Did I overreact /adv? Help me out.I've been dating my partner for 2 and a half years and we recently moved in together.Recently she decided she wanted to join a Dungeons and Dragons group. One of her old-mates-from-school's boyfriend runs a session. Anyway, to cut a long story short, he only invited my gf on the basis that his group is very selective. Now I don't mind this. I totally want my gf to have other interests outside just our relationship and i absolutely want her to be happy and to make new friends.What has pissed me off in this situation is that this guy (the mate's bf) didn't even ask me if I wanted to go with my gf... so basically my gf went off for 5-6 hours to hang out with a group of randoms and a bloke I barely know in another city. When she got back i guess she could sense I was a bit annoyed and i basically said "I want you to be independent and happy and honestly, I don't even want to start playing DnD... but it would have been nice if you or this bloke had asked me if I wanted to come too."Reading this I realise I come off a bit insecure but it was honestly just the principle of not being thought about/ included by my gf and some random bloke that pissed me off.Am I overreacting?
>>20564739>I want her to be independent and have interests outside of our relationship>ugh you should have invited meYou're being a twat. You pick one or the other but not both.
>>20564739It makes you seem a bit insecure for sure. Do you have trust issues? If you told her that you're not interested in D&D when she was planning on joining the group, she might've told that to the "bloke" too and of course they wouldn't ask you to join, they already know you're not interested
>>20564742thing is I don't even want to go to the stupid DnD thing and I told her as much. I just would have liked to have been asked that's all. You're telling me (if you are a bloke) you'd have been fine with your gf going off with (essentially) a group of random blokes you don't know for 6 hours in another city. I'm not accusing her of wanting to cheat i just would have thought that as the bloke inviting her off to this might have thought (hmm, maybe her partner would like to come too?)Apparently my gf asked him and he said 'ohhh i don't know we should only introduce one at a time and the group is very selective.) `I mean.. grow up!
>>20564739Yeah. You overreacted. She should have a social life outside you. And DnD isn’t that kind of an activity where it’s normal to invite your SO out of politeness. Hope you apologized.
>>20564749i totally do have some trust issues (due to what happened with my family splitting up over infidelity stuff) and i try to accept responsibility for those feelings . I mean ii think my gf would have something to say if i decided i wanted to go off and join a special club of mostly female participants and guess what? 'they don't want her there' .
>>20564767Yes. That happens too. My gf goes to dancing classes with male friends, they have to touch each other. And I go rock climbing with a group of females, we share tents and sometimes sleeping bags. Just have to overcome that insecurity and if you are in a good trustworthy relationship it’s all fine.
>>20564755So your gf asked the bloke about bringing you too, even though she knows you're not interested, and would've said no upon invitation. And turns out it's not even about getting invited or not, you're just very uncomfortable with your gf spending time away from you and you just mask this discomfort under "why didn't they invite me too reee". You should talk about this with your gf, not us, and in fact should've done so already instead of shutting up about it until now and being all petty. Tell her you don't like the idea of her going to another city to spend time with people you don't know, and drop this petty and immature "they could've asked me too even though I'm not interested and you did ask and I would've said no and it's not even what I'm upset about" facade.
>>20564739Are you a girl? Because this thread is bitch level insecurity.
>>20564779thanks for your response. I know I need to get over it but it just left a sour taste in the mouth you know? Maybe I am old fashioned but I think if i was inviting one of my mates girlfriend's off to do an activity I would at make the effort of attempting to try and include the guy too. I mean 'couples' are a team - they don't have to do everything together but hey - they are a unit. Inviting just one to a club and then being all 'no the other can't come' is just rude to me but what do i know
>>20564755This is some woman-tier bullshit my dude. You're complaining that you weren't invited and claiming that you would've turned them down anyway.>ugh they didn't invite me just so I could say noYour gf is friends with this guy or whatever, and you're not, thus he asked her and not you.I think that this is actually about a totally different insecurity issue that you're pretending doesn't exist. Either trust her or don't but don't pretend like she's the asshole in this situation.
>>20564803Couples aren't a team and they are 100% entitled to having their own friend groups. Your basic premise and understanding is wrong.The two of you might do a lot of things together but that doesn't mean you need to do everything together and it doesn't mean anyone should feel obligated to invite you both to an event when they only wanted one of you to be there.
>>20564808a. you didn't read my post - i did say we don't have to do everything together . it just would have been a nice thing to do to ask me if wanted to go too.b. you're assuming my gf's pal is there at this DnD thing. She's not. It is just my gf and this guy i barely know (her mate's bf) and then a bunch of random dudes. Yeah, I'll admit I'm a bit touchy about this sort of thing but hey' all I'll say on it is...' it would have been nice to be asked' and i think that's fair
>>20564814>and i think that's fairWell you're wrong.
>>20564791We did chat about it. I appreciate there may be some feelings that aren't so 'fair to my gf' probably mixed up in there with my general sentiment but damn i still think it's rude to invite just one member of a couple to a club and then being all 'no the other person can't come'. I mean what is the big deal it is just a game
>>20564821>what's the big deal>is making a big deal out of it
>>20564803>I mean 'couples' are a team - they don't have to do everything together but hey - they are a unit.Jesus Christ, you sound suffocating to date. The only way a relationship can work properly, is if you two are your own separate individuals. If you never get proper outside input, your relationship will very quickly stagnate and die. Having hobbies apart is healthy. I get your concern, and I do understand why you arent okay with them not inviting you, but they probably already knew you weren't interested, and mistakenly assumed you didn't want an invite in the first place. That's a mistake, sure, but no reason to blow it out of proportions here. If it keeps happening, go ahead, but don't make this small mistake be a relationship destroying thing.
>>20564838thanks for your input. I would hope I'm not too suffocating to date but yeah my gf knows i can be a bit insecure at times due to my family history shit - it is a known thing i am working on. My gf says she wants to keep going to the group. I want her to go and be happy but how would you deal with this in my shoes? I don't want to go but i kind of want this stupid unthinking bloke she goes with to basically ask me once if i'd like to go out of the principle of it.Or is that too weird? lol
>>20564853>how would you deal with this in my shoes? I would be honest and tell them it kinda hurt to not even get the invite, and then leave it at that. Mistakes happen. >I don't want to go but i kind of want this stupid unthinking bloke she goes with to basically ask me once if i'd like to go out of the principle of it.Or is that too weird?That's extremely weird, pointless and petty. Jesus Christ anon, they made a mistake because they knew you well enough to know you would say no. Make it clear you would at least like the option in the future, but don't make this particular thing a bigger issue than it is. As you said yourself, >>20564821>I mean what is the big deal it is just a game
>>20564853Why are you apologizing for your girl disrespecting you? Despite what the betas would have you believe, (this is a very liberal board with many women giving advice) what your girl did was pretty disrespectful. And imo it’s a red flag. She knows you wanted to be invited, she just didn’t care. I’d be reconsidering the whole relationship instead of crying to her about it, she won’t change.
My friend’s wife started fucking his friend after they all started playing DnD together.
>>20564922>She knows you wanted to be invitedOn the contrary, she knew him well enough to know he wasn't interested in it, and she was perfectly on point. And she even suggested asking him anyway. Read the whole thing before jumping to your conclusions, anon.>>20564949>DnD fuck festsLiterally never happens.
>>20564739I totally get you man.I tend to act the same, even though I hate it.It's not about wheter you'd join or not, just the gesture from her, out of respect.
Look at all these liberals telling Oh that hes suffocating, bullshit. OP Is correct, him not even being asked shows thoughtlessness on her part, especially since she's going to be hanging out with am EX. I've seen this shit a million times. 2 exs go to hang out separately in a friend group, next thing you know they're rekindling their genitals. Its far too common .Honestly OP, you should tell her that youbdont want her hanging out with any exes, point blank. No exceptions. Too much bullshit happens in those situations.
>>20564922>>20565640>trying to turn this into a political issuefor what purpose
>>20564739DnD is a board game like any other, imagine how silly you'd sound being upset at not being invited to a chess club despite not wanting to play. You're just sitting there awkwardly doing nothing while everyone else plays and probably making your gf more tense and stressed out than she'd ever need to be.It'd also be *really* uncomfortable for everyone during DnD particularly because people roleplay and do funny voices for their characters. It's judgment free if everyone's playing a character but awkward if anyone listening can listen or interrupt. Either quit your whinging and apologize or learn to play and ask to join yourself.
>>20565724*anyone not playing can listen or interrupt
>>20564755>thing is I don't even want to go to the stupid DnD thing and I told her as much. I just would have liked to have been asked that's all. I've been in groups where they've allowed someone's gf to join even though she wasn't interested in the game. It always ended badly. They've probably seen this bullshit before, which is why they're so selective. No one wants to see you sigh and mope and try to steal attention from the game.Also this >>20564742This is some woman-tier cattiness and manipulation going on from your side OP.
>>20564739Nah, you had a natural response and handled it like a champ.You're right, it would be nice to be acknowledged as her partner. Neither of us are retarded, we know why he singled her out and left you outta the picture, his chances of success notwithstanding.
>>20564739Imagine not trusting women to be faithful. What a sad and deluded world you must live in
>>20564742It's both you fucking moron. If she didn't even think to ask, she doesn't care. Asking shows caring. Whether or not the person even wants to go. It shows inclusion. Come back when you've had a relationship last longer than a month.
>>20567181He fucking TOLD her he didn't want to go. Should she have ignored that and continued to ask him? This bitchy behavior would have never been excused here if the genders were reversed.
>>20567228Yes, after she went. Not before. At least according to ops post. Again. Come back after you've had a ltr.
>>20567178>>20564739>Letting your gf go to "DnD" with some unknown dudeI'd be worried, and I'd be much more direct about it than OP. People telling OP to let it slide are retards, the correct answer is to be as honest as possible about what you think. If she doesn't like your response, then something is probably wrong with your relationship. Being passive in this situation is begging tension between the two of you.
>>20564739The point is every male who's ever had a relationship and had to deal with a secondary knows exactly what the dude intended, regardless of OP's chick and her fidelity or infidelity or whatever hellish limbo in-between ("It's all in-character, Anon!")
>>20567299Fuck you, bigot. Women should be free to do as they please without having to worry about either black eyes or being left high and dry by incel fucks like yourself
>>20567323I hope this is a troll post lol. Always be honest with your concerns so you can work them out with your s/o. Nothing breeds mistrust and anger more than silence.
>>20567363>truth is trollingI hate this website.Fuck you
>>20564803OP, you're exactly right. Every thread on /adv/ is at first met with virtue-signalling and "DUDE YOUVE GOT TRUST ISSUES BRO ITS TOTALLY NORMAL THAT SHE SLEPT IN KEEGANS BED DONT U TRUST HER INCEL!" don't let them browbeat you into submission. Anyway, I agree, a couple is a unit. That doesn't mean you have to do everything together, but that door should always be open.Honestly, I'd be weirded the fuck out if a bunch of dudes invited my gf to some event and excluded me. I'd be totally fine with it if I was invited and chose not to go, or I had other plans, but being excluded by design is weird. This isn't how adults act, their selection process sounds juvenile as fuck. D&D is in and of itself a fairly childish pastime so for it to work amongst adults the out-of-game maturity level needs to be greatly elevated. D&D players who think the purity of the game is so important that members can't bring their partners belong in 10th grade. To be frank, driving 6 hours to another city to play pretend is an enormous waste of time and I'd suggest cautiously appraising your gf for other oblivious womanchild traits.>>20567299this, basically. A relationship is whatever you want it to be. If it's not a good fit and your partner has different boundaries, then fuck it.
>>20568248thank you! this is my thought process exactly. >>20567315I agree with the sentiment of your post. Although I have my doubts that anything sexual would happen at this board game meet up. >>20567299I may have exaggerated a little. I have since heard it wasn't a 'dudes only' group. Anyway, we've talked twice about this whole DnD thing now and basically, she apologised for making me feel excluded.. but we haven't really talked about what's going to happen with it going forward soooo I guess it's probably going to crop up again.. joy of joys (ha!) I guess I just want my gf to have the maturity to say 'Anon, we have a great relationship and part of that involves us doing things apart and this is one of those activities for me.. Let's plan something fun that WE can do together sometime' Literally, that would make me feel so so much happier about the whole thing - rather than being 'excluded by design' as the other anon put it.
>>20564739In my opinion you aren't completely wrong, and I understand that would've been nice to even only ask you if you wanted to participate, but I'm not sure about your message. I mean, What is the endgame, what you wanted to obtain with it? Now you'll either pass for a petty/possessive bf or you'll guilt your gf into invite you the next time or leave the group altogether. Neither of this options aren't good for your relationship.
>>20564739You're right in principle but from what you wrote you came off as sulking and childish.
>>20569481>'Anon, we have a great relationship and part of that involves us doing things apart and this is one of those activities for me.. Let's plan something fun that WE can do together sometimethis is exactly how she should handle this. Not just to pacify what is, really, a slight, however small, but also because if you want to spend a literal entire day of a relationship's free time (which I imagine is probably just the weekend) you absolutely better fucking be working double time to make up for it.
>>20569758This does bring up a good idea. We could talk in circles about what gf should have done, but the fact of the matter is she did it and she's not the one here asking advice.OP, what if you asked her this instead of expecting her to? "After that long day of you being gone, I really missed you. I'd love to spend some special one-on-one time with you"
>>20570333honestly, she is being a right pain at the moment and I can't be bothered ha. We've already had two talks sort of along the lines you suggest about the situation and she seems determined to be secretive about it sooo yeaahh i am just like.. 'have fun with that!' :p