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28+ Thread

As usual /adv/ is full of bait, non-advice threads and issues that'll eventually solve themselves with a little effort and time (Yeah I get it's ironic coming from me).

--Still can't get the green parakeets to come over to my garden but they did all land on my roof once for some reason, about 7 of them.
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>>20677014
About 2 weeks ago I decided that next year I'm quitting my dumb part time job at a hippie high school. Feels good.
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>>20677383
What are you doing for money now?
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Bump.
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>>20677014
Were I you I would try to fashion fake parakeets and put them in your trees.

Can someone help me get motivation and enthusiasm to come into my life ?
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>>20678260
>Can someone help me get motivation and enthusiasm to come into my life ?
At this point in life (and era) I think you have to seek out a kooky/niche hobby/fandom.
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I'M IN MY 30s AND I CAN'T STOP SHITPOSTING ON THIS MONGOLIAN TAPESTRY WEBFORUM WITH PEOPLE YOUNG ENOUGH TO BE MY KIDS
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Anyone have friends that they've known for a long time? I've known my best friend for 21 years and I can just tell our relationship is slowly dying as we get older. It's sad to see and I don't know if we can make it better.
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>>20678397
I always thought that was like a myth and a feel-good story that they put in kids' shows. By the time I got to high school I stopped being friends with all the kids I was friends with in elementary, and by the time we graduated high school or maybe like a year or two after everyone in our group of friends had just naturally drifted apart and stopped having things in common. Same with the people I hung out with in college, etc.

Are you guys co-dependent or maybe one of you totally reliant on the other? Describing it as "relationship is slowly dying as we get older" sounds like something a 50 year old would say about their marriage.
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>>20678418
>I always thought that was like a myth and a feel-good story that they put in kids' shows.
I have a couple, though "friends" may be too strong of a word to use, they're more like people who fell off the social ladder and decided to latch onto me.

I'm guessing people with real friends, have actual long time friends.
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>>20678599
>I'm guessing people with real friends, have actual long time friends.

I don't know about that. I know plenty of people who had friends that were as close as anything and they got them though the worst times of their lives while also being there for the best times of their lives - but eventually people move on. People change or they physically move to another country or another part of the country and they start their own lives. 28+ is when you should stop worrying about friends and think more about starting your own family.
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>>20678397
With time I realized that making friends is a natural consequence of being forced into the same space and time with other people.
Thus you make friends in school, work, sports or activities.
Every once in a while you connect with someone enough to maintain that friendship for long time and outside those places, but people often confuse that rare genuine connection with the social norms that dictate that "you must remain friends with all your friends". And hence the disappointment when things just fall apart.
Ironically, realizing all this has helped me to make friends fast and easy wherever I'm at. They're not "brothers for life", but they don't need to be either.
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>>20678632
Exactly this. I was a-okay with naturally no longer being in touch with former friends. it was literally nothing personal it was just that we grew apart and become different people with different interests over the years.

The worst was when I had to "break up" with friends because they were still trying to act like we were in 10th grade or whatever.
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>>20678625
>28+ is when you should stop worrying about friends and think more about starting your own family.
Can't really do that without friends or meeting people, unless your from an old country that still does arranged marriages.
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>>20678675
yeah but like >>20678632 said, friends are just people that you happen to connect with simply because you're at the right place at the right time.

Unless you're a 28+ year old NEET, you should be meeting new people all the time. Friends shouldn't be this lifelong commitment akin to being married.
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>>20678698
>Unless you're a 28+ year old NEET, you should be meeting new people all the time.
The only people I ever meet are the same ten guys at work.
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>>20678701
Well go do other shit then. Take karate classes, volunteer at some Feed The Retards charity thing, participate in amateur improv, join a church, take and/or sell drugs, anything really.
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>>20678723
Doing things I don't really want to do just for the sake of meeting people seems like a bad strategy. The chances of meeting someone I would actually care for meeting are small.
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>>20678733
okay, well do nothing then. what do you want

go do something that you enjoy instead
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>>20678735
That's the problem. I don't enjoy anything anymore.
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>>20678723
I'm trying to figure out what the best thing to join would be.
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>>20678744
>>20678747
That is kind of pathetic, to be honest. How come you did not figure out it by now?
I mean, most musicians, developers and athletes are already fully blooming in that age, and for a while.
I just dont understand how it could happen. What were you doing while you were 15-20 years old?
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>>20678733
This makes no sense unless you were, say, a radical atheist and went and met a girl at a church.

of course then there would be irreconcilable difference between the two of you.

but why in the hell would the chances of you meeting you actually care for be small if you met at like an Open Mic night or a volunteer thing or whatever else
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>>20678744
>I don't enjoy anything anymore.

That means it's time to take a break from 4chan and internet as a whole. You're burnt out and spread too thin from doing nothing online all the time. Take some time off and rediscover yourself. Go outside a read a book.

>>20678747
>best thing
it doesn't matter as long as you're out in the world with people.
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>>20678698
That's a very sad and dry view of life you got there.

It's totally okay to invest (I bet you like that way of saying this) a lot of time, effort and emotions into select friendships after 27.
Affectionate relationships are always valuable. Cultivate them all.
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>>20678760
Because I just don't like most people.
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>>20678778
Nah. I like my friendships to remain friendships. They're casual. That's what friendships should be.

If you're putting a lot of time, effort and emotions into friendships then you're living in toxic relationships.
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>>20678783
>don't like most people
>don't enjoy anything anymore.

You're really making this extremely difficult. What advice are you expecting to get when you don't want to do anything to or talk to anyone?
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>>20678376
If you're in your 30s and they're young enough to be your kids you'd be either retardedly young father or they're young enough to not be allowed here. Plus, even adult people have a right to goof off. Just don't overdo it and balance shitposting with some content of worth and you have nothing to worry about.
I work, maintain my own place, help some people with their issues and generally am theoretically a responsible adult. I still plan to play games, watch weaboo shit and post here till old, old age in my free time. It's my free time and if someone doesn't like it, they can fuck off and do something else with their own free time.
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>>20678770
Not him, but I did that, travelled a lot, slept in the streets, met a lot of people, did a lot of stuff. I still don't really enjoy things.
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>>20678397
>It's sad to see and I don't know if we can make it better.
It depends on both of you. Find time to hang out, find shared interests. I have a friend I was kinda distant with but we kinda started hanging out around somewhere in our late twenties and now every couple of weeks I visit the guy with some snacks or light alcohol, we watch some random stupid shit (tv series etc), talk, sometimes play vidya. It's good enough.
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>>20678796
well then you should take anti-depressants
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>>20678784
Your opinions are weird. Can you explain them to me ?
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>>20678770
I used to love reading books when I was young. At some point I began feeling like there was nothing interesting left to read.
And reading is not a very social thing to do.
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>>20678599
>>20678418
One doesn't have to be the other. Some people are mostly in contact due to shared circumstances, workplace etc. Some make strong enough bonds and enjoy each other ocmpany to be in contact outside of such. But even those may move on, not because of contact itself weakening but them changing and sometimes they may also change and still be in contact. It's harder with age, but it happens.
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>>20678784
If they're completely casual and transient it's sure as hell not actual friendship, more like acquaintanceship.
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>>20678790
>If you're in your 30s and they're young enough to be your kids you'd be either retardedly young father or they're young enough to not be allowed here.

Come on dude, you see all these threads on this board that are like "hey guys I'm in high school and I have this problem with thI'M 18 BY THE WAY IT'S MY LAST YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL I SWEAR I'M ABSOLUTELY NOT A 16 YEAR OLD KID" and even worse you see posts on other boards that talk about how they starterd lurking/posting here when they were like 12 years old.

For sure there are like 8-10 year olds that came here because of like Pewdiepie or some other youtuber retard and they think that Pepe The Frog is absolutely hilarious.
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>>20678796
Maybe you just enjoy not being happy.
Just saying.
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>>20678788
...I honestly don't know. Maybe just a vain hope that someone will say something briliant that will spark something.

>>20678801
Anti-depressants don't bring me joy. They just make me numb so I don't want to kill myself.
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>>20678805
So what's a biggest problem, not having friends or nor enjoying anything?
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>>20678818
Yeah, you're right, but it doesn't mean they're majority - or even the norm. Even given the shit people talk about, I'd assume most of them are end-bracket teenagers to early twenties adults. You're fine, I'm fine, even if we're older than the average, we fucking belong here, we are the soul of the place and we fucking forgot more retarded memes than they got to know. Nothing to worry about as long as you don't go overboard with shitposting and it also doesn't affect your life offline much in any negative way.
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>>20678816
I don't think transient friendship are any less friendships just because they're transient.
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>>20678826
Maybe you just enjoy not being happy.
Just saying.
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>>20678805
It's not but I had a friend for quite some years with whom I really liked discussing books we read and exchanging recommendations. A lot of dynamics of your friendship depends on you and your/your friend's expectations.
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>>20678831
If they're casual, without any greater loyalties, bond etc then they're really not that much of a friendship. Acquaintanceship is not a common term but it seems to really define what you've got going for you quite well. It doesn't mean it's something bad, just.. well, more fitting term. Most of people I know I also consider acquaintances, with exception of a couple of folks I hang around with now since maybe a couple of decades and it's also without putting in much effort.
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>>20678829
As pointed out in this thread, I don't have friends because I don't enjoy things.
I would be fine with not having many friends if I just had someone I really liked.
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>>20678804
I feel like I'm talking with a bunch of 15 year olds or something.

The older you get, the more casual your social life becomes. It's that simple. You're not in school where most of your time is spent with other kids your age and you're socializing all the time. When you're a kid of course having friends and being cool and whatever else is the most important thing in your life since you have no responsibilities or anything.

A friendship, especially at our age, should just be a casual relationship where you're able to just hang out and maybe do things on weekends but like that other dude posted earlier in the thread if you find yourself distressed that you're not hanging out as much as you used to and you're like OH NO MY RELATIONSHIPS IS FALLING APART AND DYING WHAT DO I DO EVERYTHING IS ROTTEN FROM THE INSIDE WHAT'S THE POINT OF LIVING ANYMORE - that means that you're doing friendships wrong.

You should be able to casually let friendships go as casually as you're able to form them. You're not a kid, you're not even that much of a "young adult" anymore at this age. You're an adult. Don't be acting like your friend is your wife.
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>>20678839
So the root is that you don't enjoy things.
And as I pointed, usually that means that you enjoy not being happy.
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>>20678826
>Anti-depressants don't bring me joy
>don't like most people
>don't enjoy anything anymore.

okay well shit dude, I'm out of options. Have you tried Yoga?

Like I said, the best thing to do is to just spend less time online especially on 4chan.
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>>20678845
>enjoy not being happy.
That make no sense.
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>>20678839
>I don't enjoy things.

how the fuck do you not enjoy "things"

This is worse than people who say that they don't like music.
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>>20678849
Without 4chan I'd feel very lonely.
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>>20678823
Maybe. Being happy is not my goal and I like that i'm not easily moved, it makes me feel free.

I don't want advice on this : Ï was just giving myself as a counter example of that one advice.

>>20678826
Hey, by the way. Want to try to be friends with another joyless anon ?
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>>20678853
WTF are you talking about, it makes perfect sense.
You are a emotional masochist.
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>>20678840
The issue is that it seems that you assume that wanting to maintain relations with friends is some great chore all the time and fool's errand. Nah, that's actually how real friendship works - you hang around for long and got each other back even when there are times when the going gets tough. I had some bad times with friends but decided to work it out rather than just cut them off and thanks to that I have friends whom I know a very long time and the relationship is something where we actually do go out of our own way to help each other and overall, far better than a few casual relationships that fall apart over time. There's place for those too, sure, but don't disregard those who want sturdier relations with their close ones - those got cons, but there are also pros. And they're also quite rare, enough that they're worth holding onto them - not desperately, when there's no interest and point anymore, just well enough when you know the people are worth the effort and the thing can be made to work.
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>>20678855
I don't like music either. I got sick of it.
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>>20678855
Not him but some people don't enjoy things like music either. And are posting here just because it distracts them from the overwhelming awareness of how everything that surrounds them and everyone they interact with brings them no joy.
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>>20678861
In that case I don't enjoy being an emotional masochist.
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>>20678870
Of course, no one would admit to that, but I understand Anon. I've been around weirdos all my life.
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>>20678860
>Want to try to be friends with another joyless anon ?
...Not really. Sorry.
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>>20678840
>The older you get, the more casual your social life becomes. It's that simple. A friendship should just be a casual relationship
Well no, it's not that simple. Why do you believe this ? Attachment is a normal human emotion.
There's various degrees of attachment too, it's not just either casual or marriage. And even then if two friends wanted to live together for the rest of their lives, there's no wrong in that.

Of course, trying to maintain bonds artificially is stupid, but so is trying to destroy them without cause.
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>>20678879
That's probably good.
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>>20678857
and you should embrace that loneliness. Filling up that void in your life with 4chan is extremely unhealthy and only leading you into a deeper spiral of loathing and sadness and isolation.

Cut that shit out of your life, and just sit alone in your room for an evening. See how that feels. That's what you're doing when you're on 4chan.

Do something else instead.
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>>20678863
>>20678867
There's millions of hours of music from the past that you haven't heard yet, and millions more being produced everyday.

You can't seriously say that you're sick of music as a whole concept. That's like saying you don't like colors or shapes.
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>>20678883
>Well no, it's not that simple. Why do you believe this ? Attachment is a normal human emotion.
Because at this age you should be focused more on being attached to your wife and kids, or getting a wife and eventually having kids.

>And even then if two friends wanted to live together for the rest of their lives, there's no wrong in that.

I mean at that point you're pretty much in a gay relationship, especially if the two of you haven't found a wife and gotten kids.

>Of course, trying to maintain bonds artificially is stupid, but so is trying to destroy them without cause.

I never said anything about trying to destroy bonds without cause. I'm saying that it's normal that people change and drift apart over time. As an adult you shouldn't be investing all of time and effort and emotions into making sure that you play Mario Kart with your best buddy every weekend.
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>>20678901
Well, I do like like colors, and some shapes.

There may be millions of hours of music, but they're all minor variations on the same few themes.
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>>20678915
>but they're all minor variations
so are colors, and shapes even.
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>>20678897
>That's what you're doing when you're on 4chan.
Wait, what? Are you saying that sitting alone in my room and not having any social interaction is the same as sitting alone in my room and having social interactions on 4chan?
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>>20678960
True, and I suspect I'd grow sick of those too if I decided to take up painting as a hobby.

After several months of learning 3d computer graphics, I was so bloody sick of triangles.
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>>20678961
>social interactions
reading and slowly typing words on a screen is not a social interaction.

You're not "reading the room" or making eye contact with people and picking up on body language and laughing at people's jokes and making witty comments right there on the spot and knowing what to do when there's a lull in the conversation or anything that involves social skills.
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>>20678969
Well yeah i guess if you're theoretically a musician or a composer you would be getting sick of music as whole, but that's certainly something you didn't say up front about yourself.
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>>20678983
>theoretically a musician or a composer
I'm not. I, like any teenager and young adult, used to enjoy and listen to music, until I stopped enjoying music.
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>>20678977
I'm conversing with you. That's social interaction.

Listening to other peoples problems and world views, thinking about answers and solutions, sometimes insightful (imo) and sometimes dumb, that's also social interaction.
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>>20678990
What a weird concept. Music is one of the most ancient art forms, it is literally prehistoric.

I knew of some people on the spectrum who also said that they didn't enjoy music, but that's only because they hadn't discovered what genre or very extremely specific artists they were into yet. One kid didn't get into music until he was like 17.

Also people's tastes change over time. What I enjoy now isn't what I enjoyed when I was in my 20s, and what I enjoyed in my 20 isn't what I enjoyed in my teens, and what I enjoyed in my teens isn't what I enjoyed in my pre-teens.

You just haven't found your next music genre or artists yet.
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>>20679003
No it's not. Physical movement are an integral part of social relations.
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>>20679009
>Also people's tastes change over time. What I enjoy now isn't what I enjoyed when I was in my 20s, and what I enjoyed in my 20 isn't what I enjoyed in my teens, and what I enjoyed in my teens isn't what I enjoyed in my pre-teens.
So why is the concept of changing to not enjoy music so alien to you then?

>You just haven't found your next music genre or artists yet.
I believe I've heard representations of most of the common ones. I even liked dubstep for a while.
Of course, I'm not saying that I will never again enjoy any music.
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>>20679032
>So why is the concept of changing to not enjoy music so alien to you then?

Because you're not a musician or an audio engineer or a music producer or a DJ or anything that would give you a logical reason to not enjoy music as a whole. i.e. being burnt out.
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>>20679044
Do I need a logical reason? What's your logical reason for your change in music taste?
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>>20679014
First I've heard of it. Even if I agreed to not qualify interactions on 4chan as social interaction, talking to people over the internet still is not the same as being entirely isolated.
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>>20679057
>Do I need a logical reason?
Sure, I guess. That's usually how most things go.

>What's your logical reason for your change in music taste?
Pre-teen I was just into whatever what was on the radio at the time.
My teens were rough and so I was into Punk and Metal.
By my 20s I wasn't as angry at the world anymore, but I still wanted manly music so I got into hardcore gangster rap.
Then by my late 20s and now my 30s I realized that I didn't have to define my manhood through what kind of music I listen to, so I'll listen to anything and everything.
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>>20679076
>First I've heard of it.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_relation

People in prison are less isolated than you, because they still interact with other people in the real world. You are absolutely isolated if 4chan and the internet are your only forms of interaction.

You're not even -talking- to people over the internet. You're typing on a keyboard and looking at words on a screen. You get to to think for as long as you please about which words you want to use to express yourself, you can look over what you've written before hitting Post and editing some of it or even writing something altogether. Talking to people is making split-second decision about what words you're saying and you don't get to sit for a while and think about what you want to say and how you say it. You also have to detect things like sarcasm and the tone of people's voice to hear if they're frustrated or even if they're lying - and then there's the whole aspect of physicality of body language and everything else.

This, 4chan, is like reading a news article or someone's blog. It's not a real social interaction.
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>>20679081
Then I suppose there are logical reasons for my changing tastes as well. I just not aware of them in the same way you are.
At some point listening to music stopped feeling good and began to feel annoying or even nauseating. I still sometimes voluntarily listen to the occasional song but I'm not consuming music like I used to.
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>>20679106
If it's logical, you should be able to logically articulate it.
>annoying or even nauseating
Maybe you have a brain tumor, I'm being serious.

I get that a lot of pop music is repetitive and overly simple so that's annoying to a lot of people, but all music is annoying and even nauseating? That ain't right.
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>>20679102
>You're not even -talking-
I'm talking in the sense that I'm stringing words together into sentences in order to communicate thoughts. And I'm listening to you do the same. If we commuincated through the newspaper, or handwritten letters, instead of a message board, I would still think if it as interaction.
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>>20679121
You're typing on a keyboard and looking at words on a screen. You get to to think for as long as you please about which words you want to use to express yourself, you can look over what you've written before hitting Post and editing some of it or even writing something altogether. Talking to people is making split-second decision about what words you're saying and you don't get to sit for a while and think about what you want to say and how you say it. You also have to detect things like sarcasm and the tone of people's voice to hear if they're frustrated or even if they're lying - and then there's the whole aspect of physicality of body language and everything else.

If we communicated through handwritten letters it would be best for you because it would take weeks for the letters to come and go, and you'd have all the free time in the world to do anything other than this, and eventually realize how silly it is and stop writing altogether because you realized how better it is to actually talk to people in the real world.
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>>20679117
If you're allowed to change taste, then I don't see why changing to simply not liking something should be different.
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>>20679126
>you don't get to sit for a while and think about what you want to say and how you say it.
Yes I do.
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>>20679131
Like I said. If it's logical, you should be able to explain why. It's weird to suddenly not enjoy an entire form of art, especially one that can be enjoy casually while multi-tasking.

It's not like movies where you have to sit down and give it all if not most of your attention for 2-3 hours at a time, or video games that require absolutely all of your attention and can easily soak up over 40 hours for you to complete just the single player story mode.
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>>20679137
Not in a real world conversation. Then you end up being the guy who just sits in a corner all night long and doesn't say anything, cause he's too busy thinking of something to say to something that someone said 2 minutes ago, every 2 minutes.
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>>20679139
>especially one that can be enjoy casually while multi-tasking.
Fine. I like music. My favourite song to listen to while multi-tasking is 4'33", composed by John Cage.
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>>20679142
>Not in a real world conversation.
Who's going to stop me?
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>>20679154
I know what you're referring to, mister smarty pants.

You can not like music, it's your life, but don't be defensive when people look at you weird and ask you why you don't like one of the universal building blocks of human culture.
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>>20679155
No one's going to stop you, but you're just going to sit there furrowing your brow in complete silence and then be like THAT REMINDS ME OF ANOTHER THING when the rest of the people there have already moved on from that point of the conversation

why am I explaining to you what conversations and social interactions are
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>>20679161
>why am I explaining to you what conversations and social interactions are
Because we didn't agree on the definitions of the words.
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>>20679157
I don't like it because it annoys and/or nauseates me.
Even when I was younger I never thought of it terms of
>I am angry. Therefor I shall now like Metal.
I listened to what made me feel good, and chose to not listen to what anoyed me.
>>
>>20678698
>Unless you're a 28+ year old NEET,
I hit those qualifications, in fact, I'm past 30. So what am I supposed to do as I haven't had a real friend, ever.
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>>20679165
You didn't agree. You didn't even know that social interactions have a physical element to them.
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>>20679204
Don't be a NEET would be the first step
>>
I should make a thread on that, I also suffer from procrastination and the fact i can't focus on things for a long period of time.
>>
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I turned 28 last week, I have some of my shit together, no debt, steady income, moved outta my parents and live with shite roommates and spending time in the gym but it just feels so fucking futile still, of course and especially when it comes to dating
>>
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From the creators of
>I want to be fit but I don't want to do anything that will get me fit. What can I do?
And
>I want to have money but I don't want to do anything that leads to make money. What can I do?
Comes the story:
> I want to have friends but I don't want to do any of the things that lead to having friends. What can I do? please help me adv.

It just so happens here on this advice providing image based site, that people come with the combo of "a problem" plus the "self imposed requisite of not doing the one thing that would solve the problem".
I think that comes from having had all problems solved in life by a third person before. This has created a false illusion that things do not require any amount of effort and that they must or can happen just by you needing them or wishing for them.
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>>20679602
So what has been dating like?
Serious question
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>>20679650
i haven't had any success in like 6 years now, and even then it wasn't much, just actually going on dates and had become close to one girl but she ghosted and ever since meeting new people let alone girls has been an uphill battle. I tried tinder like anyone else but nothing ever came from that save for one meetup where i was politely turned down for a following date and I've since given up on using that.
>>
Why can't I stop doing the same things over and over again? I don't think there's any improving from being complete trash, because all your efforts to improve are being done by a garbage person.
>>
How do I find a wife?
I've reached 30s, most people I know already married some with kids even.
I'm afraid if I don't do something I won't be able to get married in the future.
Because if I couldn't marry when I'm younger who would marry me when I'm old?
>>
I wish I knew how to express myself better.
After years of effort, I can now honestly say I think I have something to offer another person and the world at-large, but I find I lack the right way to express this.

I'm about to go back to school, I wonder if I can find some young woman willing to put up with my lack of social knowledge long enough to realize how awesome I am...
>>
bump
>>
>>20678770
>it doesn't matter as long as you're out in the world with people.
Yeah, but what's low-barrier enough to join now?
>>
>>20679649
Those are all spin-offs of that one guy who makes the

>I want to get a girlfriend but I LITERALLY AND PHYSICALLY CANNOT ASK GIRLS OUT

threads all the time
>>
>>20680761
>low-barrier
what?
>>
>>20680898
What's easy to join now?
>>
>>20681003
literally anything, you're not applying to harvard
>>
>>20681009
What would you suggest?
>>
>>20681055

>>20678723
>Take karate classes, volunteer at some Feed The Retards charity thing, participate in amateur improv, join a church, take and/or sell drugs, anything really.
>>
A good number of my friends are married, but I feel like only one couple I know is genuine. Why is that?
>>
>>20681124
>but I feel like only one couple I know is genuine. Why is that?

I'd ask you why you feel that way
>>
>>20681197
Most of the people I know were known sluts. I get a good vibe from that one couple.
>>
Has anyone actually jumpstarted their life from 30? I mean, with a 15-year social deficit is it possible?
>>
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>>20681608
30-something year old ex-NEET here. I'm on it.

You just have to work/study twice or ten times as hard as you normally would since you're trying to catch up on lost time. Cut out 4chan and video games and distractions as much as possible if not entirely and focus on what you need to do.
>>
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>>20681625
>and focus on what you need to do.
And what do I need to do?

I should apologise first, I'm actually only 27, but I was hoping to ask you guys for some advice:
I've got two worthless university degrees and a mountain of student debt; a social group of 1 and a relationship history of nil, plus similar to what the guy above mentioned- a 12 year social deficit (thanks to a cocktail of Aspergers and social anxiety); no house, no car, no savings, almost nothing in the retirement fund; I've lost interest in my hobbies and don't even know what I enjoy anymore.
The only thing I do have is a full time job (contract until December) that pays below the average wage in my country, where I have to stay an hour or more late every night to keep things from crashing and burning, which I think is making me bald.

I don't even know where to begin fixing this shambles. Probably by focusing less on the negatives, reorganising and trying to spend my free time pursing/rekindling interests so I have the mental energy to reinvest in the rest of my life, but fucked if I know really. It still leaves the question of career development on the table and the sword of Damocles hanging over my head.
>>
.
>>
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>>20679850
I've been having those same feelings and have started really regretting how I lived my teens and 20s. For whatever reason I just never thought of or considered dating back then, and now I'm starting to feel anxious over whether I missed my chance to find a wife/GF. It really makes me wish that I had been more social in the past, because now I have extra anxiety to deal with and my lack of experience has me reluctant to even try to get into dating.
>>
>>20681625
Should I nuke my GOG account? I've bought a stupid number games on there, the majority of which I will probably never get around to playing, especially not if I want to get my life back on track. That being said, the thought of throwing away all those games has me feeling hesitant, even though I know it would probably be for the best.
>>
>>20679850
>>20683037
Take it from a guy who is 32, you still have time. Hell, I have friends who are coming out of their first divorces. Be happy you're not them, and didn't fall for the meme of getting married young.

Hopefully by this point you've formed some stability in life, which will help you with women.
>>
>>20683111
Yeah, even as a teen all the adults I knew said that marrying young was a bad idea, so I'm glad I didn't do that. But I still feel really shitty about ignoring virtually every opportunity I had to talk to girls and build social skills. I really feel that my lack of social experience will really hinder my ability to form connections with women and I'm nervous about what might happen especially if they find out that I've never dated before.
>>
turning 28 in under 10 days

help me
>>
>>20683170
If you're feeling anxious about turning 28, consider it a good thing because 29 and 30 are the real scary numbers.
>>
>>20683186
well fuck
>>
>>20683099
You should be able to just walk away from you video games or anime or whatever without throwing it all away forever. I haven't been on Steam in years but I have it waiting for me, same with all my console games.

>>20681981
first and biggest thing would be getting a new and better job
>>
>>20683338
You're probably right, but I get OCD over dumb shit like this. I'm also considering this as a way of reducing my backlog to a more manageable level. The only reason I haven't done it is I'm not sure if I'll regret it or not. It's too bad that GOG doesn't have a feature like Steam where you can remove games from your collection, that would be better than deleting the account in its entirety.
>>
>>20683187
If it makes you feel better, feeling anxious about your age can make you take less things for granted and enjoy life a bit more. Turning 29 was pretty nerve-racking, but I enjoyed that age way more than 28, and that was due to my change in attitude.
>>
>>20683111
Echoing the other anon, it's more to do with inexperience and an uneven playing field. I mean, what do I have to offer? Most the anons here have relationship experience.
>>
.
>>
>>20678830
>neither majority nor the norm
I believe you are wrong
That is all
>>
>>20679155
>What's going to stop me?
Ideally, the fact that your attitudes and general bearing have already made you alone and that escapism is your only solace right now?

Why the stance of indignation? He's trying to help you.
>>
>>20680884
That's just the sub episode to the real main star of the show:
>SEX GOVERNS AN ABSURD MAJORITY OF MY LIFE BUT I HAVE NEVER HAD IT
>>
>>20685260
Virginity at a late age usually means that the other aspects of your life aren't particularly in great spots.
>>
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>>20685260
>>20686089
>Silly virgins, your opinions don't count!
>>
>>20679850
>>20683037
If it makes you feel better I'm a 32 year old woman that recently started dating again. I have never been married and have no kids, but would like to get married and start a family.
So we are out there!
>>
>>20686115
Like are you even old enough to be in the thread?
>>
>>20686115
I'm suggesting that maybe it's your obsession with your virginity that condemns you and not my alleged obsession with it
People gave fucks about be long before I lost my virginity. If anything I became less likeable after the fact and only wisened up as a result of age and making risky choices that sometimes turned out good, sometimes not so good.
>>
Shouldn't this be on /soc/ or something?
It's an advice board
>>
>>20686698
Mods and jannies haven't cared about the quality of /adv/ for ages. We have avatarfagging tripfags now, that's how bad it's gotten. We have at least four regular trolls.

It just doesn't matter. Nothing gets modded because 'acceptable content' is just going to be "tfw no gf" and that's a genuine shit board.
>>
>>20686698
What exactly is wrong with an advice thread for older anons?

Most of the threads are just >tfw no gf by teen anons or bait threads.
>>
>>20686583
>So we are out there!
Where exactly will I find an oldfag femanon these days?
>>
I'm 30 atm and boy do I have alot to talk about

Well I have a interesting situation. I was full NEET mode but found a vocational rehabilitation center in my area and they're helping me get on my feet to find a job despite mental illness. I'm also finally passing my GED so that's nice.

However there's still a major problem kind of eating at me. I don't really know what I want to do for a living. I'm not really even sure how to perform a proper career search. I feel like an unavoidable requirement of this choice is that it has to be something I like to do as spoiled as it sounds.

Otherwise I would be spending 8 hours a day at a career I don't enjoy and I just don't see how I could develop the mental fortitude to bear that every day. So right now i'm trying to figure out exactly what it is I want to do. But the thing is that I might just have some depression making it difficult to enjoy anything. Which nullifies all the career choices I want to make for myself so far.

And what makes it harder is that i'm not sure how to achieve a healthy worklife balance with friends my age. Most people my age are off with families. I need a group of misfits like myself who haven't quite grown up yet that I can still hang out with but I can't find them anywhere.

I think its important to keep in mind that these successes I want in multiple areas of my life won't happen at once and need to be prioritized and taken on gradually one issue at a time. But the waiting is very hard. I've already wasted enough of my life so getting it on the right track slowly to wait even longer for that success is a pain. But I could choose to grovel in this mentality or focus on staying positive and improvement oriented which is what is required in the end anyway.

Thats my ramble for the day
>>
Has anyone else started finding porn less and less interesting and arousing? Over time I've gradually been less and less turned on by the porn I watch and now I'm hardly even into it anymore.

Does this necessarily translate over to real life? I haven't been with a girl in years and I'm terrified I'm going to have ED when I get the opportunity. Nofap people say that too much porn use causes ED. Am I fucked?
>>
>>20687392
Nah you're fine. If you have ED you simply bring it up and take a viagra with you just incase. The anxiety of not being able to perform would turn into a self fulfilling prophecy and turn you off b/c you're nervous so you wouldn't get an erection that way. So no matter what happens don't worry about the ED. Even if you don't get the erection at first that doesn't mean it won't come. Continue the foreplay, communicate how you're feeling, change things up based on how you're feeling good or not feeling good. You'll get there.
>>
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I'm still living with my parents and still have absolutely no desire to leave

the most I can aspire to is a $200,000, 1000 square foot slab piece of shit in the suburbs of a midwestern city that will take me a decade or more of payments so that the house can then continue to cost me money through rising property taxes, maintenance, and insurance
every winter morning I will plow the stupid driveway of snow to get to the wagie cagie on time
every summer weekend I will mow the stupid lawn to appease the neighbors

I can do that or rent an apartment for $1000 per month for the privilege of living down the street from my parents

literally why bother
>>
>>20687399
thanks. I'll try to stop worrying about it. This issue has really been haunting me for the last month or two.
>>
>>20687451

If your goals are really that low why don't you get a house in the ghetto (but near the city, so it has a chance of gentrifying) for $40,000 and spend time fixing it up?

What do you do for work?
>>
>>20687392
>Has anyone else started finding porn less and less interesting and arousing?
I jerk off like 7 times a day. I thought the need was supposed die down as you got to 30.
>>
>>20687482
do you look at different types of porn and explore new categories and fetishes?

I've just stuck to my favorites, watched them over and over, and never branched out much.
>>
>>20687499
>do you look at different types of porn and explore new categories and fetishes?
Not intentionally but yes.
>>
>>20687481
does that really sound like something someone who despises the thought of even mowing the lawn regularly would take on?

I'm an engineer
>>
>>20687509
Gotta get into some at least semi-productive routines.
>>
>>20687509

>engineer

You should be pulling like 70k minimum.
>>
>>20687522
it's not productive, it's not producing anything
I will live as a slave to the bank, county, and employer
I can't bring myself to do it

>>20687546
its 90, but what relevance does my annual income have to do with how much money I will have to waste living separate from my parents
>>
>>20687568

I don't get what your problem is - you have a normal career and enough money to buy your own house. $120,000ish will get you a decent house for one person.

Then you can do whatever you want with your life.

What's the problem?
>>
>>20687568
Not really understanding what your problem is. You have money and a decent job, find something that interests or puts you in contact with (decent) people.
>>
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>>20687597
see the first sentence of the first post
I never said anything about not being able to afford living alone, my life will only be worse by doing so
there is literally no way to improve my life, which I hate, and I no longer want to put in any effort into the routine of living
>>
>>20687619

>there is literally no way to improve my life, which I hate

Is there something you didn't mention?

Or you just don't want to put in the work to improve your wagie rate, workout, etc?

Basically, you are in a good spot to start your own business, get a normal gf, etc.

Of course, I can't convince you "it's worth it" - it IS a lot of effort, but you ARE in a good spot.
>>
>>20687642
no that's pretty much it
I'm not interested in putting effort into this life of total mediocrity, where no matter how hard I try the results will always just be this
>>
>>20687717
Yeah, well, clinical depression my guy. Try therapy or don't but I wouldn't expect literally-whos on 4chan to enlighten you with some sort of cure-all answer
>>
>>20687722
yeah no big surprise, but this is the only place I can post truly anonymously and get responses

the therapist suggested I needed a hobby of some kind to be passionate about, so in a sense yeah you guys are kind of better
>>
>>20687823
>the therapist suggested I needed a hobby of some kind to be passionate about
I think they meant with actual people.
>>
Going the freecodecamp web dev course. Is there anything else I should be doing while I go through it?
>>
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>>20687392
I jerk off everyday and I haven't watched porn in years. I've gone on porn sites every now and then as soon as I start browsing it I just get bored/grossed out by it.

The real problem with modern internet porn is that it's

1. Free
2. Unlimited
3. Instantaneous
4. Unlimited
5. The biggest problem - it popularizes and normalizes fetishes.

I don't know if people who are 28-30 are even old enough to have experienced this or they just immediately raised on internet porn, but as someone who's 30+ years back in the day you had to physically go out and buy your porn. The corner store likely had Playboy and other nudie mags but for any VHS or DVDs you had to go to a proper sex shop and buy it there.

Imagine all the hundreds and thousands of pictures of tits and vagoo that you saw casually browsing through /b/ and other ones that you went looking for on porn sites - imagine those being printed into a magazine. The hundreds and thousands of hours of porn that you watched online being recorded onto a DVD or VHS.

How many fucking stacks of magazines and VHSs does that add up to?

and like I said, the fact that it normalizes everything is a huge problem. Go to any major porn site and the top videos are all like NAUGHTY STEP SISTER BLACKMAILED INTO ROUGH ANAL OH AND ALSO SHE'S A TRAP I GUESS and then kids grow up thinking that this shit is normal because they've spent 10 000 hours watching porn like that.
>>
>>20688856
It's not just porn, it's also gore and other fucked up things that are being normalized. I think the internet might actually be too much for humanity.

The future is going to be something to behold.
>>
I think I finally ended one very toxic human relationship which I'm certain was bringing me down a lot, and was cause of much sadness.
I never hurt anyone, I'd never do it to this person, but their repeated actions make it necessary for me to distance myself as soon as possible, if I still want to have a smile on my face.

When I think about shit like how much time we spent being on good terms and what kind of shit we went through, it makes me feel bad that it ended. But I cant live on sentimentality if things arent good now and dont look like they'll be getting better in the future.

I really gave it my best. I think we could've made it and be great, but fault really wasnt with me
>>
>>20688856
Dummy. Just because you have a problem dosent mean the world does.
Video games, movies, tv shows don’t make you violent or a serial killer or a chef or whatever else they show you. People binge fantasy shows for days, still don’t turn into an orc.
Girls don’t turn into anal sluts just because I watch it every day. It haven’t affected me or millions of other people the slightest, except for positive healthy orgasms.
Any other modern things you have gripe with you old fuck? Is phones bad now too? Because you have an issue with putting it down?
>>
>>20688887
The difference between video games/movies, and porn is that there's cum involved. When cum, your cum, is involved in the mix that makes it very real.

You can't play the "it's not real" card because you're sitting there with your dick in your hand willingly (or often unwillingly at first) looking at whatever weird fetish thing thinking that it's totally normal and it doesn't count because of reasons.

It's literally your sexuality.

Video games and movies and whatever other works are fiction are absolutely fine because you're not engaging a sexual act with them (presumably).

>Is phones bad now too?

I love smart phones. IMO the ones with the biggest problem with are Le Wrong Generation zoomers who think that they would somehow be cool and popular if they had been born in 89 instead of 99
>>
>>20688931
>Le Wrong Generation zoomers who think that they would somehow be cool and popular if they had been born in 89 instead of 99
Do jocks and nerds exist anymore?
>>
>>20689055
Yeah, why?

The other day, well a couple of years ago cause this was when fidget spinners were a hot meme, I saw this kid walking back from high school who looked to be like 90 lbs and nearly bumped into me because he was dead-focused on his fidget spinner. I know a nerd when I see one.
>>
>30
In the process of accepting that my long-held dreams of becoming a musician/general artist are dead. Even worse is seeing the guy my ex cheated on me with become a mildly successful underground rapper.

I've been having such a hard time accepting the current conditions of our society. How can we allow for such massive and blatant abuse of authority by our corporate overlords? God damn this world.
>>
>>20689187
>mildly successful underground

Is that really something you should be jealous about.

What sort of music do you make?
>>
How do I just accept the fact that I'm never going to find true love after all?
>>
>>20688887

he is right though, imagine if the stack of porn was physical. what would you think if you went into somebodys house and saw stacks and stacks of porn.
now realize everybody has turned into this creeper, and not only that but they also produce smut themselves.
even adolescent/prepubescent girls who on any other sense are literally kids, they produce softcore sexy modelling every single day to share on the internet to absolute strangers.

If this happened anywhere but through the internet, you'd think its fucked up beyond belief, the virtuality of the medium isnt letting you see the actual dynamics of cultural production-consumption that are actually going on.
>>
>>20689336
Your happiness in life doesn't depend on having or not having love. Because even if you'd find love with this mindset, you would be in a constant worry of losing it and likely would take a long time recovering from losing it.

Focus with yourself and the things you can control. Finding and keeping true love isn't completly under your control so don't worry too much about it. Care about the parts of your life you can control.

And there isn't "the one" either. There always is more than one person you can fall in love with. You neither could would find 100% love because people are individuals and not exactly the same.

tl; dr love is a hughe bonus in life but with all things thar are out of your control don't focus too much on them.
>>
>>20687274
Stop thinking that you're committed to a job. Start, make some money, see how it works out, and if you don't like it have enough willpower to stay slightly longer while you plan your next move. And If you've been surviving as a NEET for a long time, having any amount of extra money will start to feel like a lot very quickly.

School brainwashed you into thinking that having a job is more of a commitment than it needs to be. Be a mercenary.
>>
>>20687239
I'm the only one I know so not a great sample size lol. I'm mostly at home, work or buying groceries.
I get dates through OkCupid or Bumble.
>>
>>20689336
Why not? Keep trying anon. No reason you can't, even if you've been hurt in the past.
>>
How do I decline a job I interviewed for? I spent half a day learning the ropes and now they expect me to join them. It's a comfy office job but it's not for me. I feel bad about declining because they haven't been able to find someone suitable to fill the position and they seemed to have high hopes for me. I feel really anxious about calling them.
>>
>>20690162
Why are you declining? Is your worry because you don't actually think it's the right decision and are being led by fear instead? Just a possibility but I've recognised myself doing it before.

If you have other plans then just apologise, thank them for their time and tell them you unfortunately have decided to pursue something else (or something along those lines). It's all you can do. If they get shitty about so be it, they'd be the ones being dicks. Being ok with this comes with age, eventually, once you learn from experience that pissing a few people off doesn't shatter your world.
>>
>>20690121
>I get dates through OkCupid or Bumble.
How did you get dates before phone apps?
>>
>>20678260
I think some magpies are building a nest in my small tree now.
>>
>>20690511
OkCupid has been around for a long time.
Before that, I did just meet a lot of guys when I was in college.
And at work too. In fact someone asked my friend if I was single, but he's only 25! I think I look a bit younger than I actually am which makes getting dates with the right guys a little harder.



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