[a / b / c / d / e / f / g / gif / h / hr / k / m / o / p / r / s / t / u / v / vg / vr / w / wg] [i / ic] [r9k / s4s / vip / qa] [cm / hm / lgbt / y] [3 / aco / adv / an / asp / bant / biz / cgl / ck / co / diy / fa / fit / gd / hc / his / int / jp / lit / mlp / mu / n / news / out / po / pol / qst / sci / soc / sp / tg / toy / trv / tv / vp / wsg / wsr / x] [Settings] [Search] [Home]
Board
Settings Home
/adv/ - Advice


Thread archived.
You cannot reply anymore.



File: hands.jpg (11 KB, 500x305)
11 KB
11 KB JPG
GF of 5 years wants to "find herself", make some "experiences with others", sleep with an orbiter and try Tinder for a year. She is adamant that she wants to get back together afterwards.
How do I cope with this?
>>
>>20904492
grow a bigger dick
>>
>>20904492
You don't. You leave the bitch and never look back, ever.
>>
>>20904496
If only that was the issue. Apparently even the most satisfying couples-sex gets stale after a few years.

>>20904501
That is what I'm thinking too, but fuck if it doesn't feel impossible whenever I see her face.
>>
"Sure, but don't complain if after you found yourself I found a better girlfriend"
>>
>>20904507
that's her biggest fear she says
>>
>>20904510
>wants to cheat
>fears being replaced
Are thots really this dumb?
>>
tl;dr she wants to break up with you so that she could play hooky for a year and come back to you afterwards
>>
>>20904514
That's what I understand as well, originally she wanted an open relationship, then I broke it off entirely out of impulse, now I'm a mess and wish it never happened.

it always looks so easy from the outside
>>
>>20904513
>Are thots really this dumb?
Yes and no. That's her trying to make him not fuck other women while she sluts it up with every cock she can get in her. Classic woman manipulation.
>>
>>20904524
apparently she's fine with me being with others and even hopes that I will, so that we can be happy together again after a year.
>>
>>20904529
>happy again
Lmao no you won't be
>>
>>20904546
so what the fuck do I do?
>>
>>20904504
AND THEN I SAW HER FACE

now I'm a believer
>>
>>20904529
Don't believe that bs, anon. She has you believing that bs. She doe not, repeate does not really want you or expect you to really fuck other woman. She is telling you want you want to hear knowing she's a liar. She will say anything to you so you say you're ok with her taking all the dick she's going to take. She might be doing all this to break up with you in a way where you won't lose your mind. She's all about herself, anon. See the truth behind her pussy vail.
>>
>>20904551
Here you can find a few options:
1. Accept, become a cuck and get back with her after she got every hole of hers filled by another man's dick (that's if she actually will come back)
2. "Accept" but see that as the two of you breaking up, start a new relationship with someone who respects you
3. Tell her you're against it and hope for her to understand she's doing some huge bullshit or just break up and start a better life
>>
>>20904551
I have told you already but you refuse to listen.
>>20904501
>>
>>20904580
this wasn't supposed to happen, she worshipped the ground I was walking on for years. for fucks sake, if this shit even happens with girls like her or relationships like this, then I have no reason to believe in women or love anymore. fuck me
>>
>>20904585
so it really has to be like this
>>
>>20904593
All women are crazy, anon. It's just the level of crazy you can accept. She's gone anon, and for that I feel for you. Do not put yourself through this. Break up and move on, it's truly the only "right" option.
>>
>>20904492
Ask her if it's ok if you sleep with and see other women in the mean time since she won't be around. If she says no leave her. If she says yes leave faster.
>>
>>20904597
Yes, she is looking for someone else and trying to keep you as a fall back incase of. Let this sink in and I believe you will see what is really going on, my friend.
>>
>>20904492
Jesus Christ. Tell her if she wants that she can fucking forget ever seeing you again let alone get back together. Grow a pair, being alone is a million times better than being tortured by a woman that was supposed to be loyal to you. This is either a massive shit test or she is truly a turbo cunt.
>>
>>20904607
She's already said yes, as she believes it would help us grow and make settling down easier in the future.

>>20904624
I've already broken up with her out of rage. This time she didn't really fight it. We've sort of reconciled since but she is adamant that this is needed.
>>
>>20904492
She is trying to use you bud. Relationships are hard work and she seems to have gotten things screwed up in her head. Sorry you wasted 5 years on this girl. but you really need to let her go and never look back. She will never be faithful even after this "year" thing is up. you don't need that. She is manipulating you to the highest order. She is scared she is missing out on other guys and going to use you for as far and as long as she can. If this were a gambling parlor I would put money down on her already cheating on you or has in the recent past. sorry for your luck. but at least you now know and can move on with your life.
This woman is NOT worth it. believe in yourself dude You got this.
>>
Some context:
She's been exclusively with me from 18-24, but we've only dated for 4.5 years during that time.
She started saying that she's "curious" maybe a year ago or so. I will probably move away for my Master's for a year starting this summer, so she suggested an open relationship during that time.

I was okay with this initially, as I understand that LTRs are unnatural and we've been exclusive for a long time.

This all changed when she came back from her recent internship abroad, where she met a hotel clerk the last evening and exchanged numbers - apparently on friendly terms. I decided to allow her to stay in touch for the time being, not wanting to be the crazy boyfriend. They have texted daily since march and I recently found dickpics and suggestive messages. She owns up to this and says it went too far, but refuses to cut contact - apparently me possibly going away plays a role in that. I broke up with her when she refused to cut contact and even said she wants to fly back later this year to sleep with the guy. Apparently that's preferrable to random hook-ups.

I even understand that in a way, but her not cutting contact with that guy and even wanting to go back to fuck is too much for me. I probably could have stomached random hookups, but this is too much.
>>
>>20904637
Yeah you're a cuck
>>
>>20904637
lol yup. If you don't leave her, you're a cuck in the actual definition of it not the stupid 4chan cuck = fag thing. You are less of a man if you do not leave her.
>>
>>20904492
Break up with her and cut contact, not out of anger or spite or jealousy but to help you move on sooner. Loyalty shouldn't be negotiable. If you consider doing this what she said I'd take you for a fool OP.
>>
just do it man you'll have a blast
my wife's son is a great father figure, and he lets me play with my nintendo switch 2 hours per day if I behave properly
>>
Go fuck as many girls as you please, then tell her to fuck off when/if she comes crawling back. This is absolutely ridiculous behavior and she's not worth it at all if this is the nonsense she comes up with.
>>
Dump her and don't look back. You'll be better off for it.

>>20904637
Kids, this shit is why I make fun of any of you who thinks your college relationship is gonna last. It never fucking does. I don't even mean this in a bad way, but people change so dramatically when they hit 21 and can suddenly legally do shit. Your "sweet Christian girl who doesn't even like parties" will suddenly realize that there's a world out there with successful, older, attractive men who want to buy her drinks and let her party it up with her friends. Compared to most of you, who want to sit in the house and just have a quiet night.

I'm not actually judging the girls for that, but just saying you shouldn't believe jack shit about a man or woman's personality until they're 22 at least. Assuming you live in America.
>>
>>20904671
>Assuming you live in America.
I don't, but apparently this applies universally.
>>
>>20904637
>open relationship
>thinking 'exclusivity' needs to be clarified in any relationship
You're an absolute fucking cuck.
>>
>>20904680
>thinking 'exclusivity' needs to be clarified in any relationship
If you're a western male in his 20ies it probably does.
>>
>>20904688
Guess I should've said 'quality relationship'. This shit absolutely boggles my mind. You mean you could actually be dating a girl for months, if not years, and she could actually be fucking a different dude every night without thinking that's an issue?
>>
>>20904691
oh for me this absolutely wouldn't work, but apparently it's become common enough that it needs to be clarified.
>>
>>20904551
Recently gone through similar. Break up, walk away from her. You’ve been discarded to her, and she’s now chosen not to maintain that. However difficult it is, don’t give in to her manipulating your desire for how she used to be. End it, and find someone who loves and respects you without crap like this.
>>
>>20904720
I feel for you, anon. How are you dealing with it?
>>
File: letitgo.gif (1000 KB, 500x265)
1000 KB
1000 KB GIF
This sounds like my ex. We were in a low point in our relationship and he eventually left me because he said he wanted to go through his "slut phase" and I basically had to let him go. He said he wanted to be free to sexually explore himself and maybe try again in the future, but that to me sounded like he just wanted a safety net to fall back onto and I wasn't too keen on waiting around for him to decide what HE wanted while neglecting what I wanted. He wanted to have his cake and eat it too with an open relationship that I wasn't on board for. I wasn't about to play out some harem fantasy because I loved him. I also have no idea who these women are or what sort of cooties they have on their playground, ya know?

So I cut him loose. That's what love is, right? Freedom to be who and what you want to be with with who or what you want to be with? So fly free little bird! I wished my ex luck in his penis quest to catch all the venereal diseases.

A few years later and I've met a wonderful person who is totally different in every way and makes me laugh and enjoy his company and never makes me feel like an option or a back up plan. I would like to stress to OP that this fucking sucks and it hurts a lot - but when you come out of the other side of this storm, you'll be a totally different person and you'll hopefully find someone else who is more on your wavelength. I hope you're happier than when you were with her.

Be like Elsa and let her go.
>>
>>20904504
Sex in general won't be the same as you age, it's a phase anon and for some reason a lot of people don't see this. I can see myself beyond 50 years old having sex and I know it's not going to be the same. A lot of members in my family beyond this age range don't have sex anymore and they don't care. I hope I can be like them when the time comes and put the sex part of my life behind me.
>>
>>20904736
thank you for this. I am currently not happier than I was with her, obviously. But I do hope that in a few years I'll be in a better place.

Still, the letting go part is so hard. I still find myself thinking "yeah, chill. she loves you and always will. why not let her do it if it makes her happy?" But I know that I'll be miserable in the long run.
>>
You’ve already showed her how beta you are, so it’s way too late to act like the alpha male and call shots. She could easily just do what she wants, she’s just making it look like you have some form of influence on her decision because she wants to use you as a backup if the other REAL men she will be fooling around with fuck and chuck her/use her, because she’s aware that she hit the jackpot with a cuck like you whose willing to let her LITERALLY sleep with other dudes and be ok with it. Most men would drop her ass instantly and never look back. You’re not going to listen to any of the decent advice the anons here have given. If you were the type to do that it wouldn’t have gotten to this point, you just want to vent and have others acknowledge the shitty situation you put yourself in. But I’ll pretend you aren’t retarded and say if you stay with this woman that there will always be the high possibility of her leaving your ass ANY time in the future of your relationship with her. (This while casually cheating guilt free btw) If you’re ok with that risk and love this woman THAT much then do what she wants. I can’t even blame her for taking advantage of such a great situation, all the fault is yours.
>>
>>20904785
how am I okay with it if I broke up with her on the spot?
I'm trying to cope with the break up you mong, not the cuck-life
>>
>>20904736
>penis quest to catch all the venereal diseases
lol
>>
File: z.jpg (94 KB, 672x960)
94 KB
94 KB JPG
>>20904753
I know man. I was pretty fucked up over it too and it took years. I held a space in my heart for him long afterwards and always sort of hoped that perhaps, if I just wished hard enough and played the right role around him, that I could convince him to come back or make an effort - however this false hope was doing me more harm than good. It was emotionally harmful and it kept me clinging to the past and in a bit of denial about the current reality that he was gone and he didn't have any interest in putting as much effort into me and I was for him.

It hurt to let him go and to accept what he wanted. He WANTED this and despite the fact that we had been together for well over 7 years and had braided our lives together pretty tightly, it wasn't as valuable to him as it was to me and he was willing to dump it all into the trash can so that he could sleep around. I felt like a used tissue and yet I still loved him and wanted him back.

I read a quote that said, "Your value doesn't lower just because someone's unable to see it" and that's sort of what helped me to start to pull the strings back together. Eventually, I began to get curious and dip my toes back into the dating scene. (I hate the dating process.) I took my time and found someone who clicked with me on many levels that my ex never had and was surprised to find out that I CAN fall in love as deeply and as happily as I did with my ex. I thought he was my one and only but it turns out, I was wrong.

This is what I want for you, OP. Take your time with this. Allow yourself the time it takes to mourn. Allow yourself to be angry. Allow yourself to be sad and sit with and feel your emotions and recognize your triggers. But once you're ready to try, give yourself permission to be happy. Give yourself permission to be good and gentle with yourself as your scars heal. You deserve love. You deserve happiness. You deserve respect and to feel cherished by your partner. I hope you succeed in that someday.
>>
>>20904811
again, thank you anon. I expected to have to deal with the usual cuck-posts, but reading your two pasts made it worth it.
>>
File: brofist.gif (903 KB, 500x270)
903 KB
903 KB GIF
>>20904852
Your welcome. Good luck.
>>
Holy shit OP if this isn't bait then you need to dump her ASAP before she straight up just fucks someone else since it's clearly on her mind already. You should have dumped her the moment she said she wanted to sleep with an orbiter that is some ludicrous shit man, have some self respect and go bang other chicks because this chick is absolutely not worth it
>>
>>20904866
>You should have dumped her the moment she said she wanted to sleep with an orbiter that is some ludicrous shit man
I did. But it's hard to accept that this is the new reality, even 2 weeks later.
>>
>>20904866
Oh and don't forget, that orbiter lives half-around the globe and met her once when she checked into his hotel on the last evening of her trip.
To think that this is the hill my relationship with the girl who was the big love of my twenties dies on - it's disgusting. I feel ill, not just mentally but physically. I could puke right this moment, all over the keyboard.
>>
>>20904868
2 weeks is too early OP, you need a couple of months at the very least. Give it about a year and you'll be ok, if not completely back to your old self. Whenever I lose something I always consider the facts and events. If it was my fault or things couldn't happen any other way I will probably feel worse than if it was the other person's fault.
>>
Sorry to here this OP.

It sucks but honestly at the end of the day that’s just life. We are not as monogamous as we make ourselves out to be. People get stale, we crave new things - relationships and partners are one of those things. It will be hard, and take time, but just let her go. Life goes on.
>>
>>20904876
Damn, that's why I wouldn't want to be an orbiter, I don't want to be the reason someone breaks up with their SO I'd feel guilty.
>>
>>20904881
I know that this is the case. but fuck does it feel different when you're on the receiving end of the stick.
>>
>>20904887
well, she plans to fly back for a hookup this summer, so I don't think he will mind. at least he doesn't know anything about, well, anything yet.
>>
>>20904868
>>20904876
Sorry I skipped a few posts if you already said that. That really sucks man i'd buy you a beer if I knew you but if it makes you feel better you did the right thing and will be in much less hurt sooner than if she did this while with you. What was her reaction to being dumped out of curiosity?
And I know what you mean by the physical feeling of illness i've been there before in a similar situation, just take some time to take care of yourself bro you deserve it. Delve into some hobbies and whatever makes you happy
>>
>>20904898
>What was her reaction to being dumped out of curiosity?
She cried like crazy and tried to stop me, but not as vehemently as during previous arguments. I think she knew that this time was different. We met a few times since, talked a lot, explored different options and compromises, but I think in the end we both know that neither of us are willing to compromise on this one.

It's hilarious how she fought for this relationship a few years ago. tooth and fucking nail. but I don't think I have it in me to do the same.
>>
>>20904898
>>20904637
here's the backstory in case you're curious
>>
>>20904907
>>20904912 thanks bud

My god man i'm speechless.

>She cried like crazy and tried to stop me
She is definitely trying to manipulate you so she can have her cake and eat it too, i.e. keep you on the side and fuck whoever she wants. Ignore the dudes calling you a cuck, you played your cards right and i'm willing to bet she will regret this. It might hurt to hear but there really is no going back from this.
>>
>>20904929
>It might hurt to hear but there really is no going back from this.
Hearing it doesn't hurt, but deep down knowing it is what does. There are moments where I'm willing to accept anything if it meant having our old life back. but deep down I know that we never will. and this is what breaks me.
>>
>>20904492
If your SO wants a "break" or anything that involves putting your exclusivity on hold, the relationship is done for. There's no positive outcome from her fucking her orbiter and randoms from tinder then coming back to you (assuming she even does), the relationship won't improve.
Tell her you're not on board with it (on the off chance you're getting the shit test of the century) and treat the relationship like you're trying to win her over, not like you have been together for 5 years and expect things.

Worst comes to the worst, you end the relationship now and find someone for something long term before you're too old or all the viable women are single mothers with kids by different dads.
>>
Thank you all for listening me rant and vent. I am not in a good place right now, but at least this thread allowed me to put all these shitty thoughts into words.
>>
>>20904946
>Worst comes to the worst, you end the relationship now and find someone for something long term before you're too old or all the viable women are single mothers with kids by different dads.
I have. I am not keen on starting over again at 28, but I guess it's what I have to do. Thank god I can go to Uni again, if it was just work from here on I'd probably off myself
>>
>>20904637
So she's traveling halfway through the globe just to fu*k this guy? Wow. Maybe they clicked and she intends to be around him for a while, otherwise wow.
>>
>>20904637
>I went to uni and she wanted an open relationship
You should have ended it there
>as I understand that LTRs are unnatural and we've been exclusive for a long time.
You convinced yourself to be cucked because you don't think it's natural? do you refuse to use cars and planes because you're not supposed to move around that fast? where does anyone even get the idea that people don't stay in exclusive relationships???
>she met a guy abroad who sends her dick pics and she flirts with him, she admitted she took it too far and refuses to cut contact with this guy who she *smirking* met on the last evening and they only exchanged numbers
...come on OP
>I broke up with her as she planned to fly out and fuck this guy
Glad you called it a day, you're better off with her, work on your own self esteem and self worth OP, you're worth way more than she thought of you.
>>
>>20904941
>>20904949
Have a good fucking cry over the memories for a bit then get yourself into gear whenever you feel ready. It's tragic that the old life you had with her won't come back but from this point on you must cement it into your mind that it is in the past. Get into the best shape of your life and do everything you've ever wanted too so she can see what she's missing
>>
>>20904958
>Wow. Maybe they clicked and she intends to be around him for a while, otherwise wow.
She says she does not find him attractive and he'd never be a viable partner for her. But she always wanted to sleep with someone who does not speak her language and sees him as the perfect option for that because after all the texting she thinks he's an interesting person and she'd rather do it with a friend than a complete rando who doesn't know / like / respect her.
>>
>>20904960
thank you
>>
>>20904961
>Get into the best shape of your life and do everything you've ever wanted too so she can see what she's missing
that's the paradoxical part. I am in the best shape of my life already and she keeps drooling over me. but all this other shit apparently has nothing to do with me or us, it's something just for her that does not interfere with her love and lust for me.
>>
>>20904976
That is confusing then. I'm going to stop giving advice now because the bitch seems legitimately crazy

>she always wanted to sleep with someone who does not speak her language and sees him as the perfect option for that because after all the texting she thinks he's an interesting person and she'd rather do it with a friend than a complete rando who doesn't know / like / respect her.
what in the actual fuck am I reading
>>
>>20904984
>what in the actual fuck am I reading
the actual, unironic and 100% real and final reason why the relationship with the woman of my life is going down the shitter. I am not kidding, this is the hill she chose for us to die on.
Do you understand now why I feel like vomiting all over the keyboard as I write this? the absolute fucking state of my life
>>
>>20904507
Alpha af
>>
>>20904993
>I am not kidding, this is the hill she chose for us to die on.

Hahahahahaha!
>>
>>20905023
I know
>>
>>20904929
It is a manipulation tactic. I did this when I was an immature 15 year old
>>
>>20904993
Damn. If it makes you feel OP better I have a similar anecdote that makes me look more pathetic

I used to long-distance date a girl who at the time I did not realise had NPD (or was even possibly a psychopath). I fell madly in love with her, eventually when the honeymoon phase was over she started acting weird, distant and abusive to which I began buying and creating a bunch of presents because I predicted she might dump me, e.g. I photoshopped stupid images of referencing our in-jokes with me and her dressed as mexican gangsters and sailor moon and shit and had them printed at a local store (cashier looked at me like i'm autistic). Probably costed me like $700 altogether plus a lot of time, and she dumped me soon after before I could give them to her. 9 months later she contacted me on my birthday giving me the whole "i miss you i love you and I made such a big mistake i want to be back in your life" which I fell for and things felt normal again then she started acting weird and distant but this time I manned up and ignored it. After a week I caved and started a convo and she casually brought up how her ex had a confrontation with a new guy she was seeing... i was crushed and realised what had happened; she purposely hoovered me back to punish me for whatever sadistic reason. Anyway long story short during this period of about a year and a half I was throwing up violently and couldn't go to public places without throwing up and I was close to killing myself. I've bounced back hard from that and long story short bitches ain't SHIT i hope this entertained you OP
>>
>>20904736
Blessed and based
I'm glad you're happy now fren
>>
Dump the whore, cuck. I'm serious, no matter she says she doesn't want anymore or what, she just crossed a line, and she most likely consider you like a piece of shit if she tells you that.
>>
>>20905047
Thanks for typing it out, anon. How did you move on after that?
>>
>>20904637

>She started saying that she's "curious" maybe a year ago or so
>I will probably move away for my Master's for a year starting this summer, so she suggested an open relationship during that time.
>I was okay with this initially
My god. Not only is your girlfriend a filthy whore, you even considered going along with this bullshit you cuck.

Even the fact that she suggests opening up the relationship is insulting if you ask me and reason enough to dump that whore. If you've been in a relationship for 5 years with someone, you don't casually ask them: ''can we open up our relationship so i can go off and get fucked by chad for a year :333 ? i promise i'll come back to you after i've had my fair share of hottie dick my lovely cuck :333''. If you don't feel like you can stay loyal to your SO anymore, you simply break up with them. You don't suggest these 'i want to have my cake and eat it too' alternatives. Dump the slut and never look back.
>>
This is dumb. But it also happened to me. Idk what type of guy you are but youll be fine given time, or fine when you find another girl. For me my ex was already noticeably a cunt so I wasn’t very upset when I told her we should call it quits. She cried for some reason and not a week later she was dating someone else. It happens a lot, sometimes the girl thinks she’s found “the one” and then years later she finds someone she thinks is hotter but also still wants you in her life. Took her virginity, dated her for 4 years, she wanted to take a break and fool around with some guy, I said go ahead and cut her out of my life. Blocked her on everything instantly. She was so desperate to stay “friends”. Fuck that noise, if he turns out to be an asshole to you (he was) you live with the fact that you broke up with someone that treated you better. It hurt back then but you need to pull that shit off like a bandaid and now I’m fine. Time heals my dude.
>>
>>20904492
Idk can you handle looking at your girlfriend after she took a "break" from you to go get fucked by a bunch of guys because she just wanted some new dick. She does this once, don't think won't possibly have this idea again. Is that really the girl you want to be with. C'mon man no one wants this unless it's some kink
>>
Once more, thank you all for chiming in. I went out for dinner with friends and I feel much better now, to which you have contributed. Thanks /adv/
>>
>>20904492
This is actually surprisingly common.
You need to be a man and put your foot down. Tell her straight out if she wants to slut around and throw away 5 years of love, to never contact you again.
>>
>>20904625
>she believes it would help us grow and make settling down easier in the future.

She's a fucking sociopath and you're a retard for believing this. She's literally admitting she wants to fuck as many dicks as possible before settling with you for the rest of her life.
Have some dignity and grow a spine
>>
>>20905845
>Have some dignity and grow a spine
I broke up with her on the spot. But the entire chain of events still haunts me after two weeks. It's incredibly insulting, hurtful and disrespectful to have a relationship I considered exceptional end like this. Hence I'm here to vent
>>
>>20905862
Ah, my apologies. I thought you were here asking for advice on what to do about it.

Good job, OP. While I'm sure it sucks to have 5 years of your life wasted, your feelings are completely understandable. You'll move on with time, and that bitch will regret throwing away a real relationship for casual sex, because the former is stupidly rare these days
>>
>>20905862
you should have said that in the OP that you already broke up with you.
you did the right thing. you will feel better after some time has passed. It always hurts to move on from a relationship.
>>
>>20904637
>>20905884
here's some background if you're bored.

>Good job, OP. While I'm sure it sucks to have 5 years of your life wasted, your feelings are completely understandable. You'll move on with time, and that bitch will regret throwing away a real relationship for casual sex, because the former is stupidly rare these days
I may be spiteful right now, but I really hope she does. fuck her for throwing away what we had, especially if she kept going on about how I was the one and all that shit.

>>20905894
You're right. I wasn't in a good place when I wrote it and my thoughts were all over the place. I broke up with her once she refused to cut contact with some guy who sent her dickpics because she valued their "friendship" too much.

Honestly, right now I'm at a point where the anger took over the pain. fuck her with a flaming rake. I'm better off without her.
>>
I actually think open relationships are great, and totally understand the need to "explore" sometimes; my gf and i may do this in the future when we have more time. the issue i see in this thread is the dishonesty. it feels like she broke your trust / like there isn't super solid communication about this

i can be with someone while we fuck other people, but i can't be with someone if they say that's not happening but do it anyway, no trust, etc. just my two cents
>>
>>20905951
>i can be with someone while we fuck other people, but i can't be with someone if they say that's not happening but do it anyway, no trust, etc.
and that is exactly my problem. I was okay with an open relationship, even though some anons will call me a cuck for it. I estimate my SMV to be higher than hers and I'm sure I would have had a good time. But it's the lying, deceiving and general unwillingness to compromise for the sake of the relationship which broke the camel's back. All relationships are built on trust and honesty. She thought it was fine making plans for herself behind my back and now she can have them for all I care. thanks for commenting.
>>
>>20904513
They want it all. I think they do that when they grow too content. A guy to hold them to prvide safty and to return to, but still slutting it up on the side
>>
>>20904671
This, it's pretty fucked but it's a normal thing. Your peers will shit on you for not getting married at 24-25 but they're most likely going to get cheated on. They will all justify it as well and claim that it's sexual liberation.
>>
>>20904736
Wholesome post
>>
>>20904965
Honestly I was going to say that maybe she wasn't trying to manipulate you and this was just a result of typical mid-20s cognitive dissonance but this post definitely sealed the deal for me. What a piece of shit.
>>
>>20904492

fucking leave her man. If she doesn't have your complete loyalty and commitment to the relationship than it aint fucking worth it. It means her mind and heart are wandering and she's losing intense interest in you. I would back away, stop talking to her and find a hotter girl to talk to and engage with. You sound like you deserve better man. Don't let this girl manipulate your feelings.
>>
>>20905951
Open relationships are never okay. I could MAYBE see it working with a 40 year old married couple or something that already has decades of trust under their belts. When one member of the relationship suggests an open relationship they are admitting that they don't want to be with you anymore, they are refusing to attack the situation and work it out, and they want to string you along emotionally or financially because the people they are fucking are not going to want to enter a long term relationship with them. One of you guys are going to feel weird and guilty about fucking someone else and the partner who does go out and feels liberated is going to create a festering tumor on the relationship. Every time there is a rut in the relationship, instead of trying to understand each other this person is just going to want to go out and fuck.
>>
>>20904876
>I could puke right this moment, all over the keyboard.
Iktf man. Got cheated on after 4 years. It was traumatic. she acted like it was no biggie and went on with that other guy she had just met while I cried my eyes out like a baby on my fathers shoulder, went out into the woods at night to loudly talk to myself and get bouts of rage, hug trees while crying and stuff.
I want you to know that it gets better. It's like two broken legs. You're absolutely fucked and in more pain then you've ever been. You can't function, can't live like you used to. But slowly, given that you take care and let time pass, it will all heal again, even if you don't believe it. It will pass like all things pass, you'll stand up again, walking slowly, step after step. Sometimes it will come back and you feel like you're still at square one, but those phases will become fewer and fewer, will be shorter and shorter. You'll become strong again, full of life again, even if you feel like life is over. Nature will take it's course and before you know it you are your old self again
>>
>>20904736
more people need to read this. thanks femanon, i needed this today.
>>
>>20904492
don't cope, don't settle. ditch the bitch
>>
>>20906135
Thank you anon, it's good to hear this over and over again. I'm sorry for what happened to you.
>>
>>20904593
>THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING
>IM IN CHARGE HERE

lmao get cucked op
>>
>>20904492
laugh, tell her to have fun, then disregard her. if she comes back around, laugh again, and continue to disregard her
>>
>>20905078
If you're still monitoring the thread, I sought professional help which was key, and gym and training martial arts really helped me too. Stay active OP. Some good advice has been given in this thread in a rare moment of wholesomeness on 4chan
>>
>>20904492
>>20904520
Look pal she's a slut, it's over. "Finding herself" or whatever flowery purple prose bullshit she wants to use doesn't matter, the fact is she wants to suck someone else's cock. She doesn't love you, appreciate you, or the last five years you spent building your relationship together. Call it quits, get depressed, get drunk, until it hurts less. Listen bud you didn't do anything wrong here, I'm proud of you for breaking it off. The next few month's will be the hardest but by the end of the year you'll be feeling a little better. Don't ever fucking get back with someone who's going to hurt you like this dude.
>>
>>20904637
>>20905906

hey i'm an old fucker so just a few words because i've seen this many times before

1 - she's gone but she wants to use you
2 - anger is normal, so is despair, so is elation and everything else, you're going to be a seesaw of emotions for awhile.
3 - your self respect will stay around much longer than a woman

don't worry about the cuck thing, it's just fucking angry tweens. you tried to roll with things but you've discovered something you won't roll with.
>>
she has made her bed - now she can get fucked in it.
>>
>>20904492
pump and dump
>>
>>20904492
dont get back together, have some self respect (which she probably lacks)
>>
>>20909325
>>20908080
these in combination will undoubtedly be the best course of action.
>>
>>20904492
Beat some sense into her brain, sometimes women are so stupid they need a good beating.
>>
>>20904584
THIS
OP you do not need to subject yourself to this, there is no reason besides your own fear of loneliness or losing something good that clearly isn’t with the right person. You can be happy without her, and I would venture to say even happier. If she’s set on this then you should make it clear things are over once she walks out that door. I don’t believe in destiny, but if you too are really right for each other, you will come together again, you will fight to have each other again. You are NOT her safety net, OP. You are NOT a doormat. You are a man with every right to a place under the sun and the pursuit of happiness
>>
>>20906111

eh. nah. sometimes you just want some strange ass, dude. it often really doesn't mean that much in terms of the relationship.
>>
>>20904492
Tell her to get lost. Then call her father and tell him that she decided to be a tinder whore instead of getting married and having children.
>>
>>20904492
People are odd. We all think we're strong enough to make the painful choices in life but in the end very few of us are. She's grown out of the relationship but she's still too attached to the bond she has developed with you to let it go completely so she's deluded herself into believing that she can both satisfy the voice in her head that's telling her to get out of this relationship AND not have to say goodbye to you. Both options are incredibly painful so she's built a false reality for herself in which she doesn't have to chose. Unfortunately, as we all know, she has to choose. Understand that people do and think a lot of silly things to avoid pain and this definitely qualifies as one of them. The point is that the relationship is over and she needs to know that once she leaves it can't be pieced back together. She understands that on some level but it needs to be said. Try not to view it as her trying to use you as a safety net or play you like a fool. She's still incredibly attached to you and that's why she thought this silly plan would work. She just isn't ready emotionally to face the reality of the situation. Letting relationships go when you still have a lot of feeling for your partner is really difficult. Tell her the truth but be patient, OP.
>>
>>20904625
>We've sort of reconciled since
I don't know if you really understand the magnitude of just how shitty of a human being she is being to you, she is basically saying you're not good enough for me as it is, give me a free pass to have fun and take cock while you sit jerking off and crying then MAYBE I'll come back to you once I've had all this fun and experience without you. Reconciliation implies you're still in contact or friendly, it's fine if you don't want to carry animosity towards her but this is not someone you want in your life, there should be no more contact between you two, like that's it, she made her choice and you made yours and you're both done.
>>
>>20904625
>This time she didn't really fight it

I WONDER WHY, KEK
>>
>>20904965
The fact you discuss this with her makes me think you secretly enjoy it.
>>
>>20905827
Post screenshots of you breaking up and blocking your girlfriend, otherwise you are a just a cuck.
>>
This is why I fear getting into a relationship again, if my gf of 5 years said something like this to me I fear loosing control and a tragedy happening.
>>
>>20904637
Unironcally kill yourself, your genes mustn’t spread
>>
>>20909435
>Try not to view it as her trying to use you as a safety net or play you like a fool
That's literally what she's doing though, just because you can emphasize with someone doesn't make what they did right or any less wrong.

Sure, it's painful. But part of being an adult is taking responsibility for your actions. You don't get a free pass because you're a woman that acts like a child.
>>
>>20904492
Don't contact her for whatsoever reason unless she reaches out to you. You have to give her the break up and make her realize a consequence of her decision was that you're no longer be a part of her life. From there you'll either meet someone else and move on or she'll come back to you once she realizes her mistake. Although since it sounds like she isn't attracted to you anymore I wouldn't count on the second option.
>>
File: 1523208313633.jpg (54 KB, 728x546)
54 KB
54 KB JPG
My ex did dd the same thing. After 11 years. Married 6 weeks then she drops the poly bomb after 6 weeks of marriage. Asking how id feel if she fuckrf this guy in another country. She said she just wanted something different because we were virgins when we met.

I almost ended it right there but we were together 11 yrs and just got married. So I gave her a chance, cut off with this guy and we'll try to work it out or its over.

She said ok, then 2 days later moved out. After just 6 weeks ago we got married in the back yard of the house I let her pick out.

The person she said she wanted to escalate with was just a smoke screen to work up to her real target.

Two weeks later she's hooking up with some old supervisor. After 11 years monogamous, right before I'm about to get my degree, I own a fucking house.

All thrown away for some guy who she thought was hotter that lived in a basement and didn't have a car.


It hurts but professional help, exercise and new pussy help.

The open / poly convo is basically a break up
>>
>>20909690
Does her life suck now?
>>
>>20904492
>How do I cope with this?
I know this thread is 120 posts deep but
Tell her her to fuck off and find someone who appreciates your relationship.
>>
>>20909574
>That's literally what she's doing though
You're entitled to that assumption but at the end of the day neither you nor I know anything about this girl. There is no benefit in encouraging OP to stoke anger about this issue. Whether or not her intentions are malicious doesn't really have anything to do with what he must do to address the issue.

>But part of being an adult is taking responsibility for your actions. You don't get a free pass because you're a woman that acts like a child.
Firstly, none of my advice even remotely suggested anything resembling a "free pass". Secondly, I encourage both you and OP to avoid scrambling to wield your righteousness. Its really easy to look at someone else's pain or fear from the outside in and tell them they're a child or foolish for not making the right decision but as I said in my original post, life isn't that simple. If you're ever been in a situation where you've been forced to say goodbye to someone or something that you love you know that taking responsibility is not just some easy decision that we make without ever faltering. I have a hard time believing you've gone through life never having unintentionally hurt someone you've loved or done the wrong thing for the right reasons. Stow your righteousness and consider OP's emotional investment in this issue. Developing resentment and bitterness is not a solution, its just vengeance.
>>
>>20909702
Don't know don't care.

She ded to me
>>
>>20905951
I wonder who could be behind this post >.
>>
>>20904739
This tortures me. I'm 24 and my sex drive is dead and I'm never getting it back. I've never done anything sexual in my life.

I don't really want to live with that.
>>
>>20904492

Stop being retarded, Forest Gump.
>>
File: 1555634592982.png (102 KB, 498x391)
102 KB
102 KB PNG
>>20910809
>>
>>20904637
>exclusively
>unnatural LTR
Are you American or European or something?

Do you guys really need clarifying that you wouldn't fuck a stranger while ALREADY BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP?

Drop her. She wants adventures - let her have adventures.
But you western people are crazy. "Exclusivity"! Fuck, if I'd heard this talk from a girl I like, It woul'd have been an instant turn off.
>>
>>20904492

Like this guy said >>20904501
Leave this woman, the damnage has already been done
>>
I think it's the sheer disrespect that gets to me the most. The disrespect of a woman who swears I'm the love of her life. Fuck.
>>
>>20904492
she is being selfish to think that you should be ok to fool around and then come back. Its naive and cruel. You dont have to cope with it. Break it off because she is not coming back.
>>
I just found out they jacked it together on Skype. Everytime I think I've hit rock bottom they ground is pulled away from underneath and I fall deeper.
God I just want to die right now
>>
>>20904492
Abandon her.

Jesus fucking christ women truely are a subhuman species.
>>
>>20904637
fucking cuck kys
>>
>>20909690
women were a mistake
>>
>>20904510
I'm a femanon and can confirm this is manipulation at its highest form. Fuckin ditch her dude who cares if she looks pretty just let that aid in your self esteem and find a decent human to court
>>
>>20904739
>>20910798
oh man that kills me inside. 28 and a khv, my sex drive is already lower than it was 5 years ago. It's really depressing to think that I might never experience that side of life.
>>
>>20912810
how do you even get to that point? Did you just give up?
>>
>>20912870
I have strong social anxiety and avoidance, and I also happen to know that I'm way too boring and repressed to be capable of dating someone. Any time a girl has expressed interest I've been unable to take any initiative, if I try I just seize up.
Add to this that the two times in my life I did manage to gather up the courage to ask a girl out I was rejected, which helped to reinforce my beliefs. The only time I told another girl about this she laughed at me and thought it was funny, and she's a decent person so I can only imagine what an average woman would do.

Yeah I basically gave up because I was unable to get past the fear of rejection and humilation. Now if I'm not on 4chan I focus on work and making money, that's about it. I have enough that I've considered sugar babies, but I'm almost beyond the point of being interested in a genuine relationship.



Delete Post: [File Only] Style:
[Disable Mobile View / Use Desktop Site]

[Enable Mobile View / Use Mobile Site]

All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.