birds (sometimes using really stupid special hat ), so yes whole crowd is "bird fucked in the head"
Manning looks like that (btw that guy really like to kissu those birbs), sadly he is mostly dead by now cos he didnt upload anything for years nowfirst day of training (bearded vulture) -thats a ONE of a kind vid, cos there are no other vids with bearded vultureshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzmM_8BIx-Yhere is fluffy Golden Eagle manninghttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cG2Q4ShYLmAwhole clip for >>3016956https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQTtdAeC2pY
>>3016956That's more interesting than it should be.
>>3016832The talons are only an issue if she's not skilled with them.
>>3016975It can be pretty good.
>>3016977>>3016975that 2D sheet is cute, fluffy & all but you know...its real life
>>3016983Worth the risk. We all become impotent some day.
sort of like can opener/meat shredder
>>3016963>tfw no vulturre pet (for actually having as a pet, not fucking, christ)
god imagine those talons around yourarm
>>3016983Can you imagine rubbing between those feet textures?It's like it was made for that.
>>3016920>It worked in a shitty furry comic!lmao>>3016963That guy is definitely a bird zoophile. I could tell immediately from how he looks at them, and how he interacts with them is firm confirmation.Not that there is anything wrong with that. I'm sure he's very good to them.>>3016983The real life version is even cuter. I looked at a few pages of that comic and the artist did a really shit job at drawing the bird. Other than the cloaca, which (in the traditional furfag style of giving +70% effort to genitals) is detailed with autistic accuracy, the rest of her is pretty wtf, and the wtf-ness varies from page to page.This is one case where 3d > 2d.>>3016986Pants opener/underwear shredder*>>3017055Good taste. Vultures seem to be more personable than other raptors, and their fuzzy necks demand petting.
>>3017123>Pants opener/underwear shredder*Schrader valve depressor... Oh, Americans can't have this.
>>3017221This is a birdfucker thread, not a rent free therapy session.
>>3017123while i like most vultures both lammergeier (bearded vulture) and Black Vultures (Cinereous Vulture) are my most liked speciesthose one looks extra flufy and badass/primal at same timehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQH002bMTespettinghttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_tf9O73vB8
>>3017233>birdfucker threadOkay, I will ask here.My african gray is getting mature (5 years old), and he started biting really badly, and most importantly, fucking hands and what not.What should I do, meanwhile I'm searching for gf (for cheap, rescue probably) for him?
>>3017308Keep in mind he might reject any female you get for him since he's already attracted to you, and if he hasn't been socialized with other parrots then he might even be afraid of her. Giving into his urges and letting him fuck your hand will only make rejection more likely, but it will make him happier.If you didn't want a bird husband, you were supposed to get him a gf much earlier.
>>3017341>Keep in mind he might reject any female I know, but I hope he won't. He is not hand raised, but captivity bred after all, he knows how other parrots look like. >you get for him since he's already attracted to you,Nah, he just fucks everything. I witnessed him doing it with apple. After that he killed that apple. > and if he hasn't been socialized with other parrots then he might even be afraid of her. He had definitely lived with other birds, but only for 1 year. >Giving into his urges and letting him fuck your hand will only make rejection more likely, but it will make him happier.This is why I don't let him fuck my hand, no matter how gentle he is. >If you didn't want a bird husband, you were supposed to get him a gf much earlier.I know, but he was pretty difficult to tame and such, mainly due to me not knowing a fuck, and not being able to find proper guide (all of them were telling absolutely contrary things).
>>3017349Guides a shit. He needs a gf and it sounds like there's a good chance it'll take. Good luck.
The week this went on the news, I saw one of these birds eating their own shit.
>>3017424>Guides a shitIndeed. I wish I knew this 4 years ago.>Good luck.Thanks mate.
>>3017427>I saw one of these birds eating their own shit.hot.
Okay, how can I make bird fuck me?
>>3017576Literally just get one of a species that is monogamous and was hand raised. Spend lots of time around them. Bird husband/wife guaranteed.
>>3000987Son of god or not, it's at least a two man job to fuck an ostrich.
>>3017308just be his gf, it's not gay if he doesn't have balls
>>3017684It is gay, and I wanted get him a second bird anyway. I wish I win in lottery and buy female... Otherwise I will have two male parrots doing really gay things
>>3017698>it's only gay if the balls touch>it has no ballsErgo, it isn't gay.
>>3017706So, in this case touching eggs is gay?
>>3017715no, that's the beauty of animals, it's never gayyou can only be gay with another human male
>>3017718Wrong. As long as it doesn't have a dick, it is not a gay. This is why ostrich fucking you is gay, but parrot fucking you is not.
>>2995721Based and marriagepilled
Now I know. Zoofiles are gay, but they will never admit it.
>>3017922Zoophiles*And we're just fucking around itt the same way trapfags do.
>>3017735no, balled futa is gay, but it's not gay without balls.You literally only can be gay with another dude and if he have balls and if your balls touch his balls.
>>3018095Birds have internal balls, and with some birds it's nearly impossible to tell between male/female. So you might start going wild on this cute hen's cloaca, not knowing it's really the ultimate trap. Is it gay if you don't know you're smashing his internal testicles and getting his thin birdcum all over your crotch?
>>3018108Serious question. Can birds tell apart males and females?
>>3018109Yes. They can see shit like UV colors, and can pick up on other cues that are difficult for a human to notice without a bit of training.
>>3018115Can humans use some sort of UV camera to tell them apart?Also I have noticed that vets can tell sex with high accuracy, and nobody tells the secret
>>3018122Yes, you can use cameras and gamut compression to "see" (perceive) the colors. Vets and other people who spend lots of time learning about birds learn to pick up on all the subtle cues. Things like body size, nuanced colorings, behavior, or other sexual differences can be picked up with some skill. It's not a single secret. It's just experience.
>>3018108unless you're putting your balls inside of them, no chance of your touching theirs, also nonhuman balls don't count.
>>3018160Only cue I know is form of head.
>>3018209what if you put their balls in your mouth?
>>3019036are your balls in your mouth?
>>3019036You'd have to dig pretty deep to make that happen.
>>3019084give me a quick rundown.
>>3020138Balls are internal. You might be able to fit your head in an ostrich cloaca though.
This was an interesting thread
>>3020249>You might be able to fit your head in an ostrich cloaca though.
>>3020249>all that effort to be teabagged
>>3020578sounds worth it desu
>threads been up for almost a monthbased
>>3022001Too bad nobody had fucked an ostrich yet
>>3022025The guy in the videos on hotwheels did.
>>3022070I meant from this thread.
>>3022073You can't just go buy an ostrich wife, anon. It takes work to get her home set up, dedication to making her happy, and luck that she falls in love with you. These things don't happen in a month!
>>3022081From parrot experience, that is possible in a month. I don't think ostriches would be that different.
>>3022097Well maybe if you already have the living quarters, or you have 50 grand burning a hole in your pocket to drop on getting a barn built in short order. I've built a barn on the cheap before. It takes a while.
>>3000987you have fucked several and there's no ostriches in Israel
>>3022097ostriches are massiveyou can't keep them in a cage either
>>3022125Sure they are massive.>>3022101Sure, cheap = DIY. DIY = slow.
>>3022136You haven't lived until you've raised a two story four stall barn with three people, some 2x4s, and rope. In winter. With snow on the ground.Actually, you can probably live a pretty fulfilling life without doing any of that. Those 2x4s were bending pretty good...
>>3022179I can only build pit toilet shelters. Anything more complex has a tendency to be shitty
>>3022103>there's no ostriches in IsraelThere sort of were in his time actually. If not exactly in Jesus' part of Israel then real close byS. c. syriacus didn't go extinct until the 20th century
>>3022191I'm assuming your pit toilet shelters end up being pretty shitty too.
>>3022239After explosive diarrhea - yes.But other than that, they had some good features like>illuminated shitting area>music>reading light
>>30222675 hours including digging a hole. If you have wood and shit.
>>3022136I've built sheds with wood and a nailgun in two days. A barn would take a week and half tops. If you have all the wood you need and if you're not a lowballer dumbass like me, maybe 4 or 5 days.>>3022269Nailguns saves lives, and a fuckton of time.
>>3022270In most places, a barn requires a design and permit. You must put a proper footing and a real roof. And with wood being so fucking expensive now it's going to be a few grand in raw materials for a simple barn. You can get away with a simple shelter if you're in a year-round warm climate, but you absolutely need an enclosed barn if your winters have frequent freezing temperatures. Ratites are warm weather birds.
>>3022452>In most places, a barn requires a design and permitIn my shithole you need those things only when you sell stuff.
>>3022455Well then carry on.Does this shithole also allow you to marry your bird wife?
>>3022466I guess no, since birds have no passport/id
>>3022103>implying jesus didnt fuck all the ostriches to extinction
>>2995721>130-lb>marriageMate, when the ring is on the diet is off.
>>3023502Is perfect, but I would prefer specifically engineered bird waifu.
>>3017665Well that's good because Jesus is part of the Trinity. So prove to me He and He and He did not fuck an ostrich.
>>3023514I'm not expecting it in my lifetime. Might as well have a loving ratite wife in the meantime.
>>3023564I'm not expecting my lifetime to end, unless I get two things: bird waifu, and iPhone 4.
>>3023567>Not the 5cNever going to make it.
Please don't reply to this post and describe what a bird's cloaca feels like. Especially don't reply if you had any previous experience with it.
>>3023631Okay, I will not reply, when I will finally get hands on ostrich.
>>3023631I really can't tell you how it feels so good that women should feel threatened
>>3023631The biggest differences are temperature, muscle control, complexity, scent, and the surrounding features.Birds run at 99-102 F, and the difference is obvious. They're hot. It's really nice. Cloacas are absolutely jam packed with sphincters to control all the different functionality, and if you're not really familiar with what's going on in there is feels like a squishy, pulsing maze of chambers. There's only actually two paths, but there are lots of false pockets around the edges of guard sphincters to have fun probing at. On the exterior, the scent is much better than a woman imo. Has that nice bird scent with some added richness and complexity. Finally, surrounding the vent are fluffy, warm downy feathers which are just incredibly superior to hair.As for the overall feel it's 10/10, but notably delicate. It feels like you could break something at any minute, and it's a reasonable fear. Unlike with a woman (where you can smash her ass without worrying) you have to be very careful. Although you'll fit in something like a laying chicken, you could easily kill even a 30lb bird with a thrust at the wrong angle. That puts out basically every common bird. The only ones left are the larger ratites.fyi I made everything up in the above text. You'd have to be some kind of freak to enjoy exploring bird holes right?
please stop trying to make me want to fuck birds
>>3024112>fyi I made everything up in the above text.Don't lie on 4chan, birdfucker jew.Btw, shit is convincing, since you have some common facts, like higher temperature, mixed up with terminology... My grandma would definitely believe in this shit, if it was about some magical pills or energy saving device.
>>3024112Can you describe like that a car exaust or something like that? Asking for a friend.
>>3024181The only lie was the the bottom text, for keks. It's actually first hand knowledge from sticking my fingers in poultry to remove broken eggs and to palpate for potential peritonitis. They usually really enjoy it right at the beginning since I stage it as if they were being mounted, so they're not as nervous. Once I'm deep enough to get to the oviduct though, the jig is up. It doesn't seem to hurt them once I'm in, but actually getting past the final sphincter always causes some surprised vocalizations, flapping and kicking. Then it just seems to be really uncomfortable, and that's just a single narrow finger moving around slowly.>>3024190I have no idea what you're asking for.
>>3024193I have one question. Did you use protection?
>>3024198I mean glove
>>3024193>>3024112So, bigger bird would be fine?
>>3024198>>3024204lmao. Yes and no. Glove protects me and them, but sometimes it's really hard to tell what's going on through the glove. I trim and file my nails way back and wash them well before going in raw. I also use alcohol to help sanitize and to make sure there are no microcuts on my finger. Taking the glove off is sometimes necessary, but is a last resort since I could potentially carry bacteria or fungi into an (otherwise sterile) oviduct that's full of delicious growth media from a broken egg. I've only done it a few times and I always administer fluconazole and amoxicillin when entering the oviduct regardless of glove use, just in case.>>3024225I honestly don't know. The total depth of the vent, cloaca, and vaginal canal on even large poultry birds is only about four inches. Does the assembly scale linearly with size? If so, a ~60lb bird could take an average human without him hitting painful barriers or risking causing an infection. Ostriches are confirmed possible since the males have pretty giant dicks and they go all the way in with it.
>>3024193It's actually pretty spot on, at least the last part to my knowledge. My neighbors used to raise chickens and some chickens would always wound up dead out of nowhere, no bruises or cuts and the only animals that could kill them where I lived were birds of prey. Solved the mystery after my brother went to have a smoke at night and saw their son getting in the coop and the next morning a chicken was found dead.
>>3024236Sounds plausible. If you were a brute and just slammed right in, you'd instantly blow through several delicate membranes and probably cause death by internal bleeding. Some kid just getting his rocks off in a living fleshlight would definitely do it.
>>30242314 inches? Finally something I can fuck, yet BBC can't.
>>3024231How you liked more?
>>3024112>You'd have to be some kind of freak to enjoy exploring bird holes right?No, vet student, idk.
>>3024264Four inches is really pushing it since you're hitting the pain point at that depth.>>3024320Speak English correctly.>>3024394If you're really enjoying it, then maybe it's a little more than academic.
>>3024428>Speak English correctly.Sir, which way did you like more? With protective equipment, or without?
>>3024443What do you prefer?*
>>3024428>If you're really enjoying it, then maybe it's a little more than academic.That was a hypothesis.
>>3024443>t. Indian>>3024446Without the glove of course since it massively dulls the ability to feel what's going on. Of course it's more "enjoyable" since yeah, I'm attracted to birds, but the process of removing egg shell or feeling for a deadly infection puts me into a clinical mindset where such thoughts are irrelevant.
>>3024481Thank you very much sir
>>3024481Okay, serious question now. How do you know if egg had cracked inside of a bird?
>>2995721>>2994150put me on the screencap
>>3024490They start acting weird, they get bloated, and they almost always leak foamy fluid from their vent. Sometimes you'll find some bits of egg around from a partial expulsion. Their immune system will destroy and absorb tiny bits of shell and yolk, but if more than about a quarter of it remains stuck, you'll have to remove it.It doesn't happen often. When I was keeping 60 chickens I'd see about two egg binding instances a year.
>>3024495This thread is too based for the r*ddit normies who screencap threads
>>3024495Fuck off Jeff.
>>2995721>130 lbI wish...
>>3024765out of all the posts in this thread, this one is the most degenerate, congratulations
>>2993790I was really hoping for a we in that like the killer whale one