I am madly in love with my female best friend. I really don't think the feeling is mutual, and I worry that if I tell her she'll recontextualize our relationship since she's had bad experiences with men acting like they want to be friends but actually having alternate intentions in the past. I feel suffocated by not being able to tell her though. What do? I can answer questions if that would help.
I'll just tell you what I did. I confessed to my best friend 2 weeks ago and got rejected. The next day she started texting me again like nothing happened and now we actually seem to have gotten even closer,which in turn makes me love her even more.
>>20792650>>20792669Betas everyone. Don't be friends with women you are attracted to. If they wanted you they would have made signs.
>>20792696Op here. Wasn't even attracted to her at first. Was friends with her for ~2 years and only caught feelings a few months ago. It's far more about the trust and the emotional connection than anything physical, or at least the physical attraction is a result of the emotional one.
>>20792669Christ what a sad story
Guys help me
>>20792650If she doesn't seem to reciprocate, do something different. If you give her a lot of attention, dial it back a little and focus on yourself. Don't be outwardly rude, but if you feel you're getting the short end of the stick, adjust your focuses elsewhere, or you'll find yourself stuck in a deep cycle. Talk to other girls too, it really works. If you tell her how you feel, be prepared for "I'm not ready for this" or "I don't want to ruin our friendship".If that's the case, again, don't be rude, but let her wonder why you're not putting as much energy into the friendship. Draw away a little and move on.
>>20793354I don’t think I’m getting the short end of the stick, in fact I think our relationship is extremely healthy aside from the obvious one-sided tension that exists. I just fear that since we’ve been platonic for so long it’ll be impossible to change it up.
>>20792696Meta-beta.>>20792650It's not a question of whether the feeling is mutual right now, it's a matter of behaving in such a way that feelings might occur later.>>20792669Confessing is truly a beta move. Never confess unless you've fucked her for six months already.Action speak louder than words. Build attraction by the way you behave around her, and the words you choose. That includes body language, eye contact and appropriate touching. Introduce some levity if you get a bad reaction, her defences won't spike if she knows it's not meant too seriously.
>>20792650Tell her how you feel.
>>20792711Either you really mean it or its just a short phase youre going through. I recommend just waiting it out for a couple weeks, in that time focus on things that irritate you about her. if after a couple weeks you feel the same way tell her and then, whatever happens, happens
>>20792650>I worry that if I tell her she'll recontextualize our relationshipIf your friendship is strong enough it can survive that.>men acting like they want to be friends but actually having alternate intentions in the pastWas it that way for you, or no?If you're trustworthy, she would appreciate your honesty.
>>20793793It was not. This is a fairly recent development. I just don’t know how to stop her from thinking that.
>>20794870Then why are you ignoring my post?
OP listen to >>20793462He’s actually the only good advice in this entire thread.
>>20793462Not op, but I'm in the same boat as him. What if its mutual then? Is it always a good idea for the guy to say what he feels first?
>>20792650Ask her out nigga, better to try and fail to never have tried at all
>>20792696Fuck off to /r9k/
Confessions are for anime and incels. Just ask her to hang out one on one retard. Why would you confess anything. Showing is better than telling.
>>20793591Terrible advice. Fuck you.
>>20792650>she's had bad experiences with men acting like they want to be friends but actually having alternate intentions Had a near identical experience when I was younger. Horrible mixed messages coming from her, had no idea where I stood and it drove me pretty mad. My advice: Just get it out in the open, maybe it's mutual maybe it's not. If she can't accept that men are attracted to her then she's the problem.
>>20792650How are you “madly in love” with someone who you merely have a crush on? Just tell her, and if she doesn’t like you, nothing was lost.>>20792669>confessCringe ngl>>20792696Possibly. Or you could fucking TALK TO THEM. The whole “guise my fren of 6 months is cute omg should i tell her i luv her??? xD” will only further shove one’s head up their own ass even further. >>20792711Did the girl change into a whole new person after 2 years? Did it take you 2 years to scope out every single detail about them before you were comfortable taking any risks catching feelings for them? LOL. You’re not actually into the girl.
Why is sex so overpowering for you people? Can you really not talk to a woman without becoming a horny, affectionate mess??
>>20795679it's not sex dude.
>>20795540Not in my experience. Once you've said it, it's hard for most guys to not feel like the power balance has shifted, and fall into neediness. Be as causual about it as you can. >Hey you know I love you, right? Of course I do, numbnuts! Now, you wanna go grab some ice cream?Ok.>I truly, deepy love you, Anonette. You're everything to me, and I just want to crawl up inside you and die.Not ok.
>>20795717I'm literally the guy in the second greentext. How the fuck do I instantly communicate like the first greentext?
>>20795771By not being such a freaking drama queen. Control your power level
>>20795679Are you a fag or a woman?
Here's what I did with my female best friendFell in love before I knew she had a bfGot very close, hung out more and moreOften hang out twice a week at leastEventually have sex because we got along too well and have no self control like degeneratesShe got engaged, still saying goodnight, love you, and having sexMake a move so you can either move on or have a real relationship (ie not mine)
>>20792669Holy shit that's depressing
>>20795003What was yours?
1. If you are afraid to sacrifice your friendship then the next time you go to party or a bar together in group of friends ( assuming you do that) tell her how you feel if she doesnt fee the same blame alcohol. this is a pussy move tho 2. Start inviting her to hang out more and dont be afraid of body contact and shit, then she might develop feelings for you if she hasnt already and when you see signs just go for a kiss3. if you want to find out if she likes you without showing her that you like her, start chatting with other girls. if she will be constantly interested and if she will say mean shit about those girls then she might be jealous and either she’s jealous because she actually thinks that those girls are sluts n shit or she is into you. if she continues to talk mean shit about those girls, ask her jokingly “why tf do you care, youre not jealous are you” or smth like that, you will come up with better phrase at the spot. and from then just follow her body language and shit
woo her, actions speak better than wordsdont shit your pants if she asks you why are you behaving differentlyand yes she probably isnt attracted to you but trying your best is better than current situation
>>20795771Alright I'm back on the computer. Going to assume that you want an actual answer and not some quippy oneliner.>>20796777I'm >>20793462 and >>20795717> How the fuck do I instantly communicate like the first greentext?What do you mean by 'instantly'?As I said in my first post, you don't instantly do anything. If you can't enjoy being with a girl withing having to express your inflated thoughts/feelings in words, you should contemplate what words actually do. How will it improve your relationship to utter cliché sentences to her? 'I love you' is the best thing anyone can ever say to you, IF it's coming from someone you trust, share a bond with and got no doubts about wanting to spend unlimited time with. Have you made sure this is something she feels and takes as a given? There shouldn't be any question about it. If you're not in that position, then confessing is a cheap form of manipulation. As soon as you tell her for the first time, you're stepping aboard the relationship escelator, and you better be sure that she's going to step on with you. That's why I said to wait until you've already been intimate for half a year.>So what can I do?Show her. Again, action speak loader than words. I'm not the only one ITT telling you this, but unlike >>20798072 I'll always be the one to shift this constantly recurring dilemma from>she probably isnt attracted to you but trying your best is better than current situationto>she probably isn't attracted to you YET, but she might become attracted if you if you start building attraction.You can absolutely use language as part of this, but it shouldn't be *about* your feelings. It's easier for women to trust language supported by your tenderness and loving care. The way you sometimes touch her shoulders and the small of her back when walking through doors, and the way you hold eye contact for slightly longer, with sincere smiles, those are the things that will make her feel cared for and admired.
>>20792650You are doing the same thing as all the other men that lied and pretended to be a friend. The friendship is a feign by a manipulative man, you OP.If you had any balls you would tell her your intentions and let her decide but you won't. Men like you slither up close and wait, ready to pounce.