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File: hmmm.png (185 KB, 436x475)
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Contriving an Edition
Old thread: >>2863792
>>
Can someone explain to me the sleep times of horses? Do they ever sleep one hour in one piece or do they just slumber several times a day/night
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is an horse a athlete?
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>>2878808
back when that meme was fresh they were but sadly decades went by...
>>
hoers
>>
Daily reminder these are just feral horses and there is no good reason you shouldn’t be able to have one
>there are domestic horse and donkey breeds rare than muh grugg lookin dun
>>
Are the stories about fucking horses true?
>>
>>2879078
Mine is
>>
>>2879078
>>2879081
They're for hug not for fug you absolute degenerates.
>>
>>2879078
>>2879081
Seriously, how do you fuck a mare without worrying about her taking a shit on you?
>>
>>2879146
I doubt anyone degenerate enough to try would really care.
>>
>>2879146
How do you fuck a woman without worrying about her taking a shit on you?
>>
>>2879161
Someone show this fool a webm or a gif of a horse shitting
>>
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>>2879171
Okay
>>
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>>2879224
Unf
>>
>>2879178
hm, they seem to have put lots of love into details
>>
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they have amazing braking capabilities
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>>2879674
lucky the horses were so small
>>
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>>2879678
jokes aside, the non-fat miniature horses that seem to have big horse proportions while actually being microscopic are kinda freaky.
>>
>>
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tongue dispenser
>>
>>2879694
They would make perfect wives.
>>
>>2879730
You already have your does. Don't even dare to take our horses.
>>
>>2879730
>>2879732
calm your horses everyone, we don't need a deer thread vs. horse general civil war.
>>
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>>2879734
The war........has already begun
>>
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>>2879884
bring it on.
>>
Guys, guys, we should think about all this. Lets don't make a big mistake now.
>>
>>2879694
I think they're great. I'd like to get miniature saddle bags and have them carry my stuff on long walks.
>>
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>>2879884
Deploy the marines
>>
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>>2879902
The time for thinking is over!
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Big guy standing by
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Gory, gory, what a hellu'va way to die
>>
>>2879950
RIP, we will never forget him.
>>
>>2879947
BIG
>>
>>2879950
why are they cheering?
>>
>>2880511
In honor of their brave sacrifice
>>
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Hey guys, what's your favorite breed and why?
PRE here. Just think they have the nicest proportions. Also the perfect mix between beefy and elegance.
>>
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>>2881252
whatever rides the best into battle
>>
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>>2882281
>Wearing makeup and lipstick AND having nails like that while handling a horse
Flags are being raised.
>>
>>2882511
not only the flags I guess
>>
>>2882511
>>2882578
fags
>>
Anyone got a link to that documentary where they hang the horses upside down in a warehouse by their hooves when they're done with them? Was run by that guy with the really long beard and gyno.
>>
Hello Sir,
which one will it be today?
>>
>>2879694
>>2879695
I need like a breeding herd of 300-500 of these caballo perros for my mad equine science experiments (and not selling xxxsmall mail order horsewives).
I could probably use surrogate mares to carry 100% pure Falabella embryos. I could crossbreed broodmares with Falabella stallions, too.
Brb checking the most cost efficient way to do this
>>
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>living with your stallion buddies
>female comes along
>fight to the death
why do females have to ruin everything?
>>
>>2883509
they love the attention
>>
>>2883509
What males of a species AREN’T like that?
>>
>>2883716
the ones with nintendo switches
>>
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ayy
>>
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>>2883729
What are those flaps of skin for down at the horse leg?
>>
>>2883758
they're part otter so they can better swim with these
>>
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>>2879947
>>
There should be some sort of equine booru for horse picture depository.
>>
>>2883729
That's a weird dog
>>
>>2884124
It's actually a tiny collar.
>>
>>2884109
I know of three such boorus.
>>
>>2884202
Link?
>>
>>2881479
arent muslim women banned from driving cars and riding horses?
>>
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>>2884021
>tfw I see more pointless interspecies fighting
Why can't they all just be friends lads?
>>
>>2884432
The dog is actually the coach. The horse desperately needs more muscle and the dog took the job and makes a real CHAMP out of him.
>>
>>2882904
me outside the photo frame
>>
>>2882904
I remember that horse bank. Failed in less than a week because they just ate the money.
>>
>>2884941
The fuck were they thinking
>>
>>2885330
Who knows? The ATMs were a total nightmare.
>>
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>>
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*ahem*
FUCK THE YELLOW VESTS
GONNA KICK YOU SO HARD
>>
>>2885472
Wrong, horses would wear them too.
>>
>>2885472
horses tend to buck real hard the ones who treat them like shit. in fact, they would have worn the vests even years earlier.
>>
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>>2885472
*blocks your path
heh, nothing personnel statist
>>
>>2885529
>half transparent mesh
kinky
>>
>LIKE NOTHING AT ALL
>>
>>
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>>
I love horses but why do horse people have to be the worst? Literally worse than pibble owners.
>>
>>2885567
>why do horse people have to be the worst?
you most likely only know the ones who just "own" them while letting barn personnel do the dirty work.
horse people I know who do everything and shovel crap for hours a day are good people and the women are hot and responsible persons.
>>
>>2885579
This. People who actually live on the farm and tend to the animals therein are much better than those who visit for a couple hours 3 times a week.
>>
>>2878797
they 'rest' standing up but when they need REM sleep they lie down and sleep for about two hours, babby horses need more of course
>>
>>2885611
I wish I could do that
>>
>>2883222
>I could probably use surrogate mares to carry 100% pure Falabella embryos.
if you use draft mares you could probably fit two or three in one go
>>
>>2885579
>>2885582
Yeah I used to think ranch girls weren’t cancer, too, but I didn’t actually know ranch girls. I have a couple good ranch bro friends but horse girls are horse girls regardless of where they’re from.
>>
>>2885619
>Horses are not designed to nourish two fetuses and produce viable twin foals. >Double pregnancies put the mare and both foals at risk, and good outcomes are rare.
>>
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>>2885643
Farm girls are always better than city girls. If I'm going to be cucked, I prefer it to be by a horse.
>>
>>2885771
>Farm girls are always better than city girls.
They’re literally just girls.
>>
>>2885772
Yeah, you're right. Cultural surrounds in your formative years have absolutely no impact whatsoever on personality. Everything is predestined.
>>
>>2885771
>If I'm going to be cucked, I prefer it to be by a horse.
That's when you have angry revenge sex with one of her favorite mares.
>>
>>2885769
Horse dust is like pepper spray. Don't know what makes it so potent.
>>
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sometimes, know etc etc
>>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgv5oHCVOME

This is why you never start scratching them.
>>
>>2886322
that's a big butt
>>
>>2886322
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eR2AGCQjy-w
>>
>>2886375
>pulsed electricity to the butt
>equivalent of spanking

Horses are the lewdest
>>
>>2886375
Based horse sticking it to the man and his anti butt scratch fences
>>
>tfw came back from boot camp to find out one of the family horses had died while I was gone
It's like losing a family member...
>>
>>2885773
They’re just girls, cunt.
Girls are girls are girls.
I really hate to burst your bubble, lad, but your coveted real country girls are just as capable of being cunts as city girls. I’ve never even seen a city girl beat her dog in my life. And I mean with a closed fist.
>>
>>2886623
Your steed awaits in Valhalla, bro.
>>
>>2885804
Its so they can scratch their legs together and throw irritating hairs at would be predators
>>
>>2886375
MOM
>>
>>2886375
God I wish that were me
>>
>>2886375
Can confirm, electrical simulation is great
>>
>>2885544
Why are horses so fucking naked? putting on clothes doesnt help at all
>>
As an outsider looking in, I am always in awe at the wit thrown around here. You really don’t horse around.
>>
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>>2886798
>>
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>>2885804
they use it as cloaking device.
if danger arises they shake themselves, therefore cloaking themselves in a THICK cloud of dust making the predator unable to see. once the dust has settled the horse is long gone.
>>
>>2886798
Best thread on worst board.
>>
>>2887265
These are the only threads I browse on this board. What's so shit about the rest of /an/? Is it just cats vs dogs shitposting?
>>
>>2887265
>worst board.
now you're blatantly lying.
/an/ has some shit threads but overall it's an incredibly comfy board and I think it might even be my favorite board. has some slight mid 00s /b/ vibes here and there. also, mods are actually doing their work here and are not too intrusive either. the best ones of the whole site actually.
>>
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What's important for in a wife?
>>
>>2887318
cooking abilities.
horses and deer do a terrible job at this
>>
>>2887318
Just being there when you're lonely.

>>2887322
>cooking
>in an age of canned food, restaurants, instant ramen, and youtube cooking videoes
>>
>>2887322
at least pick something a man couldn't do for himself just as well, like making babies.
>>
>>
>>2887397
that's where the manbun comes into play
>>
>>2879224
Anon please i am a changed man,
dont make me go back.
>>
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What are these for?
>>
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Here we see a dead horse. The nerve endings burning out makes it appear to be moving.
>>
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>>2887704
>taking care of the lawn from the afterlife
they're so responsible, it's inspiring.
>>
>>2887705
>see this shit?
>THIS SHIT -- DO YOU SEE IT?
>yeah walking away won't help you.
>this shit is where you came from
>horses come in bags
>>
>>2887705
nice breasts
>>
>>2887698
to confuse and irritate the competition
>>
>>2879674
this is something a grandma would pot on facebook
>>
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Serious question: I really want to learn how to ride a horse. I'm a 25 year old guy in pretty good shape, and want to eventually learn to gallup like a cowboy. How long would this take do you think, and is there any other way to go about it than just paying for lessons? Mostly just wanna know about other people's experiences. Pardon my ignorance too, I'm a city slicker.
>>
>>2887834
>this is something a grandma would pot on facebook
Then it is just right for the horse general
>>
>>2887318
>tfw no horse gf to stand by you and keep you warm with her body heat while you make pointless youtube videos outside in the cold
>>
>>2887841
Where are you?


>>
>>2887698
all the cool horses wear them
>>
>>2888007
now look at these posers
>>
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>>2887997
>>
>>2888009
>This is my human
>There are many like him but this one is mine
>>
>>2888009
>tfw no horse gf to chew on your arm for you
>>
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>>2888009
>ten minutes later
>>
>>2888009
what is it doing?
>>
>>2888125
horses like stuff in their mouth don't question it
>>
>>2887999
Maryland. Why?
>>
>>2888128
Just best answer varies place to place. If I knew the area better I'd say something.
>>
>>2888125
not being alone (for a moment)
>>
>>2888016
Ah yes, the old flensing ritual
>>
>>2887708
Animal cruelty
>>
>>2888489
looks like brazil so that goes without saying
>>
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>>2888489
Think I'd rather be a 3rd world donkey carrying a full load of bricks than a trail horse in the 3rd world carrying the average Armenian tourist.
>>
>>2887265
Horse general is like a beautiful flower grown in a big jar of shit.
>>
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what a savage fight
>>
>>2887841
please help me
>>
>>2888731
you can try volunteering on a horse farm/horse rescue, that's how I learned to ride

time in exchange for experience
>>
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>>2888731
Ah tried!
>>
>>2888705
STOP HITTING THEM SO HARD ABUSE
>>
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>>2888864

IT NEVER ENDS
>>
>>2888125
Realistically it's probably just bored. Horses tend to do bizarre things when they get bored. I knew one that'd carry around a mounting block in his mouth and do laps with it inside the run-in.
>>
https://youtu.be/RMJsqXzz5zs
>>
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>>2888965
>>
>>2888965
>BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP
So Majestic.
>>
>>2888965
The literal brap barn
>>
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>>2888965
>>2888981
>>
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Golshi a CUTE!
>>
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>>2879224
>>
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Starry starry night, paint your ponies blue and grey.
>>
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Horse mare you don't have to put on the red light
Those neighs are over you don't have to sell your body to the night

Horse mare you don't have to wear that tack tonight
Walk the streets for carrots, you don't care if it's wrong or if it's right
>>
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>>2889476
Brood mare, you don't have to put on the red light. Those neighs are over. You don't have to sell your body through the neight.
>>
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>>2889469
>paint your ponies blue and grey.

success
>>
it's a bit concerning how many features horses share with humans.
they even have damn "normal" hair on their heads.
>>
>>2889073
The horse kinda makes the face I make when I get out of the house door and sniff a pleasant spring breeze in the morning
>>
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>>
>>
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>>2889732
>*sniff* hmm yes quite fresh
>>
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Choose your fighter.
>>
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>>2889732
>>2889985
He's a funny horse.
>>
>>2890069
How can women even compete?
>>
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>>2878795

>Desiring fucked up horses.

I swear Arabians are doomed the way things are going on the horsey market.
Every Arabian I see locally forsale has an extremely fucked up face or horrendous sway back.
>>
>>2889731
I wonder if horses in the early 2000s and late 90s secretly wanted frosted tips
>>
>ywn be friends with a horse
>>
>>2888493
>oi m8 go faster before i make u into beef wellington blimey git, swear on me mum
>>
>>2890249
>I see locally forsale has an extremely fucked up face or horrendous sway back.
Around here they mostly look undeformed
>>
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It's always funny when horsemoms tell em lil shits to behave
>>
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>>2890532
with questionable success
>>
>>2890533
Man even the babies for that breed are huge.
>>
>>2890539
the hugest horses are the cutest
>>
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>>2890532
>dat motherly "don't do this shit again" glance
>>
>>2890518

They're mostly deformed here.
The disk is either way to prominant or like I said horrendous sway back. There was an ad for someone giving riding lessons using Arabians only. All of them had serious sway back. A few honestly looked like they needed to be pts.
>>
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>if you only knew how bad things really are
>>
>>2890560
Fugg
>>
How the fuck did they domesticated horses?Who’s idea was it to get on their backs to get from point A to B?
Who figured out putting metal in their mouth to ride them would work?
Literally none of it makes sense. Even as an advanced horseman from 2018 I’m not sure I could domesticate a truly wild horse from scratch. That is, with nothing but grugg technology or shit I could make from materials found only on the steppe.
>>
>>2891279
It makes sense when you understand that ancient man were every bit as bright and intuitive as we are today, and understood that shoving things in something’s mouth was a surefire way to make them listen when you tug on the reins.

As for riding? Ancient horses were horselets and couldn’t handle the serious weight you could get from a destrier, so most of them were used pulling chariots.
>>
>>2891306
>It makes sense
It makes about as much sense as someone with no horse experience except for maybe chucking a spear at them domesticating a horse. Which is what happened, essentially, but I haven’t seen any theories put into work with zebras or anything.
>>
>>2888125
asserting dominance
>>
>>2879067
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Przewalski%27s_horse
Keyword: Endangered.
Tho you could get away with having one if you call your ranch a zoo.
>>
>>2891327
Poitou donkeys have a quarter of the global population that grugg horses do. It’s bullshit.
>>
>>2878795
Horses made of ones and zeros in RDR2 are more preferable to me than any horse in real life
>>
>>2891368
Imagine being this much of a faggot. It must’ve taken a lot of balls to admit you’ve sucked so many dicks before.
>>
>>2891279
>Who’s idea was it to get on their backs to get from point A to B?
They’ve already had dogs dragging stuff, why not a bigger stronger critter to carry even more stuff? And screaming death traps are fun.
>Who figured out putting metal in their mouth to ride them would work?
Some people just solely used leg cues. There are hundreds of rope or leather contraptions across the world that we aren’t quite sure the exact design of. Bits definitely came later.
>>
>>2879224
would
>>
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>HOLY FUCK WHAT THE SHIT ARE YOU WAITING FOR U STINKY ASS BITCH HOE FUCKING GIVE ME MY DAMN FOOD ALREADY WHAT IS IT TAKING YOU SO LONG FUCKING HELL U STUPID ASS BITCH IM STARVING FUCKING HAND OVER THE DAMN FOOD ALREADY AND DONT FAG AROUND LIKE SOME DAMN HOMO U SILLY ASS PIECE OF DUNG FUCKKKING DO IT U SHIT OH MAN OH MAN FUCKK JUST FUCKING DO IT U ASS FUCKING FUCK DO U THINK IM JOKING NO I AM NOT U SHIT FUCKING HAND IT OVER FUCKING HELL STUPID ASS BITCH FOOD NOW

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2ey1_UDj_c
>>
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horses are the biggest brap connoisseurs
>>
>>2891378
hehe I've got pretty good head game, not gonna lie :)
>>
>>2891311
>essentially, but I haven’t seen any theories put into work with zebras or anything
purely economic factors :^)
>>
>>2890069
Mm yummy donut
>>
>>2891260
There's got to be less barbaric ways to euthanize a horse
>>
>>2891417
Always get so worried when they flehmen near me.
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>>2891438

Prove it
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>>2891542
Mmh, Anon. How about it? Huh? *clickclick
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>...I can see forever
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>>2891556
>I definitely left the oven on
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>>2891548
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>>2891543
*gobs u*
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>>2891582
*It's a hologram*
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>>2891379
Man how do you get a horse to whoa with just leg cues? I know it’s 100% possible but most people don’t have the balls to do that in a manicured arena, let alone outside of it, so I’ve never been able to find an instructor that can show me.
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>>2891677
Just squeeze REALLY hard
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Ever bite a horse? How did they react?
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I like touching the inside wall of the nostril. The bit you can see here.
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>>2891735
I’m pretty sure that’s a “go” and not a “whoa” but I’ll try that on an untrained horse someday.
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>>2891737
I’ve had horses bite me before. I should bite them back, actually.
>>
>>2891677
Relax your legs and sit back, tilting your body back somewhat too. Alternating turning in a zig zag can work too.
>>
>>2891826
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TKK7AXLOUNo
There’s instructional articles by world renowned reiners about how to teach horses a sliding stop etc without any tack or aids but I’d like to see those fuckers catch a wild zebra barehanded and teach it to be a trusty steed grugg-style.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uhWI73fH54U
This experiment is the closest one I know to the idea of catching and breaking a horse right out in the open, except they used saddle horses to catch the mustang in the first place.
It would have to be like a disguised corral built around drinking water or salt. I can’t find the scene anywhere but if you’ve seen the beginning of Hombre with Paul Newman where he and the Apaches trap some horses you know what I’m talking about.
>yfw the first guy to domesticate a horse turns out to be a schizo grugg shaman who just wanted a horse wife
>>
God I want a horse....
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>>2891737
I didn't bite ot hard enough to notice. I did get some hair in my mouth though.
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>>2891759
>the stove...
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>>2891859
>>
>>2891410
>Tendies N-eeeeeeee-igh!
>Teeeeeeendieeeees N-eeeeeeee-igh!
My spirit animal.
>>
>>2879146
That would be hot
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>>2891799
REALLY hard. Like you're trying to explode a watermelon with your thighs like in those fetish videos.
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>>2892114
>squeeze horse to stop
>horse explodes

What's the next step in your master plan?
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>>2892198
The horse stopped, dinnit?
>>
>>2879146
city slicker question
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>>2892198
holy fuck, I've never seen ears pinned like this. this is beyond what should be physically possible.
ABSOLUTE PEAK ANGERY:
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Can horses get depressed if left alone for a prolonged time?
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>>2892230
Yup. They perform worse if they're sad too.
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>>2892230
Ye. Look at this sad pony.
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>>2892234
>>2892235
>>2892237
I too would be sad if I was the autistic version of a horse
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>>2892239
>>
>>2892239
Just like you're the autistic version of a human.
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>>2892246
>t. pony
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>>2892270
back the fuck off!?!?
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>>2892270
I wish. Could really turn things around if I had hooves and a longer face.
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Anyone else here have a hoof fetish?
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>>2892455
You've clearly never smelled a thrushy hoof. If you've massaged them and rubbed cornucrescine over the life form you'd not have that.
>>
Hello, /hg/. FATASS here. How do I find a 1500 lbs (minimum) riding prospect and what is the shortest they can reasonably be? I originally wanted a BLM mustang but I was honest with myself and realized I probably won’t find a 1500 lbs mustang. Yeah I want to loose weight but even if I do I’m still going to want a horse that has no trouble carrying me around, even if he is a little XXL.
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>>2891471
But anon, horse science.
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haha, having a drink with your buddy
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Why do horses shit so much ?
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>>2892704
Maybe because they are big?
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>>2892704
>have to eat literally all the damn time because there's not a lot of stuff in grass
>used up grass has to go somewhere
>????
>profit
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>>2892574
If you're a fatass you shouldn't be riding them period. The most you should do is get pulled by draft horses on a cart.
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>>2892743
Horsies can carry 20% of their bodyweight, idiotfuck. That’s why I’m looking for a big boi. Would love to do some chariot shit, too, but get fucked if you think I’m going to quit riding.
>>
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>>2893220
THICC
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>>2893220
lmao, what an unflattering photo
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Would competitive horse tug of war be cruel or based af?
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>>2893343
They used to have that. People were a part of it too. It was called being drawn and quartered.
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>>2893364
Yeah thats not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about harnessing two horses, they either both face each other or they both face away, and you tie a rope to both their harnesses. The horse that gets pulled over the boundary loses. I guess you could do this with western saddles if you tie both horns together with a string. Both horses should face each other and be asked to back up. There should be weightclasses ofc.

This would be a fine sport demonstrating a horse’s ability to really haul bulls, cows, and horses that the working cowboy ropes. Would also be the horse equivalent of armwrestling.
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You get your horse a hoovesfree for Christmare?
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>>2893491
please don't blow it up
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>>2893527
>rob the carrot bank or the device will be detonated
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>>2893491
Alfalfa akhbar
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Could you use that sick mare fluid they're always blasting when they're in heat for anything? They make a lot of it.
>>
>>2893605
That's bretty gud, kek



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